Four days until Halloween
Corinne
Jackie squeals and jumps out of her chair, almost spilling her coffee.
“You’re sure? How far along?” She hugs me and almost knocks me over.
“I’m sure, and not very far,” I answer, removing her arm from my windpipe. “You’re going to be an aunt.”
“It’s about time,” she tells me, settling back into the chair across from me. We’re in the sunroom, and Artie is in the backyard. Frost etches the edges of the windows, but I can still see through them. The dog roots around by the fence, trying to get at something. The chill seeps through the tile, into my socks.
Winter is coming.
“I think I need to see Dad,” I tell Jackie as casually as I can.
“What?” She sits up straighter. “All of a sudden? Why?”
I sip my hot chocolate and ignore my pounding heart. I can’t even speak about any of this without the panic welling up in me. It’s getting ridiculous. My hand flutters over my belly, but that’s also ridiculous. I can’t protect it from me, from my emotions. It will feel the adrenaline, too. Everything I feel will course through its veins as well as my own.
I fight to calm myself.
“Because I need to know what happened.”
I don’t have to explain what I’m talking about.
Jackie stares at me. “Why? Why can’t you just leave it alone, Corinne? You’ve got a new life now. None of that matters.”
“It does matter,” I argue. “It affects me in ways I don’t even understand. I don’t remember everything that happened, and until I do... Until I do, I worry I might go crazy like Dad.”
“Dad didn’t go crazy,” Jackie says adamantly, like she always does. “It was a crime of passion. He... It was a bad situation. Love triangles and all that.”
She’s uncomfortable now. She hates to talk about what Dad did. What he did to our mother.
“Yeah. But...” I trail off, uncertain how much I should say...about myself.
“What?”
“I feel like I’m going crazy, Jacks. I hear things. Whispers. I see words written on things that aren’t there. I don’t know what’s happening, but I feel this overwhelming feeling that I need to run away. That I’m not safe. That I might be crazy.”
“You’re not,” Jackie says quickly, reaching over to grab my hand. She squeezes my fingers tight. “You’re not. You’re the sanest person I know.”
“I don’t feel like it right now. I keep having weird feelings about Jude, too.”
Jackie watches me. “Like what? You don’t feel attracted to him? Because that would be normal. You’re pregnant.”
I shake my head. “No, not that. I feel like he... I’m scared he is... I mean, what if he’s cheating on me?”
My sister bursts out laughing, then after a moment, she stops and looks at me. “You’re not kidding?”
I shake my head, and I feel silly.
She smiles. “Your hormones are twisting you all up,” she says. “Jude would never cheat on you, Corinne. That man loves you more than anyone I’ve ever seen.”
“Yeah. I know,” I murmur.
I lay my head back on the chair, and Jackie examines me.
“You’re pale,” she tells me. “Paler than normal.”
“I know.”
“I think you’re losing weight, too.”
“I’m sicker than a dog. That’s why.”
“I bet your hormones are just making you feel weird,” she finally says. “You’re not crazy. Hormones are powerful things, Corinne. They can wreak havoc on a person.”
“Yeah, I know.”
This isn’t hormones. I don’t tell her, though. She doesn’t want to worry, and I don’t want to burden her.
We chat for another hour or so, and then Jackie takes her leave, hugging me at the front door. She smells like Chanel, and it turns my stomach. I gulp in fresh air.
“Let me know if you need anything,” she says, staring into my eyes. “I mean it.”
“Of course.”
“You’ve got the baby to think of now. You’ve got to take care of yourself.”
“I know. Hey, Jackie, don’t tell Jude yet. I’m going to tell him as a surprise. I’m just waiting for the perfect time.”
She grins. “My lips are sealed. He’s going to be ecstatic.”
She hugs me again and waves as she trips down the steps.
I watch her drive down the road, and the dead leaves flutter on the road behind her. I close the front door, closing out October’s cold air with the thick iron of the door. My house is a fortress. I made it that way on purpose. It might’ve been subconscious, but my house is no less safe because of it.
I head back into the kitchen, stopping first at the fireplace to turn the flames on. The wood and the tiles are cold this time of year.
I let Artie in, and I’m pouring another cup of hot chocolate when my phone rings.
I glance at it, and it’s Jude’s name flashing at me.
“Hey, babe,” I answer, balancing my cup and my phone as I head to my chair.
“Just checking on you,” he says, the huskiness of his voice rasping in my ear. “You doing okay?”
“Yep,” I tell him. “I’m feeling better.”
“Good. Do I need to bring you something home for lunch?”
“No, don’t drive all that way,” I tell him. “I’m not that hungry.”
“Okay. I’m coming home early this evening,” he answers. “Get some rest.”
“Will do, boss.”
“If only,” he says wryly.
I laugh.
We hang up, and Artie whines at the door. Ready to go again already.
“You have a bladder the size of a peanut,” I tell her, letting her out. She races past me with intention, bounding down the back porch and out to the fence. She lunges at it, barking loudly, trying with all her might to get through.
Alarmed, I go out, wrapping my sweater tightly around me.
“Artie, stop!” I call out as I get closer. “Stop.”
She doesn’t even look up, her paws scratching at the fence, barking and growling.
“Hush, girl.” I grab her collar and try to peer through the slats. There’s nothing there. “There’s nothing here.”
I pull her toward the house, and when I reach the back steps, I swear I hear someone laughing.
A weird giggle, carried on the cold wind.
A woman.
I whirl around, but just like I suspected, there’s no one there.