Josh
I turn in the unfamiliar bed, reaching to pull Quinn closer. Only, she’s not there. I feel around with my hand but the other side of the bed is completely empty. I jump up, throwing back the bed covers. I notice the curtains are now shut and my clothes are nowhere to be seen. I rush into my room, pulling on a pair of shorts. I jog down the staircase, my heart thudding like crazy in my chest. This kind of reaction isn’t one I’m used to, and one I’ve only felt the last few days. I know the reason for it.
Quinn.
I look over into the lounge area, but there is no sign of her. My thudding heart suddenly becomes a racing one at the thought that she’s gone. I call out her name, my head whips from side to side as I scan every inch of the apartment. As I reach the kitchen, I see a fresh pot of coffee steaming. I’m confused, so damn confused.
But, then I see her. She’s leaning on the balcony, wearing one of my white t-shirts. My eyes scan over her body, coming to a stop at her ass. The bottom of her ass cheeks slightly showing. I drop my head back as my dick springs to life once again and I can’t help the low groan that escapes me. Quinn has this understated sexiness; her firm, toned petite body a feast for my damn eyes. This girl is most definitely going to be the death of me.
I step over to the sliding door, pulling it open just enough to make my way through. I walk up behind her resting my hands against hers. She has them held out, spread as far as her small arms will go.
“Hey,” she jumps a little at the unexpected contact. Tilting her head, she looks up at me. Her dewy colored skin looks radiant in the early morning sunlight.
“You left me in bed. Alone,” I exaggerate the word and make a mock pout.
“I’m sorry,” she exhales heavily. “Couldn’t sleep,” she says with a loose lift of her shoulders. I swallow hard. I can’t help but feel like what we had last night is somehow lost.
“You okay?” I ask, side stepping her and resting my elbows against the railing.
“Fine,” she says with a shake of her head. “There’s coffee in the pot,” she turns to start walking back inside.
“Hey,” I murmur, reaching and taking hold of her arm. The contact pulls her to a stop. “We’re good, right?” I narrow my eyes at her, searching her face for a reaction.
“Yes,” she lets out a nervous puff of laughter. Pressing onto her tiptoes, she places a soft kiss against my lips.
“Good,” I pull her closer to me, lifting her from the floor a little. “Because I really enjoyed last night, like really fucking enjoy…” I say with a genuine smile.
She fights back the most beautiful smile. “Me too,” she answers a little timidly.
“Let’s do something tonight,” I say, running my thumb across the bottom of her beautiful lips. “Let me take you somewhere nice, I know this lovely restaurant downtown, it’s not far from here …”
“I can’t,” she interjects. “I have things I need to do tonight.”
“Okay, tomorrow,” I say with a smile.
“Working,” she says lifting her brow and gently pushing away from my hold. “It’s my first shift at the bar. You should come in, say hi,” she adds as she walks back inside. I watch her as she makes her way into the kitchen area, unable to break my hold on her. I’m stood here in one of those “what just happened” situations. A thousand reasons buzz through my mind. Why does it feel like she’s backing off? Did I come on too strong?
Fuck.
I’m no good at this dating bullshit. If that’s what this is.
I finally manage to make my feet move, stepping inside and sliding onto the barstool. I watch as she reaches up to the cabinet just a little out of reach, that peachy ass of hers all on show again. I let my tongue dart out, licking and wetting my lips.
“Can I make you some breakfast?” she asks before handing me the coffee cup. Clasping her hands together, her eyes are fixed on me as she waits for my response.
“No, I’m good,” I smile. “I’m meeting Martin again to go over some more details, then I’ll be coming back here to work through plans. Help yourself to anything you like.” I reach forward, taking her hand in mine.
“Thank you,” she smiles. “I have to get ready for school soon. Am I okay to use the bathroom?”
“Of course,” I reply, “I’ll use my en-suite so you’re free to use the main bathroom, okay?”
“Thank you,” she smiles, but I notice her sighing a little.
“You can make yourself at home here,” I lean forward over the counter, closing the space between us. “No strings,” I whisper, my eyebrows darting upwards, hoping to make her feel more comfortable.
“It’s not that,” she whispers and drops her head, all eye contact lost.
“Not what,” I press her further.
“Nothing,” she dismisses me with a shake of her head. Releasing my hold, she turns and walks out quickly.
“Quinn,” I shout after her, my head full of fucking confusion. “Stop,” I say pulling on her hand and pressing her back against the wall. “What’s wrong. Talk to me?”
“I can’t …” her words trail off and her eyes are downturned. I hook my finger under her chin, lifting her head, forcing her to look me in the eye.
“Last night,” I whisper. “You felt it, I know you felt the connection between us.”
“I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve your kindness.”
“Why?” I ask, but it comes out a little harsher than I’d intended, making it sound more like a demand.
“It’s complicated,” she whispers, her eyes lifting and finally meeting mine. The look of pain and sadness flashes across her face, and I realize there’s more to this than what happened last night.
I take a huge breath, allowing my chest to heave as I push myself back from the wall. I can’t push this. She needs time. Whatever it is, whatever has happened, I need to give her time to tell me.
“You can trust me, Quinn. I mean, I know we haven’t known each other long,” I say, pushing my hand through my tousled, just got out of bed hair, “but there’s something special waiting to happen here. Just don’t fight it.”
“I, uh, I don’t know what to say.” Her words fly out with a stutter. “I need to go,” her arm flies out as she points to the stairs and flashes me a sad smile. I have no option but to back off. I nod in acceptance, crossing my arms in defeat and watch as she skips up the staircase. I press my fingers against my forehead in frustration. I feel like she’s pushing me away and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.
Luckily, years of being kept at arm’s length means I’m a pro at dealing with this sort of frustration, even if it is fucking with my head. I’ve waited this long to meet her that giving her a little time to adjust won’t hurt.
My closest friend Caleb needed me, even though he tried to push me away. Quinn is just the same. And I refuse to let her.
I shower and race to get ready for my second meeting with Martin. I’d cut our meeting short yesterday, and we still have a ton of details to go over. I grab my jacket and my things before heading downstairs. I shout out for Quinn but it looks like she left already. When I reach the bottom of the stairs I scan the room, checking for her. There’s no sign. I grab my keys from the side table and head out, making my way down to the parking lot. I scan the parking lot and notice that Quinn’s truck has gone, confirming my assumption that she already left. I swallow hard as the sinking feeling hits me deep in the stomach. I’m thrown by her reaction, not quite sure why she’s pushing me away. Maybe I came on too strong. Maybe I read the wrong signals. Maybe in the cold light of day she regrets that drunken night we spent together.
I slump into my car, slamming my hand against the steering wheel in frustration. I feel like the girl I want so damn much is slipping through my fingers. I blow out a huge breath, reaching down and turning the key in the ignition. I grab ahold of my seatbelt but I’m startled by the sound of the hands-free beeping. I look at the dash, noticing Caleb’s name flashing on the screen. I swipe, activating the call.
“Josh,” he whisper-shouts into the phone.
“Hey, bro. How’s it going,” I reply, trying to feign an upbeat tone.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” he lets out a quiet laugh.
“Why are you being all shady?” I ask, wondering why it sounds like he’s whispering.
“I’m hiding out in the bathroom,” he continues. “I just wanted to see how things went with that hot chick last night without a thousand questions from Amber.”
“Oh man, don’t ask.”
“But I just did,” he laughs a little. “Come on man, spill the beans. Is serial dater Josh finally settling down?”
“Hardly,” I sigh heavily dropping my head back against the headrest.
“That doesn’t sound good,” he replies.
“We had the most amazing night together. Then this morning, nothing. She’s cold and I get the impression she’s avoiding me.”
“Shit…”
“Right?” I gasp, “I feel like I’m getting whiplash. But part of me wonders whether now that she’s sober if the whole thing just went a little too far.”
“Give her time, Josh. Maybe this is just too much for her to get her head around. If she’s been living in her car, then it’s obvious there’s other shit going on with her.”
“I know, I know,” I let out a little laugh, “I had enough experience of being pushed away with you, remember.”
“If anyone can help her Josh, It’s you,” he murmurs. “Listen, I gotta go. Call me later, okay?”
“Sure. Bye, man.”
I reach forward, pressing the button to disconnect the call.
I take the small journey to a little café located just a few miles away from my apartment block. I step through the door, locating Martin to the rear of the café. He gets up from his seat, pushing his hand toward me. “Good to see you, Josh,” he grabs hold of my hand, shaking it vehemently.
“You too,” I answer with a smile. Pulling out the chair I sit opposite of him, setting down my portfolio case and laptop bag.
“Business already,” he says with a lift of his brow. “Nonsense.” He dismisses me with a wave of his hand. “Let’s get some breakfast down us first,” he says leaning to the side, catching the attention of the waitress. “Order whatever you like, I’ll put it on my tab. You know,” he pauses, giving mean exaggerated wink, “business expenses.”
I laugh, grabbing the menu stood in the middle of the wooden table. “Sure,” I say with a smile, “but then we must get some of those ideas we discussed yesterday penned down. Okay?”
“Great,” he says enthusiastically, clapping his hands together in front of him.
We both place our orders with the waitress, our cups filled with some much needed coffee. I feel like I’m running on empty. Tired and emotionally head fucked.
“You okay, son?”
“Long night,” I say with a lift of my head. “Working,” I lie.
“All work and no play makes Josh a dull boy.” He laughs like he’s just told the funniest joke ever. “Oh, I nearly forgot. Your mother sent a message. She says you need to call her.”
I shake my head a little, laughing it off. “I know, I know. I’ve been meaning to.”
I spend the next hour or so talking through some of the details for Martin’s plans on the plot. We chat easily, and I get as much information as I can in order to start on the plans.
“I’ll get the first plan drawn up, then I’ll email it over. We can go from there,” I say, as we stand, ready to leave the café. I shake his hand and say my goodbyes.
Heading back to my apartment, I set out all my shit on the dining table and concentrate on nailing these plans. Or at least I try.
I work for the next few hours, frustration courses through me as my mind flits back to the conversation with Quinn this morning. What is she hiding? Why doesn’t she believe she’s good enough? I spin the pencil in my hand over and over before launching it at the wall. How is my mind going so crazy for a girl I know absolutely nothing about? She’s gotten into my head, under my skin and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Like a scratch you can’t help but itch. I feel her in every part of me, in the blood that pumps furiously through my veins.
This is how I know she’s worth the headache. Because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’ve never felt so captivated and so confused all at the same time. She is everywhere I look. Her scent feels like its embedded into my skin.
I have to get her to open up. I have to get her to be mine.
Quinn
I wipe away the tears that fall from my face. Adjusting the rearview mirror, I check my face. I don’t recognize the face that stares back at me. I’m pale, tearstained and my eyes are swollen.
Life has a cruel way of screwing with you. It was easier when I was lost, homeless and fighting to survive. But now, I’m fucked. Well and truly fucked. Because I allowed myself to feel, to be intimate with someone. Someone who has captured a tiny part of my fragile heart.
Josh.
He came out of nowhere, being all caring and shit. There has to be a joke somewhere. Some cruel turn of events that will eventually prove that guys like this don’t exist. Because they don’t, right? Or do they? Shit, I have no idea. My head is all kinds of messed up and right now the only thing I can think about, the only thing I know I have to focus on is her.
Olivia.
She needs me. And I will do everything I can to make sure she’s safe and loved. I have to get my own place so she can be with me and away from them. I pray every night she isn’t being hurt the way I was. That somehow, by some kind of miracle, she’s okay.
I turn the key in the ignition, hitting the gas to make sure this heap of junk doesn’t cut out on me.
“Come on,” I say tapping my hand on the steering wheel. The car stutters beneath me, the whole thing rattling like a damn boiling pan waiting to explode.
I grab the steering wheel, releasing the handbrake, but the car stalls, thrusting me forward.
“Shit,” I reach up, cupping my neck, before turning the key in the ignition again. “Come on, you piece of junk,” I yell as I keep trying to get the damn thing to start. “Arrggghh,” I growl out, throwing open the door, and slamming it shut upon my exit. I lean back against the car with my palm flat against my head.
“Quinn…” I hear his voice calling me. I jump forward, looking around. My eyes are met with the sight of Josh’s shiny black car parked on the other side of the road.
“Are you okay?” he asks as I stare at him blankly, blinking repeatedly like some kind of lunatic. I let my arms flay by my side and sigh heavily. He quickly steps from his car, jogging over to me. I swallow, hoping to stimulate some saliva to my extremely dry mouth. Josh is all kinds of handsome. From his athletic body, which I can barely drag my eyes from, to his chiseled face. He was like some damn superstar model, only better. He’s real and handsome in a natural, unforced way. He looks as goddamn sexy first thing in a morning as he does any other time.
“I, uh, this damn car,” I fly my arm out pointing to Bertie. “I think Bert’s having a bad day…” I try and joke, hoping to distract him from asking the obvious questions.
“Seen better days, right?” Josh smiles, his mouth curling at one side and my heart pounds just a little bit harder. “What are you doing out this way?”
My stomach sinks, and I’m not sure what to do. Should I lay out all my cards and be honest with a guy I just met, even if being honest risks messing it all up before it starts? My options flash though my head and I’m torn. So damn torn.
“I have somewhere to be,” I try avoiding his question. I check my watch and start to panic. I don’t want to miss her. I have to get to school. I just have to be there. I feel the panic multiplying by the second. I clasp at my throat as I try to work out what I’m going to do.
“Shit,” I grate out.
“Where,” he presses me further. “Where do you need to be… I can take you,” he smiles, nudging me with his elbow as he rests against the car just beside me.
“Oh, I don’t want to be any trouble.”
“It’s no trouble. Honestly, jump in.”
“I can’t. What about my truck. I can’t just leave it here,” I reply.
“I’ll make a few calls, get the car towed back to the apartment block.”
“No,” I say vehemently. “I can’t let you do that. I don’t have the money to repay you,” I sigh, allowing my eyes to fall to the floor.
“Why are you so reluctant to take my help?” He steps in front of me, dipping his head until I have no option but to look at him.
“I’m staying in your apartment, Josh,” I remind him with a frown.
“But you’re holding back, pushing me away. I just don’t understand what is going on with you.”
“Josh, please, don’t,” I plead, allowing my eyes to flutter shut. I feel his soft touch over my hand as he takes it in his, interlinking our fingers.
“Please don’t push me away, Quinn. Everything about this is driving me crazy. You drive me crazy.” He drops his head forward to meet mine. Our eyes lock and the reaction I get to him is completely involuntary. “I want you, Quinn. All of you. Secrets and all.”
I pull back a little, drawing my brows together, “Secrets? What secrets?”
“Those things you’re hiding. I know you’re hiding something Quinn, and whatever it is, you can trust me.”
“I barely know you,” I scoff, but immediately regret it. The small on his face drops and his eyes now look sad. “I’m sorry, I know that sounded like a shitty comment, but you know, it is the truth.”
“I get it,” he smiles sadly, running his hand through his hair. “So, do you want this ride or not?” He narrows his eyes on me waiting for an answer.
“Sure,” I smile, “But under one condition.”
“Oookay,” he drags out the word. “What condition?”
“I will pay you back for the recovery. As soon as I’m sorted with my own place. I mean, it won’t be right away, but I will make sure to repay you every damn cent. Got it?”
“Absolutely,” he says with a nod. “There’s no rush. You know you can stay with me as long as you need. I kinda like having you around. You brighten up the place a little.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, kissing him lightly on the cheek. I’m not sure what will happen between me and Josh but I know this much. I owe him so much for his kindness, for all he has offered to do for me. For that, I will be forever grateful. I just have to try not to complicate things by crossing that invisible line between friends and relationship, even if deep down inside I want to. Even though he’s the sole reason my heart beats rapidly, I know I shouldn’t. Things are just too damn complicated. Getting Josh caught up in the mess that is my life wouldn’t be fair to him.
“Anytime,” he says with a genuine smile. “I’ll make a few calls while you grab your things.”
Josh jogs back over to his car while I lean inside grabbing my purse and my jacket before making sure all of the doors are locked. I make my way over to the passenger side, sliding into the seat just as Josh hangs up the phone.
“All sorted,” he says with a delicious smile. There was something that felt like home about his smile. Every time I see it, its puts me at ease, makes me feel warm inside. A feeling that until Josh, had been one I hadn’t experienced.
“Thank you,” I say, before reaching over my shoulder for the belt. I buckle up, my hands shaking as the nerves creep in. I know I have to give Josh something, some explanation as to where he’s taking me.
“Where to?” he asks, sitting up straight, hands clutching the steering wheel.
“I’ll direct you,” I say with a nod. “We’re going to my sister’s school.”
“You have a sister,” he says with a light lift of his brow.
“Yes,” I reply. “She’s six and all I have.”
I feel his eyes on me. I lift my head to meet his and they are full of sympathy and intrigue. “My mom is an alcoholic. I hope to have my sister living with me. I need her close. I need to know she’s okay. Olivia is the sweetest little girl. Untainted by my disease of a mother.” My words roll out with such venom. My hatred toward my mother isn’t something I can hide, no matter how hard I try.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, reaching for my hand, holding it tighter. There’s so much more to tell him, so much I wish I could share. But I’m scared. I’m scared I might lose this beautiful man I only just met. I’m scared I can’t hide it from him. The minute we arrive at my mother’s, I’m worried I will fall into a thousand pieces. I’ve tried so hard to be strong, to fight back. But being back there, facing my demons, well, I’m not sure if I can hold it together.
I look up to Josh and almost stop breathing. He’s absolutely breathtaking, but that alone makes my heart ache. I want to give him everything, every part of my mind, body and soul. But I’m afraid. Scared that when he knows who I am and what has happened to me, he might not want me. I’m done lying to myself that I don’t want him. Of course I want him; I’m just not sure he’ll want me after today.
I give him a quick shrug.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, his voice soft and comforting.
“Not today,” I say fidgeting in my seat. “But one day,” I say with a nod, hoping that he’ll give me time. I’ve kept my pain, my secrets locked away from the world for so long, that bringing them out, to the forefront of my mind, sharing them with Josh isn’t going to be easy.
“I’m here when you’re ready,” he says sweetly. I give him a fleeting smile before turning and staring out of the window.
I spend the next ten minutes either directing or staring at the view from the car window.
“If you take the next turn, you’ll see the school just on the right.”
“Sure thing ma’am,” he says with a mock salute. Despite the dread that resides deep down in my stomach, I let out a lighthearted laugh.
Because Josh. And his cuteness. It’s just something I can’t fight back.
“Thank you again for this, Josh,” I say with a smile.
“Nah, it’s nothing,” he dismisses with a shake of his head.
“It’s not nothing,” I blurt out. “Look at everything you’ve done for me in the last couple of days. You’ve shown me more kindness than I’ve had my entire life.”
I swivel in my seat until I’m facing him. I desperately want to reach up and kiss him, pour into him every single emotion that I’m feeling deep down inside. But I know I can’t. I’m so darn torn between wanting him and not wanting to screw around with his feelings. I’m messed up and imperfect.
“I will repay you somehow. That’s a promise.”
“There is something you could do,” he bites down on his bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth. “Something that doesn’t include money,” he sighs.
“Hmm, what’s that?” I ask with a tone of suspiciousness.
“Don’t shut me out.”
“I can’t promise that. But I can promise I’ll try,” I offer, hoping this will be enough for him.
“That’s all I ask,” he replies, pulling up at the side of the road. “It’s this one, right?” he asks pointing over to the school entrance.
“This is the one,” I say, reaching for the lever of the door. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
“Sure thing,” he smiles, stretching his arms above his head, just enough to expose his toned torso. I hold on to the frame of the door, staring for a second, swallowing hard. Realizing I’ve been looking for longer than I realize, I shake my head loosely before racing from the car. I wait just outside the entrance for Olivia to emerge. I hate that my little sister has to walk home at such a young age. Our house is only a short walk away, but it still worries me. I stand on my tiptoes looking over the sea of heads, noticing Olivia as soon as she steps out of the main door. I shout her name, straining to make myself as tall as possible.
“Hey Liv,” I shout to her waving my hand like a lunatic. I call her name again, and this time she hears me, catching my attention. Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open as she realizes it’s me. She waves her arm as high as she can in the air, frantically pushing through the sea of children.
“Quinn!” she yells, running straight into my open arms.
“Hey baby girl. How are you? Damn, I’ve missed you sooo much,” I say, pulling her and hugging her as tightly as I can, without breaking any of her bones.
“I miss you. Please come home Quinn, please,” she starts sniffling and my heart is breaking.
“You know I can’t, Livvy. Mom threw me out, remember. But you know what?”
“What?” she gulps as I lift her face to meet mine. “I’m working really hard to get my own place. You can come and stay with me then, like I promised. Okay?”
“How soon?” she asks as her bottom lip curls a little. “Because Mommy is always asleep and I don’t like being on my own.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Liv. I’m so sorry I’m not there for you. But I’m trying real hard to make things right. To get you with me again.”
“I’d love that.” She smiles widely and I press my thumb against her cheek, swiping away the small tear that falls.
“Let me walk you home, okay?”
“Can we skip and sing that song I like?”
“Of course,” I reply. It’s our thing. Singing, skipping, dancing. Anything silly and girly. “Let me just tell my friend,” I point over to Josh’s car. “He gave me a lift here because Bertie is poorly,” I mock pout.
“Oh no.” She presses a hand against her chest. “Poor Bertie,” she says dramatically and laughs out loud. I love how someone so young can act like a little old lady.
I reach down, grabbing hold of her hand. “Come on, let’s go day hi to Josh,” I say with a huge smile, but her feet suddenly stop moving.
“Why are you pulling that face?” she asks, screwing up her face in disgust. She points her finger at me, relaxing her face and her eyes widen.
“Is he your boyfriend?” she asks with a gasp and with an unexpected level of volume.
“No, No!” I quickly dismiss her assumptions. “He’s just a friend. A very good friend,” I say smiling at him as he looks our way. He opens the driver’s door, stepping out, taking a few steps in our direction.
“Hey,” he says in an upbeat tone, giving Olivia the biggest smile.
“Are you my Quinn’s boyfriend?” she blurts out.
“Liv,” I pull back on her hand, “We spoke about this already,” I murmur. She tilts her head up at me, releasing my hand and crossing her arms.
“I know. But I think I like him. He looks nice, why can’t he be your boyfriend?”
“How do you know you like him, silly? You haven’t even said hello yet.” I chuckle nervously to myself, Josh’s eyes boring into me.
“I can just tell.” she purses her lips, gazing back and forth between us.
“I see you have great taste, Olivia,” Josh smirks, crouching down in front of her, offering his hand.
She takes his hand, as much as she can grab in her much smaller one and shakes has hard as she can. “Call me Liv, everyone does.”
I place my hand on his shoulder, trying to get his attention. “I’m just going to walk her home. It’s only a short distance. Will you wait here for me?”
“Ooohh,” Liv moans. “Why can’t he come too? The three of us, it will be fun.”
I suck in a shaky breath, my teeth clenched together. “Oh, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“Oh, please can he come? Pleeeeaaassse,” she draws out the word, her hands held together in front of her as she pleads with me. I glance up to Josh who appears to be following suit and is pleading too.
“Come on you crazies,” I spin on the spot, holding my hand out for Olivia, glancing over my shoulder to Josh. I take in an unsteady breath. I can do this. I have to do this.