"I don't really feel good," I confessed as we readied ourselves for the next trial.
Finn walked up to me, pulling me into a warm embrace."What's wrong, Cutie Pie?"
"I just don't feel right. Maybe I'm just tired?" I suggested. Since the last trials, I'd been struggling with exhaustion. Magnor was looking into it after Ms. Arcadia had conducted an intense head to toe scan. It would take a week for the results and to find out what could be happening with me.
Again, I showed no signs of turning to a Forsaken, but Ms. Arcadia did emphasize I needed a break because of my exhaustion, especially after passing out after the third trial.
On the charts, it showed I was sleep deprived, but I'd been sleeping just fine. I decided to tell the guys to check in with Sia the next time she took over, but Orion and Cairus had stayed up all night to watch me for the rest of the week and Sia hadn't taken over once.
I just wanted a break at this point, but with the next trial only moments away and the final trial occurring in a week’s time, I realized I wouldn't get the luxury to rest for a while. Not unless I wanted a ticket straight out of Aslan.
The student population had literally been cut in half by this point, and from overhearing Othello's conversation during my examination with Ms. Arcadia, another 25% of those numbers would drop out or be eliminated before the fourth trial had begun.
The professors had been right. Old Aslan was nothing compared to New Aslan, and as powerful as I knew I was, I questioned if I'd make it through this next trial with as shitty as I currently felt.
"We can drop out," Finn suggested, his face full of worry. I knew he meant those words and I gave him a small smile, hoping it gave him enough comfort.
I shook my head adamantly. "No. We can't leave the others. Team Misfit consists of all of us. I won't let my tiredness get in the way...I hope."
He stared me in the eyes for a long moment before slowly nodding. "Okay, but if it's too much for you, tell me."
I hugged him tightly, afraid of what was to come, but we didn't have any more time. The siren sound went off, alerting us to enter the designated room.
Trial Four would be in a simulation room. We would have to solve some type of problem or reverse the situation that occured. Examples from past exams ranged from figuring out how someone was murdered or a simple math question. The scenarios all varied and were all chosen by different professors who got assigned a stack of students. We had no idea who chose our trial, but I just hoped it wouldn't be too difficult.
Finn slipped his hand into mine before we moved out of our embrace and took a few calming breaths. We then walked towards the open door, and into the empty white room, looking over our shoulders to watch as the door shut. I swallowed, a feeling of dread running through me but I had to remain calm for the sake of Finn and the others. I couldn't let Team Misfit down after all we'd been through so far. After this was one more trial which I assumed would be with Orion since, after this trial with Finn, I would have been partnered with all the other guys, which was interesting, since that almost never happened from Faelia's experience.
A loud sound went off, the signal informing us the exam had started. We prepared ourselves for the worst, Finn's hand tightly gripping mine. I'd dealt with falling and crashing into a sea of shark shifters with Hunter, dealing with the struggle of not losing consciousness in the Trial with Theo, and an intense battle with multiple raging animals with Cairus and Caio, so I had no idea what to expect.
The seconds ticked by and nothing happened. Finn and I looked at each other slowly in confusion. "Um...is the room broken?" I wondered.
"I don't know. Maybe there’s a delayed reaction," Finn suggested. I glanced around the white room, frowning at the plain walls which reminded me of a mental ward.
"This room gives me the creeps," I announced, looking back to Finn who I realized was no longer standing there. What the fuck?
"Finn?" I called. I felt his hand still in mine. His now-invisible grip tightened as if he was begging me to not let go. My breathing picked up as the walls began to bleed a sickly black: the color that reminded me of the Forsaken.
I stood my ground, even though my body trembled with my growing fear. It's just an illusion, Celestia. That's all it is. Just like they did in the other exams. Illusions to break you while you’re at your weak point. I can go through with this.
I squeezed Finn's hand tightly even though I still couldn’t see him to give me the reassurance my mind and heart needed. I glanced around the room once more, trying to find some way out or a clue to solving this puzzle, but there was nothing that caught my eye
"We meet again."
I slowly turned my head at the sound to where Finn once stood. My eyes landed on white eyes; the man from my previous nightmares was here in the room with me.
"What are you doing here? I'm not dreaming!" I shouted.
"Correct. You're not dreaming. Or are you? I'm unsure, my queen." He grinned happily.
"Don't call me that! I don't belong to you," I declared.
"Really? So you belong to that pitiful excuse of an unicorn?" He huffed, slowly approaching me. I narrowed my eyes at him, watching him stalk around me like a predator ready to attack its prey.
"Don't insult Orion, because you're nothing close to him," I snarled.
The man laughed. The sickening sound made my stomach flip, making me want to vomit. "My Queen, this world has blinded you. Don't you understand that you belong at my side? You've always been destined to stand beside me. I've waited decades for your rebirth. I won't let you be taken from me again,” he insisted.
"Reborn? Sorry buddy, but I doubt I've lived before this and I don't really believe in the reincarnation stuff. So why don't you go away?" I grumbled, looking away from him. I felt Finn tug my hand, the gesture making me wonder if he was checking to ensure I was okay. I tugged back, tightening my hold once more. I didn't know what he might have been seeing, but his hands felt clammy and cold, even though we were gripping one another like our lives depended on it.
"Would you believe me if I told you the other half will fade away?” he questioned.
I froze, slowly lifting my head to meet his gaze, which made him smile with glee. "What are you referring to?"
"The side of you that has been protecting you from my visits at night for the last two months. The beautiful side of you that is so selfless to suffer through my constant suffering and the hymns of my people. The part of you that is fading piece by piece, because you are getting stronger. The side of you that belongs to me, that you’re killing because you’d rather love that pathetic unicorn with wings who can't even defeat me alone,” he snarled.
Sia? He can't be talking about Sia...no. Why would she be fading?
The man laughed as if listening to my thoughts. "You don't know? I guess she can't tell you and not many people have lived long enough with Dual Essence Mortality to understand. Why don't I tell you the tiny detail they never explain to those who have such a condition?" He walked around me until he stood right before me, lifting my chin up with his cold hand that made me shiver and teeth begin to chatter. I could FEEL the darkness leaking off him, the sinister evil that cloaked his body and the hollow white eyes which pierced through me like he was looking into my very soul.
"When the dominant personality grows stronger, the other begins to fade. Little by little, piece by piece, the side of them disappears until there's nothing left,” he whispered. I looked at him with wide eyes, trying to ignore his words that sounded far too true. Something in the back of my mind told me he wasn't lying and that scared me even more.
"No. You're lying." I refused to accept what he was telling me.
"I am not, my Queen. Why would I lie to you?" he asked in a sympathetic tone.
"You’re not making sense. One minute you're saying Sia is your love, but the next you’re calling me your queen?!" I shouted.
"Because that's what it has come down to. Day by day, Sia keeps me company. She endures the hymns of my people and listens to my torments, but no matter how scared she is, she stands there with the perfect smile. But she will eventually disappear, and in the end, will simply be a part of you. When she disappears, the part of her will become one with you and her existence will leave your mind. You'll never remember her. So, you’re still my queen. Sia is just my temporary lover. Isn't that kinda what you're doing now? Using her to run from your destiny with me?" he questioned me.
I shook my head from side to side, wishing I had both hands so I could punch the smirk off his face. "Never! I wouldn't use Sia. She's a part of me. She loves me and I love her! I'm not a user like you." I snapped.
"But, my Queen, aren't you doing just that? She protects you from my nightmares, leaving her so exhausted that it's now affecting your health. Don't you feel weaker as each day passes? Aren't you falling asleep more and more? My Queen, the truth does hurt, but I would not lie to you,” he whispered, leaning in closer.
I moved my head away, tugging at Finn's hand, wishing he'd let go. I wouldn't let this man kiss me and I sure as hell wouldn't believe his lies.
"I won't believe you! Fuck off!" I cursed, wishing this exam was over. The black liquid that had pooled down the walls had reached my feet and tendrils began to wrap around my ankles. I cringed and a whimper escaped me from the chill touch. I gritted my teeth as I tried to fight off my sudden weakness. I can't lose. The guys need me to win this. I won't fail them.
"Why don't we ask her?" he offered.
What?
"C...Celestia?"
My body grew rigid hearing the voice identical to my own. The man moved away from me so I could see Sia standing before me. Her eyes were filled with shock and fear as she took a long look at me, noticing the tendrils that had wrapped around my ankles.
Her gaze slowly lifted and landed on the man standing where Finn had once been. Her eyes grew wide as saucers. "Don't you dare hurt her!" she screamed with rage.
"Oh, my love. That is not how you greet me. We're just playing a game. I won't hurt your precious angel,” he defended, leaning in till his lips pressed softly to my neck. I gasped in pain as a wave of cold air rattled through me and for two seconds, it felt like there was no air in my lungs.
"STOP! Please!" Sia begged, tears already forming in her eyes as she reached out to me. The man grinned, pulling away. I gasped for air and began to cough, struggling to stay on my feet.
"That sounds better. I love when you’re more submissive, my love. I wish my queen over here would do the same by following your example. Then we wouldn't have to use such tactics."
I was catching my breath and opened my eyes to meet Sia's scared ones. "What do you want? Just don't hurt her," Sia negotiated.
The man laughed. "I would never hurt my queen, but I told her the truth."
Sia froze, her lip trembling as she slowly met my weak gaze. My gut dropped as we stared into each other's eyes. Her expression told me all I needed to know.
"You’re...fading," I whispered. She tried to speak and I could practically see the gears her mind turning as she tried to figure out some type of excuse that I would believe, but I knew could read her as easily as I could myself and the look Sia had on her face was full of guilt, giving her away.
"Celestia...it’s my duty,” she whispered.
"Duty? I...I need you though! You’re a part of me. Why do you have to fade? Why didn't anyone say anything?!" I snapped.
"No one knew,” she whispered, but I could tell she was lying.
"Liar," I whispered.
She sighed. "I've hurt you enough, Celestia. Now you need to wake up. Finn needs you. Well...he will need you. Please survive this. It’s nothing but a test, an illusion. This isn't real. Just like me." She whispered the last part as tears rolled down her cheeks.
I wanted to reply, my mouth opened to speak or even scream, but the words got caught in my throat. My eyes grew wide, watching Sia begin to fade, little by little, particle by particle. She lifted her hands, which trembled as she continued to fade.
Her eyes met mine. "It's a test, Celestia."
"No...you’re fading," I squeaked, tugging over and over for Finn to let go, but his grip was like stone. I began to scream, needing to save Sia. Was it weird to have such a strong desire to save a part of yourself? To know that without that part, you'll realize the hollowness in your heart and to understand that without that part, you'd be incomplete.
I tugged and screamed, watching Sia disappear until only her head remained, her hair floating upward as it too began to fade into mere particles.
"Celestia. Just trust me. The reaper wants you to believe this. He wants to break you so you become a Forsaken. You’re tainted, Celestia. You have to fight it or you'll become exactly what he wants: the Queen of Darkness,” she whispered and just like that, her image was gone, nothing but specks of light falling to the floor, then disintegrating into nothing.
I was speechless, my mind trying to understand everything, but it just couldn't keep up any longer. I screamed and cried while I tried to stay standing, my hand still in Finn's invisible hold.
"It hurts, doesn't it, my Queen? Losing someone you care about, even if that someone is a part of who you are. Or should I say, who you used to be?" the man Sia called the reaper whispered, coming back to face me.
I couldn't look up at him, my eyes locked on the place where Sia once stood. If this was just an illusion, why did it hurt so much? Why did the pain, which felt like little pins and needles, poke at every part of me, especially my heart that hammered so hard against my chest until I thought it would eventually stop?
The reaper sighed, reaching out to tilt my head up as he leaned forward, his eyes looking directly into mine while I felt the tendrils move up and begin to wrap around my body.
"Time is up, my Queen, but do not fear. I'll be sure to relieve you of that hindrance, so you’re all mine once again. I won't let anyone have you this time. I'll love you no matter how much hate you hold in your heart for me,” he whispered and then he kissed me.
I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the fact that this was all an illusion. I squeezed Finn's hand so hard I wondered if I was cutting off his circulation. My legs grew weak and I couldn't support myself any longer, falling forward.
Something wrapped around my waist, stopping me from hitting the ground. "Celestia?! Cutie Pie, stay with me," Finn begged.
I struggled to breathe, tears rolling down my cheeks as I stared at the now white floor. Arms encircled me and I whimpered, unsure if it was the Forsaken or Finn's actual arms holding me.
"Cutie Pie, please. Don't make that sound. I won't hurt you, Please believe me,” he whispered and his trembling voice was the only thing that helped me realize I wasn't in the illusion anymore.
I slowly lifted my head, realizing Finn was cradling me in his lap. His green eyes were filled with tears and his cheeks were flushed and tears ran down his face. His lips trembled and his eyes held immense fear, making me wonder if mine looked the same.
My heart ached for him, even though I was still struggling with the pain that was trying its best to cripple me. I tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out and the frigid sensation of the reaper’s lips on mine made me afraid to even use my lips.
Finn stared at me for a long time and without any words, leaned in very slowly. I wanted to push him away, knowing he was about to kiss me, but I couldn't do it. I secretly wanted him to kiss me, hoping it might rid me of the cold that flowed through me and the fear that dug at my heart.
His eyes lifted to meet mine, waiting for me to say something, anything to stop him but I closed my eyes and used what little courage I had left to close the distance between us wanting to feel his warmth.
I didn't know what the purpose of this trial was, but at this point, I didn't care anymore. Finn's kiss was delicate while his free hand lifted to slowly stroke my head, each rub helping to bring me back to the surface and away from the dreadful memories of what just happened. We pulled away to stare at each other and I lifted my trembling hand to press against his cheek.
"You...didn't...let go," I whispered.
"And lose you? Never." He cradled me into him. I didn't know what he saw and I didn't know if I'd ever find out, but whatever could have possibly turned Finn upside down was something that must have had a major impact on his life.
The siren sound went on and the door opened, the rest of Team Misfit charging in.
"Fuck. Finn, Celestia. What the fuck happened?!" Hunter cursed as he looked back forth between us.
"Not here," Orion announced in a stern voice, causing the others to look at him. I could barely keep my eyes open now that the trial was over but I felt if I showed any form of weakness here, the reaper would somehow see and use it against me. I can't let him win. He already broke me, but he won't see me at my lowest. I'll stay awake. Yes. Until he can't see me...till it's safe.
"Cutie Pie, can you stand?" Finn whispered.
I slowly nodded, trying to get up, but my hands and legs shook. Orion frowned, immediately coming over, and just like that, he scooped me up into his arms. I opened my mouth to argue, but his stern gaze shut me up before I even had a chance to speak. He blinked for a moment before his expression softened, regret filling his facial features.
"Celestia, don't look so afraid,” he whispered.
I bit my bottom lip hard, trying to figure out some type of expression that would look better...happier? Maybe even stronger, but I just couldn't manage it. He noticed my struggle and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "I know you're scared. I understand what's going on. Just stay awake a bit longer."
I slowly nodded and he looked back at Finn, who was also struggling to remain standing. Hunter and Theo ended up helping him. I tried to see his expression, but his eyes remained fixed on the ground, making me want to cry. He almost looked ashamed for showing weakness and though I had similar feelings of hopelessness running through me, I wanted to do something to help him. To reassure him that he did a good job.
I knew we had passed, but I couldn't get a grasp on what the purpose of the trial was. Orion began to move, the others following behind us as we exited the room and moved into the hall. I couldn't concentrate on what was going on around me, the sounds seemed dulled and the fast movement of healers and those who had survived the trial were running all over the place, trying to get as far away from the room as their legs could carry them.
I zoned everything out, focusing on my breathing and trying not to lose it. I felt like I was on the edge and was unsure if I wanted to remain there or fall over. My Sia would disappear. I was the queen of a madman who was some type of reaper and seemed to be a figment of my imagination. Finn was broken and I didn't know why. Even the slight thought of Arielle still recovering made me whimper as tears rolled down my cheeks.
"Shh, Celestia. Almost there, my Blessed Love. Please hang on a little longer," Orion soothed. I did what he asked, the title he gave me helped me to hold back the flood of emotions that fought for freedom.
We reached a room and the door opened. Magnor greeted us with a shocked expression. One look at me made his expression turn grim. "Inside, now." He gestured for us to enter and the guys all walked in before Magnor closed the door behind us. Orion carried me over to one of the sofas in what looked like to be an office, slowly lowering me to the brown leather chair.
"Attend to Celestia. There's something wrong," Finn warned. I heard approaching footsteps before Magnor kneeled next to Orion, who held my hand.
"Celestia." Magnor's soft voice caught my attention. I lifted my gaze to meet his worried eyes. "What happened?"
How could I even explain that torturous experience? Where would I even start? I swallowed the lump in my throat and let the emotions ago.
"Sia...going to fade away," I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks. Magnor looked surprised by my words and Orion looked just as shocked. I didn't delay my explanation, knowing my body would give up on me any moment now.
"I'm his queen. Sia's his love. She'll disappear and leave me and I'll just forget? Maybe everyone will forget. My poor Sia. She's mine, yet she'll fade. I'm the queen. He'll hurt Orion. He'll rid the world of the hindrance...he'll get rid of everything important to me. Of course he will. He'll take Sia...then Orion...then everyone I love. I'll be left with nothing. Just...like…before." I slowly began to panic as more tears rolled down my cheeks and I fought for air.
Orion and Magnor exchanged looks but I couldn't concentrate, curling up into a ball and beginning to rock back and forth.
"I'm his queen. He'll take her away. I'm his queen. She'll vanish and leave me astray." I sang quietly, the eerie tune slowly coming to my mind as the words I had once forgotten finally emerged like I'd never lost them.
"The darkness is coming...You all shall prepare. The darkness is coming...Your land will be bare. The people will cry and the earth will soon die, leaving nothing left to mourn. The darkness is coming...so prepare little one. For you will be our queen, and kill everyone. Every shifter, every human, all will be consumed. Alas, you will rule the new world, our Queen of Darkness, Celestia," I sang in a mournful voice.
"Magnor," Theo whispered, fear lingering in his voice.
"Caio, Cairus. Go get Orlando and Ms. Arcadia now. Hunter and Theo, take Finn straight home to rest. Orion, stay here," Magnor ordered.
I kept singing as I rocked back and forth, feeling dizzy and exhausted, but afraid to sleep. I was a coward. Maybe the reaper was right. Maybe I was using Sia to fight my own battles, ones I knew I would never be able to win on my own.
"Celestia," Magnor whispered. I lifted my tear-filled eyes to meet his sad ones. He lifted his fingers to my eye level. I glanced quickly at Orion, scared something bad was about to happen, but he squeezed my hand tightly.
"I'll be right here,” Orion reassured me. How could his words mean so much to me, outweighing my internal battle of feelings while I tried to focus on the reality before me?
My attention returned to Magnor's fingers and I had to concentrate with the little energy I had left to focus my blurred vision.
"Sleep,” Magnor whispered, snapping his fingers. Just like that, the world went dark. To my great relief, the reaper wasn't there to haunt me.