I tossed and turned that night, staring up at the ceiling, and wondering if there was any way I was getting a moment’s rest. I had a feeling that the answer was no. The sun had already set outside once more, which meant we’d been here for a whole day, but the hours had bled into each other and I felt as though I couldn’t keep them separate in my head any longer.

I had been lying there for hours at that point, or what felt like hours – we had divided ourselves between two rooms, the mercenaries in one and the rest of us in the other. We figured that the least we could give them was the space to mourn for their lost comrade. Part of me wanted to go through there and comfort them, but they had been near-silent since we had returned and I knew that there was nothing I could say or do that wouldn’t come off like a bunch of well-meaning platitudes.

Eventually, though, in spite of my despair, my eyes began to grow heavy. And, as the world slipped away, someone came to join me…

I wasn’t sure where we were, but I knew that it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was him, in front of me – Rafe.

I felt a wave of relief as I realized that we’d found him again. I wasn’t sure how or when, but I knew that he was here and it was the only thing that mattered.

He drew me on to his lap, pulling me close to him, and kissed me slowly; like he hadn’t seen me in while and wanted to remind himself want I tasted like. I gripped his head in my hands and kissed him back, feeling his cock stir beneath me as I straddled him. We were both naked already, somehow, and the feel of his sweet, warm skin against my own was…it was everything I’d remembered it being.

Safe. He was alive and safe.

My heart rejoiced.

His hands slid up my bare back, cupping my shoulder blades like wings, and I pushed my nails through his hair and brushed it back from his face. His beard was scratchy and rough but I didn’t care – nothing mattered, except that he was back here with me.

He lay back on the bed and pulled me down with him so that I was laid flat against him, and his hands moved down, around, feeling my ass, my waist, my hips. He grinned, a flash of his smile lighting the darkness of the room.

“I want to taste you,” he murmured in my ear, and I trembled at the thought of his tongue and his mouth curious against my pussy. I moved to lay back, but he seemed to have something else in mind entirely.

“No, not like that.” He tugged me forward a few inches. “Like this.

My eyes widened as I stared down at him in the darkness. We had never done that before. But, as I sat up and his hands slid over my ass, I felt this tingle of excitement at the very idea of it. Slowly, he guided me forward and I allowed him to move me until I was hovering right over his face. He sank his fingers into my thighs and pulled me down on to him, and at once any reservations I might have had about this vanished from my head as his tongue found my clit.

“Ah, Rafe,” I murmured, planting my hands on the wall that I hadn’t noticed behind the bed. I couldn’t feel it, focused only on the way that Rafe’s mouth felt against my aching heat. The change in angle made it feel so different than anything I had ever done before. He grabbed my ass and massaged hungrily at my flesh, pulling me on to him ever further, as though there wasn’t enough of me to taste.

I began to move my hips back and forth, on instinct, to match the pace of his tongue against my clit. Even though I was on top, he was the one firmly in control, his mouth swift and controlled against my pussy, where I felt like I was only barely clinging on to reality any longer. I looked down at him and he opened his eyes for a moment, his gaze burning into mine. I let out a moan and realized that I was already getting close. It had just been so long since I had been with him, I felt as though I had been storing all this up for him, ready to unleash, waiting for him to touch me again. Waiting to feel him near me. The way he felt, so familiar and so new all at the same time, was sending pulsing waves of desire through every inch of my body. He finally focused in on my clit in earnest, softening his tongue and moving it side-to-side across my sensitive nub, and that was when I knew I was done for.

“Rafe!” I cried out, tipping my head back as the combination of the sway of my hips and the movement of his tongue finally got me there. I lifted myself a little bit, worried that I might crush him if I let myself go, but he pulled me back down on to his face and lashed me with his tongue, merciless in his quest to drive me mad. I shuddered on top of him, my entire body trembling, and I knew that I was so far from done with him yet.

I slid down until I was straddling his legs once more; he sat up, looping an arm around my waist and pulling me close, until I was hovering just an inch or two above his cock. He looked up at me, and our eyes met for that long moment before I took him inside of me; I wasn’t sure what I saw in his gaze, but a mess of emotions seemed to be clouding his face. Relief, fear, desire.

God, I knew what he was feeling. It had been sheer hell losing him.

I planted a kiss on his lips, the taste of the two of us still fresh on his tongue, and slowly slid myself down on his cock. I didn’t know how to make it all better but I knew what I could do to clear his mind, at least for a little while.

We both let out a sigh as he entered me for the first time. Maybe it was relief – that’s what it felt like. Somehow, it seemed to kindle this curious longing deep inside me, even though he was right here in front of me, as though he was a million miles away and I just didn’t know it yet.

But my thoughts scattered as he thrust up to meet me, filling me up, running his fingers over the curve of my waist, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and used the leverage to begin to ride him properly.

He kissed my neck, mouth hot on my skin, and I moved up and down his length as though it owed me something. I could feel him, so vividly – my hands on his back, on his shoulders, down his spine. I buried my face into his neck and breathed in, but I couldn’t find his scent there, not the same way it had been before; the scratch of his beard was still present, but fading, as though it was a memory I was trying to dig up from somewhere it had long since vanished from. I moved against him, harder, and I felt his hands on me again.

“Yes, Rafe. Touch me,” I whispered. I focused on what I was sure of, closing off the entire world around me and centering my attention in on the feel of him moving inside of me, the way his hands encompassed every inch of my skin like the two of us would never properly unwind from each other.

I kissed him again, desperate now, not sure if it was the pleasure or something else that was driving this; his hand came to the back of my head, holding me close, as his other arm tightened around my waist and pulled me so hard on to him, filling me up so deep that it was like he had never left in the first place-

I let out a gasp and shot up, disoriented and confused. It took me a few seconds to realize that I had woken up and that it had all been a dream; even as reality began to seep in, I clung rightly to the memory of it. It had felt so real, even despite all the dream-logic that rendered it impossible.

I could still feel him, smell him, taste him.

My eyes filled with tears as I glanced around at the four people scattered on the floor around me.

Cora had hidden herself under the biggest blanket we had with us, as though protecting herself from the world at large, while Luke and Ethan were both sprawled out, shirtless, next to each other on the floor, breathing slow and deep. Anton had his back to all of us and I couldn’t see his face, but I had to assume that he was also out for the count. I got to my feet and quietly headed for the door, desperate for a little hit of fresh air after all that had happened. I felt as though I was cooped up in this place, trapped between the four small walls and looking for a way out.

It had seemed so real. Too real, and I was shaken to the core.

When I stepped outside, the cold was punishing but I didn’t care. The snow had settled now but I could still see the fresh trail that led out into the forest, the one the mercenaries had taken earlier when they had gone to be alone after the loss of Joseph.

I closed my eyes briefly, understanding their pain better than I thought I ever could. With Rafe gone, without us knowing what kind of state he was in, it felt as though we were constantly trapped between him being alive and him being dead, and the not knowing was tearing me apart. We could have been a matter of inches away from him, back in the MacLaren compound, for all we knew. The thought made my heart ache with pain.

I inhaled a great lungful of the air, fresh and sweet from the trees that surrounded us, and wondered if, despite Marcus’s all clear declaration, the MacLaren guards were still out there looking for us. I knew the thought should have scared me but it didn’t. I just didn’t have it in me to be scared anymore – I had faced off against the worst things I could imagine in the world and had come out the other side, so I figured I had to have something going for me.

“Hey,” a voice came from behind me, and I practically jumped out of my skin. Okay, so apparently, I wasn’t completely immune to fear yet, no matter how much tough-talk I put forth inside my own head.

I turned and found Anton standing in the doorway behind me. He stepped out into the cold, rubbing his hands together, and then pushed the door shut behind him, leaving just the two of us out there.

“I don’t know how humans put up with it, going about without fur all the time,” he said, and I managed a tight smile.

“Me neither,” I conceded. “It’s too cold for that.”

“What are you doing out here?” he asked, wrapping his arms around me and hooking his chin over my shoulder in the process. I closed my eyes for a moment; it wasn’t often that Anton showed these little moments of sweet vulnerability, but I liked it when he did. He was usually busy trying to play the big alpha, but I didn’t think he knew how much I loved it when he just held me like this.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I sighed in response. “Didn’t want to spend any more time in there awake.”

“Thinking about what happened out there?”

“Yeah,” I replied, and both of us fell silent. It had been a hellish day, there was no doubt about that. And I didn’t have the words to convey that to myself, let alone him.

“What do you think about what Cora was saying, about being able to get people from your clan on-side if we tell them about what’s going on?” Anton asked. I shook my head.

“Not my clan anymore,” I reminded him sadly. “And honestly? I have no idea. I don’t know if they will believe her. I thought my father would turn when he heard it coming from me, but…”

I trailed off, not able to finish off the thought. It was too painful, by far. He squeezed me tight and I covered his hands with mine, able to feel the pulse of blood beneath his skin. It was a comfort.

“I guess I was always sort of outside the rest of them,” I conceded. “I mean, Cora, she’s a pack fighter through and through. They might actually believe it if they heard it coming from her.”

“Oh, yeah?” he prompted.

“Yeah, I mean, she’s been very involved in pack politics for a long time, and she’s a part of it all because she chooses to be, not because of her lineage, like me,” I replied quickly, mind racing as all these thoughts came to me at once. “I think a lot of people see her as more legitimate in that regard.”

“So you think she would do a better job convincing everyone?”

“I think she might,” I admitted. “Though, we won’t know until we put it all into practice, of course.”

“Of course,” he agreed, and fell silent again for a moment. “You really believe that, though? That the rest of that clan see her as a more legitimate part of it than you?”

“I was always…” I took a deep breath as the words flooded over me, words that I had never given shape to before. “I was always sure that I didn’t belong in any clan, you know? I mean, I guess I talked myself round into believing that I belonged there because my father ran it, but I always felt as though the warfare was so destructive, so awful. I could never think of any good reason for it. It really started to get to me, towards the end, even before I let that little boy free.”

“I know how you feel,” Anton replied, and I raised my eyebrows.

“I can’t imagine you not belonging anywhere,” I said softly. “You always seem so…in control.”

“I had to,” he explained. “With the guys. Someone had to step up and be the one in charge or else the rest of them would just go to pieces. Even now, sometimes I think that I’m the only one who remembers what it was like to get kicked out of that pack,” he went on, taking me by surprise.

I couldn’t remember a time before this when Anton had been so open with me. Something about the cover of night, the fact we weren’t facing each other, seemed to make it all the more easy to spill the truths that we had been hiding inside of us all this time.

“Luke remembers,” I replied softly, remembering everything Luke had told me back when it had been the two of us in that cabin. “Trust me, Luke remembers.”

Anton fell silent once more and I knew that this conversation had pressed on some kind of sore spot for him. He shook his head, leaning down and burying his face into my neck as though I was some kind of safety blanket.

“I don’t feel like that when I’m with them. Or with you,” he admitted and I closed my eyes. I nodded. “I feel like I’m part of something.”

“I know what you mean,” I replied, and reached around so I could cradle his head against me. It was kind of an awkward posture, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to feel his skin beneath my fingers, to remind myself of this man who loved me. This man who I had more in common with than I thought. Both of us cast out of clans that we had wanted nothing more than to be a part of, and forced to find our own way in the world. Both of us outsiders. Both of us sleepless on this long, cold night.

His hands began to move across my body, and I understood at once what was going on. In that moment, I felt such a closeness with him, such an intimacy, that the only way I knew how to express that was with my body, with my hands, with my mouth. I began to touch him as best I could from the angle I was at, feeling at his legs and his torso, as he leaned down to kiss my neck. His breath was warm, almost shockingly so, compared to the icy-cold air around us, and the contrast of it made my nerve endings sing. Oh, I was so ready for this. I needed this more than anything else in the world right now, a distraction, a confirmation of the bond that was between us. I turned and wrapped my arms around him, kissing him properly, trying to keep any little noises I came out with to a minimum to keep from waking the people sleeping in the house just next to us. He pulled me roughly against him, his fingers sinking into my sides, as though he wanted to make sure that I was really there, that I wasn’t going to blink out of existence as soon as he pulled his hands away from me.

I ran my fingers through his hair and held his head as we kissed, brushing my fingertips over his jaw to keep him in place. I didn’t want him going anywhere. For the first time since we had left the compound, I felt as though I could finally still my rushing thoughts for a moment, and it was utterly addictive.

He pushed me up against the wall of the cabin, the slatted wood pressing into my back as our tongues met and he deepened the kiss. I balled my hand in his hair, gripping him, and he shivered as the sensation passed over him. He pushed up my shirt and his hands moved across my freezing skin, but something about the briskness of the sensation and the way it almost stung was a good thing. I wanted this, wanted to feel something, and if his hands on me in the ice-cold would do the job, then I would take it.

“Turn around,” he growled in my ear, sliding back into that dominant mode that I always enjoyed when it came from him. I did as I was told, swiveling so that I was facing the cabin, and he grabbed my hips and pulled them towards him; I could feel his erection pressing up at me through my pants and a flood of desire hit me with the strength of twenty drinks, making me all at once desperate for him, desperate for this. I ground my ass back against him and he let out this soft little groan, enough to tell me that I was seriously turning him on right about now.

He pulled down my pants and did the same to his, and I braced myself against the cabin, arching my back to make it easier for him to enter me. I felt him nudging up against my pussy at once, spreading me open, before he thrust into me in one long, smooth motion. He didn’t move once he was inside of me, as though, like me, he was marveling at just how good this felt. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been taken this way, so roughly and from behind, but it felt good, his cock feeling bigger than normal at the angle we were at. I clenched my teeth as he moved into me, trying not to let out a noise. I didn’t want to wake anyone inside the cabin. They all needed their sleep. I felt a little twinge of excitement, knowing that someone could come out of there and catch us in the act at any moment, but it was soon overwhelmed as he fucked me harder, his cock fulfilling something in me that I didn’t realize had needed it until now.

“Oh, fuck,” he breathed, his voice so low that I almost didn’t hear it, but the soft breeze brought the words to my ears. I knew how he felt. This was so good but so wrong at the same time, given the circumstances, but seemed like the best way to deepen the bond we shared after what we’d just admitted to each other. And, if I was being honest, that wrongness was only making it better, the knowledge that we could be caught at any moment.

I rocked my hips back against him, taking him good and deep, and closed my eyes and focused on nothing but the physical sensation. And, soon enough, I felt the orgasm begin to swell inside me, my body edging closer and closer. His fingers were sunk so far into my skin it felt as though we were one being, and part of me didn’t want it to end – but before I could pull myself back, I felt myself suddenly crest and break, the pleasure coursing all over my body in waves.

“Ahh…” I sighed as softly as I could, my pussy clenching around his cock a few times as the feeling subsided. He came moments later, pushing himself one more time as deep as he could inside of me and holding himself there, letting me milk the last of his pleasure from him. He pulled out reluctantly, as though he didn’t want to move but knew that the two of us might get frozen together like this for good unless he did. Not that I was anywhere close to complaining.

“I might be able to get some sleep now,” Anton remarked playfully as we both dressed again, and I leaned forward to steal one last little kiss before we went back inside the cabin. He pulled back and looked at me, brushing the hair from my face for a moment, his eyes suddenly soft.

“I love you,” he murmured, and leaned his head against mine for a moment. I smiled.

“I love you, too,” I replied, losing myself to the moment. He might have been an alpha, but I could make him melt in the palm of my hand.