It was never really clear to me how exactly I escaped the Butcher’s abuse. One moment, I was reciting the last prayer. The next, I was standing over his unconscious body. With every breath, every twinge, every step, my body protested in pain. But I was alive. The Butcher had claw marks across his face and a puddle of blood was pooling from his back. Something, or someone had attacked him and saved me from a merciless death.

I remembered wandering around the forest for hours, even the faint sunlight hurting me. My whole body battered and broken, bruised and abused from the endless torture he subjected me to. With my mind clouded and my thoughts dazed, I couldn’t figure out what to do. Where to go next. All I knew was that I needed to leave, that I needed to escape.

Danny told me later that she and Regan found me lying next to a small stream. She nursed me back to health for months on end as Regan guarded our little hut. I never told them why the Butcher had taken me or what he wanted from me. Her heart would break if she knew I endured the tormenting for her safety. But I had no doubt in my mind that I did the right thing. Danny was worth protecting, worth dying for.

She still was.

I glared at the vile man lying under me, the cause of my nightmares, the invisible threat Danny didn’t know about. I killed many men on our journey and sent many souls to the Spirit. This was my chance, and yet, I wavered.

“Scared, little birdy?” Even with death knocking on his door, this man was mocking me. My veins bulged as I pressed the knife deeper into his skin. He coughed and spat a dollop of green mucus in my face. The glob splashed against my skin and my hatred flared up. “You don’t have it in you. Wait until I get my hands on that beautiful redhead of yours.”

The mention of Danny erased all hesitations and in a flash of red, I slit his throat. Blood gushed out his neck and mixed with the dirt. A flower of death.

Dazed, the knife fell out of my hand as I stood up to look at what I did. It was over. The source of my nightmares was dead. The man I feared so much reduced to a limp body that pooled with tainted blood. It was done. I was free. Free to roam this world, free to pass through the shadows without fear, free to sleep without terrors suffocating my dreams.

The dust settled and the first breeze of fresh air brushed through the night. Bruised, I patted my throat and carefully, took in a deep breath. My lungs protested as I drew in the air, and yet, I knew I needed it. I ignored the pain and slowly let the air dance through my chest, filling me with a hope that had been stolen a long time ago. I could start anew. Even if I didn’t know what that meant. Even if I knew that meant no Danny.

There was no way that I could return, not after leaving her like this. Not while she had Darren and Regan to guide her, protect her, love her. She had no need for me, regardless of what she thought. She would be just fine.

And yet… I stared longingly into the forest, back from where I came. If I retraced my footsteps and made haste, perhaps I could find them again. Maybe I could…

No.

I was turning a new leaf. A new life. I made my choice when I left my woman standing on the banks of the river. No, she was no longer my woman. Danny. Danny with the wolf.

A howl of a lone wolf sent chills down my spine and I jumped in action. My tent was broken, my fire long out. Staying in the looming forest wasn’t a good idea. Even with the Butcher dead, it wasn’t safe to linger in the forest.

The silver light of the moon cast just enough light on my destroyed campsite and I rummaged through my scattered belongings for anything salvageable. My side hurt as I knelt to pocket my flint stones, but the sting was worth it. The ruins of my tent hid my pack and relieved, I found most of my provisions safe. Apart from the squashed pack of oat biscuits, but I could hardly complain. I peppered the barren earth with the crumbs, hoping this offer would appease the spirits that haunted these woods.

With the straps of my backpack streaming into my sore skin and my chest tightening with every step, I left the darkness of the forest behind me. The stars guided me to the nearest village, away from the treeline, away from the river, away from Danny.

I jiggled my soft purse and emptied the copper coins into the palm of my hand. I was still shaking, but I managed to count out three pieces for a warm bed and a pint. The innkeeper gave me the stink eye and I had no doubt I wasn’t exactly the kind of customers he was hoping for. Sweaty, bloody, and lanky. Even the two men in the corner were eyeing me suspiciously.

The alluring scent of fresh bread and honey drew my attention and I smacked my lips as the innkeeper’s wife passed the common room with a tray of crispy oat rolls.

“C-Could I change my p-pint for one of those?” I inquired, my voice raspy and dark from the abuse.

My host eyed me sourly. “Aye.”

“T-Than—”

“For a silver piece.” He grinned, exposing the gap between his two front teeth. His little beady eyes glimmered from the extorsion and lit up his fat face.

“A-A silver piece?” That was an outrageous price, but my growling stomach was strongly urging me to pay for whatever food I could get. But that didn’t mean I liked it. I clenched my jaw and fished my purse from my bag. The innkeeper leant curiously over the counter and I turned so I could hide exactly how much I had with me. He would pick me dry if he could. A little disheartened, I counted the remaining coins. “I-I don’t have e-enough for a s-silver coin.”

“That’s a shame, little man. If you want one of my wife’s buns, you’ll have to pay for it.” He grinned, exposing his yellow teeth, and gave me a disgusting wink. I followed his gaze and the leering looks from the men in the corner. The corners in my head turned and baffled, my mouth fell open.

“OH.”

“She’s a nice piece, ey? Definitely worth a silver, mate.”

Bile rose from my stomach, the sour taste hitting the back of my throat. The idea of touching a woman that wasn’t Danny was repulsive.

“Oh n-no, you m-misunderstood. I-I just want the b-bread.” I held up my hands disarmingly, my muscles twinging in sharp pain. The strain I put my body under would haunt me for a couple of days, if not weeks. But it was nothing compared to the first encounter with the Butcher. I got off light this time, and I couldn’t be more grateful. But the arguing with the innkeeper wasn’t helping my disoriented state. I just wanted to lay down and sleep a dreamless dream.

The host slammed his fist down on the wooden bar and gruffed like a bull. “Are you saying my wife’s not attractive?”

“N-No, no, sir. I j-just want a n-nights rest and something t-to eat.”

“Look at her, she’s a prime piece of ass.”

“S-Sir.”

“Look at her!”

Reluctantly, I turned and stared at the wife. With her grubby blue robes and her peppered red lips, it was clear that a long time ago, she used to be stunning. But with crows feet drawn around her exhausted, dull eyes and the creases and folds of loose skin, she was just a former shell of what I imagined was once the talk of the town.

“V-Very beautiful,” I lied, not wanting to upset the husband. He seemed insistent on pimping out his woman, something I couldn’t understand. From the unnerved scoffs, the wife didn’t seem to be particularly enjoying the attention from the male customers.

“Are ya eyeing my woman? That’s my wife, ya piece of shit!” He jumped over the bar and grabbed me by the collar. He breathed his rotten scent in my face and the crooked grin of the Butcher flashed through my mind. Triggered, my reflexes shot in action and before I could rein myself in, the innkeeper was plastered against the floor. With muffled shrieks and clamoured screams, a commotion birthed from the occupants of the room. With shoves and tugs, insults and taunts, the wife swept me out of the inn. My foot caught behind the threshold and too bruised and tired to hold myself up, my body tumbled into the dirt. The dust and ruffles from the broom left me coughing and gasping for air as the mud soaked into my pants.

“D-Damn you!” I called, narrowly dodging the coins thrown at my head.

“Here’s ya damn copper back!” the innkeeper shouted, his head red from anger and excitement. From down here, he looked ridiculous and I couldn’t help the laugh bubbling up from deep inside of me. His infuriated expression was hilarious and I could see the white of his eyes. The moonlight actually reflected in it, they were that big.

A snort escaped from my mouth and as much as it hurt to laugh, I happily basked in the joy and relief flooding through me. After years of anguish and fear, I could finally be a normal person again. A man who could worry about being thrown out of an inn. The worst I’d have to deal with was a hairy hunk hustling me for a couple of coin.

“What’s ya problem?! Get lost!”

I scrambled up from the dirt and shrugged the man’s aggression away. With my backpack slung over my shoulder and my hands deep in my pocket, I strolled away from the small inn. If they didn’t want me here, I wouldn’t stay. I was sure I’d find a kind stranger that let me sleep in their hay, and if not, even an abandoned barn would be enough to put a roof above my head.

A little wheezy, I whistled a soft tune. A song that hadn’t existed right before this very moment. A little melody that originated from the relief and lightness in my chest, despite the physical strain. For the first time, I felt unburdened and weightless. Untouchable.

I missed Danny, her beautiful red hair and her vibrant eyes. The softness in her voice, the gentleness in her touch. The affection and warmth she held for me. I even wished for Regan’s stern company and Darren’s grumpy morning self.

But no turning back now. What was done was done. I would just have to figure out how to lead my life without Danny’s touch. Without her love. But that didn’t mean I had to give up mine. I would cherish and honour the moments I had with her, the life I only just missed out on.

Yes, I would be okay.