Chapter Fourteen

A flush stole up her cheeks at his quite accurate description. Damn. She had just taken over the entire thing, hadn’t she?

“And I loved it,” he stated without any intentional communication from her. Without pulling out of her, he managed to flip them both over so that she rested on her back and he hovered over her. He held himself a few inches off her body and stared down into her eyes. “Damn.”

“Is it always like that?”

He smiled slowly. “No. Next time I’m going to pin you down so you can’t control the entire scene. It’ll be considerably different.” He winked.

Her face heated further. Pin me down? The idea made her squirm. Her channel involuntarily gripped his still-hard length. “Seriously,” she deadpanned as though he were kidding.

“Oh, I’m totally serious. You’re like a firecracker. I can tell I’m going to need to invest in some rope if I ever intend to have the upper hand around here.”

“You saying you didn’t like it?” she teased. He totally did. No way could he deny it. She’d seen the look on his face, the way his eyes rolled back, the way he bit the inside of his cheek, the way he held his breath to keep from coming. And she’d loved every second of it.

“Best half hour of my life,” he stated, totally serious. “But I’m going to show you a world you’ve only ever dreamed of.”

“Counting on it.” Who was she? Certainly not the same woman who’d insisted it would be better if they never had sex so she wouldn’t know what she was missing when she finally left Silvertip. Left? Could she still leave? After experiencing life-altering sex with the man she was destined to spend her life with?

What if they were bound together? Would it be even better? She groaned, unintentionally, realizing instantly she hadn’t blocked that thought.

He lifted one hand and brushed a lock of hair off her forehead. “They say it’s even more intense after binding, though I find that hard to believe.”

She licked her lips. “Come on.” She even rolled her eyes dramatically. “You’ve had sex with lots of women. It can’t be that different with me.”

He flinched and then rose slowly off her until he was still lodged inside her, semi-erect, but had several inches to see her face better. He braced his hands on both sides of her head. His brow furrowed. “Not going to tell you I’ve never had sex. That would be a lie, but don’t misunderstand, the numbers are few. And, baby,” he hesitated, searching her face while she tucked her lips between her teeth to keep them from trembling, “no experience in my life came close to comparing to what we just did. Don’t ever doubt that. My memory is wiped.

“Maybe it’s because we’re meant to be together. Maybe it’s because sex with the right person is that powerful. Maybe we’re in sync with each other. But know this, you took a piece of my soul when you thrust down over my cock. And it’s yours now. Permanently.”

She nodded subtly, feeling like she needed to respond in some way to let him know she’d heard him and understood.

Austin slowly set his lips on hers in a gentle kiss that melted her heart, and then he nibbled a path to her ear and then down her neck until he nuzzled the junction of her shoulder with her neck. The sweet spot. The spot many grizzly shifters sank their teeth into to complete the binding.

It wasn’t a rule or a law or even a necessity. A bear could penetrate the skin of his mate anywhere on the body. All he needed was a tiny puncture wound where he let his personal serum enter her bloodstream. Or vice versa. Cognitively, she understood this.

She stiffened, half of her willing him to complete the binding, half of her wanting to stop him. It was too soon. She wasn’t in her right mind. She was foggy from sex and lust.

God, how she wanted him. She wanted him to own her. The man who’d just told her his soul was permanently hers already did own her. She wanted more. She wanted to make it official. But was she ready?

She didn’t have the opportunity to make that choice because two seconds later Austin lifted off her, slid out of her, and kissed a path across her chest, between her breasts, and down her belly. When he reached her pussy, he pushed her legs apart and reverently kissed her mound.

“Don’t move,” he whispered. “Be right back.”

The chill she experienced as he walked away was bone deep. She wanted to roll onto her side and curl up under the covers, but he’d said not to move. Her body missed his, craved his touch, whimpered at the loss of contact.

And then he was back, a warm washcloth in his hand that he used to wipe away their lovemaking between her legs.

When he was satisfied, he tossed the cloth aside, flipped off the lights, dragged the comforter up the bed, and snuggled under it with her. He pulled her toward him until their chests met.

She could still see him fine in the dark. Shifters were blessed with that ability. And the look on his face was one she would never forget. So caring. He brushed her hair from her face and set his nose on that sweet spot on her neck again.

She knew he was thinking the same thing as her. It would be so easy to finish the binding. But it wasn’t the right time.

When he settled his head on the pillow inches from her face, he finally spoke again. “I love you. I’ve loved you for most of my life. Probably from the moment I bumped into you, causing you to drop your lunchbox.”

She smiled. “I put you in your place. Maybe you like that.”

“Mmm. Maybe.” He sifted her hair through his hand. “You used to wear your hair pulled back. You hated it being in your face.”

She shrugged. “I guess I didn’t have anything to hide from back then.”

He stopped moving, his eyes meeting hers. “Oh, Nuria…”

She licked her lips. “I rarely ever put a band in it again after I left here. I found I liked the anonymity of hiding behind it.”

He kissed her nose and then her cheek. “I love seeing it flowing over your shoulders. Free. But I hate to think you’re hiding when it’s down.”

“I’m not. Not anymore. Not with you.” She shook her head subtly against the pillow. Was she telling the truth? She thought so. “It’s like I never wanted to let anyone close to me after I left. I didn’t want to risk getting hurt, so I hid.”

“Do you feel like you’re hiding now, when it’s down I mean?”

“No. I don’t think so. Not when I’m with you. Not when you thread your fingers in it and brush it off my face. It feels…nice. Like home.”

He searched her face and then nodded. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For giving me a piece of you tonight. For letting me inside, physically and emotionally. I know it wasn’t easy. And I hope you don’t regret it.”

“Never.”

His eyes closed, and he inhaled slowly. Taking in her essence? Probably. After all, she was doing the same to him. Every inhale drew him closer. It both calmed and scared her.

“Sleep, baby,” he mouthed. “Sleep.”

She closed her eyes, knowing she would sleep better than any night of her life if she let herself. And moments later, she did just that.

It was still dark when Nuria opened her eyes and realized she hadn’t moved a muscle. She was too warm. Her body heat mixed with Austin’s to create an inferno. He was dead to the world, the heaviness of his arm around her weighing her down.

She carefully lifted his hand off her side and settled it between them, and then she slid away from him, sighing when she rolled onto the cooler side of the bed. He made a small noise and turned the other direction.

For long moments, Nuria stared at the ceiling. It was dark in the room, but that didn’t hamper her vision. She drew into herself, mentally and physically. Regrouping. Thinking.

Deep breaths.

Panic slowly set in. The man next to her was her mate. She was destined to spend her life with him. It wasn’t deniable. It was also powerful.

But was it the right choice? It was still a choice. Until one of them sank their teeth into the other, it was a choice. Technically she could walk away.

She closed her eyes. Immediately she had a vision of Austin stepping into the barn that fateful day, seeing her being manhandled by his brother, and choosing to walk away angry with her. She couldn’t shake that vision. And it was a new one. Recently acquired. She hadn’t considered the possibility a single time in fifteen years. Until they reunited two days ago, she had never once pondered the idea that perhaps Austin had seen his brother attempting to rape her.

It hurt. It cut deep. It left a raw open sore she could ignore for long stretches of time. But would it eventually pull them apart? Destroy them?

It didn’t matter that it wasn’t his fault and that intellectually she didn’t blame him. What mattered was that he’d seen her being held to the ground by Antoine, and he’d chosen to walk away instead of intervening.

Nuria needed to think. She needed to get away from Austin and think before she made decisions that would affect her for a lifetime.

Silently, she slid from the bed and padded across the room. She easily found her clothes from yesterday on the floor and gathered them up.

It wasn’t until she was in the living room that she quickly dressed and then grabbed Austin’s coat from the back of the kitchen chair. He would be furious when he woke up and found her gone. No. He would be scared. There was a difference.

But he needed to get over himself. She needed space. She needed to think. The decisions she made would affect the rest of her life and his.

Holding her breath, she slowly slid the sliding glass door open to the back deck and then eased out of the small opening. As soon as she closed it, she jumped from the deck, inhaled to ensure she was alone, and shifted into her grizzly form.

It was freeing. Three shifts in three days. More than she normally shifted in a year. She took off for the trees and raced into the forest. It would take her a while to get to her childhood home from Austin’s. She needed to stay inside the trees and wind around in a manner that kept her hidden.

However, she ran hard. Fast. It felt good to run in her bear form. Freeing. It seemed like no time had passed at all before she arrived at her home. She shifted before stepping into the clearing, and moments later, she had her hands on the hidden key and was inside the house.

It smelled of smoke, but not as bad as she’d expected. Austin’s family had done extensive work cleaning the previous day. There was still work to be done, but she felt better seeing for herself how much damage was done. The place was definitely salvageable.

Remaining in the dark, she made her way through the kitchen and living room and down the hall toward her childhood bedroom. Luckily her door had been closed. When she eased it open, she found the room relatively unscathed.

The sun was peeking over the horizon when she pulled a box of memorabilia from the top shelf of her closet and settled on the floor to look through it.

Time got away from her. Before she knew it, someone was approaching.

She jerked upright, straightening her spine when she heard voices.

Right. Austin’s family. They’d be returning to continue cleaning up the smoke damage. And Austin. What about him? He would have woken up concerned. She wondered what particular emotion he would have had. Anger? Confusion? Frustration? Fear?

Seconds passed, and she realized the person approaching her end of the house was Beth.

Austin’s mother rounded the corner smiling. “Thought I might find you here.” She leaned on the doorframe. “Mind if I join you?”

“Of course.” Nuria pushed herself to standing, glancing down at the piles of pictures and childhood mementos on the floor. She wiped her hands on her jeans. “I don’t know why I’m wasting time with all this stuff. It should probably all go in the trash. I’ve lived without it for fifteen years. Why drag up the past now?”

Beth made her way into the room. “I don’t know about that. Memorabilia can be cathartic too.” She picked up a photo of Nuria and Austin. They had been in sixth grade. Nuria had braces. Austin’s teeth were perfect. She was leaning against his side, holding up a report card. Her grin was infectious.

Nuria remembered the day. She’d been competitive and bragging to her mother that she’d gotten better grades than her friend.

Her mother had taken the picture, saying something about blackmail for later. The words had meant nothing to Nuria’s eleven-year-old self. But today, she realized even then, Mabel Orson had known the truth about Nuria and Austin.

Beth smiled. “I remember this. Your mother gave me a copy.”

“She did?”

“Yep. We went together for coffee that day while you two were at school.”

“You went out with my mom?”

Beth grinned. “Lots of times. I adored your mom. She was always so organized and had meals ready and clothes put away. I was nothing like that.” Beth stepped through the piles until she made it to the bed where she sat, patting the space next to her.

“I had no idea you two were so close.” Nuria lowered onto the mattress, turning her body to face Austin’s mother.

Beth shrugged. “We didn’t tell you kids everything.”

“But why? What brought you together? And why was it a secret?”

She smiled wider. “We knew you two were meant for each other. It was obvious early on. We also knew our lives would forever be intertwined. So we got to know each other. I was the messy one.” Beth chuckled.

“You had five kids. My mother had one.”

“True.” Beth pointed at her. “Let’s go with that. It had nothing to do with my personality. It was out of my control.”

Nuria smiled for the first time in several hours. She shivered next, rubbing her hands on her arms. “Is Austin looking for me?”

“No. He realized where you must have gone.”

“Is he mad?”

Beth’s eyes drew closer together. “Why would he be mad?”

“I left him in the middle of the night. Snuck out.” He should be mad.

Beth set a gentle hand on Nuria’s forearm. “If you know my son at all, and I know you do, you’d realize he’s not the sort to get angry. He woke up, freaked out a bit with concern, and then reached out to me.”

“He asked you to come over here?”

“Yes. And I have to agree with him that you shouldn’t be alone right now. I don’t trust whoever made those threatening phone calls.”

Nuria glanced down at her lap and wrung her fingers together. “Yeah. I know. I just needed some time alone.”

“I get that.” Beth took a deep breath. “Let me tell you a story.”

Nuria lifted her gaze and nodded at Austin’s mom. A story? What for?

There were noises in other parts of the house. Men working. Their indistinct voices reached Nuria’s ears. The sounds of drills and other electrical tools wafted into the room. Nuria focused on the woman with the serious expression now staring at a spot across the room, unseeing.

Beth cleared her throat. “When I was nine, I met my mate.”

“Nine? That’s the same age I met Austin.”

“Yep.” Beth lifted her gaze, smiling. “And don’t think I didn’t notice it even at the time.”

“Wow.”

“Anyway, I was a shy child. I had a few close friends, but didn’t talk much in groups or at school. Allister was outgoing, rambunctious, the class clown.”

Nuria smiled. She could see that in Allister, but she was shocked to hear that Beth had ever been shy.

“We were in the same class at school, but I had never spoken to Allister. In fact, I didn’t really like him. I thought he was obnoxious. He seemed like a fool to me, always so loud. He often got in trouble with the teacher.

“I ignored him entirely. Outgoing people made me uncomfortable for one, and Allister seemed to be the complete package of exaggerated extroversion.”

There was a pause. Beth seemed to be inside her head thinking. Nuria said nothing.

“As the year progressed, Allister began to drive me crazy. It seemed he was always hanging around near me acting like a fool. All I could see was a stupid boy who made an idiot of himself every day. His friends weren’t better. They were often in a huddle on the playground, seemingly plotting who to tease or torment.

“Luckily I was never the brunt of their stupidity, though it never occurred to me why.”

“Allister liked you,” Nuria whispered.

Beth curled up her nose. “He was a gross nine-year-old boy to me.”

Nuria giggled. “Of course he was. Aren’t they all?”

“I’m sure. Anyway, one day after school, Allister and his friends were in a circle next to the building laughing and carrying on as I walked by them. I just wanted to get home, but they were in my path. Since they didn’t usually mess with me, I kept going. And that’s when it happened.”

Nuria stiffened.

Beth held her gaze for a moment and then looked away and lost herself in the rest of the story without making direct eye contact. “Allister burst out of the circle of boys, grabbed me by the arms, and pushed me up against the side of the building. My heart was racing. I had no idea what he meant to do.

“I was further shocked when he kissed me. Right on the mouth.”

“He kissed you? At nine years old?” Nuria was confused. Allister Tarben had forced himself on his mate at the age of nine?

“Yep. And I was furious. I slapped him across the face, punched him in the gut, and ran away from the side of the building. I could hear the boys laughing for much longer than was possible, unable to rid my head of their cackling.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah. It was humiliating. Embarrassing. I was all kinds of pissed.”

“Did you tell anyone?”

“Hell no. I was afraid if I did, my life would be worse than it already was. The last thing I needed was for my parents to speak to Allister’s parents and embarrass the shit out of me. I figured he would tell his buddies, and I would become the brunt of all fourth grade jokes.”

“Probably.” But how awful.

“The next day I pretended to be sick and stayed in bed all day. It wasn’t difficult to fake illness. I’d never done so before in my life, and I truly felt so miserable that I didn’t even want to get out of bed.”

“I would have done the same thing.” For the rest of my life.

“Well, I could only get away with it for one day. Luckily it was a Friday, so I had two more days to figure out what to do about my problem.”

“What did you do?” Nuria felt deeply for the younger version of the woman sitting next to her. Who knew they had both gone through something rather traumatic as children? Was that why Beth was telling her story?

“On Monday morning, I went to school with my head held high. I didn’t feel brave. I felt like I might shatter if anyone touched me. But I faked it like a pro, and I was shocked to find that not one of those boys glanced my way or mentioned a word of Allister’s kiss.

“It was almost eerie how little happened. Days went by. Not a peep out of any of them. I started to think it never happened. Maybe I’d dreamed it. But the reality was that group of about six boys went out of their way to ignore me. Far more than usual. Instead of taunting me as I’d suspected, none of them said a word. Like I didn’t even exist.”

“What did Allister do?”

“The same thing.” Her voice rose, and she twisted a bit on the bed to more fully face Nuria. “Nothing. He never said a word. He didn’t tease me about the stupid kiss, but he also didn’t apologize.”

“Ugh.” Nuria rolled her eyes. “Boys.”

“Yeah. I was furious at first, but then I started counting my blessings. It could have been worse. That group of kids could have made my life hell. They could have teased me to no end. When I look back, I count my blessings.”

“I assume you eventually found out why Allister did something so strange.” And violating.

Beth smiled again. “Oh yeah. I sure did. But not for several years.”

“Years?” Nuria widened her eyes.

Beth nodded. “I carried my anger toward him like a sharp knife in my pocket for five years. I was fourteen the next time I found myself confronted by him.”

“You didn’t have any classes together in all that time?”

“No. Crazy, right?”

“Very.” The schools in the area weren’t that large. It was nearly impossible to avoid any one single person for more than a calendar year. No one in any class could be ignored for five years. It was unheard of. By the end of high school, the students of Silvertip High could practically recite every person’s birthdate, address, and phone number from memory.

Beth continued. “We were in ninth grade. Allister was in my math class. The spring dance was coming up. One day I came out of the high school to find him leaning against the railing in front of the building on the steps.”

Nuria smiled. She knew the spot.

“The sun was bright. He shaded his eyes with one hand and juggled his backpack with the other, adjusting it nervously. At first I ignored him, like I always did. But as I passed him on the steps, he fell into step next to me and matched my pace.

“I thought I might die for a few seconds. My mind rushed with the visualization of him kissing me so roughly against the brick elementary school building years before. I had never forgotten a moment of it. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of it for at least a few seconds.”

Nuria froze. She felt horrible for the little girl who carried that anger around for five years. “What happened?”

“He had the nerve to ask me to the dance.”

“No.” The one word left Nuria’s lips in a rush. Although realistically she should have seen it coming. After all, the two of them had eventually bound themselves together, uniting for life and having five kids.

Beth’s eyes lit up, and she giggled. “Yeah. He did. I looked at him like he had two heads and told him to get lost. But he followed me. All the way home. He kept asking me to go with him while we walked. I thought maybe his friends had put him up to it to tease me and humiliate me.

“By the time we reached my house, I was almost in tears. My parents were both at work. My fingers were shaking as I unlocked the front door, praying he would go away and pick on someone else.”

“I guess he didn’t.”

“Nope. He set his hand on the door, pushed it open, and followed me into my own home. I was scared out of my mind with fear. I thought he would try to kiss me again, or worse, and no one would know about it. No one was around to witness it.”

“Why did you even go inside? Why not just stay outside and wait for someone to come home or something?”

“I thought of that. I thought of everything during the walk. It wasn’t like he didn’t know where I lived. And by the time we got to the house, I was more concerned about what the neighbors would think if I made a scene on the front porch than what he might do if I let him in.”

Nuria cringed. “Good point. Please tell me he didn’t force himself on you. I don’t think I want to know that about Austin’s dad.”

Beth smiled. “Of course not. He was actually a perfect gentleman. A new man. Someone I had never met before. He was instantly nervous instead of cocky as soon as the door shut, and I realized quickly I had the upper hand.”

“Good.”

“He wandered around my parents’ living room, pretending to be interested in the décor for several minutes before he finally spun around and met my gaze. I hadn’t moved from the door, leaning against it, willing him to leave.

“The next words out of his mouth were, ‘I’m sorry.’ I felt the heat rise on my cheeks as he spoke. For the first time in my life, I felt something different for him. Maybe pity, but only for a moment. In the next instant, I felt an attraction that was inexplicable. Maybe because he was in my home and the confined space forced me to inhale his essence fully. Who knows?”

Nuria nodded.

“And then the dam opened, and Allister dropped his backpack and started rambling so fast I couldn’t keep up. I made him repeat himself over and over until I fully grasped what he was telling me.”

“What was it?”

“The truth was he had known for many years he wanted me to be his. Long before that day in the fourth grade even. He had instinctively known we were meant to be together. I felt sorry for him. I had no idea.” Beth chuckled.

Nuria smiled, relaxing a bit as the story took a turn for the better. “Why did he kiss you in front of everyone that day?”

“Because several of the boys were talking smack about me as kids do. They were daring each other to kiss me. Two of them were making a bet to see who could do it first. Allister snapped. He didn’t want any of them to put their lips on me. Ever. So he broke free of the group and did it himself.”

Warmth spread through Nuria’s body. How sweet.

“The point is that I spent all those years harboring a deep anger for the very man who would later become my mate. I thought I knew everything. No scenario I could think up excused his behavior. I wanted to hate him. I did hate him in a way. And he broke all my barriers down in a half an hour in my parents’ living room that afternoon.

“By the time he finished speaking, I was running across the room to return the kiss he’d started five years before. I literally threw myself at him, and he caught me. He’s been catching me every day since then. And I’ll never regret it.”

Nuria nodded slowly. She lowered her face to her lap and fidgeted with the seam of her jeans.

Beth stood. She rubbed her hands together and continued. “I’ll let you get this finished. I know it’s a lot of work. If you need me for anything, please call. I’m here for you.” She handed Nuria a folded piece of paper, and then she left.

For long minutes, Nuria didn’t move. Finally, she glanced at the piece of paper to find Beth’s phone number. Nuria immediately programmed it into her phone. It might come in handy one day. She had only one other phone number in her cell—Austin’s.

She leaned back to think about her strange conversation with Beth.

Why had Beth taken so much time to painstakingly tell her such a long, sad story with such a happy ending? Was she trying to prove a point? If she was, she had certainly done a lot to break down some of the walls Nuria had up around her. After fifteen years of being angry with Austin, was it time to stop fighting and let him in?

Were the stories even parallel?

She had no idea, but she had a lot to think about.