“What are you doing?”
At Sawyer’s words, Sascha jolted, and he tilted his head to the side, staring at her as she stared at the doorway to Tin’s bedroom.
It hadn’t escaped his notice that in the days since she’d been home, she hadn’t put Tin to sleep once.
Their normal routine consisted of Andrei giving Tin a bath—mostly because he sang to their kid in Russian as he cleaned up the crap that Tin had managed to cover himself with over the length of the day.
It was the only time that they exposed Tin to another language, and they did so in as relaxed a way as possible.
When he was a little older, maybe five, they’d introduce him to German, but as that was far simpler than Russian, that would be easy for their smart kid.
So, Andrei managed bath time— no matter how busy his schedule was, no matter what kind of shit he had going down with the various power plays he was controlling at any given time, he made it back for that half-hour appointment he had with their son. Afterward, one of them tucked Tin in with Sascha at their side.
The last few days hadn’t been like that. Well, not until last night.
Andrei had taken to bringing Tin to Sascha, where she’d kiss him good night and then they’d head off for bath time.
It didn’t take a miracle worker to figure out why.
She didn’t want to see the nursery.
But she hadn’t said that. Hadn’t even mentioned it. Hell, she hadn’t even spoken that much since she’d come home.
Maybe that made sense, though. They were all quieter. The mood in the house somber and heavy with mourning.
“I-I need to clear the nursery. Tin needs his room back.” The ache in her voice nearly broke him. God, what this woman could do to him.
He’d never thought a woman could bring him to his knees, but Sascha did. She had such power over him, but she never, ever took advantage of it.
She was his soulmate, and he’d made it so that she’d felt she had to hide her cravings from him. So much so, she’d been stupid, gone out in icy weather, and had fallen without him at her side.
Sawyer wasn’t sure what that was, but he figured clusterfuck about summed it up.
Was he such a food Nazi that she hadn’t felt like she could eat what she craved?
He knew how cravings worked. They usually represented some kind of lack in the mother’s diet. But still, what diet required all the saturated fats in a Big Mac?
Hating himself for even asking the question, and knowing he needed to watch his words in the future when he talked to her about food, he murmured, “It’s empty, babe.”
She jolted again, and he frowned at her, wondering if she was truly as okay as she insisted she was. “It is?”
“We dismantled it a few days after we got home. When you took Tin to playgroup.” There hadn’t been that much to sort out. Just enough to break both his and Sean’s fucking hearts as they packed away clothes they’d never use and gadgets that would never hold their baby.
It had been hard on him, so he was glad he and Sean had been the ones to handle that, not Sascha.
She seemed to sag, and he saw the relief on her face and he felt it in his heart.
Her pain reached out to him with tendrils that seemed to wrap around him. He could no more stop himself from moving closer than he could stop himself from taking his next breath.
He pulled her into his arms and murmured, “I’m sorry.”
She tensed. “What for?”
“For making you feel like you had to hide your cravings from me.”
She sighed, then let out a little chuckle that nearly broke his fucking heart. “Oh sweetheart, it was just a stupid thing. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m the one who put our baby in danger. I’m lucky you’re still talking to me. That all of you can forgive me.”
Horrified that she could even think that, he blurted out, “You weren’t reckless, Sascha. You didn’t know you were going to slip. And I know you. You don’t see the world like the rest of us do, lass.”
She leaned away from him at that. She didn’t move out of his arms, though, just looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
His lips curved. “Haven’t you realized it?”
She tilted her head to the side. “Realized what?”
“You’re like a warrior.”
“Huh?” Her brow puckered as she tried to figure out what he meant.
“Nothing gets in your way, Sascha. You take things full tilt. I love that about you, lass. You’re strong and sure of yourself. You know what you want and aren’t afraid to go after it; whether it’s learning to dance, stripping this damn staircase, or deciding you need a burger. Just this time, we all flew a little close to the sun and we were burned for it.”
She pressed back into his embrace and fell silent for a second. He didn’t complain. It felt good to just hold her.
She’d been quiet— distant since they’d arrived home. She was recuperating and she needed the time and space to heal. He hadn’t avoided her, made sure that he came and sat with her, ate whatever Kurt cooked for the family, and played with Tin while she watched on, but he’d stayed apart from her. Distant. Why?
Because he was second guessing himself.
Only once he’d put away the nursery furniture did he realize what he’d been doing. He’d recognized that his mother was right and he needed to rectify that.
He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. “How are you doing, lass? Really doing?”
She was quiet, then in the smallest of voices, murmured, “Not good.”
He squeezed her. “Are you going to contact the center?”
She shook her head. “No. I don’t want to.”
The hospital had given her information about support groups who could help her, them, deal with what had happened.
That she didn’t want to go made him frown. “Is that wise?”
“I don’t want to… I just want to be at home.”
“And you can do that, you can be here twenty-three hours a day if you want. But that one hour might be wisely spent with people trained to help.”
She huffed. “You think I want to go to one of those meetings by myself?”
“I never imagined ye’d be going by yourself, lass. Whisht. Have yer lost yer head?”
She blinked. “Wow. That was pure Jacinta.”
He just rolled his eyes. “Well, have you? You didn’t honestly think we’d let you attend a meeting like that without one of us there?”
She wriggled her shoulders. “I wasn’t sure. You’re not exactly the counseling type. Any of you. And Sean’s a trained therapist!”
He snorted out a laugh at her umbrage, but he leaned down to buss her lips. “Well, get that out yer head. If you want to go, one of us will go with you.” He shrugged. “Hell, all five of us can go, but it might raise eyebrows.”
She sighed and started to say, “Frigging eyebrows…”
But the sound of the door slamming below had them both jerking in surprise. None of them were exactly the ‘door slamming’ types.
“Sawyer?”
It was Sean.
Scowling, Sawyer carefully untangled himself from Sascha’s arms as he bent over the banister to holler, “What the hell’s wrong with ye? Hollerin’ like that, yer fool. It’s a good bluidy job Tin’s in playgroup or you’d have scared the shite out of him.”
The angles of the staircases and the landings made it so that he had a clear view straight down to the ground floor. Sean, peering up at him, looked red-faced with… Sawyer’s brow puckered. Anger? No, he knew Sean well enough to recognize sadness, and this was definitely anger.
“You need to come with me.”
“Where?” he demanded, perplexed by the urgency in his tone.
“To the police station.” Sean’s nostrils flared as he firmed his jaw. For a second, Sawyer wasn’t sure he was going to continue, then he did the equivalent of throwing freezing water over Sawyer’s head by gritting out, “It’s Devon. He’s just been arrested for assault.”
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
Yes. There are going to be more sequels to the Quintessence story! I’m sure you figured that out already, but I just wanted to confirm it. Every month, you can stay tuned for another dive into the household’s life. I wish it was weekly like before but I’m releasing my paranormal series side by side with Quintessence. Book two is close to completion, though, and will be toddling off for the first phases of editing very soon. (If you didn’t know about my brand new paranormal series, you can start it here: www.books2read.com/Trinity)
This story has been incredibly difficult for me to write, but I did it with the help of some awesome midwives who helped shape Sascha’s hospital care.
I just wanted to say, if you’ve been in Sascha’s shoes, from the depths of my very being, I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you, and I feel your pain. That might not seem like much, but truly, I do. This story was an agony to write, so I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels to live it.
I hope I handled this delicately enough to honor the pain Sascha and her family are going through.
And, if you’re curious what a Russian bath time song sounds like, check out the video here:
As always, feel free to email me on . Whether it’s to bitch at me, or to tell me you love the series or (hopefully not) loathe it. Please, get in touch. You’ve no idea how much inspiration and energy it gives me when you guys do. Also, if you love the book, please leave a review. I’d really appreciate it. <3
If you’re not a part of my Diva’s reader group, the link is here: . I’m holding a special Quintessence giveaway in there and also revealing the next cover in the series; as well as who the hero will be!
I know some of you might not want to be in there, but I hold a lot of giveaways, and also, you get updates on the books I’m writing. More so than you would with my newsletter, which I only use to promote releases. (You can sign up for that here: )
Love
Serena <3