SECONDS LATER

By the Firepit

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KATIE NODDED, RELIEF and want washing over her like a wave. The air around them had grown so strange since she’d pulled out that knife and burned her hair.

“I have no idea what we’re doing,” she said as a wild laugh bubbled up from her chest.

“Neither do I.” Brendan wrapped his hand around her wrist. His fingers were strong, his hands rougher than they’d been before he’d done so much farm work. His voice was filled with gentle wonder that seemed to chase away whatever Katie had summoned with her impulsive decision about her hair.

Suddenly, she felt like she had the freedom to do what she wanted, and, for the first time in months, she knew exactly what that was. Her eyes went hard, like they sometimes did on the ice when she and Brendan were at their best. She yanked out of his grasp.

Brendan took a placating step back.

That’s not what I want at all. Katie followed him and grabbed his face as hard as he had grabbed her arm. His evening stubble pricked against her fingertips as she went up on her toes to kiss him.

His mouth was soft and warm and yielded eagerly to hers. But then he tried to say something.

Katie pulled back a millimeter. “Is there anything I need to know?”

Brendan shook his head with a comical eagerness.

“Excellent,” she said. “Because unless you have an objection, I’m going to need you to shut the hell up.”

“Oh, thank God.” He laughed as he seized her around the waist with one arm and dug his other hand into her newly-cropped hair.

It hurt, in the very best way, and Katie gasped into his mouth. Brendan had turned the tables on her so easily.

“Good?” he asked.

Katie growled. Her body being weak for him had always, only, made her stronger and hungrier — for joy, for victory, and for her own perfect pleasure.

“Good,” she said.

She and Brendan echoing each other happened on the ice all the time. Katie hadn’t expected it here, but there was no reason for him to stop knowing her, inside and out now that they were about to go to bed with each other. She just had to trust him. And herself.

He kissed her again, roughly, his tongue sliding along hers and their mouths fitting together as if they’d been made for each other in all their many facets. She loved Brendan when was kind and pretended he needed her in order to be ambitious. But she also loved Brendan when he was a man who could throw her around and be proud of it. Sometimes, she thought he was afraid of the fiercer version of himself, and that fear got in his way. But maybe that was why he was also so simply and damnably decent, and why she was able to be here with him now.

Tonight, she didn’t want Brendan’s sweetness or gentleness. She wanted him to devour her. She wanted the all-consuming desire they portrayed on the ice to play out here and now.

Unable to tear their mouths away from each other, they stumbled towards the house. Katie was glad; she wasn’t going to have sex with Brendan for the first time in eight years in the grass. But she was almost dizzy with desire. The house seemed awfully far away.

Suddenly Brendan spun her and pressed her against something. Her eyes flew open in surprise, and she glanced over her shoulder to see what she’d landed against. Her truck.

With her head turned, Brendan pressed his mouth to the side of her neck. I’m not the only one who’s impatient, she thought victoriously. The kiss stung as he grazed her skin with his teeth. Her pulse pounded in her ears, and she dug her fingers into his back.

“House is too far away,” he mumbled against her skin.

“I agree, but are you seriously going to fuck me against the side of my truck?” Her voice quavered as Brendan dragged his nails up the side of her thigh.

“Would that work out for you?” he asked.

Oh, game on.

“Sure.” She hooked a leg up over his hip to show she meant it. They’d had a spin in their Harbin free skate that was supposed to suggest what this actually was. On the ice, the space that was barely between them, the anticipation, the possibility, had won them gold. But this, and the dissolution of that space to come, was better.

Brendan slid his hand further up her leg, bringing her skirt with it, his palm warm and firm against her bare skin. “Condoms?” he asked.

“Glove compartment,” she said against the salt of his neck. A girl had to be prepared. Although it was basically an accident that she was prepared. Her fantasies hadn’t looked like this.

Brendan pulled back and stared at her. “Seriously?”

“Seriously what?” Her leg was still wrapped around his waist, and she could feel the hard length of him pressed against her. The last thing Katie wanted right now was a conversation about anything.

“You gave me all that grief about hooking up at the Olympics and you have condoms in your glove box?”

Katie rolled her eyes and pressed her hips against Brendan’s, to see his breath catch and his eyelids flutter. “It’s a good thing I know you’re not serious,” she said. He needed to stop complaining and do as he was told. The payoff was going to be great once he did. “Can you just go get them?”

Brendan pulling away from her, even to yank open the door of the truck, was torture. She shivered from the absence of his touch and listened impatiently as he rummaged around in her vehicle.

There was a pause, a moment of complete stillness, and then she heard him start to laugh. She grinned to herself. It was her favorite sound in the world, and she knew exactly what he was reacting to.

Brendan came around the back of the truck, holding a strip of condoms emblazoned with the Harbin Olympic logo. “Okay ... I have to ask ... again ....” He struggled to get the words out, he was laughing so hard.

She reached out reflexively to him as she started to dissolve into hilarity herself. Brendan dropped the condoms into the truck bed behind them and took her hands in his. Still laughing, he kissed the back of her wrists. Their eyes met, and Katie felt herself melting. This, right here, was what made them such a good match: Their ability to take any moment, any emotion, and be in it so fully together.

Not always fun, she thought, but always perfect.

She pressed her forehead into his chest as they both heaved for breath and tried to quiet themselves.

“I can’t believe you took Olympic condoms for a souvenir,” Brendan said. Katie could feel the vibrations of his voice in his chest.

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t going to let them go to waste because we were too busy winning to do anything else. Just because I’m prepared,” she added, “doesn’t mean I’ve had a ton of opportunity.”

Brendan grew serious and cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs stroking the skin beneath her cheekbones. “You always had opportunity with me.”

Katie shook her head. “Please don’t make us talk about the past right now.”

“Not remotely on my agenda.” Brendan ran his hands fiercely down her sides and rucked up the loose skirt of her dress. When he went to his knees, he took her black cotton underwear with him.

“Hey, uh, warning,” Katie said, stopping him with a hand to his shoulder.

Brendan looked up at her. “Yeah?”

His brow was creased, his gaze distracted. He didn’t look like he remotely cared about anything except touching her. Katie wondered why she just didn’t let him. But some guys were assholes, and while she was pretty sure Brendan wasn’t — at least not in this particular way — better to know now than in about two seconds.

“You know how I didn’t keep dying my hair?” Katie had no idea why she was being delicate about whether she shaved or waxed or whatever when she was hopefully about to have Brendan’s face between her legs.

“... yeah?” His fingers traced circles behind her knees.

“That’s not the only skating queen maintenance I stopped doing.”

“Oh. Okay ... wait. Why is that a warning?” He looked genuinely confused. Katie loved him so much.

“In case you care.” I hope you don’t care.

“I care about getting my mouth on you in every possible way,” Brendan said firmly.

“Okay then.” She shrugged. He better have meant it, or she was going to be angry. She didn’t have time for anyone, even Brendan, being squeamish.

He flipped up the hem of her skirt and pressed his face against her. He slid his cheek and lips across the hair there. “See?” he said. “I don’t mind.”

“Well thank goodness for me.” That established, Katie was done waiting.

She stepped out of her underwear and put one booted foot on his shoulder. He looked up at her, his eyes bright and delighted and needy. This moment was like skating, too — not this exact pose; among other things she’d have cut his shoulder with her blade — but the charged air between them and Brendan ready to serve her with whatever she needed.

Brendan’s face said he felt it too. Katie’s eyes met his and their gazes locked. Her heart pounded in her chest and her pulse echoed between her legs, waiting. As Brendan frowned in concentration, Katie brushed her fingertips across the fine lines on his forehead. Neither of them moved, poised with anticipation. Katie could hear their breath as it synced up in the calm evening air — like it always had when they were about to do something incredible together.

Before Katie was prepared for it, Brendan grabbed her bare ass with both his hands, digging his nails into her flesh. He nosed against her sex, and she could feel the rush of his breath against her. He moaned like he was drunk with the scent of her. Katie echoed him, overwhelmed as she was with arousal at the very idea.

She shivered at the first soft touch of Brendan’s tongue on her. The contrast between the cool of the night air around her bare legs and the wet heat of his mouth was overwhelming. Breathe, she reminded herself, but her lungs didn’t want to comply. The sensation, already, was too much. She gasped sharply.

Brendan pulled back enough to pant against the skin of her hip. “Good?” he asked.

Obviously.

Katie did what she’d wanted to do for so long. She dug her hands into his hair until she could feel the strands tight around her fingers and pulled his mouth back to her. The sound he made was half gasp, half needy whimper. She wanted him to make that noise again and again and again. She dug her boot more firmly into his shoulder.

As she gripped him tight, Brendan ghosted his fingers up her thigh, across her stomach, and down, telegraphing his intent. Katie bit her lip. She was about to shiver apart from his touch and the anticipation.

Brendan worked one finger into her, then another. Katie closed her eyes in relief. His hands, that she’d known and trusted and wanted for so long, were on her and in her, exactly where she needed them to be. His tongue was hot, wet, silky, against her.

The sky above them was dark and full of stars, but her awareness of anything other than Brendan was fading; Katie could feel it happen, the same way her awareness of the audience and the judges vanished right before a skate. The world kept narrowing around her until it contained nothing but the man kneeling at her feet.

She hovered at the edge of orgasm for what felt like hours, Brendan’s tongue warm and perfect, his fingers sure and skilled. He was tormenting her, keeping her right on the edge, and he was absolutely doing it on purpose.

She hated him, and she loved him, and she had no idea how she’d gone so long without him.

With one last flick of his tongue, with one final twist and thrust of his fingers, Brendan finally let her come. Katie twisted her head to try to muffle the cry that escaped her throat. Her legs were shaking; her heart was pounding. Her skin was too fragile a barrier to contain everything she felt. If Brendan’s hands hadn’t been digging into her thighs, if she hadn’t been braced against the truck, she would have fallen.

She looked down, and Brendan met her eyes. Falling wouldn’t be so bad.

“Done?” he asked.

She scoffed. The question would have been appalling from anyone else, but Brendan was just being ridiculous and dear and making sure she had exactly what she wanted. Which she didn’t. Not yet.

When her legs felt like they could support her weight, she swung her foot back to the ground and pulled Brendan upright by his shirt. She kissed him — his face wet and messy from her pleasure — like she needed him to breathe. The faint taste of herself on him was like lemons and salt.

Their hands tangled as they hurried to unfasten his jeans and shove them down. Katie undid the buttons of his shirt with shaking hands. She needed his skin under her palms as much as his cock inside of her.

Katie laughed as Brendan leaned into her and over the side of the truck to retrieve the condoms — best souvenir choice ever.

“Do you want help with that?” she asked.

Brendan shook his head and ripped the packet at the end open with his teeth, quickly sliding the condom down over himself. “Ready?” he asked her.

“Yes,” she said. “Finally.”

She gasped as Brendan curled his hand under her thigh and pushed her knee up, encouraging her to wrap her leg around his waist again. His hands were sure as he pressed her back against the truck, encouraging her to brace her weight there.

For a moment, he teased her opening with his cock, but neither of them could bear it. She felt her walls stretch as he pushed into her. Her body had been waiting for him for so long, and she urged him on with breathless curses.

Brendan held her hip with one hand and pushed the other into her hair. “Someone will hear,” he whispered against her lips.

“So make me be quiet.”

He sealed his mouth over hers. Which was good, because at the same time he pulled on her hair. Hard. Katie felt her whole body convulse with the pleasure of it. A cry tore from her throat and filled Brendan up.

Everything they’d ever done with each other had been a dance, like two stars orbiting each other faster and faster until they crashed. Locked together like this, they pushed each other as hard as they ever had on the ice. Katie squeezed her walls around Brendan, and he twisted her hair tighter around his fist. Again and again, they played this game, neither of them willing to let up. Eventually he lowered his free hand to her clit. He stroked against her in circles that were too hard, too much, and exactly what she needed as he thrust into her again and again.

She could tell when Brendan was about to come — his hips stuttered, his rhythm became irregular, and his breath was wild and ragged. He pressed his face into her shoulder and bit the already-bruised skin there.

“Wait for me,” Katie whispered.

“Always,” he said as they came together, laughing in shock.

***

KATIE DROPPED HER HEAD to Brendan’s chest. Out here in the dark of a country night there wasn’t much light beyond the stars and the dying fire. Still, she felt better shielding her eyes from it against Brendan’s body. He put a hand on the back of her neck, his palm warm and his touch soothing. Katie rubbed her face against his skin and his open shirt. The fabric was damp. She was crying, her whole body trembling.

“Are you all right?” Brendan asked.

Katie felt more than heard the words and nodded frantically. The last thing she needed was for Brendan to misunderstand emotions she could barely catalogue herself. It was so much all at once.

“Yes. Of course. Just. I feel ....” She trailed off. She had no language for what she was. She was relieved. And untethered from everything that had held them back for so long. Absence — even of anger, want, hurt, and fear — was still a loss after so many years.

“I know,” Brendan said, kissing her hair and holding her tighter. “I know. Me too.”

***

EVENTUALLY, KATIE RECOVERED enough to realize she was really damn cold. Even with Brendan’s arms around her.

“I’m freezing,” she mumbled into his chest. “Want to go back to the house?”

“Oh, thank God,” Brendan said. “My ass is an ice cube.”

He stepped back and staggered as he tripped on the jeans that were still down around his ankles. Katie caught him as he flailed to regain his balance, and just like that, they were laughing again. Everything had changed, but they were still perfect. Still them. Katie helped Brendan pull up his jeans and re-fasten them, and Brendan fumbled around in the grass for her underwear and the trash that needed to be discreetly disposed of.

“I’m not putting those back on,” she declared when he found the bit of black cotton. “The dew made them all damp and they’re gross now.”

“Fair enough.” Brendan stuffed them in his back pocket then tugged her skirt straight and tried to smooth out the wrinkles.

“Pretty sure that’s hopeless,” Katie told him.

“I know. Just didn’t want to stop touching you.”

“Well here, then.” Katie took his hand in her and pushed their fingers together. Brendan’s answering smile was like the sun coming up.

Marginally put back together, they walked hand-in-hand to the house. Katie was still shaking a little. From the tremors in Brendan’s hand she knew he was, too. Cool as the country evening was, she didn’t think either of them were shaking from the cold.

Katie didn’t ever want to be done with Brendan. That had always been true, even when she’d been afraid, even when she had pushed him away — on the tour, in New York, and all those years ago in Omaha after the disaster of Annecy.

They’d have to talk about that eventually, and she dreaded it. For all the ways they were inextricably linked, they were also radically, terrifyingly different, with intensely different visions for their post-Olympic lives. But whatever issues they needed to deal with — and however much her anxiety would always be a part of her — her fear was gone.

***

“MY ROOM OR YOURS?” Brendan whispered as they crept up the stairs, still hand in hand.

Katie squinted at him in the dark.

Brendan looked steadily back at her. “Unless you want to be by yourself,” he said calmly, his voice soft.

“I don’t.”

“Didn’t think so.”

“My room,” she said. Brendan’s room was still a guest room. Hers was home. Also, she really did have the better mattress.

“Your family won’t mind?”

Katie shook her head. How could her family mind? They all managed their lives exactly as they wanted regardless of anyone else’s opinions. “If anything, they’ll be relieved.”

Somehow letting him in her room was as intimate as everything they’d done outside. She flipped on the light switch, and they both blinked against the dim light of the lamp on her dresser.

“I haven’t been in here in years,” Brendan said, dropping her hand and turning so he could look around.

“I haven’t changed it much.” Katie sat on the bed to take off her boots. When he’d visited as a kid they had hidden out here together, but as they’d grown older it had become too awkward to navigate everyone else’s assumptions.

Brendan rotated until he’d taken in the whole room. He stopped when he was facing her again.

“Kate,” he said, his face serious, his eyes sad.

She felt her heart skip a beat. Even in this afterglow her anxiety couldn’t take a break from spinning worst-case scenarios. “Yeah?”

“Where are your medals?”

Of all the things she’d thought he might say, she hadn’t expected that. “What?”

“Your medals. They weren’t downstairs, so I assumed you had them up here. But ... nothing.” He looked around at her walls. “Not even the one from Harbin.”

All of her medals from the last twenty years of her life were in the bottom drawer of her dresser. The one from Harbin was on top, carefully nestled in its box. Katie hadn’t been able to look at it since she’d put it there.

“Why do you care?” Katie couldn’t help how sharp her voice went.

“You spent twenty years of your life working for that gold. It cost us everything. You can’t tell me it doesn’t mean anything to you now.”

Katie looked up at Brendan from her seat on the bed. He was still standing in the middle of her room, his hands in his pockets, his face lit by the soft glow of the lamp, his brow creased in concern.

“Maybe I didn’t hide them away because they don’t mean anything,” Katie said. “Maybe I hid them away because they mean too much.”

She hoped Brendan would understand. She hoped, after all the fights and arguments and conversations, that she wouldn’t need to use words to explain this to him: That she hadn’t been able to plan for a life after skating because she couldn’t bear a life without skating. That, if she couldn’t compete and couldn’t be on the ice with Brendan, she couldn’t bear the reminders. Not of her success, not of who she had been, and most importantly, not of who she could never be again.

Brendan’s face melted from concern into tenderness. “Oh, Kate,” he said. He sat down on the edge of her bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Once more that night, she turned her face into his chest and cried.

***

KATIE WOKE AT THREE-forty-five, like she had every day she’d been back at the farm. But instead of being alone in her bed, Brendan was next to her, his arm thrown over his head and his face gentle in sleep. Katie could hear the sound of water from a bathroom somewhere else in the house, but she didn’t have to go anywhere. And she didn’t want to.

She rolled closer to Brendan, draped her arm across his bare chest, threw a naked leg over his, and closed her eyes again.

Next time she woke, the sky was barely light. But instead of Brenan’s body wrapped around hers, the other half of the mattress was empty. From her closet came the sound of rummaging.

“What in God’s name are you doing?” Katie asked groggily. She was usually a morning person, but not today. She wanted to keep sleeping with Brendan beside her.

Brendan pushed her closet door open further so she could see him. He was crouched on the floor and held his phone, the flashlight turned on, in his teeth. To her vague disappointment he’d put on his jeans from last night, though his chest was still bare. At least his ass looked great in those pants.

What the hell was he doing? If he’s looking for my medals, I’m going to kill him.

Katie heaved a sigh of profound aggrievement and turned on the lamp on her bedside table.

Brendan took his phone out of his mouth and switched the flashlight off. “Where are your skates?” he asked.

“What the hell?” Good. Not my medals. Still inexplicable, though.

“Your skates, Kate.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because there are two ways this can go from here. Either you can trust me on and off the ice and we can make this work for more than a night, or you can’t and we can’t. Until we figure out which one it is, well ... stuff could get messy.”

Katie started to protest, but he held up a hand.

“Messy got us here, it’s okay,” he said with a smile she couldn’t help returning. “But what I would like more is for us to figure out how to make our lives work together, while having as few unnecessary fights as possible.”

Katie stared at him. “What about my knee?”

“Your knee is a medical condition you can treat. Whatever happens with it happens; I love you for a lot more than your knees. Most importantly, it’s not an omen or a sign. It’s just something for us to work around.” He looked at her expectantly.

Skating with Brendan again was everything she wanted but didn’t know if she could have. What if, after the wonder and magic of last night, they fell apart again? But he was right. They needed to find out eventually. In the meantime, the uncertainty had the capacity to tear them apart.

Feeling brave, Katie sat up and threw the covers back. “Okay. My skates are in my truck.”

***

KATIE DROVE. BRENDAN sat next to her, both of them wrapped in friendly, barely-conscious silence.

Eventually, Brendan spoke. “You walked away from skating three months ago. Why are your skates in your truck?”

He’d found them, finally, after Katie had followed him outside and given him very specific directions: Safe in a case that would protect them from whatever elements they’d encounter in her truck, wedged behind the seat where neither he nor anyone in the family would notice.

“Maybe they’re like the condoms,” she said. “I just didn’t have the opportunity.”

Brendan shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“Why’d you bring your skates?” she challenged.

“Hope or habit,” he said. “Who knows.”

Katie sighed and gripped the steering wheel more tightly. His honesty bought her own. “Whenever I go into Minneapolis for therapy? I’ve been going to the rink after.”

“I knew you missed it.”

“You don’t need to sound so smug about it,” Katie retorted. He wasn’t wrong, though.

“I’m not being smug.”

“What are you, then?” Katie glanced sideways at him.

Brendan seemed to think about that. “Relieved,” he finally said.

“Why?”

“It’s a selfish reason.”

“I’m okay with those. Selfish is how we won.” For the first time in so long thinking about the past-tense nature of that accomplishment didn’t hurt.

“It’s also not complicated.” Brendan traced his fingertips across her knuckles on the steering wheel. “I love the work I’m doing now. But I don’t want to skate without you.”

***

DURING HER STOLEN SESSIONS on the ice over the last few months, Katie hadn’t bothered with elaborate warm-ups. She wasn’t skating hard enough to need them, after all. But today Brendan insisted they go through their usual routine, adjusted for what her knee would tolerate. Katie teased him for using his coach voice on her, which made Brendan look so sweetly pleased with himself she couldn’t help squeezing his hand in hers.

The ritual of the routine was good. Being here was what mattered as she helped Brendan with his stretches and let him help her in return. Still, she was nervous as Brendan offered her a hand after she tied her skates. Last night they had slept together, and now they were going to skate, sore muscles and all. The last time they had so much as kissed, skating — and an entire tour — had gone miserably.

Brendan looked so hopeful as he held her hand. Katie felt as terrified as she ever had before a competition.

“Hey.” Brendan wrapped his arms around her waist from behind as soon as they stepped out onto the ice. Together they glided around the rink along with everyone else. He tucked his chin into her shoulder. “You’re nervous.”

“Of course I’m nervous. Nervous is what I do.”

“Okay. Why? Because you think we’re about to fall on our asses?”

“It’s happened before.”

“A lot of things have happened before. Do you trust me?”

Katie wasn’t sure of the universe. She wasn’t sure of herself; her anxiety muddled so many things. But Brendan had always held every part of her. Last night hadn’t changed that. It had just reminded her. She nodded.

Brendan squeezed his arms more tightly around her waist. “Then trust me.”

She knew she had missed him beside her these last months. But now, with him actually here where he belonged, she was able to acknowledge how much she’d missed him, how very wrong his absence had felt, and how incomplete she had been without him.

Brendan spun her around in his arms so she was facing him. “Footwork first?” he asked.

“Sure.”

There would have been a point, probably not too long ago, when Katie would have been angry at him for wanting to start out with something that didn’t have the flash, drama, and risk of jumps. Her anxiety — and her ambition — would have thought he was doubting her. But time and her sessions on the ice by herself, not to mention therapy, had given her both distance and perspective. Brendan wasn’t doubting her; he was making a reasonable choice. One he’d make for anyone. Katie had trusted him with everything else; finally, she was learning to trust him with this, too.

No one paid much attention to them as they glided around the rink wrapped up in each other. But as they started working through the footwork sequence from Harbin, heads turned as other skaters on the rink, and people sitting around the edge with cups of coffee, noticed them. The Olympics had been months ago, but this was their hometown, their real hometown, and people knew them. If not immediately by their faces, then definitely by their skating. Coming to this rink by herself and keeping things relatively simple, Katie had mostly avoided such scrutiny herself. Or so she had assumed. She hadn’t looked on social media for mentions of herself in months.

“I think everybody’s watching,” Katie said to Brendan as he steered her through a series of turns.

“Oh?” Brendan looked around the rink for the briefest of moments before turning his eyes back to her. “I hadn’t noticed. I was too busy looking at you.”

Katie punched him in the shoulder, lightly. “Sap.”

“Guilty. Pretty sure I’ve earned it, though. Does it bother you?”

Katie shook her head. “Makes me want to show off.” She had always skated for him, just as he had always skated for her.

Brendan grinned at her.

Katie smiled back, unable to deny her happiness.

“Well then,” he said. “Let’s kick it up a notch.”

They still kept things relatively easy. Pair spins without too many changes of edge or position. Some single jumps to check their synchronization — which was, as Katie had hoped, still perfect.

“Let’s do a lift,” she said after they landed their third single axel. They’d been careful not to tax her knee, and it was holding up so far.

“You sure?” Brendan asked.

Katie glared at him. If she was going to trust him, he needed to trust her too.

“Hey, no, I didn’t mean it like that,” Brendan held up his hands. “I just mean there are a lot of people here and we take up space with those.”

Katie nodded. “We can make it work. We don’t have to cover a lot of ice or do anything fancy, but if we’re making sure we can do this, I want to make sure we can do all of this.”

“Fair enough. Which one are we doing?”

Katie loved lifts. The fact that they had to work harder at them than other pairs thanks to their lack of height differential just made them that more satisfying and fun. So far above the ice, Brendan’s hands strong on her waist, Katie felt like she was flying.

Not once was she afraid Brendan would let her fall. And he didn’t.

He finally set her back down, her feet landing gently on the ice. Katie collapsed with relief and happiness into Brendan’s arms and let him lead them in a gentle turn around the rink. The moment felt, in so many ways, like the one last night after they’d both come and had stood shivering together in the Wisconsin night.

That skate had been lovely. Exquisite, even. There were so many things she couldn’t attempt right now. But for the first time, she didn’t care. She was with Brendan, and they could still skate. She’d never win another gold medal, and maybe that was okay.

With a nudge and a word, Brendan guided them into another spin. They came out of it laughing, grinning at each other like fools.

“Okay,” Brendan murmured in her ear as they slowed their momentum. “So, we’re good. Do you want to get married?”

Katie didn’t come to a screeching halt only because Brendan’s hand was there on her back, guiding her gently into another lap around the rink. “You can’t ask me that like this!”

“No one heard me; it’s cool,” Brendan said as they kept skating. “No pressure, either. I like you plenty either way. Just thought I should ask. We’ve been doing this a long time.”

Twenty years. One night. There was a huge difference between the two. Or none at all.

“I can’t believe you’re saying this.” Katie ducked out of Brendan’s grasp. She needed space to think.

“Wait,” Brendan trailed behind her, then circled in front. “Which part?”

Katie gestured at the rink around them. “We’re in public. Don’t whisper at me like we’re not.”

She took off around the oval. Her heart was racing. She hoped Brendan figured out what she needed him to do before she had to really and truly yell.

As she completed the loop Brendan cut in front of her casually, gliding smoothly backwards as he kept pace with her. “Tell me if I’m getting this wrong, but do you want people to hear me ask you?”

Finally, he understands. Katie felt a rush of triumph. “If you want the farmgirl who won an Olympic medal that one time to be absolutely, positively sure you really want her for the rest of your life then yes, people need to hear you.”

“Okay, I can do that,” he said far too loudly, his face bright with delight.

He was, however, still blade to ice and Katie wasn’t here for that at all.

“This is the only time,” Katie said, “that I have ever want to see your knees on the ice.”

Brendan stared at her, his brow creased. Katie knew what that expression meant, though they’d never been in a situation like this before. He was trying to figure out if she was about to say yes or about to set him up for a massive humiliation. I know I’m difficult, she thought, but I would never make you do that and then say no. Trust me, she willed, trust me like I’m trusting you.

She would always be sharp, she would always come from a farm, and, with any luck, she’d always live on one. Brendan had to know that any yes from her was fierce and any partnership between them would always take the form of beauty born out of contentiousness.

Brendan shrugged, as easy as ever. “Okay,” he said and grabbed her hands.

He skated backwards and pulled her into the center of the rink where it was reasonably clear of other skaters. The few people who hadn’t already been watching them certainly were now.

Brendan dropped to his knees with as much grace as skates allowed. A young boy skating past gasped loudly. He would crash into someone if he didn’t keep his eyes on his own skate, Katie thought. She knew, because she’d made the same mistake often enough as a girl. Proposals on the ice were kind of a thing. She tried to ignore the giggles behind her, and, perhaps most bizarrely, the sight of people retrieving phones from their pockets to record the inconceivable thing that was about to happen.

“Kaitlyn. Katie. Kate.”

Oh God. Brendan had started talking and, Katie quickly realized, wasn’t going to be able to stop. How many iterations of her name was he going to use? This might be mortifying. But it might be perfect.

“Light of my life and bane of my existence. I love you. I love your cows. I love skating with you. I love getting up at three in the damn morning with you, whether that’s for the cows or the skating or wherever our ambition takes us next.” Brendan gripped her hands more tightly, his voice clear and earnest and so, so sure. “I want to keep doing whatever it is we do, with you, for the rest of our lives ... although with slightly less murkiness than in the past, to be clear. So. Will you marry me?”

Katie relished the moment — Brendan’s babbling, the people watching them, the vague soreness in her body lingering from the night before. So much of her life had been a success because people had liked watching her and Brendan together. To be able to bask in that attention now, when it was about all what they were, not just the skating .... Katie felt whole for the first time in her life.

She pulled one of her hands out of his grip and covered her mouth in one last self-indulgent moment of disbelief. This is real. Trust him. Like you always have, she told herself.

She held her hand out to him again. He caught it and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. They were so in public, so exposed, but his gaze was utterly fixed on her.

“Yes,” she said. “Of course. Now stand up because I am not getting down on that ice with you.”

Brendan laughed as he climbed to his feet and wrapped his arms around her. The rink applauded, but once again, Katie was safe from the lights and the world, her face hidden in Brendan’s chest.

***

THEY WERE GIDDY, IF practical, on the drive back to the farm.

No, Brendan could not take her to go get a ring right now, because she wasn’t sure how she felt about the expense or the symbol. Yes, they should really stop somewhere and get some food. And, most importantly of all, they should get back quickly, if they wanted to be the ones to deliver their own news. Otherwise, someone at the rink would tell a friend who would tell a friend who would tell the internet and then who knew who would get to her and Brendan’s families with the news.

“Do you want to call your parents?” she eventually asked. They hadn’t spoken much about them since that awkward dinner conversation on Brendan’s first day here. She wondered if he had ever told them he was in the area.

“Let’s deal with your family and have all our ducks in a row first, if that’s okay.” Brendan’s voice was hesitant.

Katie didn’t necessarily want the answer to her question, but she brought herself to ask anyway. “They’re not going to be happy, are they?” She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel.

“They’re not going to know what to make of it, that’s for sure. And that’s fine,” he hurried to add. “That’s not our problem. But if we know the answer to anything they’re going to ask first —”

“You mean other than ‘are you sure?’” Katie said darkly.

“Well, I am sure, but yes. It’ll just be easier.”

“You know, I want to be furious. Or worried. But —”

“But?” Brendan teased.

“I won you a gold medal. If I’m not good enough for them, even I can tell I’m not the problem here.”

To her infinite relief, Brendan laughed.

“All right, then. What do we have to figure out?” Katie asked.

The short answer was everything. Timing. Logistics. Where to live. Skating. Her health. If she hadn’t been driving and if Brendan hadn’t had halfway sensible — and generous — answers to most of it, she might have panicked. Instead, she was relieved that someone seemed to know how to make the chaos of her life over the last three months into some sort of pattern. But that was what Brendan did now. Choreography was a way of making people’s talents and skills come together into a coherent story.

They practiced talking through their plan as they drove. They’d done that a hundred times before for wildly different things: Travel and training plans, a new program, a high profile interview or public appearance. Katie didn’t want to get flustered under pressure, especially if family decided to balk in the face of big plans or big asks.

Not only did they want to have the wedding on the farm — and soon — they wanted to live there together for at least a few months afterwards. Long enough, anyway, for Brendan to sell his apartment in Denver and Katie to have and recover from surgery. After that, they could get a place and some land. Eventually they could do a comeback tour and whatever else was viable considering Katie’s flight from New York. Then they could do whatever they wanted to. Brendan could help Katie set up a farm. Katie could help Brendan coach. The plan made more and more sense each time they went through it.

“There has to be a flaw in this. It seems too easy,” Katie finally said when they were ten minutes out from the farm.

Brendan shrugged in that easy way she found infuriating. “I’ll remind you that you said that when you wake up from surgery, and I’m freaking out about real estate, and you still haven’t answered any of your business emails.”

“Great. Can’t wait. Marriage is going to be awesome.” Despite her dry tone, she did mean it. But Brendan also wasn’t wrong. The rest of this year was going to be hard.

***

THE FARM, WHEN THEY got there, was still a working farm. Which meant everyone was busy, difficult to find, and not interested in being in the same place at the same time. Katie dragged Brendan from house to barn and across the grazing area twice before she was able to extract promises from everyone to meet them in the kitchen. In the process, her mom handed them a crate of vegetables from the garden to bring back to the house and Jesse gave them instructions to work on packing the online orders for jams. After that, the only thing left to do was wait. At least they had work to do.

“You should let me get you a ring,” Brendan said as they sat at the kitchen table assembling the jam orders.

Katie was scooping eco-friendly packing peanuts into cardboard boxes and pushing them across to Brendan, to nestle in the jars. She looked at him in exasperation and vague disbelief. “Are we really going to start fighting about that now?”

“Is it something worth fighting about, to you?”

“Clearly, yes, because I just said that.”

“Okay.” Brendan set down the printed list of orders they were working from and turned to face her fully. “Tell me what’s going on in your head so I can go from there.”

Katie took a breath. She had explained some of this in the truck, but apparently more depth was needed. “Money is a finite and valuable resource and can be used for more practical things. Engagement rings are kind of an archaic symbol of ownership. And I couldn’t wear anything fancy on the farm anyway.”

“Wouldn’t have to be fancy. Or expensive. Or mean anything terrible.” Brendan shrugged.

“I don’t know,” Katie said. She was intrigued enough by Brendan’s interest in the subject to continue the conversation despite her discomfort. “I know girls get taught to grow up dreaming of the diamond ring and the white dress and all that. My dreams were all about skating dresses and gold medals.”

“And you have those now.”

“Yes. Your point?”

“Maybe I’ve spent my life dreaming about giving a girl a ring,” Brendan said.

Katie looked sideways at him. “A girl, or me?”

“You. You fool.”

“You never said before.”

“I can’t imagine why not.”

“A wedding ring wouldn’t count?” she asked.

“Katie,” Brendan sounded exasperated now too. “I’m agreeing to live with you, in your world, with your cows, who I did say I loved earlier — and I do! — but are, to be fair, still gross and weird. Let me get you a damn engagement ring.”

Katie stared at him in something like awe. He didn’t often push back so hard against her — at least, without it turning into a shouting match. This was interesting. And felt unexpectedly very, very good.

Before she could say anything else, though, Rob knocked on the frame of the open door. “Hey kiddo. You wanted to talk?”

“Yeah, come in.”

Rob crossed the room to the table and stood across from them, his hands wrapped around the back of a chair. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing bad. I promise,” Katie said.

“Okay ...”

Brendan opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Katie nudged his foot with hers under the table. “I only want to do this once,” she reminded him.

“Uh, I think Katie wants to wait for everyone else to show up?” Brendan said to Rob. “So you can just hang out? If that’s cool?”

Katie tried not to laugh at the possibility Brendan’s voice had turned into a permanent nervous question.

“Okay,” Rob said again, looking between her and Brendan. He sounded suspicious. In his place, Katie would probably have been suspicious too. Impromptu all-hands family meetings were a rarity. And, despite her recent assurances, usually involved bad news.

They were saved by having to stall further by her mom walking in. Jesse trailed behind her distractedly, typing something into his phone.

“What’s going on?” Jesse asked “I only have a few minutes, I have to call the vet before they close for the day.”

Katie looked at Brendan. He looked terrified, but she didn’t know if that was of her family or of her if he handled this wrong. In any case, he nodded encouragingly, as if she were scared too.

Maybe she was. Now that they came to it, she had never expected to be making an announcement like this. Her family didn’t do this sort of thing. Her mother was single. Rob and Jesse had gone to the courthouse in nice suits when marriage equality came in. But there had been no engagement, only the happy formalization of a relationship that had been strong and committed for years.

Brendan, as if reading her thoughts again, smiled at her and reached across the table to cover her hand with his. Maybe she hadn’t ever planned on marrying, but in the rare moments she’d let herself think about the future, she had seen Brendan right by her side, always.

She flipped her hand under Brendan’s and laced their fingers together. Brendan still looked nervous, but his eyes were alight with excitement. Katie turned to her family.

“We’re getting married,” she said.

“Yup, we know,” her mom said.

Jesse and Rob exchanged smiles.

Katie felt herself deflate a little. After all the planning they’d done for this conversation .... “You know like you assumed we’d always get it together eventually or you know like —”

Her mom grinned. “Like someone filmed you at the rink and put the video on the internet, where one of your skating buddies saw it and shared it on Facebook.”

“You never go on Facebook.” Katie was definitely confused.

“I do when three of the neighbors saw the video and called me to offer their best wishes,” Samantha said.

Katie was torn between horror and a wild desire to laugh. This was too awful. And too perfect. “You could have told me you knew!”

Jesse and Rob were laughing outright now.

“And ruin your announcement? When you two snuck back here and tried so hard to round us all up? Not a chance,” her mom said.

“We didn’t sneak.” Katie protested.

“By the way, Brendan,” Rob said.

“Mm?” Brendan finally turned from Katie to look at him.

“That was a good speech you gave.”

“Oh my God.” Brendan didn’t let go of Katie’s hand, but he did bury his face in his arm on the table. The tips of his ears were red. Katie ruffled his hair with her free hand.

“Don’t be embarrassed now!” Jesse said, circling around Brendan’s chair to clap him on the shoulder. “Your fans are incredibly excited. Also very sad you’ll never propose to any of them that way.”

“I told you people came to see you skate,” Katie said to the top of Brendan’s head. His face was still hidden in the crook of his elbow. “And now we can do our whole comeback tour without the audience wanting you to propose to me right there on the ice.”

For her own part, Katie wasn’t embarrassed in the least. Maybe having her family be second-hand witnesses to one of the most romantic moments of her life hadn’t been the plan, but now the whole world knew how Brendan felt about her. And Brendan — blushing aside — wasn’t running away from that fact.

“Okay, well ... do any of you have any feelings about this other than an utter lack of surprise?” Katie said. “Because we’re about to ask you a ton of favors and —”

Brendan lifted his head from his arm. “Would anyone mind if I moved into Katie’s room?”

Katie looked at him sharply. Timing, Reid. What are you doing?

“Are you including me among the people who might mind?” she asked. His question was hardly the most pressing one on the table. Although possibly the most immediately practical one.

“I thought we talked about this,” Brendan said, half chastened, half made of stubborn determination.

“We did, but couldn’t you have worked up to that?” Katie hissed.

“Maybe, but the look on your face.”

“I hate you.”

Brendan squeezed her fingers tightly, his eyes starry as he looked at her. “I know you don’t.”

Rob cleared his throat. Katie tore her eyes away from her fiancé to look at the rest of her family.

“Yes?” she squeaked.

“We’re very happy for you,” her mother said. “Now what do you need us to do?”