Jude
In my excitement for news of Emily, I forget that Boss is the boss.
I charge at him, legs still shaking somewhat from the whisky, and screech to a halt so close to him he takes a step back. He holds up his forefinger and immediately I remember who this man is. I take a step back.
“Jude,” he says.
“Sir.”
“Have you spoken to her yet?”
“No.” I shake my head with so much force I think my neck will snap.
“Ah. Walk with me.”
I walk at his shoulder, passing by the bar, and joining the main street. We stroll past stores, amidst pedestrians, walking aimlessly. It seems all I’ve done today is walk aimlessly. Boss doesn’t say anything for a long time and I know better than to press him, though my heart is smashing against my ribs in longing. All I want is to hold Emily in my arms. All I want is to feel her body against mine. All I want is to walk into the living room and see her on the couch, looking cute as hell, smiling at me with those perfect lips, watching me with those huge green eyes.
After around five minutes, Boss drops onto a bench. I sit next to him and we watch the flow of pedestrians.
“She’s an amazing woman, Jude,” Mickey says, drawing his words out as though he has all the time in the world. Just once, I think, I’d like this man to be as blunt as his reputation.
“I know that.” My breath comes heavy and frantic, as though even my lungs are trying to pull Emily in. I wipe sweat from my forehead with the back of my mind. Damn, but my mouth is dry, drier than the Sahara.
“We talked for a long time,” he says.
“About what?”
“About lots of things. I told her that she’s part of the family now. That seemed to help her. She thought we’d killed Patrick, Jude. She was in shock.”
“I know,” I murmur. “That was my fault. She assumed it and I did shit. Now I don’t know where she is. Where is she, sir?”
Mickey shrugs. “I don’t know. But I’m sure she’ll return to you at some point. She loves you, boy.”
“And I love her.” There’s no shame in admitting it now, no shame in showing this part of myself to anybody. I love her, need her, as I have never loved or needed anybody in my long brutal life. Anna is the tiniest pinprick of light compared with the all-consuming beam that is Emily, a brightness in my life I’m sure I’ll never be able to live without. “I love her a lot, sir. A whole lot. I just need to see her.”
“She’s changed,” Mickey says. “She isn’t her brother’s pet anymore.”
“It seems everybody knows everything about her apart from me,” I say, unable to hide the bitterness from my voice. “You, Moira—everybody’s seen her except her boyfriend.” Boyfriend. Did you just say boyfriend? I did, and I don’t care. It’s the truth. I won’t hide from the label anymore.
Mickey chuckles. I want to grab the man by the throat and demand that he tell me where Emily is, but that’d end only in me clawing at the lid of a coffin, slowly running out of air.
“Her love for you is fierce. I could see it. She didn’t know who I was, at first. Just some old man feeding the ducks. She told me all about her life with her brother. I think it appeared to her as though I persuaded her he was a bad man, but the truth is it was inside of her all along. It just needed somebody to bring it out.”
“You,” I say, and again there’s biting bitterness in my words. It should have been me!
Mickey chuckles again. “No, Jude. Not me. I may have been the person who was there when she came to the realization, but it wasn’t me. I can tell you that for a fact. It was you, Jude. You’ve given her strength and confidence. From what she told me, she used to be a quiet, mousey thing. She’s not a quiet, mousey thing anymore.”
He’s not going to tell me where she is, is he?
I make to stand. “I need to find her, sir.”
He nods. “I know, I know. Young love.” His tone grows wistful. “I’ve been thinking, Jude. That brother of hers still needs to be dealt with, but I’ve taken a shine to that girl. Perhaps he doesn’t need to be killed. Maybe injured, or pushed out of the city, or some other non-lethal method.”
Standing up, I look down at Mickey in disbelief. “Are you sure, sir?”
“Yes. I’m sure. She’s a nice girl and if it can be helped, I’d like to stop her from being hurt. But he needs to go, of course. Business is business, after all. I’ll leave the details up to you. Kill him if you like; let him live if you like. As long as he stops dealing drugs on our corners, running protection rackets on our stores, that’s fine by me. At least that pedophile Barry is dead.” He waves a hand. “Go find her, Jude. Go be young and in love. Don’t waste your time listening to the droning of an old man.”
“Thank you, sir,” I say. “I’ll think about what you said.”
“Jude,” he calls, when my back is turned.
“Yeah?” I say, without turning.
“Take good care of her. That girl deserves some happiness.”
“I know, sir. I will.”
With that, I leave him, thinking: Please, God, just let me get to the bakery without another distraction!