March 11^th, 2017. 6:41pm.

Katy sat in the office chair in front of the computer with the camera, Tally standing just to her left. She’d offered Tally the chair but she’d shook her head, content to stand where she was.

The alert part of Katy noted she was standing with her back to the wall, where she could see the entire office and all of her surroundings. It broke her heart.

Alex was settled on a second chair not too far away. Tally could stay between them, or she could go wherever she wished. She was still holding the pictures she’d drawn.

The ringing of her computer drew Katy’s attention, and she swallowed thickly. This was it. If her parents stepped out of line at all, if they fucked up one time, she would hang up and it would be over. She didn’t want to jeopardize Tally’s recovery at all. Even if they were family.

She had not let them visit Tally when they stayed in AZ, and after a week they had returned to Oregon. But they had let Katy move at her own pace, had left it to her to decide when contact was okay and when it wasn’t. They were taking it seriously. She just hoped it stayed that way.

Katy answered, moving slightly so she would be the first thing the camera saw. Her parents’ image popped up on the screen, slightly blurry until the connection stabilized. “Hello?” Mom said.

“Hi,” Katy said, almost stumbling over such a simple word. Her heart was racing, her palms felt sweaty. She hadn’t realized Alex had come up next to her until she felt Alex squeeze her knee, outside of the camera range. Katy shot her a thankful look, then turned back to her parents.

“How are you?” Mom asked, apprehensive. Dad was sitting next to her on the couch, his hands clasped together and his face wary. How had Mom talked him into this, when he’d been the one who had insisted on throwing her out?

“We’re doing okay,” Katy said. It was both the actual answer and the most diplomatic one. She turned to look at Tally, trying not to let her apprehension show on her face. “Do you want to come say hi to your grandparents, sweetheart?”

Tally’s grasp on the pictures tightened, then she nodded. Katy helped her forward, touching her as little as she could, until Tally was standing just in front of her, in the vee of her legs. Katy wasn’t going to say no, but she would let Tally dictate how much contact she was comfortable with.

“Tally, this is your Grandma and Grandpa.” Katy pointed to both in turn, bending slightly to check Tally’s reaction.

She stood there, studying them, listening as they greeted her.

“You’re getting so big,” Mom said.

Katy bit back an angry noise. Mom hadn’t been there when she was born. How did she even know that?

“How old are you now?” Mom asked, her voice warm.

Tally seemed to consider the question, then held up all five fingers. Mom looked at her, a question there.

“You’re seven now, big girl.” Katy smiled, then held up seven fingers.

Tally frowned at her, shook her head.

“It’s okay,” Alex soothed. “Do you want to show Grandma and Grandpa what you’ve drawn?”

Tally turned to look at Alex for a second, and Katy could see the line of her shoulders relax. It clicked in Katy’s mind. Tally preferred when they both were around, where she could see both of them at all times and they were there with her.

Katy couldn’t blame her. Alex made her feel safer, too. The whole armed FBI agent thing didn’t hurt.

Mom opened her mouth, then closed it, as if she wasn’t entirely certain how to ask who Alex was.

“Special Agent Mitchell,” Alex said promptly. “I’m currently serving as the family liaison for the case.”

“Was your father Kiernan Mitchell?” This time Katy’s Dad spoke, and his voice surprised all three of them. It was deep and booming, but not in a frightening way. Instead, Tally seemed to find it amusing, if the way her eyes lit up was any indication.

“Yes,” Alex answered promptly.

This time Katy squeezed her knee outside of the camera view. She went to lift her hand away and stopped when Tally’s hand settled on top of hers, feather-light.

A lump stuck in Katy’s throat, and she swallowed around it. She looked at Alex, Alex looked at her, and then both looked at the camera when Katy’s Mom cleared her throat.

The conversation continued on from there, Tally showing her drawings when prompted and Katy’s Mom and Dad making the requisite sounds. It felt like Katy was in a dream, almost. The dream she’d wished for when she found out she was pregnant in the first place.

Finally the conversation was winding down, Tally almost sitting in Katy’s lap now, with Katy’s arm around her middle. Daring, Katy leaned down and pressed a kiss to her head. “Would you go with Miss Alex for a bit?” Katy asked, pulling her head far enough back that she could look at Tally when she turned.

Alex extended a hand, a smile on her face. Tally seemed to think it over a bit longer, then she nodded, taking Alex’s hand and letting her lead her from the room, leaving Katy alone with her parents.

“She’s a darling,” Mom said, the moment the door closed shut.

“She is,” Katy replied, and there was so much emotion in those words she could barely start to process it. I wish you had been there. I wish you hadn’t had to meet her now.

I wish she could have known you growing up.

The words stuck in her throat, and she sat there, staring at her hands.

“The FBI agent seems nice,” Mom said slowly.

Katy lifted her head up at that, eyes narrowing. “She is,” she said. “Tally seems to like her.”

“She’s not the only one,” Dad muttered. Then he coughed when Mom elbowed him.

Katy wanted to roll her eyes, laugh at the banter, but it fell a bit flat, given the history between them. She let a small smile curve up her face, because yeah, she did like Alex, and she wasn’t going to apologize for that. “She’s a good person.”

Mom studied her for a bit through the video call, then nodded once, as if she’d made a decision about something and actually approved of what Katy was saying. “Well, we won’t keep you,” she said.

Dad cleared his throat, and Katy turned to look at him.

“We’ll call you next week.” It sounded like a statement, but Katy could hear the question there. It meant a lot, coming from him.

Katy exhaled slowly, considering. Then she nodded. “I’d like that.”

She heard Mom let out a choked noise, then they exchanged goodbyes and Katy ended the connection. She sank back in her chair, taking advantage of its reclining abilities to stare at the ceiling, her heart racing.

She wasn’t ready to forgive them, not yet. But she was willing to give them a chance. It was probably the best opportunity they would ever get.

The door opened, catching Katy’s attention, but it was just Alex. “She’s drawing with Eleanor,” Alex explained. “And helping her watch the casserole.”

Katy exhaled, and let herself relax. She was tired enough and needed a few more minutes before she went out and faced her daughter.

Alex sank into the chair next to her once the door was closed, turning slightly so she could keep an eye on Katy.

“You okay?” Alex asked finally, as if she wasn’t certain what else to say.

Katy exhaled through her nose, then pinched the bridge of it as if she had a headache. Maybe she did, maybe she was just using the gesture as a distraction. “Kind of,” she answered, and that was the truth. Part of her would never be okay, never fully recover from the trauma of the three lost years. But she would keep moving forward, keep rebuilding her life.

Alex made a relieved sound, then her head drooped. Katy looked closer, narrowed her eyes.

“Not sleeping well,” Alex explained with a shrug. “It happens.”

“Are they going to call you back?” It was a change of subject, but one that was relevant, in Katy’s opinion.

“I don’t know,” Alex said, and she sounded honest. She looked away from Katy. “I was on leave until now, and I’m not certain my supervisor is confident in my ability to serve as a full CARD member.”

“Why?” Katy leaned back in her chair, something akin to anxiety surging through her veins. Had they sent her a broken FBI agent? Someone who wouldn’t really help? No, Alex had done a lot. Alex had helped with Tally and asked for nothing in return.

“There was a case a few months ago.” Alex’s eyes closed, and her hands were trembling. “It went bad, then it went really bad.” Her eyes opened, but they were far away, staring through the floor.

“And you were there for all of it?” Katy asked softly. She wasn’t going to ask for the details; she didn’t even want to think about what sort of things Alex had seen in her career.

“Yeah.” Alex exhaled in a rush, her elbows on her thighs and her head dropping downwards. “I’ve been cleared pending a final psychologist evaluation.”

“What does that mean?” Katy looked at her, studying her. There was something defeated in the slope of her shoulders, the set of her lips. Like she’d given up and she’d already known it was coming.

“You did a lot of research on missing kids when Tally was gone, didn’t you?” Alex looked at the cork board, the one that hung out of sight of her parents and the camera.

Katy nodded.

“We see the cases that don’t make it there, most of the time.” Alex took a deep breath. “The therapist says it’s PTSD. Whether or not it’s chronic, they don’t know.”

“So that’s why they won’t send you out in the field?” Katy couldn’t even imagine what it was like, being on the CARD team and everything going to shit. Losing her daughter had been bad enough; what if she’d lost multiple kids?

Alex nodded, averting her gaze. “Nightmares, flashbacks. Cold sweats.” She half-shrugged. “Aggravated by exhaustion. Not the best for a field agent.”

“I’m sorry,” Katy said, reaching out and putting her hand on Alex’s knee.

This time Alex looked at her, and Katy could read the confusion there.

“Do you not want me to —?”

“I don’t get it,” Alex said, and there was a tremble in her voice. “We shouldn’t be doing this. I just told you a million reasons why.”

“That wasn’t a million,” Katy replied immediately, without thinking, then winced. She exhaled, leaving her hand on Alex’s knee and scooting closer instead. “You know what I learned, when Tally was gone?”

Alex shook her head mutely.

“I talked to a therapist a lot, when Tally was gone.” Katy’s gaze had gone distant now, lost in memories long gone. “And she asked me, if I’d known what was coming, would I still have given birth to Tally.”

Alex met her eyes, and Katy could see the protective walls she had placed there.

“And I told her,” Katy continued, “I would in a heartbeat.” She exhaled. It had taken her a long time to come to terms with that, a long time to understand its implications. “Those four years were some of the best in my life.”

“I don’t —”

“Look, maybe it won’t work out. Maybe some mountains are too big or you’ll get in trouble or whatever. But if this is something you might want, this is something I want, too.” Katy’s breath was steady, and her words were absolute. She believed what she was saying, one hundred percent. “I’d rather have some time with you than never get to be with you at all.”

Alex’s mouth opened, then closed, then did the same thing again. There was shock written all over her face, but Katy squeezed her knee one more time and then pulled her hand back.

“If it’s not what you want, or you don’t want to take the risk, that’s okay,” Katy added. “I would love you to stay here for Tally, but you don’t have to.”

Alex was studying her, something indecipherable on her face.

Katy held her breath, let herself smile. No matter what, she was happy about the time she’d had with Alex. It would always be a good association. Alex had helped bring Tally home, helped her assimilate back into her old life.

Alex cleared her throat. “I’d like that.”

“Like what?” There was a whole lot in Katy’s statement that Alex could be responding to.

“To — get some time with you.” Alex cleared her throat again, and to Katy’s surprise, there was a faint blush on her cheeks.

“I haven’t done this before,” Katy admitted.

“Me neither.” Alex smiled, lopsided.

“Never had a girlfriend?” Katy raised her eyebrows.

“None I’d want to be serious about.” Alex shrugged, and then winced, as if she’d played her poker hand too early.

“I’m okay with that,” Katy said, and then smiled when Alex met her eyes. She leaned forward, pressed a quick, chaste kiss to Alex’s lips. “We should go eat casserole.”

Alex laughed, loud and surprised, and the sound warmed Katy’s middle. “We should. Before Tally eats it all.”

Katy grinned, kissed her again, then led the way back to the kitchen.

* * *

Alex leaned back into the couch, a half-full glass of wine in her hand. Yeah, no drinking, but she had to go off duty at some point. Still, she wasn’t going to let herself drink much. Just a little bit, enough to take the edge off her nerves. Her shoulder holster was on the stand next to her side of the couch, and Katy was sitting on the other side, her feet pressed up against Alex’s thigh.

Tally was upstairs, sleeping. Katy had a monitor that went to her phone now, it showed a grainy image and recorded all noise. Possibly overkill, but Katy sure as hell wasn’t leaving her alone any time soon. Alex couldn’t blame her.

“Long day?” Katy asked, then stifled a yawn. Eleanor had left not long after the casserole was finished, and Tally had colored and played with her math books until she started rubbing her eyes.

Alex had gotten the wine out and poured them both a glass. Katy had read Tally a story, and then come downstairs. Now they were sitting together, the TV on low, showing some sitcom that neither of them were paying attention to. “The usual.” Alex took a sip of her wine. She had gone into the station, gone over the paperwork with Greg. Nothing new. It was frustrating.

Katy hummed thoughtfully, took a sip of her wine. The glass was almost three-quarters empty in her hand. Alex couldn’t even remember how long they had been sitting there, quiet with occasional conversation. She couldn’t even remember how long it had been since she had known someone she felt that comfortable around, even when they weren’t talking.

It was easy enough to sit there in quiet, the faint static-y noise echoing from Katy’s phone, where they could both glance at Tally and ensure she was still sleeping soundly. But something felt like it was different between them, like a shift had occurred earlier after the Skype chat with Katy’s parents.

Yeah, Alex had dated, and fooled around, but Katy was different. Not just because of the circumstances, but because of the depth of the feelings.

“You okay?”

Alex didn’t realize she was making a face until Katy’s voice caught her off guard. She bit back a laugh, but couldn’t hide the grin. “Thinking.”

Katy’s eyes flickered to her phone, and then back to Alex, before she drained the rest of her wine glass.

“Want some more?” Alex drank a bit more of hers, deciding she would be done without finishing it. Better safe than sorry.

Katy shook her head, so Alex picked up the glasses and took them to the kitchen. She sat them on the counter next to the sink and came back, finding Katy sitting cross-legged on the couch now. Alex raised an eyebrow, came to sit next to her. “That can’t be comfortable.”

Katy shrugged. “Could be worse.”

She was watching Alex now, a faint heat in her eyes that made Alex’s stomach squirm. Alex had kept up appearances, slept in her own bed, even though they stole the occasional kiss here and there, but only when Tally was asleep and no one else was around. But they hadn’t had sex since the night before Tally had come home.

“You okay?” Alex asked, and she meant it. That heat could have meant a lot of things; maybe Alex was misinterpreting it.

“Can I kiss you?” Katy asked, shifting on the couch until her lower legs were underneath her and she was sitting on her heels.

Alex blinked at her. “You don’t have to ask.”

Katy smiled, something briefly sad under it, before she sat up and straddled Alex’s thighs, her arms loosely around Alex’s shoulders. They were so close now, noses brushing and anticipation sizzling up and down Alex’s spine. Then Katy’s lips pressed hers and Alex settled her hands on Katy’s hips, holding her steady as they kissed.

It was easy to open her mouth, to explore Katy’s, to give in to what had been building between them for so long. Dimly, Alex could still hear the static, the noise of Tally’s room, so they could hear if something went wrong. It was easier to let go, with that security in mind.

Katy used her fingers to tip Alex’s chin up slightly so Katy could deepen the kiss, almost counting Alex’s teeth with her tongue. It sent shudders through her, wracked her with pleasure. It was strange, how such a little thing could have such a big response. Her nipples were already getting hard, her body tight with want.

“Upstairs?” Alex asked, the words a puff of air against Katy’s lips. She felt Katy shiver on top of her, then nod, pressing one final kiss on Alex’s mouth before she stood up, grabbing her phone with one hand and Alex’s hand with the other.

Alex reached out and grasped her shoulder holster, always prepared, and then followed Katy upstairs. They were quieter walking by Tally’s bedroom, and something dangerously fond blossomed in Katy’s eyes as she looked at her daughter’s door, and then at Alex. Then Katy was dragging her into the master bedroom. That was somewhere Alex hadn’t spent a lot of time.

She tossed her shoulder holster off to the side, making a quick note of where it was, and then Katy was on her, pushing her quietly into the wall so she could pin and kiss her at the same time. Alex let her hold her wrists to the wall, press her body against Alex’s completely.

Katy’s hands flexed on Alex’s wrists and Alex moaned into the kiss, squirming, trying to get some sort of friction or leverage. Katy obliged, shifting slightly so one of her thighs slid between Alex’s legs, giving her something to move against.

“You okay?” Katy murmured against Alex’s lips.

Alex just looked at her, rolled her hips. “More than okay,” she answered, the words breathier than she would have preferred.

Katy’s answering smile was smug. It sent a flicker of heat down Alex’s back. It wasn’t power play or anything complicated, but Katy was leading and Alex was following. They could reverse that role elsewhere, but this was Katy’s domain. Katy broke the kiss, leaned down and mouthed at Alex’s neck above her blazer, biting gently in a way that made Alex flinch, but in a good way. She was probably soaking by now.

“Take off your clothes and get on the bed.” Katy let go of her wrists and stepped back, her hands going down to her own shirt and pulling it off.

Alex started with the buttons of her blazer, going by feel since she kept her eyes on Katy. By the time she had her shirt off, Katy was in her underwear, stepping out of her jeans and tossing them off to the side. Alex undid the button to her slacks, Katy undid her bra.

Finally, Alex was naked, and she sat on the side of the bed, her eyes on Katy’s body. It wasn’t the first time she had seen her naked, but this time was different. It wasn’t in the heat of passion, it wasn’t rushed, a stolen moment. Instead this was for her. It was for them.

Katy was shorter than her but proportional, her breasts just big enough to fit in Alex’s hands, and her hips rounded. “Lay down.” Katy flicked her hand, pointing towards the middle of the bed.

“Have you done this before?” Alex teased, shifting towards the middle of the bed and laying down, propping herself up on her elbows so she could see Katy.

“I’m a quick learner.” Katy flashed her a wide grin before she crawled on the bed and over Alex, legs on either side of Alex’s body.

Alex swallowed thickly, so turned on she could barely think. Katy nudged her gently until Alex laid down, her arms sprawled out to the sides and all of her attention on Katy’s face hovering over her.

Then Katy was kissing her, her body covering Alex’s like a warm blanket. Alex moaned into the kiss, her hips tilting up, feeling Katy’s warmth there, needing her closer. It was like she wanted to crawl inside Katy’s skin and never leave, like she wanted to be with her completely in the truest sense of the word.

She didn’t know how long they spent just lying there, bodies flush against each other and lips moving together. She did know that by the time Katy pulled back, Katy’s cheeks were pink and a blush had spread down her neck. Alex probably looked the same. Debauched. Undone. Gone were the FBI agent, the worried mother. Instead it was who they were inside.

Katy kissed with the confidence of someone who had gone through the worst and survived, someone who was comfortable taking risks no matter where they led. Alex was gentler, the kiss of someone who was professionally confident but still coming into her personal life. Katy felt like home.

Alex slid her hands up Katy’s sides, scraping her nails lightly across Katy’s skin and feeling her shiver underneath her. She felt like she was burning up underneath her skin, warmth and desire and heat all coiling together until she would burst into flames.

Then Katy shifted to the side, stabilizing herself on one elbow and sliding the other hand down Alex’s body. Alex looked at her, inhaled sharply. It felt strangely intimate, Katy that close but not kissing her, just the slow, sinuous slide of her hand down Alex’s body.

It was easy to part her legs when Katy’s fingers hit her hips, to give Katy better access. But Katy didn’t lean down, didn’t kiss her. Instead she just slid a finger into her slit, circled her clit, slowly, teasing.

Alex looked at her, her breathing faster and her heart racing. It was almost terrifying, how intimate that felt. How turned on she was from something that wasn’t a big deal, not in context. Then Katy moved the finger lower, slid it gently inside her. Just a little bit, enough to notice. And Alex moaned again.

“Fuck,” Alex managed.

Katy grinned. “Like that?”

“Yes.” Alex tilted her hips up, let Katy press into her just a bit more, started circling her inside. Katy’s thumb started toying with her clit, just the barest hint of pressure. Alex’s leg jerked, she inhaled sharply.

“So sensitive.” Katy leaned down and kissed her, but the need and want in her eyes was more than enough for Alex to tell she was just as turned on.

“You’re a dick,” Alex managed.

Katy giggled, kissed her again. Then her finger slid inside further, continuing its slow, torturous movement. The pressure against her clit increased, and Alex’s breath hitched as a pulse of pleasure swamped her. It shouldn’t have been enough, but with Katy’s eyes boring into her, the movements so slow and considered, she knew she was going to tip over the cliff sooner than she wanted.

Alex gently pinched her nipple between her fingers, arching her back. This time it was Katy who let out a breathy little noise, moving so that she could see what Alex was doing to herself. The little sparks of pain were blending with the pleasure as Katy slid in a second finger. Alex felt like she was drowning, like she was floating in midair, suspended and overwhelmed.

Everything blended together, pain and pleasure, the feeling of Katy’s warm body practically touching hers, until Katy’s voice broke through. “Come for me,” Katy murmured, her lips brushing Alex’s neck and a firm pressure stroking against the side of her clit.

Alex shivered and came, clenching around Katy’s fingers as she rode out the aftershocks. She laid there for a bit, feeling sated and boneless, feeling the dip of the mattress as Katy settled next to her, half-over her like a blanket.

“Good?” Katy asked.

Alex snorted, or as much of a snort as she could manage. “Like you have to ask.”

Katy made a happy noise, pressing a kiss to Alex’s lips.

“Flip over.” Alex sat up once her body was working again, twirling a finger to indicate what she wanted Katy to do. “On your back. Legs apart.”

Katy looked at her, eyebrows raised and a smirk on her face, before she complied. “You don’t have to,” she murmured, but there was no real protest.

“I know,” Alex said as she slid down Katy’s body. “But I want to.”

She ate Katy out until she cried, legs wrapped around Alex’s head and their hands twined together, Katy trying to fuck herself on Alex’s tongue and Alex letting her. When Katy finally relaxed underneath her, Alex wiped her mouth off and lay down next to her, watching her eyes flutter open. “You there?” Alex asked, her voice teasing.

Katy gave her the middle finger, so Alex kissed it. “Worth it?” Katy asked, and Alex could hear the question underneath it. Was it worth what they shared, the risk of it not working out? What if they burned up like an ember, or if they rose up like a phoenix? Neither could predict what the future would hold.

“Always.” Alex kissed her for a long while, then turned out the light so they could go to sleep.