Emerson

Tia’s beautiful eyes cloud with doubt at my words. “I wish it were possible for some wildflower to cure this epidemic, but we need something much stronger than that.”

“I don’t want to argue with you,” I tell her, my arm draped over her shoulder. I twirl a long lock of her hair between my fingers.

She lets out a small burst of air. “No surprise there.”

I pull back and frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She turns her body so she can look me in the eyes. “Em, you’re not one for fighting.” She smiles as if her statement is a simple one to absorb. Then she presses a hand to my chest, clearly noticing my scowl. “You do what is easy, is all. What makes people happy instead of standing up for--”

I cut her off. “Don’t, Tia.” My words are clipped. She has no idea.

Her eyebrows narrow as she takes in my tone. “Em, I’m not trying to hurt you.”

“No?”

“No.” She sits upright, pursing her lips. “I’m not saying you’re weak, it’s just… you abandoned your son because your parents told you to. You joined the Navy because it’s what they wanted to. What about you, Emerson? What do you want?”

My jaw tightens and I try to keep my voice quiet, but the truth is, I want to shout. I love her, I do, but she gets reckless with her words and emotions. She acts before she thinks things through, and she’s lucky that so far it hasn’t hurt her… but it scares me to think that one day she will take things too far. That one day she will come face-to-face with someone less forgiving than her husbands.

Frustration laces through me.

“Did it ever occur to you, Tia, that making sacrifices isn’t a weakness, but a strength?”

She tilts her head, listening, but she doesn’t answer. Her gaze falls to her hands and she doesn’t look up.

“Listen to me,” I tell her. “I didn’t abandon Mason. I did what I could to give him the best shot at life.” That’s the truth. “And I left home for the Navy because getting a job meant earning a paycheck that I could send back to the farm to help the people I love more than anything.”

As I speak, I realize my voice is getting louder, but I’m upset. Tia doesn’t see me as the man I am… just a one-dimensional character who makes dinner and cleans the goddamn compound.

“Can’t you see?” I ask her, lifting her chin and forcing her eyes to mine. “I had already fucked so much up. And yet my family took that money I’d given them over the years and sent it in to the lottery on my behalf. And now you’re sitting in their home telling me I’m weak. Because of what exactly? That I did my best to make my parents proud? That because I chose to protect my son’s mother, I’m less of a man?”

Tia’s eyes blur with tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean you were weak. I shouldn’t have said it like that--”

“No, you shouldn’t have said it at all.” I run a hand over my beard, trying to steal my emotions. “Tia, I know I’m not perfect but--”

“Stop,” she says, reaching for my hands. “That’s the whole problem. You are perfect. You’re too good for me. This whole family is.” She rests her head against my chest and I run a hand through her long silky hair.

“That’s not true.” I’m the furthest thing from it. My outburst just proves it.

“I’m a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s either fear or lust or jealousy consuming me… and it’s constantly changing.” Her breath comes out shaky as if she’s holding back tears. “I’m... I’d I’m just...”

“Pregnant.”

She looks up at me, her beautiful face strained with emotions. “Yes. That’s the best and worst part of it all. I don’t even know what’s happening to me. I’m going to—" She hiccups. “I’m going to be...”

“You’re going to be fine,” I tell her, truly believing it.

“Everything points to a bad ending.” She shakes her head. “How can you always be so positive? So sure.”

I give her small smile, cupping her face in my hand, my thumb running over her lips. “I’ve done this before, remember?”

Her chin quivers. “I can’t believe I questioned your motivation. Those words were so ugly. You deserve so much better.”

“Tia,” I say softly. “I may be a nice guy, who hates arguing and wants everyone to kiss and make up, but it really doesn’t mean I don’t have flaws. I do. But making sacrifices for the good of the whole isn’t one of them.”

“I know.” Her eyes melt into mine. “And maybe that’s why I lashed out at you. I’ve been so selfish, running away from my husbands instead of telling you the truth, keeping secrets. I’m so ashamed of the way I’ve behaved. And then I’m here, in this farmhouse with people who are so good, so true and I can’t help but think you would be better off with a different sort of wife. A wife who was calm and steady, a wife who leads with her heart instead of her messed up mind.”

I pull her close to me, knowing she has it all wrong. “I love your messed up mind. And why would I want calm and steady when I can have your wild love?” I draw my lips to hers, kissing her lips ever so softly. “And I kept a secret too.”

“To protect Mason.”

Our foreheads touch and our hearts beat hard. “Yes, same as you tried to protect us.”

She sighs.

“You say you don’t lead with your heart, but Tia, you’re wrong. You could have chosen to end this pregnancy. Instead, you chose life. You choose to hold on to hope no matter the cost. There is no greater sacrifice than the one you are making right now.”

She gives a small nod.

“Will you forgive me?” she asks, her words so tender and raw and if there was any trace of hurt in my heart it is gone. Melted away with my absolute devotion to her.

“Oh, love,” I groan. “I will always forgive you. And I will always, always love you.” I kiss her again, drawing her to me, our mouths parting as we sink into one another’s embrace. “God, I need you,” I tell her as I run my hand over her back.

I lift her up into my arms and carry her to my room. The floorboards creak, and the familiar sounds of home waft over me. I wish Tia and I could stay here forever. I can just picture her barefoot and pregnant, the summer sun in her hair, pink coloring her cheeks. It would look so damn good on her.

But we can’t have it all.

As I lay my wife down on my bed, pulling off her pants and her panties, lifting her shirt and tossing her bra aside, I realize I don’t need it all, anyways. Kneeling before her, I kiss her belly, knowing I have more than enough.