CHAPTER 25
I spent all day making sure that everything was perfect. My package arrived from Los Angeles exactly when Lucas told me to expect it, and I was all set. Now it was my turn to initiate the serious conversation.
“Please, sit here.” I pulled out a chair for Avery and held it.
After she was sitting, I grabbed another and perched next to her, taking her hands into mine.
“Fox? Is something wrong?” She bit her lip nervously.
“No, no. Not at all.”
She let out a tiny sigh of relief, and I felt like a jerk for being so unintentionally dramatic.
“I just wanted to have a moment alone with you before we pick Annabelle up from school, to tell you I’ve done nothing but think about our conversation the other day.”
We’d spent a few days dodging the continuation of this topic while I brooded and thought and brooded some more. Annabelle’s birthday party bought me a little time too, along with a few other realizations. Avery probably never expected me to voluntarily bring up Seattle again, but I was about to be full of surprises today.
“Okay,” she said slowly.
“I want you to know you can count on me, not just to be here, but to take care of you and Annabelle, no matter what.”
She smiled, and I wanted to kiss her.
“I know that, silly.”
I took a deep breath. “Good.”
“Can you just tell me what this is all about? I’m still nervous like you’re about to drop something big on me.”
“I’ve been thinking about Seattle, and how you told me you want to go back, and I think it’s a great idea.”
“You do?” she asked hopefully. “You’re not just saying that?”
“No.” My voice was firm. “At first, I was a little taken aback, thinking that maybe you were changing your mind for the wrong reasons, but I see exactly where you’re coming from now. We could build a great future there, on our terms.”
It took me more time than I wanted to admit, but I think my initial reaction to Avery’s suggestion was so negative because I liked the idea too much. She was right, Seattle had brought us back to each other, gave us that foothold to move on to Texas so I could remember as much as possible of our life together here. I would always be glad we came back, because I needed to experience life in our little house in this little town — and I was in the right place at the right time to help Cam and Dylan Owens. When we’d first come back, my recovery was still so uncertain, but now — like Avery said, we were solid. If she wanted to go to the West Coast, I was game. New York would always be there.
“I’m so happy that you feel that way,” she said, squeezing my hands. “I’m going to contact the admissions officer today.”
“Before you do that, there’s another piece to this that I want to discuss with you.”
“What is it?”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, but what I’ve realized is that I’ve actually just been doing a lot of limiting. My entire life, I’ve known exactly what I wanted to do. I had my future planned out, and I stayed the course. I always knew what my next move would be, because that was the solid, dependable way to go.” I thought about what Lucas said that night at Lucky’s. “That’s who I am.”
Avery nodded, and I continued.
“But now, after the accident and the coma — after almost losing you and Annabelle to my downward spiral of uncertainty — I realized that it’s okay to want to change my life, that it’s not irresponsible to have goals that don’t necessarily coincide with what I thought I’d always be doing.”
“So… you want to change careers?” Avery asked. “I think that’s great, Fox. You can do anything you want, you have so many skills.”
“I think I want to go back to school,” I admitted, feeling a huge leap of faith at saying the words out loud. “Maybe focus on cinematography, documentary filmmaking. There are stories out there that need to be told, Avery. I don’t know if I’m the one to tell them, but I want to try.”
Avery’s eyes filled with tears. “As far as I’m concerned, you already are a filmmaker, Fox. And I’d love for the world to see what you can do.”
Her words slid into my heart, chipping away the doubt, letting the tiny seed of an idea I’d planted there start to take hold. “That means a lot to me,” I told her. “You’ve been my main inspiration since the day we met. I might not remember all of the clips I made for you, but watching them now shows me that’s true.”
“Stop it,” she said, wiping her eyes with a half-laugh, half-sob. “I’m a mess already. You sure do talk a lot more now post-coma. It’s wonderfully unsettling.”
I grinned at her. “Gotta keep you on your toes, sunshine.” I slid my tablet closer to her on the table. “Seeing as you’re already crying, now is probably the best time to show you this.”
The clip was already queued up, and I watched her take a deep breath as I pressed play. Watching her watch the screen was the best, guiltiest pleasure I could imagine, because through her eyes I saw everything, every emotion, no matter how small.
Music started softly, her favorite Ed Sheeran song, and the acoustic guitar rang with the familiar notes as Ed started to sing about keeping memories close. I saw her smile, and then the tears flowed again as clips of me and her flashed across the screen. I’d compiled everything I could find from the first time I’d filmed her to the sneaky footage I’d captured over the past couple weeks. There we were, our whole journey, laughing, kissing, goofing around. It was all there, all of our memories — the best ones, the ones I couldn’t remember, and the ones I was starting to. This was the longest clip I’d ever made, and not the most heavily edited, but it showed our complicated story best with its simplicity.
When the song faded out, I released her hands and knelt in front of her.
Avery smiled at me through the remainder of her tears. “That was so beautiful, Fox. Thank you.”
“One of the things I wish I could remember most is when I proposed,” I said, my voice heavy with regret. “Maybe I will someday.”
“Well, you did propose twice, so the odds are pretty good,” Avery said, her smile still watery.
I couldn’t stop grinning at her — I loved that smart mouth, our constant banter, and the fact that she could laugh and cry at the same time. Life was never boring with this girl. “Here’s hoping. But since right now I can’t, this will have to be a place-holder memory.” I pulled a tiny jewelry box from my pocket and opened it, revealing a delicate, diamond studded band.
“When I bought your rings, the girl told me they were stacking bands, and that meant that along with the engagement ring, there were all different types and diamond cuts of bands that you could get to layer together. She said it was perfect for birthday gifts, anniversaries, what have you. I know this because she told me again when I called the jeweler the other day.”
Avery shook her head. “It’s beautiful.”
“I don’t remember giving you the first ones, Avery, but I promise I’ll never forget giving you this. We’re building new memories on top of old ones, so it’s all layers. The foundation is there, and now everything else is gravy.”
I slid the ring onto her finger, liking how the bands stacked themselves, meshing their patterns together into a solid piece with her engagement ring as the focal point.
“You’re already my wife, but I never take that for granted, not for one minute of any day. I love you. Thank you for keeping the faith in me, faith in us.”
She was doing that thing again where she laughed while she cried. “If your movies are half as beautiful as your words, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.” Avery stuck her hand out to admire the ring. “I can’t believe you did this. I love it.”
“The diamonds are only perks, right?” I teased her.
“Fox, I want you, however you are, wherever you are, forever. Anything outside of the skin you’re in is a perk. The skin itself is actually a really hot perk,” she admitted. “But you’re so much more than that. I love you.”
I swept her up into my arms, my mouth on hers as I pressed her as close to my body as she could get. It still wasn’t enough. She knew it too, because she understood me even when I couldn’t find my words.
Within seconds we were naked, naked in the kitchen in the goddamn middle of the day with only a couple sheer curtains protecting us from the Vancitys’ view, but I didn’t care. I needed her skin all over me, and when I sat her down onto my lap, filling her, watching her eyes cloud and her body tense, I knew that no matter what happened or where, if it was Seattle, or New York, or fucking Antartica, as long as I had this girl with me we’d be okay.
I gripped her hips with my fingers, urging her to ride me as her arms wound around my neck and her tongue found its way into my mouth again.
“You feel so fucking good,” I told her. “So good.”
I bent my head to lick at her breasts, running my hands up from her hips to cup them as her pace increased, her breath coming in short pants and gasps.
“Fox— Fox,” she moaned my name, and if it was possible I felt myself grow even harder inside of her. “Don’t stop,” she cried.
“I can’t,” I assured her, drawing a ragged breath against her neck. “I wouldn’t.”
My hips were moving against hers, and I felt the climax building at the base of my spine, forcing me to concentrate and give her what she needed before I exploded. I attached my lips to her breast again, holding her to me while my other hand gently stroked her where our bodies were joined.
We were both at the edge, gripping each other tightly as the last bits of our restraint fell away, and then we were lost — or found, depending on how you looked at it.