Misha
Misha,
I can’t tell you how much I miss you. There’s not a day in the last few weeks that has gone by when I haven’t missed you. I put your room back together thinking that it would be easier to accept, but it wasn’t. It just made me angrier to know that I wouldn’t be seeing my baby girl again.
I took to the bottle. I know you wouldn’t like it, but it was hard to say no. I was good after your mama left us, but you don’t just turn down a Daniel’s after you lose your child. You just don’t. It’s something I can’t describe.
I let myself drown in the bottle. I’m not proud to admit it, but it gave me time to grieve. When I was done, it gave me time to think.
You’re out there, somewhere, Misha. I know you are. Lot of things seem funny now that my head is clear and my thoughts are sharp. I’ve known the Jackals and the Pride a long time—long before your beau Trip ever was a squirt in his mama. It’s not a move them Jacks would make. Not even to piss the Pride.
I don’t know why, but you’ve run.
I can’t say I understand why you went to the trouble, but it must be something important if you couldn’t go to Trip to help you fix it. I wish I’d have been the one with the answers, but you’re a smart girl and always have been, Misha—just like your mama. It’s why I love you both so dearly.
I’m not gonna look for you. If you wanted to be found, you’d have told me. I guess I got to trust that you know what you’re doing. I hope that you find what it is you’re looking for since it’s not here, honey. I hope you find happiness. I hope you grow old and prosper and bring so many happy, healthy, pretty, and smart babies into this world.
The only thing I think I can say now is, if you come back, I won’t be here. This place was only beautiful when you and your mama were occupying this space to me, and now you’re both gone. I think I’m going to travel. Maybe one day if the wind blows me right, I’ll end up with you again.
If you do come back, baby—this time maybe give the boy a chance. I know under normal circumstances I wouldn’t usually say this, but for all my hemming and hawing, the boy isn’t bad. He’s young and stupid—like all boys. The Pride isn’t a joke, either. You choose to commit to that, you choose for life. You choose for yourself, for your children, for their children. But I can see you love him more than anything in the world. And if the wind chooses to blow the two of you back together, too, you and the boy have my blessing.
I love you, Misha, more than my life.
We’ll see each other again one day.
Love,
Your Daddy
I’d read over that note what felt like a hundred times since the first time I read it. I read it in my free time at work, stealing off to corners to steal peeks at my father’s lettering, at night after I’d tucked Rose into bed and she was fast asleep.
Daddy had always been a smart man. I shouldn’t have underestimated him.
It warmed and hurt how much he loved me, and how much he didn’t hate me for leaving him without an explanation. I wished he would have stayed if he’d known I was alive—wished he would have come after me. Maybe the Jackals wouldn’t have been able to keep me so long.
But then I had to remind myself. I was the one who’d gotten myself mixed up with Jackals. I was the one who’d betrayed the love of my life and sought their help in the first place, and it was that selfishness that had landed me in their den for five years.
The deepest secret that I kept with me in my heart … that it hadn’t been the Jackals that had taken me, not at first, and Daddy knew it. He hadn’t told a soul. He’d wanted me to be happy, whatever my choices.
Even if they included Trip.
That was the part that floored me the most. His words—he’d given us his blessing, told me to give him a chance. They echoed in my heart and to be honest, I’d been rethinking the whole idea to cut up and leave again ever since I’d read them.
Staying with the Pride after I’d gotten pregnant had never been ideal. I knew the moment I found out I was pregnant something had to change, and it wasn’t going to be Trip, so it had to be me. I had to be the responsible one and take me and my child away from this.
Stupid me. I’d gotten help from the wrong man, who’d led me right into the lion’s den. Or rather, a den of Jackals.
I sighed as I sat on the front of Ace of Pride, that letter in my head and my mind reeling. I was waiting for Trip to get off a run with the boys. Didn’t know what it was for, but from what I gathered they were doing something for charity. At the very least, it wasn’t like it was something that would carry worry. It was one of the few things that made what I was going to do rest a little easier in my chest.
Of course, when I saw him pull up, my heart just stuttered back to life again. It was always like that, seeing him pull up. He dismounted and walked over to me, smiling. I waved to the boys as he put his arm over my shoulder.
“Hey. You waited for me?”
“I figured I might as well. Make sure you didn’t get yourself in trouble over a charity run. How’d it go?”
Trip shrugged, looking back over his shoulder to the others. Travis waved over to me, and Brig merely looked at me before brushing past and walking inside. Weird.
I looked back to Trip.
“You ready?”
“Yeah. You wanna cut out of here, though? Sounded like you wanted to talk about something serious and—”
From inside, there were loud hoots and hollers. Trip rolled his eyes.
“The boys want to celebrate.”
“They’re that happy about riding donations over to people?”
“Yeah, something like that. Come on.”
We hopped back on Trip’s bike and zoomed away from the bar. Trixie was looking after Rose for me, meaning that I had the evening to get out what I wanted to say and perhaps get to some common ground with Trip. There was a lot that I couldn’t say and wouldn’t, but there was a decent amount that I wanted to say to him, too.
It didn’t take long to get us there. Trip was still the same way that he always had been, going too fast for his own good but I still loved the thrill of it all the same. We dismounted and he led me in.
“This place hasn’t changed at all, has it?”
It was just as I remembered it when we were kids, from the furniture to the old-time wallpaper on the walls. Trip’s family home had always been a nice one; when I was younger I’d envisioned being his wife and living with him in it.
I pushed that particular nostalgia down as he walked us into the living room. He sat on the couch and I sat beside him. I suddenly felt very fidgety. I knew this was what I wanted to do—but I wondered if it was the right thing.
“You okay, Misha?” he asked, eyeing me with curiosity.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I guess I’m just a little nervous.”
“It’s okay. Just get out what you have to say.”
Oh, he said it like it was so easy. Well. Perhaps for him, it was. I chuckled, shook my head, and took a breath.
“You know I didn’t come back here thinking to … settle,” I said, hoping that it would come out as gently as I wanted it to. “I didn’t come back with these grand ideas of getting back together or being welcomed back like that from the boys. I actually kind of expected you to have settled yourself, or something. Gotten yourself an old lady.”
He went to speak, but I held up my hand so that I could say my piece.
“I accepted this, because so much time has passed, and we’ve changed. I’m not wild like I was. I can’t be. I have to be responsible. It’s also… hard to trust that everything is going to be okay, you know? There’s always this fear that something is going to go wrong. I know what an MC is like.
“But … You took me in and you didn’t have to. You’ve let Rose and me stay, even though you don’t know her like a father knows his daughter. You’ve had the chance to build something new and you could have … Yet you took me back as though nothing had changed.
“I thought maybe … things would be the same. I know what the MC was like before I left. They were in heavy with a lot of bad stuff. I heard that you guys were still poking at the Jackals after I was gone, too. I didn’t think things were different. But I learned you cleaned up a lot of what the Pride was doing after I was taken. You should hear Big Mama go on and on about all the good the Pride has done for the town in the last five years. That there was something that lit a fire under you in those years. I don’t know if it was me—but I do know things have changed and I like them and I think…”
I sighed. Once I said it, it was it.
“I think I want to try this again. Properly. You, me. The Pride. Together … as a family … With Rose. Trip, it’s been five years and I still haven’t gotten over you, and I know—or I hope— that you haven’t gotten over me, either. I want this not only for Rose, but for myself. I … I missed you so much.”
Trip sat there, looking at me like he was just seeing me for the first time in a long time. We’d had sex. We’d had intimate moments. It hadn’t been that long back, though. I didn’t know if everything that had happened was merely because it was familiar or if it was because the things I was feeling were the same things he was feeling, too.
I got my answer when he leaned forward and kissed me.
Just like behind the diner, my body lit up, electric fire all through me. His kisses had always managed to make me weak. I pressed against him, arms going around him. but I wanted an answer, an actual answer, before we went on.
“Is … is that a yes, Trip?”
“Hell, yeah, it is.”
I pulled back a little. “Even Rose? I know it’s been a little awkward. It must be strange for you—”
“You and her. You’re a package deal.”
I smiled and pushed back into his arms.
He stood with me like that, pulling me up. My legs went around his waist and I was in mutual agreement for the next step.
“Bed,” we both said.
He carried me through the house, trailing to his room. We got sidetracked, though. He knocked against the wall and pressed me there, bucking his hips against me. I could feel how hard he was, and I arched against him.
“Trip, please.”
I wanted this to be as real as it felt. The quickie in the alley hadn’t been enough—it was never enough. I craved him having me like he used to.
He obliged me, grinding against me only a little but more before pulling me from the wall and carting me the rest of the way to his room. He tossed me to the bed where I bounced a little with a giggle, especially when he crawled over me. His hands found their way under my shirt, pushing it up so his lips could settle on my belly. I arched against him.
“I want you two here,” he said. I looked down him, gasping a little as he bit playfully into my stomach before I could speak.
“What?”
“Here. I want you and Rose here. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right.”
There was no room for arguing, and honestly? I didn’t want to. I could envision the three of us living here. A family.
I jerked Trip up to me. He was taking too long to travel up my body.
“There’s nothing more than that I want,” I said, moaning out against his lips as he pressed snugly between my legs. My hands went under his shirt, feeling all his muscles like I hadn’t been able to when he’d taken me in the alley.
“You’re thicker than you used to be,” I breathed.
“So are you. All this hip and tits; I fucking love it.”
His shirt was off and then mine followed, his face going in to nuzzle at my cleavage before he shoved my straps down my shoulders and then yanked my bra beneath my breasts. He didn’t even unhook it, immediately going to my hard, exposed nipples. One he rolled between his fingers and the other he took between his lips. I rolled my body against his as heat flooded my core; my panties were already soaked.
I wasn’t idle, though. I never was. My own hands went to his pants, undoing the buckle of his belt and then the button and zipper of his pants. I reached in and pulled out his length. It was hard, curving up, so thick and heavy in my hand as I stroked. He groaned against my breast and tugged, making me cry out in ecstasy.
“You like that, baby?”
“More,” I ordered. “Trip, you know what I want.” I squeezed him, making my point as I made him bow over and growl. He bit into my neck.
“Yeah, I know exactly what you want.”
He pulled back, sliding down my body. He bit and sucked my skin until he got to the hem of my jeans. Without a fuss, he undid them, sliding them and my panties down and off me. He kissed the inside of my thighs, but he was as impatient as I was, only giving a couple of them before he pushed them open wider, putting me on display for him.
“Fuck, you’re still as gorgeous as I remember.”
I flushed at his words, but had no time to reply as his tongue came out and delved into the wet folds of my sex. I’d had sex with Holland—and Rigger, too. Neither had ever taken the time to go down on me, though, and Trip had always been so good with his tongue. He slid it over me, sending impossibly strong tingles through me. When it flicked over my clit, I arched and took hold of his hair, and that prompted him to stay there.
He worked over the sensitive nub, taking it between his lips and sucking, giving soft little bites. As he did, he slid his fingers inside me, homing right in on sensitive nerves. I writhed against his mouth and fingers, loving the duality of the pleasure. It was like no time had passed. He knew exactly how to touch me, where, how hard to go to bring me close and then to pull away before I could. It drove me mad, but it felt so good. I felt myself practically gushing around him.
“Trip … Trip, please … no more waiting.” The time in the alley hadn’t been enough, and I’d let myself close off from him, thinking it’d been a mistake. Not this time.
He lapped against my folds, though, and sucked against me one last time before he pulled away. I looked down and watched as he undressed the rest of the way, licking my lips at the sight of his cock. There was no man that could ever compare to him, that much I was certain about.
Trip retrieved a condom from his nightstand, hovering over me as he slipped it over his length. I watched him eagerly.
“Hurry up, Trip,” I urged.
He chuckled as he propped himself over me, hands on either side of my head. “You in a rush or something, Misha?”
“I’m in a rush for you to fuck me—”
The head of his cock nudged against my entrance and I gasped as he entered me fully. My head tilted back and I wrapped my legs around his waist, urging him forward. He had been my first and only when we were young, and I had always loved to feel of him entering me. It made me claw the sheets as he rolled in, pulled his hips back, and then snapped forward.
“Fuck!”
He hit so deep, I thought I’d explode from just that. Instead, I held off as he picked up a rhythm, jarring the bed with his deep, powerful thrusts that were strong and smooth. I chanted his name like it was a prayer, my arms coming to wrap around him to hold him close to my body. His chest brushed against mine, hardening my nipples and making them sensitive. I moaned and kissed him, whining out his name.
“Fuck, you feel so good, Misha.” He panted against my lips, bucking harder as my nails settled into his back. Harder, harder. And I bucked my hips against him as my walls fluttered and pulsed around him, becoming tight and needy with the pleasure that he was giving me. we moved in sync, rolling and rocking until the bed was hitting the wall loudly. Trip reached up and grabbed his headboard to steady himself, and then his free hand grabbed me by one of my thighs to hold and anchor me as he drilled into me harder.
“Ah, Trip!” My head tossed back at the cry of his name, bucking up against him and sobbing out as I felt myself grow tighter and tighter around him until I couldn’t hold my pleasure anymore. I was tight and flooded around him. Trip didn’t stop, though. He kept up the pace and didn’t seem close to stopping. When he spoke next, I knew that was the case.
“Want you … on top.”
He pulled back to roll us over, placing himself on his back with me straddled on top. I gasped at the sudden change of position and planted my hands as steadily as I could on his chest. I groaned as he slipped into me deeper than he had before. It was all … so good, so much. I was ripe with sensitivity.
His hands found my hips and guided me up as I found a rhythm. They were strong and held me where my legs were otherwise weak from my own orgasm. I felt him pulse inside me as I picked up pace though, and reveled in watching him as we found our rhythm together again—he with his feet planted into his bed and bucking up into me, and me grinding down on him with sinful swivels of hip. I knew how he liked to be ridden. Hard and fast until he was tossing his head back and cumming deep within me. Well—he wouldn’t be doing that, but I was going to make him feel good.
I rose up and slammed down on him.The sound was lewd as I was soaking wet, and the headboard creaked and bumped against the wall. I held onto it as Trip had when he’d been on top, the leverage allowing me to ride him smoother and harder. It felt so good—I could get off again if I wanted, and I wanted to. He always came harder when I was tight around him.
“Yeah, Misha, just like that,” he encouraged. I moaned at the dig of his nails in my sides the harder I went, and he rolled into me hard. I knew he was close.
His chest heaved, and the sounds of his pleasured growls turned me on so bad. I’d always loved how gravelly his voice could get. That hadn’t changed, only deepened with age, and it was the sexiest thing I’d ever heard.
“You like that, baby?” My voice was shaky, but I wanted to hear him say it.
His head was tilted back as he nodded, eyes closed as he basked in the pleasure of me riding him.
“Yeah. Yeah, fuck, fuck, ah—”
Trip arched up hard, and his hands gripped me even harder. He held me down on his cock, emptying himself. I missed the warmth of his release, but I still got to enjoy the pure bliss that etched itself across his face. It was red and sheened with sweat and his Adam’s apple bobbed.
I leaned down, putting my face to it. I nibbled and sucked as Trip rocked his still-hard cock within me, moaning with each pass. I sighed against him and nuzzled into his neck. We smelled like sex and satisfaction, but mostly, we smelled like each other. I had missed that scent.
“Fuck, Misha. That never gets old …”
“Sex?” I asked with a little laugh.
“You. The way you feel. The way you work your hips.”
Trip took my chin in his hand and tilted my head towards him. He kissed me, deep and claiming, as he rolled me onto my back again. He started to soften, I could feel it, but when he pulled out, he replaced his cock with my fingers.
“All mine,” he sighed against my lips as my hips jerked against his hand. “You’re all mine. This body, your pleasure, your heart. Misha …”
We had never said it when we were younger. I knew the urge though. It was in me too.
I pulled him to me, the kiss swallowing what I knew he wanted but struggled to say. He worked his fingers in and out of me, this time slowly, gently, like he was loving me with them rather than fucking me. Even then, I felt every pass like an intense sensation; I had come close to cumming, too, before Trip had. But I wanted this one to last.
I moaned against his mouth and rocked on his fingers. They curled and brushed deeply, intimately. I whined for him and when it was all too much, I arched against him softly again and spilled around his fingers.
He pulled them out of me gently as my rocking hips slowed and eased until I was lying there, spread open on his bed. He settled beside me, wrapping around me. Experimentally, I took his hand in mine and dragged my tongue over his fingers, tasting my own satisfaction there. He watched me and groaned.
“I don’t know if I could take much more of you right now,” he said, rolling his hips against me. He was still soft. That was okay. I nuzzled my nose to him after cleaning his fingers off. I let myself scoot close to him, and I wrapped arms and legs around him, snuggling with him in the afterglow.
“It’s okay,” I said. “How about we nap for a little … maybe after we can go for another round … or two … or three, even.”
He laughed.
“Two or three? Greedy little thing today, aren’t you?”
“Maybe. I just know I have five years and a little bit of celebrating to do, and I haven’t had sex like that in forever. If anything, it’s better than it used to be.”
He grinned.
“Then let me not keep you from your nap. Would hate to impede your celebrations and catching up.”