Quintessentially Q

The first f**king erection I’d had since I found Tess so ruined and weak.

Her eyes popped wide as she touched her cheek with gentle fingertips.

I waited, licking my lips—waiting for her crystal tears that tasted so sweet, but her eyes remained dry. No salt, no amazement, or accusation.

“I know you’re trying to get an emotion out of me, Q. But…it won’t work.” She broke eye contact. “I’ve tried. I hate what I’m doing to you. I loved you and can’t stand to be the reason for your pain, but they made me—” She swallowed. “My thoughts aren’t safe anymore. I can’t be myself because everything is wrapped up in such evil.” She looked up. “I’m truly sorry but you have to let me go.”

The alcohol rolled in my stomach and I lost it completely. I’m not proud of what I became. I never wanted to be so out of control, but I lost all elements of the man and showed her just how much the beast f**king wanted her.

I ripped the sheets off and shoved her into the middle of the bed. The T-shirt rode up, showing her flat belly, and I had to bite her. Had to mar that slightly bruised flesh.

With a snarl, I buried my mouth against her stomach. She flinched as I bit hard. I didn’t break the skin, but only because some miracle intervened.

I spread my entire weight over her, smothering her into the mattress. Eyes to eyes, mouth to mouth, h*ps to hips.

I thrust hard against her, groaning at how good my hard c**k felt. It’d been too long. Way too long since I’d had this woman…since I’d wanted this woman. “Feel that, Tess. That’s for you. I want you. So. Fucking. Much. Please come back to me. You will come back to me.” I smashed my mouth against hers. Her taste intoxicated me more than any alcohol.

I forced her lips open, demanding she tongue me back. She opened, letting me kiss her, but she didn’t return my affection. It was like kissing a corpse.

Please. Fucking please, come back to me.

Slowing down, I kissed her with all the unhappiness and loss inside. Showing just how much I needed the strong fiery woman who didn’t take my shit but let me hurt her anyway.

I needed her so much.

I poured my heart into her…

Nothing.

My gut twisted and I pulled away, looking deep into her eyes. There were no words to describe the vacant, empty woman who stared back. No signs of lust or fear or turmoil.

Zero. Zilch. Gone.

Grabbing her shoulders, I shook her. “Wake up, esclave. Come out of your f**king bunker and face me. You don’t have to shut down anymore.”

When she didn’t say anything, I yelled right in her face. “This isn’t just my fault, you know. You left the tracker in. You forgot to remove it. You should’ve told me! You should’ve made sure only I had access to you.”

I sat up, dragging her upright to shake her with every word. “You let me down. You ruined everything. Goddammit, Tess. Do something!”

A flicker of something sparked in her eyes before it was gone again, killed by the life-sucking void inside her.

“I’ll f**k you. I’ll make you come back to me. Is that what you want?” I grabbed her uninjured hand and placed it around my cock.

It leapt in her grip, hot and angry; wanting so f**king much to be inside her. “I only get hard if you fight me, Tess. So f**king fight me, because I need you so damn much.” I pressed my forehead against hers, whispering, “Please tell me you won’t let me touch you, all the while really begging me to. Please tell me how you’ll never let me break you, all the while growing wet for me. Tell me anything, esclave.”

I removed my hand from hers, praying she’d fist and stroke me. My heart broke as her grip went limp.

I saw red.

Grabbing her throat, I squeezed, looking so deep into her eyes I swear I saw her f**king soul. And it scared the shit out of me when I realized there was no soul to see. Nothing connected to mine—the mind link we shared was gone.

“Tess, please. I’m begging you.” Pressing my lips against hers again, I didn’t move, waiting, hoping she’d kiss me back.

One breath.

Two.

An agony of waiting for her to soften, accept my protection, my willingness to give her anything she wanted, but she stiffened in my grip. Her hot skin turned chilly; she withdrew even further. The bond we shared snipped free as she sucked whatever existed between us deep inside, leaving me in the dark, all alone, once more.

“Sparrow,” she whispered.

My world crunched to a halt; my heart stopped.

I didn’t think anything could hurt me so bone deep. I wanted to tear out my brain and never exist. That one word. It ruined me. Smashed me with a wrecking ball, leaving me in rubble, in pieces, in dust.

I pulled back, scrambling off the bed. She’d successfully cut off my legs, tore out my heart, and left me for dead.

“Sparrow?” I repeated; my voice cracked.

She looked straight into my eyes. “Sparrow, Q. I’m so sorry.” Her eyes dropped to where my shirt had come undone, zeroing in on my tattoo. She inched forward onto her knees, beckoning me to go closer.

I couldn’t move, rooted to the spot. She just used the safe-word and expected me to come back to her?

The monster inside no longer lived in the realm of sanity—it tore its flesh, yanked at its head—wishing there was a way free from this nightmare.

When I didn’t move, Tess climbed over the rumbled bedding and stepped toward me. Her tiny hand flashed out, tracing the sparrow over my nipple, the highest one—the one flying free.

“They made me hurt others. They made me break them. I’m not a good bird anymore. I don’t know how to live with that. I’m empty. I’m lost. And time won’t heal me. I can’t give you what you need anymore and I wish I could.” Her voice was breathy, tortured. I tried not to listen or believe. This was it. This was the end.

“You don’t mean that. You’ll come back from it. Let me help you.” My mind filled with images of tying her up, whipping her until she remembered who she was. I’d kill her trying if it meant she’d be mine again. “I’ll do anything you ask of me. Just give me more time.”

“I’m leaving in the morning, Q. I’m sorry.”

“Tu ne vas aller nulle part putain!” You’re not f**king going anywhere! I shoved her backward, watching detachedly as she sprawled on the bed. Why didn’t she wince or show pain from her injuries? Was she so far gone she didn’t feel her body either?

The beast inside roared, determined to find out. I struck with my fingers, dragging my nails down her leg.

Four lines of blood sprang and still nothing. Tess just lay there, breathing normally, looking so remote.

“Tess, doesn’t do this to me!” I reached for her again—to do what, I didn’t know. Hit her, hug her, spank her, caress her—anything would be better than nothing.

Arms bounded around me, hauling me back.

Frederick muttered in my ear, “She said no, Mercer. There’s nothing you can do.”

I struggled, f**k I struggled, but Frederick was strong. His arm tightened, muscles digging into my collarbone as he dragged me further from Tess.

The last image I saw was Tess sitting cross-legged on the bed with her long blonde hair drifting around her and her lifeless grey-blue eyes watching me go.

There was nothing else to say.

It was done.

Over.

Finished.

Every single door in my mind, every wall and barrier I’d ever created, slammed back into being. I compartmentalized my needs and humanity, removed myself from the equation. I shut down so efficiently, so coldly, I was left wondering if I was a psychopath.

Tess was gone.

Frederick loosened his hold on me. “I’m sorry, man.”

I didn’t say a word as I stalked away.

Away from the slave I fell for.

Away from my very existence.

Chapter 20

Tie me, tease me, let your pleasure please me. Hurt me, love me, but please don’t leave me...

The moment the door shut behind Q, I started to shake.

I used the safe-word.

A word that shattered Q and ruined the final connection between us. I never thought I’d have to use it, but when he kissed me, pouring all the love and need he had for me, I couldn’t function. I couldn’t be the cause of such agony.

Nausea sat thick and heavy in my stomach. I wished I could take it back. I wanted to run after him and promise I’d figure out a way to come back. Offer him the chance to beat it out of me, to submit completely into his control, but the longer I sat there, the more leaden I became.

The guilt and ghosts and pain roiled like a storm-whipped sea. Smashing against the walls of my tower, trying to drown me and take me straight to hell.

“Think of me. Think of me dead and rotting in the ground.” Blonde Hummingbird broke my fortress, ripping my heart into pieces. “You put a bullet in my brain. You’re the reason I have so many broken bones.”

The guilt opened its eager jaws, sucking me deep.

Gritting my teeth, I fought back. I trembled as I added yet another layer of bricks to my tower. “I’m sorry. I can’t!”