Chapter 12
Morgan
The city lies before me, like a kingdom. The lights spread for miles, dotting the landscape with tiny stars. The heat of the day has dissipated and the green grass under my feet is soft and warm.
After dinner, Sam asked if I wanted to see the rooftop garden. Although Dylan mentioned it when I’d first arrived at The Nead, I’d forgotten it existed. We passed by Bunny’s studio (where he’d disappeared to right after the meal was over), and into a narrow alcove with what looked like a small, built-in seat. I’d never paid much attention to it. Sam hopped up on the platform and opened a small door on the low ceiling. It wasn’t a seat but a step.
Sam offered me his hand and helped me up. My muscles were sore from my morning workout and the climb up the narrow, wooden staircase seemed to go for miles. He waited for me at the top and snapped my photograph as I walked into the garden for the first time.
Long stretches of grass. Small fruit trees. Flowering bushes and plants line flat-stoned pathways. Sam stretches his arms like he’d been dying to do it all day.
“Come on,” he says, taking me to a small bench facing the west. “We’re just in time for the sunset.”
I split my time between watching the orangey-pink ball of fire disappear and Sam work his camera. It’s a nice one with a complicated lens and attached flash. He takes pictures of me, the sunset, and the city below. I know the photos aren’t normal. None of his pictures turn out the way things look now—but tainted by the influence of the Darkness. Sam’s cameras capture the image of what the world will be—not how it currently is.
“Can I see how it works?” I ask once the sun has disappeared and the sky is streaked with purple. Stars dot the sky behind us to the east.
He walks behind me and circles his arms around my body so the camera is before us, capturing an amazing view of the city below. I feel the heat of his breath on my neck and the thump of his heart against my back. In my ear he says, “It looks normal through the viewfinder.” I squint and see the buildings in the distance. Nothing weird. He snaps a few photos and then clicks a button, making the images appear on the small screen.
“Holy crap,” I say, pulling the camera closer. Sam leans his chin on my shoulder. On the screen the beautiful, lit-up city is gone. There’s nothing but the shell of jagged, bombed-out buildings and a hazy, ominous mist hovering over the decaying city. “This happens every time?”
“Yes.”
“So, even though we’re doing all this to stop me—the Morrigan—from opening the gate, this is still going to happen?”
“Yes,” he says but then frowns. “Well, maybe. Right now? Yes. Can we change it? We think so.”
“How?” But I know the answer. I feel it in my bones. The hunger and the want. I must take my mate and release the negative energy inside into the one I’ve chosen. They hope the Morrigan will be appeased with a bond. I lean against the edge of the building and face Sam.
He cups a hand behind my neck. “I know it’s hard and I know it’s a lot to take in. You came up here to be a student and now you’re dealing with all of this.”
“I’m not even close,” I confess. “I have no idea who I want to pick.” I gaze into his sincere, sympathetic eyes. “When I’m with you, I want you. When I’m with Clinton or Damien or Bunny or Dylan…I want them. You each give me the feeling of safety and security. You all bring out my deepest desires. I trust you all. With my body—with my life. I don’t know how I’m supposed to choose.”
“You have a few more weeks.”
I slip my arms around his waist and pull him closer. “Two months ago,” I tell him, “I sort of liked this one guy at school. He was cute-ish, with a hipster beard and glasses kind of like Bunny’s. But he wasn’t that into me and he was sort of a pretentious dick.”
Sam raises an eyebrow.
“I thought Ryan was the best I could get, you know? I never had great luck with guys. I had no idea the five of you would not only be here but had been waiting for me all along.”
“Maybe that’s why you never clicked with anyone.” He presses his lips to mine. “You knew, deep down, we were here.”
“Is it weird?” I ask him. “Knowing I’m with the others? That we do…stuff together?” Even in the shadowy garden I know Sam can tell I’m blushing. I’m getting better about it—talking about sex—but even so, it’s still awkward at times.
He stares at me for a minute and then asks, “Did you ever hear how we transformed from ravens to men?”
“No.”
He takes my hand and leads me to a wrought-iron bench with a spectacular view. Roses bloom nearby and I smell their heady fragrance.
“When you opened the gate the last time and the Darkness got through, things became chaotic. We’d been sent to watch and observe you in the form of a raven. The instant the Darkness crossed over it was like suddenly we were too large for our skin. I was in the air searching for you when I fell from the sky, landing hard on the ground. My bones broke and stretched. My feathers dropped from my body. My skin peeled away. I, and the others, were left in the forest in new bodies,” he uses his hands to gesture, “these bodies, with the understanding we needed to get the gate closed and find you.”
“But you didn’t find me.”
“No, but we closed the gate.” Sam looks out over the city. “It was a hard battle. And we fought it on both sides, until we managed to close it up once more. You were gone by then—disappeared into thin air—but we knew this was a good thing. You needed hiding and we were no longer able to follow you like we had once before.”
“So then what?”
“We were brought up here, to The Nead. We worked and studied, refining our skills until we found you again.” He takes my hand. “To answer your question about how we feel about this; we’ve known this day was coming for a long time. We’ve prepared for it. We’ve trained for it. We will do anything for you, Morgan. Anything. Jealousy isn’t an option.”
His words are sweet. Heartbreaking really, but something else bothers me and I finally just ask. “I know I’m supposed to choose my true mate. But what about you all? Is it just an obligation? A duty? Or does love not matter in all of this?”
He laughs and shakes his head. Lifting my hand to his mouth, he kisses my palm. “You own our hearts, dear Queen. Our minds and our souls. The guardians not chosen will break into a thousand pieces when you finally pick the one, but it’s a risk we are willing to take. It’s a risk we must take.”
“This is just so freaking weird.”
The sky is fully dark now and the city casts a glow over the garden. I take a deep breath, absorbing the flowers and trees. Absorbing Sam. Even though our time together has been chaste—nothing more than a few kisses--I feel a sense of peace from our talk. Our bond is more than sex. My release comes from my mind as well as my body. I look at the handsome, sweet man next to me and for the first time since I learned about needing a mate, I think I feel a little closer to a decision than ever before.