CHAPTER TEN
- Tallulah -
Desperate to stop the tears, I squeeze my eyes shut, but it doesn’t work. My chest squeezes tight with rapidly building up sobs. Face first, I flop into the pillows and roughly bury my head as the first sobs erupt. There is no fight in me against the havoc of my emotions. I just pray no one comes to investigate. They already think I’m weak. If they witness my breakdown, it’ll only cement it for them.
Who knows how long my tears leaked into the pillow, but when I when I lift my head it’s dark outside. The wet pillowcase brushes against my ear, and I straighten up with disgust. Yuck! I rub my still leaky nose on my sleeve, then I take a few breaths to calm down.
My thoughts are a jumbled mess, and I don’t know what to think about or even work out first. I’d rather bury my head in the sand and pray all this will resolve itself, but I know it won’t. I’m really not that lucky.
A soft knock sounds at the door. The boys promised to give me time, so I know it’s not one of them. My only guess is it’s Rosalina. Swiftly, I wipe away any moisture left under my eyes before I call for the person to enter. I’m surprised when Dad steps in instead of Rosalina.
“Hey, Dad,” I croak. Shifting awkwardly, I clear my throat and call out a little louder, “Hey.”
He takes one look at my face, with my red, puffy eyes and blotchy face, and concern fills his gaze. My normally strong and confident father stands with his shoulders slumped, back to the door, as he nervously clutches the bags in his hands. He must’ve just arrived back from the house. His mouth straightens into a flat line as he looks away. It’s instantly clear he’s been informed I know the truth about my mates.
Unprepared for the flush of outrage, I barely choke out, “Why didn’t you tell me?” before my eyes fill and spill over again, heartbroken my dad lied to me.
Unceremoniously, he drops the bags in his rush to cross the room. He sweeps me up in his arms, sits on the bed, and places me firmly in his lap. I’m too big to be cuddled like this, but his familiar smell drapes a blanket of calm around me.
He wraps his arms tightly around my shoulders as he sways slightly back and forth, like he used to when I was sick or had a nightmare. His voice rumbles through his chest, “When things happened with your mother, I vowed to myself I’d protect you with everything I am.” His hand rubs slowly up and down my back. Whether to comfort me or to reassure himself is unclear.
“Henrique and Leverette came to me to explain you were the boy’s mate. They explained how Blood Moon found out too and their threat to hunt for you at the meeting.” His breath quickens and voice drops an octave. “They invited me to the meeting with the three boys, who decided you shouldn’t be with them to keep you safe. I should’ve argued, I understand that now. But you’re all I have left and I just… I couldn’t bear to lose you.”
My tears soak into the cotton of dad’s shirt, but he ignores it. I whisper with a hiccup, “They were my friends, Dad. How could they not tell me? How could it be so easy for them to walk away from the mate bond?”
He pulls back, his warm palms against my cheeks to hold me in place so I cannot pull away. “Those boys didn’t want you to get hurt. They knew it wouldn’t be forever. I know it wasn’t easy for you trying to find your place, but it was never easy for them to be near you and not be with you. They suffered.” He tucks his arms back under me, lifts, and sets me onto the bed next to him.
With a shake of his head, he stands and props his fists on his hips. “They sat in that office as small boys with tears and snot covered faces and told the adults what they wanted. In one day they found out who you were and lost you.” Palpable anger shows in the timbre of his voice. “The hurt of you believing they didn’t want you was far less than what they had to endure. And I’m selfish, I know I am, but I’m glad they were able to wait for so long.”
“They should’ve told me! They left me. They didn’t want me!” My hands smack down on the bed, and pain rattles through my whole body. I know it’s completely unrealistic, but the last couple of days have finally caught up with me.
Dad straightens to his full height, and my skin prickles. I’ve over stepped his acceptable level of self-pity. He moves until he towers over me; his voice is deadly calm. “Tallulah Mardak, I know you’re hurt, but I’m still your father. When I tell you those boys wanted you, that they always wanted you, you will believe me.” His shoulders slump, and he huffs. “I’d die a thousand deaths to have your mother back.”
My whole chest hurts from those words. In disbelief, I watch as he runs his fingers through his hair and moves to the door. “I need to head out because there are more things I still need to see to. Honestly, if I stand here any longer, one or both of us will say something we’ll regret.”
The one permanent thing in my life, my father, walks out of the door without a backwards glance. Shame weighs on my shoulders. We’ve had many arguments over the years, but we’ve always talked it out, not just left it unresolved. His abandonment leaves me more bereft now than before he arrived.
He lost my mum, and for god knows how long, he’s kept me safe. Riled up from the day, I let it get the best of me. My father only acts with my best interest at heart, more so now than ever. Instead of lashing out at Dad, I should ask Theo, Quimby, and Kenji my questions.
Do I really want three men who can ignore our mate bond for fourteen years? Is it something I even want to be a part of?
I’m not sure how long I sit there before I get my ass in gear and go after my father to apologise. Before I can follow, though, the door shakes with another firm knock. If it keeps up at this rate, I’ll need to install a revolving door.
Rosalina sticks her head around the door to offer a sombre smile. I guess Dad and I weren’t at all quiet in our argument. Well, the guys will know what questions I have now.
I take a moment to readjust on the bed and wave her in. Accepting my silent invitation, Rosalina pushes the door open wider and reveals a plate of cookies and a glass of milk in her hands. With my attitude so far today, I wouldn’t be surprised if she came to rub the cookies in my face and dump the milk over my head.
I definitely deserve it.
“I’m”—I hesitate— “I’m sorry you had to listen to all that.” I shake my head with a bitter chuckle. “Bet they’re ecstatic they hit the jackpot with me, right?”
She moves farther into the room and sets the cookies and milk on the bedside table. I guess I won’t be wearing them after all. Softly, she pats my leg to get me to scoot over. After I shift to the middle of the bed, she takes a seat next to me.
Furrowed eyebrows don’t hide the shimmer in her gaze as she searches my face, then takes my hand and squeezes gently. “I won’t say I understand the situation you find yourself in, but I think…” She pauses contemplatively, then reaches across to take two cookies off the plate and offers me one. “Tally, you and the boys need a clean slate. Can I make a request?”
I ponder this for a few seconds and take the cookie. Biting the bullet, I silently nod for her to continue.
“Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully, it’ll also be a better one. Spend time with my boys, give them a proper chance to prove how much you mean to them. I know they let you down, but if nothing else, please know they all love you. But, I understand if you want to give them a little trouble.” She laughs and nudges my shoulder before whispering, “I’d give them trouble, too.”
My jaw hits the floor, my eyes are wide from her confession. Is she serious? I manage to stutter out, “What?”
One glance at my expression has her laughing. After a minute, she tones it down to giggles and taps my knee. “Darling, my boys have loved you since they first clapped eyes on you as a baby. Their love for you has only gotten stronger over the years. Once you find your bearings as bond mates, they’ll be glued to your sides.”
She angles her body towards mine, mirth slipping from her face. Serious, she takes both my hands in hers. “We need to have a different talk, woman to woman.” Her eyes move rapidly over me as if inspecting a puzzle. “Because you’re a virgin.”
Her words bring a flush of embarrassed heat, and she squeezes my fingers. “Sweetie, don’t go blushing. I can’t imagine your father would have this type of conversation with you, and I want you to be safe. With all that has gone on around the four of you, a baby is not the sort of extra stress and worry you need right now. Even if I’d love a little pup running around the house.
“For now, our conversation can wait. Eat up, and get some rest. You’ll need it for tomorrow.” The whirlwind that is Rosalina stands, brushing her hands over the slight creases in her trousers. “Oh, and don’t worry about your father’s outburst. He’s as upset as you are over the situation. Have a good sleep tonight, for tomorrow’s a fresh new day.” Briskly she strides out of my room, closing the door behind her.
What just happened? Absentmindedly, I scarf the cookies and drink the milk. Not in the mood to hunt for toiletries or move my sore body, I manoeuvre across the bed and climb under the covers. I fling the wet pillow to the floor, then grab and bury my head under a new, dry pillow to try to shut out everything that has happened.
~
Bad dreams plague me. When I jolt awake, I quickly realise I’m not alone in my bed. My body shakes with fear, and I open my mouth to scream.
“It’s me, Tally.”
My mouth snaps shut at the sound of the familiar whisper. I peer around in the dark, trying to rid myself out of the nightmare. What the hell is Theo doing in my bed?
“Theo?” I croak out. “What…” I clear my throat to rid it of sleep and try again. “What are you doing in here?” My eyes finally adjust, and I make out the outline of Theo on my bed, lying on his side with his head propped up on one hand.
Movements slow and deliberate, he reaches out and slips his fingers through mine. “I was grabbing a drink when I heard you cry out.” Hesitantly he squeezes my hand. “Do you remember what the dream was about?”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I mumble, “Yeah, but it doesn’t matter.”
Theo shifts in the dark, tugging me closer until I face him. My pillow dips as he moves to share my pillow. With another shift of my shoulders, I make more room for him, but he quickly reaches around to stop me. Silently, he rests his head right next to mine.
The only place our bodies connect is his hand firmly on my back, where his touch fizzes. His minty breath fans across my face, and I can finally make out his eyes in the dark, firmly fixed on me. If I lean forward ever so slightly, I’ll be able to kiss him. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut against the overwhelming and completely irrational thought. When I slowly open them again, I catch the twitch of Theo’s mouth.
Am I really that easy to read?
The chuckle that escapes his lips confirms it. His low, husky voice teases, “I’ll let you kiss me if it’s what you really want, Tally.”
As I swat at his arm, it rings out loudly in the quiet room, but my hand bounces off his muscle.
“Ouch.” I let out a whine and rub my hand against the bed sheet between us to ease the sting. “I’m sure you say it to all the girls, Theo.”
It shocks me when my voice comes out bitter and laced with jealousy. My stomach clenches painfully, visuals conjured up of the three of them with other girls flashes through my mind.
Theo’s hand slips from my back, cold air stealing the warmth from his absent touch. Just as I’m about to sit up, he catches my still smarting hand and cups it tenderly in both of his. He lifts it to his lips and places a small kiss to my palm.
“There’s only ever been one girl for the three of us, Tally.” His grip tightens on my hand when I attempt to pull away from him. “You, Tally. Only you.”
Would he lie to me? Is he only telling me what I want to hear?
“I won’t lie to you, Tally, some girls thought we were conquests or some sort of trophy. Because of who our parents are, they were desperate to have whatever our status could offer them. But we couldn’t, wouldn’t, because they’re not you.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I say, “So… You’ve never been with another girl?” I squash down the bloom of hope that flutters throughout my body.
“They’re not my mate. You are.”
I stare at him, gobsmacked. I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond.
A flirty grin spreads across his face. Even in the dark, I can tell his eyes sparkle with mischief. “I promise. The three of us vowed to wait for you. Another girl would’ve been pointless. We couldn’t offer them short or long-term relationships, and we didn’t want to. You’re the only one for us.”
Half terrified by his words, another, hidden part of myself, is excited. The prospect of my three mates being intimate with me for our first times… The kisses, touches, and more… My cheeks heat, and my body throbs with that last thought. Oh, hell. I need to get my desire under control. This constant yo-yo is likely to grow old fast. One minute I want to strangle them, the next I want to jump their bones.
Stupid hormones.
Theo’s face grows serious, and he tuts in reprimand, “Anyway, stop distracting me from my question. What did you dream about?”
It takes a few moments for my brain to catch up and register what he asked. I shake my head to get rid of the lingering dirty thoughts and concentrate on the question. “It’s stupid.”
He frowns and scolds, “You might think it’s stupid, but I still want to hear it, Tallulah.”
He won’t give up until I answer him. It’s my turn to grip his hand tighter. Once he knows my fears, he’ll finally realise I’m not the one for them.
“I guess today caught up with me, and my mind shoved it all together into a nightmare.” Uncomfortable, I try not to stammer, “I ran to get to my dad and then to you, Kenji, and Quimby, but I couldn’t find you. In the forest, black wolves chased after me, but I had no weapons. I couldn’t fight. I couldn’t protect any of you.” My heart races with remembered panic, and my muscles tense. The nightmare is still too fresh in my mind. “I’m weak because I can’t shift.”
Swiftly, Theo yanks me flush against him and wraps his arms around me. I bury my nose in his chest as he croons softly, gently brushing my hair off my neck. I take luxury in the fact I’m in his arms, that I’m safe in this moment. My body slowly begins to relax.
Once my chest loosens, I lean back just as his head drops. His breath wisps out against my face. Pressed so close, I feel his heartbeat rapidly increase in tempo with our movement. Goosebumps pop up all over my skin. The tingles erupt over my body.
With all that’s happened, I just want to forget, to be with Theo, if only for a few short moments. I throw caution to the wind and take the bull by his horns, or in this case, the wolf by his tail. Tentatively, I close the distance between us and place my lips on his. Greedily, Theo takes over the kiss, and the butterflies take full flight in my stomach.
He grabs my hair firmly at my nape and angles my head. His tongue swipes across my lips twice asking for entrance. Parting them, our tongues slip together, his warm and firm, exploring every crevice of my mouth. Worry chases pleasure as it slides through me. Is this as good for him as it is for me? His tongue brushes across the roof of my mouth, and my brain stops functioning. A moan escapes me, and it spurs him on as he does it again.
Heat pools between us, and we desperately clutch each other close. My body stiffens slightly. Are we about to have sex? Theo must sense it because he slows the kisses down before pulling back and gently places kisses on my cheeks and forehead. Breathing heavy, he snuggles me close and rests his head against the top of my own.
His voice comes out strained. “I didn’t mean to push. None of us want to force you into this. We agreed to wait until you’re ready. To go at your pace.” His chest presses against mine as he takes a deep breath.
“My brothers and I have done a little research on human mating rituals. We know they don’t have bond mates, but they do take someone they’re interested in on dates. They like to woo each other. We want to date you.”
I frown at his words and shift away until I’m able to make out his face better in the sliver of moonlight streaming in the window. “You want to date me? Woo me? But I’m your mate. You don’t need to do stuff like that.”
Theo pulls me back and tucks my head under his chin once more before he pulls the blankets up over my shoulders. “We don’t normally, no, but you’re our mate, and you’re also half human. We don’t want you to miss out on your mother’s traditions. We spoke briefly with your father about when he met your mother, and he explained how he’d take her on dates. They ate food, talked, and danced. We want to do the same things for you.”
Tears well up in my eyes, but I manage to blink them back. “You want to do all that, for me?”
I sense the smile in his voice when he responds. “Of course, we do, beautiful girl. We love you.”
No amount of effort will blink back the tears now. I open my mouth to respond in kind, but no words come out. With all that’s gone on, it’s not the right time. Deep down, I do love them, but I don’t want to say it back out of some form of obligation. It wouldn’t be right. Instead, I wrap my arm around him and squeeze. Hopefully, he doesn’t hate me because I don’t say it back.
A kiss lands firmly on my head. Cosy, I snuggle in closer to steal Theo’s body heat. It’s not long before his breathing levels out into sleep.