When I awakened the next morning, aching and stiff from a long day of chasing kids, playing party games, and hustling in the kitchen for our adult guests, Ian had already snuck out of bed.

But the aroma of his pricy Arabica coffee lured me downstairs. Despite my rumbling tummy, I popped into the living room first to check on our nameless new family member.

“Good morning,” I greeted the African Grey. He cocked his head, but otherwise remained on his perch. A quick peek into one of the dishes verified he already had fresh water. Later, as promised, I’d let Sophia help me make him a fruit and veggie salad. Maybe then we’d settle on a name.

After making my way into the kitchen to make pancakes, I peeked into the yard and saw a pile of folded clothes on the patio table.

Ian must have gone for an early morning flight… or to catch lunch for us. Sometimes, he swung by one of the many bodies of water nearby and plucked a fish or two out of the river for me to cook and clean, exciting spectators every time, since bald eagle sightings weren’t frequent in these parts.

As predicted, Ian’s note greeted me on the fridge where he’d pinned it beside some of Sophia’s art. The girl took a sketchbook everywhere, especially on car trips.

---

Sweetheart,

I’m fishing at Lake Livingston. Expect my return by afternoon, and call Bert Ramsay if there’s an emergency. He knows how to contact me by smoke signal. Love you.

---

Smoke signal? Really?

Bert’s number concluded the message. Left to wonder if he was joking about the smoke signals, I popped open the fridge door and dragged out the ingredients for pancakes.

And leftover birthday cake. Because I was an adult, and I could do what I wanted, I cut a slice of marbled vanilla and chocolate cake for myself to accompany my coffee. Mm. Sweet, delicious carbs. I sipped the latter then cut into the stack of buttercream.

Once I finished making a respectable breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and even bacon for my little girl—though the latter was for me—we spent the morning in the living room with nameless bird watching Sailor Moon and My Little Pony.

He eyeballed us from the open cage, shuffled his gray feet a few times, but never emerged.

“Come on out, Moonfeather, I won’t hurt you.”

“Did we pick a name?” I paused to watch Sophia attempt to lure him closer to her with a piece of grape. She’d dragged over the smaller travel cage we used to bring him home and set the fresh veggies in the holder on the top.

“Uh huh. Prince Birdstein Moonfeather of the Grove.” I choked back a laugh while my daughter beamed at me. “Do you like it, Mommy?”

By the grace of God, I did not burst out laughing at my child. “It’s a little long, don’t you think?”

“Prince Moonfeather doesn’t mind. See? He fluffed up like Daddy does when he’s happy.”

True enough, the parrot had fluffed out like a big gray cotton ball while watching us from his perch. He took the grape Sophia offered him into his left foot and scraped the tender insides out of the skin while watching us. Then his eyes drifted shut, and he looked so blissful he couldn’t be anything but happy. Good. I wanted him to be happy here in our home. He was growing on me, his company pleasant and little feathered face so adorable I wish he’d let us give him kisses.

Goodness. Being mated to an eagle shifter had done something to me.

“It’s a good name, sweetie. As long as you’re certain. We don’t want to change it a few days from now once he starts learning.”

“I know. I wish he’d come outside.”

“Give him time. He’ll come out, I promise. For now, what do you want me to make you for lunch?”

“Macaroni!”

The predictable answer made me laugh. Mac ’n’ cheese was a staple in our pantry, one of her favorite things to have. “Want me to reheat a hotdog to have with it?”

“Yes, please.”

Sometime soon, my little girl was going to have one hell of a growth spurt. I didn’t know how she could eat so much at breakfast and still have room for lunch.

After setting a load of laundry to tumble, I prepped lunch, then popped into the living room to find Sophia reading to Moonfeather from the seat beside his cage. He hadn’t come out, but it made me proud to see her taking it in stride. Ian knew a lot about birds—being that he technically was one—and he’d told us the cage was the little guy’s safe space. Teaching Sophia to respect that was key. She put his fresh food inside his big cage and shut the door.

After she ate, she asked to visit Mateo. Russ stayed home with the kids while Dani worked during the day at the local bank, so I dropped her off and headed out from there into town for groceries.

No less than five people stopped me in the store to ask how things were going, if I was okay, and why I’d missed service last weekend. I claimed sickness, but the truth was I’d been too crushed to want to see anyone. When my period started, I knew I wouldn’t be able to put on a brave face for church.

Fail #1001. Why had I expected differently that time or even this time?

Expecting fish, I picked up all the ingredients I needed to make fisherman’s pie, as well as a backup—just in case. Ian still wasn’t home. When my text went unanswered and five o’clock came around, I popped a frozen casserole into the oven.

My stomach grumbled, protesting my meager, ages-ago breakfast. Macaroni and hotdogs hadn’t appealed to me at lunch, and now that I was ravenous, waiting an hour for the casserole would be torture.

I turned to face the glass doors leading to the patio just as Ian arrived with a big, heavy-looking bass clutched in his talons. He dropped the fish into a bucket I hadn’t noticed before, then landed on the cement.

Wondering if he was aware of me admiring him, I watched my hubby preen the plumage on his chest then stretch out his wings before he transformed, gorgeous brown feathers becoming the rippling, suntanned skin of a man with a delectable body. I sighed and held a hand to my heart.

Thank goodness he was as beautiful on the outside as his kind and wonderful heart. Though Ian had the kind of personality that I imagined would be easy to love even if he looked like a gremlin.

I grinned, just as he turned and noticed me at the window. He blinked and waved, then he slipped into his boxers before stepping inside.

“Sorry, I’m so late. It was a good day for fishing. When I stopped in earlier, you weren’t around so I made a second trip.”

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll do fish tomorrow after I get back from my massage. How much did you get?”

“About fifty pounds. Burt’s keeping the rest of it for me until I pick it up tomorrow.” He nodded toward the bucket. “We weighed that fish at nine.”

“Nice.”

He rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. “Wasn’t sure I’d get him home.”

“But you did. Need a back rub?”

“I’d love one. Where’s Sophia?”

“With Dani, Russ, and their kiddos. She texted a little while ago to say they were going to hit up a movie in town and asked if she could sleep over.”

“Oh. Well, that sounds fun. What are you making?”

“Chicken alfredo.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“Thanks. Did you want carrots or broccoli to go with it?” I asked as I crossed to the freezer.

A cold gust rushed out when I opened the door, bringing some much-needed relief to my warm face. Lately it seemed like I had a constant fever. For a moment, I lingered, taking my time in digging through for our veggies.

“Can we do both?”

“Sure.” I grabbed both bags and turned, which is when the kitchen spun around me.

“Leigh?”

A stumble sent me backward into the freezer door, and the carrot bag slipped from my fingers. I tried to grab the fridge to steady myself and staggered into it instead.

“Leigh!”

My vision went fuzzy around the edges. Ian’s alarmed expression blurred into a blob of whites and browns, then the floor rushed up to greet me.

When I opened my eyes, the living room ceiling stretched above me. I lay on the couch with Ian knelt beside it. Even Prince Moonfeather appeared concerned. He leaned forward from his perch, staring at us through the bars.

“What happened?”

“You nearly cracked your skull on the floor, that’s what happened,” he replied, voice terse.

The room swam a little as I sat up. Damn. Maybe I should have taken Dani’s advice and guzzled more water throughout the day. “I’m sorry. I’ll just go get something to drink. I need to take my pill anyway.”

“No.” Ian shook his head. “If the pills are responsible for that, maybe you shouldn’t take more.”

“Ian, dizziness is a side effect, and that happens some—”

“I don’t care if dizziness is a side effect. Passing out unconscious isn’t.”

“It was just a little blackout.”

“Leigh, you’ve been out for over a minute. I was about to call an ambulance,” he snapped.

His curt, angry words put me on the defensive. “I’m fine, okay? I’ve been up on my feet and moving around all day. I haven’t eaten anything but a piece of birthday cake and a slice of bacon. You can’t blame everything bad that happens to me on the drugs.”

His features darkened. “Can’t I? You didn’t have these problems before the goddamned medicine. I saw you yesterday. You struggled the entire afternoon.”

I blinked at him. Ian rarely swore, and if he did, it was never at me.

“I’m done with it, Leigh. You want a baby badly enough to endanger yourself? We have a child. You have a child, and Sophia loves you so much I’m not going to let you risk your health to give her a little sibling.”

“It’s not for her. It’s for you!” I screamed, and pulled my hair with both hands. Behind us, Prince Moonfeather squawked in alarm. “For seven years I’ve watched all of our friends have babies, and all I want is to give you one, too!”

“Leigh—”

“Don’t you want a child anymore with me?”

Ian placed both strong hands on my shoulders. When I gazed into his face, only patience, concern, and endless affection shone in his golden eyes. Not a shred of anger remained. If he was still pissed, he bottled it up for me.

This was the man I loved. A breath shuddered in and out of my lungs, a sob I desperately wanted to suppress. Lucky didn’t begin to describe my life and the blessings I’d counted since meeting him.

“I do, but not if you have to suffer to give me one. I love you so very much, but I need you to understand something, all right? There’s nothing in this world more important to me than you and Sophia. You both are my world. I’d sacrifice anything to keep you both happy. To keep you safe.”

I read between the lines. He’d sacrifice having a biological child for me.

And maybe a few years from now when I was older, no longer able to bear a baby at all, he’d resent me and regret his choice. Hot tears spilled over my lashes before I had a chance to blink them away. When I tried to dry my face, Ian beat me do it and swept his thumbs across my cheeks. “It’s only two more from this cycle, Ian. Today and tomorrow. That won’t kill me.”

“I don’t know…” He sighed. “I know it’s your body, but this body happens to be married to me. If I sounded like an ass just now, I’m sorry.”

“No, you didn’t. You’re right. If this round doesn’t do it, we’ll ask Doctor Kline about something else. But I don’t want to stop.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“It’s only a little dizziness and discomfort, but I promise you, Ian, if at any time some of these drugs truly do endanger my health, I will stop. But I need to do this… I need to try, because if I don’t, I’ll always wonder if we could have had a child of our own. That doesn’t mean I love Sophia less.”

“All right.”

Biting my lower lip, I studied him. He looked defeated and so damned sad I almost took it back. “You’re taking this in stride after blowing up at me.”

“What else can I do?” He rubbed his chin. White stubble glittered against his face, but I loved it when his five o’clock shadow grew in, even if it was as ivory as his natural hair color. “You made up your mind. This is what you want, and I can’t do anything but support you, Leigh. You’re an adult.”

“I am.”

“And short of throwing away your medication, I can’t stop you.”

“Well, technically you could just keep the cock away. Without frequent sexings, all these drugs would be moot.”

He snorted. “Yeah. We both know I lack self-control when you’re naked. The first time you flashed these at me,” he said, squeezing my left breast, “I’d forget about my noble intentions to withhold it from you.”

I slipped my palm over the back of his hand. “I’m glad you recognize your weaknesses.”

A moment of silence fell over us, so long I mentally counted it in the beats of my heart.

Twenty. Twenty-two. Twenty-four.

After a casual pet of my stiffening nipple, Ian turned his hand over and took my hand in his warmer grip. Calloused fingers stroked mine, his thumb smoothing over my knuckles. “This means a lot to you. Is it because you were an only child?”

“Maybe… I don’t know.” I thought about it, then shook my head. “It was lonely growing up, but my parents couldn’t afford another child anyway. Plus Mama died in the accident and Daddy had to raise me all alone. He didn’t have anybody to help him.”

“Right. I always had Gramps and Gram at least.” He took a breath, then added, “My father died stopping a sexual assault in a gas station. Was a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or maybe he was at the right place just when he needed to be. Anyway, the clerk was a young woman working the night shift.”

I blinked. Ian never spoke about his father, but I knew the basics—he’d died, then Ian’s mother surrendered custody of him to his paternal grandparents. “Was she… okay?”

He nodded. “Dad survived long enough despite his injury to hand the guy his ass. We heal, and all, but you can’t recover from a bullet in the heart.”

“That’s awful.”

His jaw clenched. “Yeah. After that, Mom left me with Dad’s family.”

I squeezed his hand then raised it to my lips, kissing his fingers. For seven years, I’d always wondered why Lanie MacArthur abandoned her son. I hadn’t pushed him, and Betty never spoke about it, because deep down, I’d always wanted Ian to be the one to talk about his childhood with me.

“She… didn’t want to raise a monster.”

“Fuck her,” rushed out of me before I could reel in the tidal wave of rising fury. “You’re not a monster. You weren’t a monster then, either, just a scared six-year-old boy who had lost his dad.”

His sad smile made me wonder if he had believed it. If his mother had said it to his face, or if his grandparents one day told him. “The contrast between both of you amazes me sometimes. She never wanted me when she found out what I was—what we were. And you can’t wait to be pregnant with one of us.”

“I can’t. Sophia is my pride and my joy. I love her so much, more than I ever thought I could love anyone until you gave me a second chance. Despite my background and all my fuckups, Ian, you loved me. You rescued us. I want to give her a little brother or sister to grow up with. I want to watch you fly with our baby one day. And if I have to deal with some dizziness and hot flashes to make it happen, I will.”

He nodded quietly. “Okay.”

Then I kissed him and prayed this round was the last cycle of drugs I’d have to take.