CHAPTER 16
Langsdene woke up in the dead of night. His neck ached. He had fallen asleep in a slumped position. The room still tended to spin but he could stand. He wobbled to the door, from beneath which the light wavered, and snicked the handle. A shaft of light hit him in the eyes. He squinted against the brightness. “Is that you, Thomas?” he asked in a weary voice.
“Yes, my lord. Steady there. Take my arm.”
“Am I a child?” He sighed.
“No, my lord. Barlow is ready for you upstairs.”
“Have you all waited up for me? How gratifyingly stupid. I am quite capable of undressing myself.”
“Of course, my lord,” Thomas said in a soothing voice.
Nevertheless, he delivered Langsdene to Barlow, who took one look at Langsdene’s face and refrained to speak. Again Langsdene slept. In the morning he awoke with a splitting headache. “Rightly so,” Barlow said in a reproving voice as Langsdene rubbed his forehead with the heel of his palm. “You know how brandy affects you.”
Which was why Langsdene had wanted the numbing effect last night.
This morning’s aching head almost brought him to his senses but his thoughts still wavered from one idea to the next, none settling on single hint as to why Winsome had rejected his proposal. No matter what she said, she loved him. She couldn’t have remained in his arms night after night, making love, laughing, and chasing kisses, nor been so tender during the past week if all had been pretence. He knew the courtesan’s tricks, unlike Winsome, who didn’t need a single one.
Winsome simply had the power of her delightful nature, her wicked sense of humor, and her intelligence. For reasons unknown to him, she had decided she would not be a suitable life partner for him. Perhaps madness ran in her family. He didn’t care. Whatever the problem was, love would get them through. Although, after his backlash, he may have lost his chance with her. He would never know unless he tried again.
But with this head of his, he would make a mull of his words. He needed a day for her to think over his proposal and her instant rejection. In the meantime, he soaked his head in cold water and took his horse to the park for a refreshing gallop. He and Soldier came home tired. How could he love a woman and lose her before he even had her?
A night spent at home preparing to confront her the next day should have left him more confident by the morning, but the only ammunition he had was his love for her. He breakfasted far too early, almost afraid to turn the pages of the newspaper. If Win had depicted him again, the way she had used him would tell him if he had hope or not. To his great relief, the other cartoonist had taken over for the day, one whose style was harder, less witty, more to the point. He decided he needed to take a ride while he idled until the correct hour for a morning visit.
Since the park was between his house and hers, he took his horse past her home in the vague hope that she might be riding this morning, too. Instead he saw two carriages lined up in front of the house. The first, the baggage vehicle, was being loaded with valises and small trunks, leaving room for the servants who stood in a bunch, gossiping. The coachman of the second sat aloft while his lackey walked out of the house with a ladies’ dressing case.
Langsdene sat, indecisive, imagining that the family had decided to leave the city. Winsome had made no mention of this. He swung down from his horse, passing the reins to the nearest servant, and strode into the house, his heart beating fast. Mr. Carsten stood by the hall table, checking his fob watch. He raised his gaze, blinking at Langsdene.
“Good morning, sir,” Langsdene said brusquely. “You are leaving for the country, I presume. Winsome. Is Winsome leaving with you?”
“She is.”
“Might I have a private word with you?”
“It will do you no good, my lad. She has made up her mind.”
Langsdene opened the nearest door, which happened to be of all things, a library. “If you will, sir.”
Mr. Carsten, an unreadable expression on his face, stepped into the room with Langsdene.
Langsdene bowed formally. “I am besotted by your daughter, Mr. Carsten. May I have your permission to pay my addresses to her, sir?”
Mr. Carsten laughed. “Doing this backward, aren’t you? My permission will make no difference to her. But yes, you have my permission for all the use it is. I don’t know why she is set against marrying you, when she is clearly as besotted as you are, but females have always been a puzzle me. And I have a houseful of ‘em.”
“Do you think you could persuade her to speak with me, now?”
The other man mulled the matter. “You raise an interesting point. As you see, we are about to leave for our country estate. Perhaps you should give her a week to prepare her argument.” He stared into Langsdene’s eyes as if awaiting an answer.
The moment lingered while Langsdene crossed his arms and stared at his boots. “You are right, sir.” A smile curved his mouth. “A wise man would catch her unaware. If you give me her direction, I will go to her.”
“Up the stairs, the third door on the right. Good luck.”
Langsdene nodded, and headed for the stairs, which he took two by two. He tapped on the third door on the right.
“I’m almost ready.” Winsome’s voice.
Presuming her words meant she had dressed, he entered the room. A thin elderly woman gasped and stood in front of her, acting like a palace guard, stiff and straight, her chin pulled in.
“Out.” He indicated the door with his head. She evaluated the expression on his face and stalked out, the expression on her face nothing but anxious.
“How dare you?” Winsome inquired, as if she wanted an answer. “If you have come to argue me into marrying you, you will be wasting your time.”
He paused, expanding his chest with a deep breath. “I love you, Win. I can’t give you up without a fight. I know you love me, or else this past week wouldn’t have happened. You are not the type to use a man and then discard him.”
She turned away. “Regardless of my feelings, I am not the wife for you.”
“That is my decision, is it not, to choose the woman I love?”
She sat on her bed. Today she wore an elegant green and red taffeta gown, with long sleeves. Her hair had been loosely caught on the crown and curls trickled down the sides of her lovely face, which held a serious, contemplative expression. “You said you wanted children,” she said in a weary voice.
“I did. I do. I gather you have some objection to what is a comparatively normal need. If you won’t marry unless I make sure you don’t have a baby, I will do my best, but we all know that no method can be guaranteed, except the obvious. Do you want to live a life of abstinence, Win? I think that horse has already left the stable and you didn’t object to the galloping, if I may be so crude.”
She remained silent, her gaze on his face. “I’m too old to have babies.”
“You are younger than I.” He frowned. “If I am not mistaken, Rose is about to have her second and she is your age.”
“She had her first when she was twenty-one. Her body is prepared.”
“I’ve never heard mention of a woman needing to be prepared to have a baby. It is a natural thing. Why do you imagine your body isn’t the same as other women’s?”
“We Carstens are not an overly fertile family. My sister—”
“—is not you. I don’t want you making decisions for me, Win. If the woman I love can’t bear a child, we will adopt one. First and foremost, I want you.” He reached out and took her hands, determined to hold her gaze.
She drew a shaky breath. “I’m afraid,” she said in trembling voice. “I have always been afraid I was too forward. And then when I should have been forward and sent you a letter of condolence when your father died, I hesitated. If I had not, you could have answered if you wanted to pursue a friendship, but I was scared you wouldn’t. So I didn’t try.”
He shook his head. “My behavior was out of line. I knew better but I suppose I had the same reservations as you. You were so popular with everyone and I was a young fool. I didn’t imagine you were being anything but curious, which is understandable. I was too.” He gave a rueful shrug. “Neither of us had had any experience. I used to envy Temple, who was so sure of himself.”
“I envied Rose, who had you all at her feet. I didn’t believe you would look twice at me. It seemed that fate had put us together when I found you in my special hiding place. You were so nice to snuggle into. My behavior was appalling, but I wanted to know about your body.”
“It’s not an episode that either of us need to dwell on. We were together when perhaps we should have been.”
Her lips curved ruefully. “I did appreciate the lesson, I must admit. But you stayed in my mind. When I had the opportunity to sell my cartoons, I needed a running theme. I decided that I could use you in my cartoons as the typical thoughtless aristocrat. I knew your face so well, you see, after thinking about you for years.” She stared straight into his eyes. “And now I don’t know what to do.”
“Marry me. I love you dearly, Win.” He picked up her hands again and held them against his chest.
“But will I be enough for you?” She stared at his chest.
“Or will I be enough for you? That’s a chance we have to take, but if we take it together, the journey will be easier. I pledge my life to you.”
“I don’t know how you can, after the awful thing I did to you.”
“I have been thinking about that. I’m not so sure you didn’t make me a better man. Yes, you gave me unwanted publicity. Once your cartoon even made me laugh. You certainly made me approachable, and that was possibly a boon. I’m a stick-in-the-mud on my best day, but you caused me to think on occasions, which no one else has.” He took her hands in his. “Please look at me.”
Her gaze met his.
“Wonderfully wicked Winsome, would you do me the honor of accepting my hand in marriage?”
She drew a deep breath. “Yes. I love you, John.”
He kissed her mouth, her eyes, her cheeks, and finally her mouth again. “Your father won’t be surprised. He told me not to give you time to prepare an argument.”
“He gave you advice?” She laughed shakily. “I’m shocked. I must have a word with him. Oh, we are about to leave for the country.”
“I’ll pack and follow you. We have many arrangements to make. I must tell your father to expect a house guest.”
She gave a soft laugh. “I don’t know how you managed my father. He’s as slippery as an eel on most subjects. I rather thought he didn’t approve of you.”
“I think he saw that I wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He kissed Winsome again. “Tell him you want a quick wedding. I can’t wait.”