CHAPTER SEVEN
“A proposition?” Dante asked, “What kind of proposition.”
“Simple, really,” I said, “Something’s going on with you, and I think I know what it is, but I want to hear it come from your mouth.”
“Lilith, we’ve been over this.”
“Only we haven’t. I asked, you dodged. So, my proposition is this: you can either answer that question, or you can tell me why the fuck you climbed out of bed, left, and haven’t talked to me in a week.”
Dante’s jaw tightened. I could see the conflict brewing in his eyes, like storm clouds on a grey day. I had put all of my cards on the table and knew this gave Dante all the power, but that was the only move I could have made, the only hand to play. Having played more than a few rounds of poker in my life, I knew now it was his turn to either call me, raise me, or fold. Dante Rhodes, however, was not the kind of man to fold.
“I don’t know what you expect,” Dante said.
“I expect some kind of answer, Dante,” I said, “It’s simple. You left, and I deserve an explanation. You look like shit, and I want to help. Take your pick as to which one you want to go into.”
Dante’s jaw tightened, as if the idea of telling the truth was causing him physical discomfort. “I’m sorry I left…”
“Now we’re getting somewhere. Why did you leave?”
“It’s more complicated than the answer you think I can give you.”
I tilted my head to the side. “That… what does that even mean?”
“It means what I said it means. I didn’t want to leave, but I had to.”
“Why? I mean, if you’re having trouble diluting the exact reason into something you think I can understand, then let’s start with the reason why you got out of bed the next morning and left your bedroom without looking back?”
Dante sighed, long and frustrated. “I was called on an urgent recruitment.”
“Recruitment?”
“More like discovery. The Keeper had sensed out another potential supernatural, and with Tom no longer in play, it was down to me to locate them and bring them back safely.”
I paused. “I didn’t see you bring anyone back with you…”
“That’s because I failed.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I failed! On top of everything that happened, everything I went through, and everything I put you through, I failed.”
“Dante…”
“No. You asked for the reason, so here it is. I wanted to stay, but I wasn’t given a choice in the matter. The situation was similar to yours. The girl was being hunted down, and someone had to step in. She wasn’t like you, though. She didn’t trust me. Thought I was one of them.”
“Who was after her?”
“The same type who were after you before you turned; vampires hungry for pure, ripe, supernatural energy.”
“Jesus, Dante, why didn’t you say something?”
“Because I couldn’t. I had to leave in a hurry, and then I had to throw myself into the situation fully. I needed to concentrate, and if I had to think about you too, I wouldn’t have been able to.”
I paused. “And you knew I could deal with it…”
He nodded. “Because you’re a grown woman, and because you can take care of yourself.”
I shook my head and looked to the window. “You still should have said something. Anything. Left me a message, a note. Just something to tell me that you had to leave, but that we would pick this up when you got back. Things would have been… better, at least.”
“You know I couldn’t.”
“No, Dante, I don’t know that. But you’re right, I have taken care of myself, I have handled this, now what I wanted was an answer, because I felt like shit that morning.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Damn right you are. I thought we’d spent a great night together, and then you left. Taking care of myself isn’t the same as having reassurance that I wasn’t just a lay.”
“You weren’t.”
“And how can I know that?”
Dante fell silent, then moved across to the window to look outside. It had started to rain, and the rain had caused the city lights to haze in the distance. In a moment, raindrops would begin to pop against the window, and the pops would turn into a hiss, that would transform into a roar, soaking every street, car, and rooftop across London.
“Dante?” I asked.
He turned to look at me. “Because I’ve been with no one else since you.”
“You… haven’t?”
He shook his head. “There is no one I want, Lilith.”
My heart simultaneously sank, and soared. I had suspected as much, now I had heard it directly from him. I knew he was telling the truth, too; it was evident in the pallor of his face, the dark circles under his eyes, the way his stance seemed a little too slouched. He hadn’t been with anyone since he had been with me, and he was starving as a result. I walked up to him, my mouth slowly opening as worry overtook me like a cold wash.
“Why, Dante?” I asked, “Why are you starving yourself?”
“I told you. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I never have, not since the moment I saw you.”
“But you have to… you and I don’t have a choice in this. You’ll die.”
“I don’t care.”
“But I do. You can’t die, Dante. You can’t let this happen to you.”
Dante didn’t speak then, didn’t look at me either, his eyes still turned toward the window. I took his cheek, his cold cheek, in my hand and turned it toward me. When I looked into his eyes, I saw the same fire, the same passion, same intensity I had always seen, but it was muted, fading, weak. This couldn’t go on.
“I’ll be fine,” he said, “You don’t need to worry.”
“And when you can’t go any further? What then?”
“We’ll deal with that when we come to it. I just need to conserve my energy better.”
“Putting up a mask to make everyone else think you’re healthier than you actually are isn’t helping you in that goal.”
“I know.”
“So, do something about it. What are you afraid of?”
“I made a promise to myself that night… a promise that I’d never be with another woman again even if it killed me.”
“Dante, you can’t make that promise. I’ve been with other men, you have to be with other women.”
“I don’t care about the other men,” he said, “I want you, and only you.”
I held onto his collar and pulled him close. “I want you too, Dante, but I want you forever, and I need you to be healthy. If you died…”
“I’m not going to die.”
“You don’t know that!” I said, my voice rising with the frustration. “I’m telling you, Dante—find someone, feed, you have to. If not for you, then do it for me.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. I won’t.”
“God dammit,” I said, letting him go, “You’re a stubborn asshole, you know that?”
For the first time since I had seen him, his lips curled into a smile. A weak smile, but a smile nonetheless. “I know… frustrating, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is. What the hell are we going to do, Dante?”
He shrugged. “Nothing right now. There’s nothing to do. You do what you have to do, and I’ll do the same. I won’t die from this.”
“You will eventually. It’s called starving for a reason.”
“You can’t force me to have sex with someone else, Lilith.”
“No, but I can get mad at you if you don’t, and I don’t think you want that.”
“What I want is you. That’s all I want, all I need.”
“I can’t give you what you need and you know that.”
“Then I’ll figure it out.”
I shoved him, hard, then stared at him. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he was deliberately starving himself, or his justification for it, but my chest was starting to tighten as two feelings pressed down on it like two hands of a vice. On the one hand, he was likely to kill himself if he didn’t feed soon. On the other hand, he had just confessed that he wanted me and only me, and that was something I almost couldn’t accept, but he’d made it clear I had no choice.
I hugged him tightly before leaving, breathing into his chest before without saying another word. Everything that had to be said had been said, all that was left to do now was let the situation cool off. Maybe then I’d be able to get through to him.