Chapter Eight
Tristen kept telling himself that he needed to keep his distance and not get any more mixed up with Serena. Worries tumbled around in his brain. What if this put a strain on the new relationship she had just begun to develop with Robert? It would not only threaten that union, but the connection between the clans. Serena would never forgive herself if her clan ended up hurt because of her actions.
And he would never forgive himself if he was the cause of her hurt. So he needed to go back, explain that the body did what the body did and assure her that it meant nothing.
In other words, lie through his teeth and pretend that he wasn’t going crazy thinking about her with someone else.
Tristen pulled to a stop at the cabin and sucked in a deep breath. The sky was darkening above him, bright stars shining through the dark velvet sky. A beautiful, peaceful scene that didn’t at all fit with the turmoil in his chest.
A stack of papers sat in the passenger seat. It was everything they had on the Sawyer group. Hopefully, with that, they’d be able to figure out a plan and take action to stop it. And if it allowed him to be here, with Robert and Serena. He knew that Robert was a good fighter and that nobody knew they were out here but at the same time… he needed to see for himself that they were okay.
But she was also right. He’d had no right to basically kidnap her like this. Even if everybody else agreed, they did so thinking that Serena also agreed. And he and Robert had denied her that choice. As much as he wanted to keep her safe, treating her like that… it was wrong. No two ways about it. So they’d go over these files and, in the morning, they’d return to town.
Tristen practiced the apology over and over in his mind as he gathered up the papers and took them to the cabin. They had been doing a lot of work; the place was spotless and smelled strongly of roasted meat and spice. His stomach growled and his mouth watered.
“Ah, there you are.” Robert came in from the other room, pulling his coat on. He took the papers from Tristen’s hand. “Serena’s in there, you need to talk with her.”
“Rob, I’m sorry for—”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You would never act on it, yadda yadda. Go talk with Serena. I’m going to patrol the perimeter. Far enough out that I won’t be able to hear the screaming.” He winked and headed outside.
Tristen stared after him, jaw hanging loose. Was he suggesting what Tristen thought he was suggesting? No… it couldn’t be. He must have mistaken it for something else... Perhaps Robert meant that Serena would be angry and they’d fight. Yes, that had to be it.
There was no way that Robert would encourage his brother to be with his mate. He didn’t always understand Robert, but that was certainly not a possibility.
He went into the next room—and his jaw dropped. The first thing he noticed was the table. It was laid out with delicious-looking food. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, vibrant green beans. Spice tickled his nose and his stomach gurgled again. Two candles lit the table. The flames were tall and bright.
Tristen turned to see the rest of the room. His heart stuttered to a stop at the sight of Serena, standing next to a chair. She wore a thin, sexy nightgown. Black lace peeked over the top of the plunging neckline. Her lip was firmly between her lips, her hair loose and falling down in waves. She stood with one foot behind the other, as though she was preparing to flee. She was so beautiful… but so vulnerable…
“What’s going on?” His first thought was that this was for Robert, but she wasn’t trying to hide herself. Besides that, the food was freshly cooked and Robert had said he was going for a walk. Unless they had just had a fight? He stepped forward, confusion morphing into concern. “Is everything okay?”
“Um… yeah.” Serena swallowed hard. “Robert and I had a really good talk. And now it’s time for you and I to talk.”
His gaze trailed down her body. “Maybe you should put on something. I mean, I don’t want Robert to come back and…”
Serena moved forward. She took his hand and pulled him into the room. Her cheeks were flushed pink but there was an excited light in her eyes. “I told you, Robert and I had a good talk. He’s not going to come back until dawn. He said he’d sleep in the car.”
“That’s not necessary…” He smelled the lavender and honey that he always associated with her. It stirred desire in his loins. He swallowed hard.
“Let’s sit.”
He moved toward the couch and Serena shook her head.
“That’s got mice,” she said. “Let’s sit at the table. I can hear your stomach growling.”
“Serena, I don’t know what’s—”
“I’m going to tell you.” They sat down and she sucked in a deep breath and flashed him a smile. “All my life, I knew that I was going to be dedicated to the clan. My life wasn’t my life. It belonged—belongs—to the clan. It always has and it always will. I am expected to sacrifice everything, and for the most part, I am more than willing to. But I have come to realize… some of the sacrifices are too great. There are certain things that I just can’t compromise on.”
He knew where this was going and shook his head. It couldn’t happen. It just couldn’t. “You were mad at me when I left. We should talk about that. How I kidnapped you. It was unacceptable. You can’t be expected to take care of the clan if you aren’t allowed to make your own decisions. I—”
“You were acting to protect me.”
Her tone made him shiver. She needed to stop. He didn’t have the strength to refuse her if this got any deeper. He refused to look at her, instead focusing on the vibrant green of the beans. Steam rose from them and rivulets of butter pooled in their nooks and crannies. He opened his mouth again but she spoke before he could.
“I am not going to take Robert for my mate.”
Hardly daring to believe what she was saying, he looked up. Hope, that traitorous thing, fluttered in his chest.
“I thought that I could follow tradition, to let fate dictate my mate. After all, if it’s meant to be it will happen, right? I thought that perhaps the man who won me would be my destined mate. Because why would fate pair me with someone if I wasn’t destined to be with them? Then I realized… Fate is what we make it. We can’t just sit around and wait for what is bound to happen. Fate is made by each of our choices every day. If I wanted to be with my true mate, then I would have to close my eyes and make a leap of faith.”
Her warm chocolate eyes drew him in until their faces were inches from each other.
“I thought I’d be able to move on. But I know what I want. And the thought of not being able to be with you? It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Like there’s no point in having a heart, because it would just be ripped out every day I woke up without you next to me.”
He wanted to kiss her. In that moment, he wanted it more than anything else. Except for her happiness. That, he wanted more. And try as he might, he just wasn’t convinced that this would make her happy.
When she leaned to close the distance between them, he pulled back. He shook his head. “Serena, this is more than about duties. You have never had a boyfriend. I am twice your age. If we were together, it would deny you so much learning and experience. That’s something you should find out with someone as you learn and grow together. Not for someone my age to steal from you.”
Serena sat back. She sighed.
“I’m sorry. But we can’t be together.”
“Because I don’t have real-world experiences?”
Tristen nodded. He looked up at her. “I really am sorry.”
“So you’re saying that if I had experience with men… if I was like my uncle and had dozens or more sexual partners, you’d be with me?”
Just the thought made his bear growl. But this wasn’t about him it was about her. He didn’t want to stunt her growth as she became her own person. Still, he couldn’t honestly answer the question. Because he’d still say that they weren’t meant for each other, and then it wasn’t about experience at all…
“That’s what I thought.” Serena narrowed her eyes at him. “Listen to me, Tristen Cade. These feelings have developed. They’re strong and they’re real. Now I didn’t do anything to try to encourage you to like me, and I know you didn’t encourage me to like you that way. But it happened. When I think of being with anybody else, I feel sick. I don’t want to have experienced sex just for the sake of experiencing it. I know what I want, and I want you.’
“Robert is your mate.”
“No. He’s not.” She moved closer again and put her hands on his chest. Her touch was light and hesitant. He leaned into her anyway, unable to stop himself. “If you really don’t want to be my mate, then that’s okay. I will go back to town and I will put you from my mind. Somehow. All you have to say is that you don’t want to be my mate. Not that we can’t be together. Not that it’s not appropriate or that people won’t understand or anything else.”
“I… I want you.” The words came unbidden. “God, Serena! How could you ever think that I don’t want you? But it’s not appropriate. I saw you grow up, I knew you as a little girl—”
“I’m not a little girl. You didn’t want me then, did you?”
“Of course not,” he responded honestly. “Then you were just some annoying kid. But the fact is—”
“The fact is that I’m an adult and you’re an adult. And that’s all that matters.” Serena leaned in again. This time he didn’t make himself deny what he wanted. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close to his chest. It was as though a dam had broken. Every repressed emotion came flooding in and he kissed her again and again, his touch fevered. Almost as fevered as hers as she dug her fingers into his hair and straddled his lap.
“I want you,” he panted between kisses. “More than you can know.”
“I want you, too.” Serena grinned at him. “See? What more do we need than that?”