Chapter Ten
Gloria was just finishing up the dishes while CJ was in his room. Rae had gone out that night for drinks with her co-workers. Landon was supposed to call her when he left the gym. She looked forward to talking to him. He’d called every night and they spoke on the phone with each other for hours. She felt like a teenager all over again. Landon wasn’t kidding when he said that he wanted to embroil her in a grand old-fashion romance. So far, they’d had a picnic in the park, a day trip to the shore where they strolled on the boardwalk and a trip to a drive-in movie where they talked and made out the entire time. To this day, she wouldn’t have been able to give details to that movie.
Landon was everything she’d dreamed of in a man. He was sweet, attentive, a great conversationalist and genuinely seemed to care about other people. A lot of people would have used the type of upbringing Landon had as an excuse to be complacent but Landon had ambition to not only make his gym global but to also start up a non-profit company that would help tutor disadvantaged students who were falling behind in school for free.
She hummed to herself as thought about their upcoming date to a wine-tasting event. Things were going so well, she was thinking it might be time to introduce Landon to CJ. After all, if she wanted their relationship to progress she had to see how they got along. Landon claimed that he liked children so she supposed it was time to put that to the test soon enough.
As she put the last dish away, her phone rang. Gloria dried off her hands and reached for the cell. When she saw who the caller was, however, she frowned. Part of her wanted to press the ignore button but this wasn’t about her.
“Hello, Cordell,” she answered, not bothering to hide her lack of enthusiasm.
“Gloria. I trust you’re doing well.”
“I’m fantastic. I guess, you’re calling to speak with CJ.”
“I’m certainly not calling to speak with you.”
Gloria rolled her eyes. “Of course not.” Not too long ago, a comment like that coming from him would have hurt her because he was clearly implying that she wasn’t even worth some cordial conversation. “I’ll get CJ.”
“He isn’t still doing those little science experiments, is he?”
“You can ask him that yourself.”
“It’s just a simple question, Gloria. That’s your problem, Gloria you always have to make something a bigger deal than it has to be.”
“Well, I won’t burden you with anymore of my conversation.” She took the phone away from her ear and headed to CJ’s room. He was writing something in his notebook.
“CJ, sweetie. Your father is on the phone.”
The little boy stiffened. “I don’t want to talk to him,” he said without turning around.”
She didn’t want to force her son to have a conversation with his dad but she didn’t want CJ to live with the regret of ‘what if’. “Sweetie, you haven’t talked to him in a while. Just talk to him okay?”
The child sighed heavily. “Fine.” He turned around and held his hand out to take the phone.
“I’ll be in the living room so that you can have some privacy.” She handed him the device before heading out the door.
Gloria plopped on the couch and flipped on the television even though she wasn’t paying attention to what was on the screen. She was always so tense whenever Cordell called because after every conversation, CJ seemed to withdraw into himself. but he’d tell Gloria that everything was all right.
She didn’t have to wait long before CJ entered the living room. He handed her the phone. “He said he wants to speak with you.”
Gloria frowned. Cordell never wanted to talk to her. What could he possibly want now? “Thanks, baby.”
CJ nodded before heading back to his room.
“Yes?”
“What have you been telling my son?” Cordell demanded without preamble.
“What are you talking about?”
“You know what the fuck I’m talking about.”
Gloria paused for a moment. Toward the end of their marriage, Cordell talked to her so disrespectfully that she barely noticed anymore. But now she was free from him, independent, taking care of their son and dating someone who encouraged her to value herself, Gloria wasn’t going to let Cordell get away with it again. “First of all, you need to watch your tone. Your wife might let you talk to her any way you want, but I won’t.”
“And that’s your problem. You’re so bitter that I left you for Janine that you’re trying to drive a wedge between me and my son.”
“No one is worried about you and your wife. You always did think the world revolved around you. But I’ll admit, it did hurt when you left me but now, I see you’ve done me a favor because I can’t imagine being tied to you for the rest of my life.”
Cordell was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “If that was the case, why is my son telling me that he doesn’t want to visit me? Summer is coming up and I think, it would be a good idea for him to spend some time with me. I mean, he needs a man in his life. Living with you and that roommate of yours can’t be healthy. That’s why he doesn’t play sports or do things boys his age should be doing.”
“Wow, that’s pretty presumptuous of you to ask CJ to spend the summer with you when you can’t be bothered to call him on a regular basis. And, you have to run that kind of thing by me first. CJ has his heart set on going to science camp this summer.”
“That kind of stuff is for nerds. That’s exactly why he should come out here this summer. Janine and I even have a room for him out here. Maybe you’re worried that if he comes to visit, he won’t want to leave.”
“Why would he want to stay? He hasn’t seen you since we moved to Philly. You have a decent paying job so there’s no reason you can’t come and visit him. You’ve basically been an absentee father. And you barely paid attention to him when we were together.”
“Well, maybe I want to change that. Besides, I’m paying an awful lot of child support. Maybe we should split custody to be fair.”
Gloria had had enough. “You sorry son of a bitch! Is child support what this is all about? Seriously? Just when I think you can’t sink any lower, you somehow seem to manage to do so.”
“Upset because you’re scared of losing a check?”
“I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t depend on those checks but every single penny goes toward the care of our son. I’m keeping a roof over his head, food on the table, clothes on his back and his science equipment. And that’s when you can be bothered to send payments. If CJ wanted to spend time with you, I won’t stand in his way because I feel that every child should have a relationship with their father. The problem, however, is you. You’re a stranger to him. I’m not saying anything negative about you. I don’t have to. Your actions speak louder than any words I could say.”
“And where was all this fire when we were married?”
“You snuffed it out. But it’s back. And you can’t hurt me anymore and I’m not going to let you hurt CJ. You can’t come in and out of his life as you please. It’s not fair to him.”
“Maybe you just want me to come visit so you can see me again. I don’t want you. It’s time for you to move on with your life. Maybe if you lost some weight and took more pride in your appearance, you wouldn’t be so angry.”
Gloria had had enough. “If that’s what you need to believe in order to help you sleep at night, then go for it. But my life is great thanks. I’m dating someone who is more of a man than you’ll ever be. And there’s nothing you can say anymore that can hurt me because for the first time in a very long time. I’m quite happy. I can always lose weight but you’ll always be a narcissistic douchebag with a Napoleon complex.” She hung up before he could reply and tuned the ringer off her phone before he could call again.
Gloria couldn’t believe she’d been married to that jackass for so long. She saw that he tried to call back but she wasn’t interested in hearing anything he had to say. Instead of answering the phone, she walked to CJ’s room to see how he was holding up.
“CJ, honey. Are you all right?” She asked as she walked into his room.
CJ was sitting on his bed with his knees drawn to his chest. Gloria took a seat next to him and put her arm around his shoulders. “Are you okay, baby?”
CJ didn’t speak at first.
“CJ, it’s okay if you tell me how you feel. I won’t be upset.”
“I hate him!” He shouted all of a sudden.
Gloria was taken aback by his outburst considering how laid back her son usually was.
“Oh, sweetie. You shouldn’t say things like that.”
“But I mean it. He always says mean things about you and I tell him to stop but he doesn’t. I don’t want to go live with him. Please don’t make me, mom.” CJ threw his arms around Gloria’s waist and burst into tears.
Gloria rocked CJ in her arms until he calmed down. “Do you feel better?” she asked when he finished crying.
CJ sniffed and nodded his head.
“Sweetie, it doesn’t matter what your father says about me. All that matters is your relationship with him.”
“He doesn’t even care about me. If he did, he’d want to see me and he’d stop telling me that I need to toughen up. Why can’t he love me for me?”
From the mouth of babes. Gloria didn’t realize Cordell had said those things. If she had, she would have cussed him out. “Well, you know what? I think you’re great just the way you are. If I don’t tell you enough, I love you and I’m so very proud of everything that you do. You’re my superstar.” She gave him a kiss on top of the head.
“Mom?”
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Do you think I’m weird?”
Gloria laughed. “Aren’t we all a little weird?”
“No. I’m serious. The other kids in school think I’m weird. But I can’t help that I like what I like.”
“CJ, you’re fine just the way you are and if those other kids can’t see that then that’s their problem. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you’re not great. One day you’re going to change the world and I’m going to be right there cheering you on.”
CJ didn’t respond right away but finally, he smiled. “Thanks, Mom. You’re the best.” He hugged her again.
Later that night as she lay in bed, Gloria reflected on both conversations she’d had with her son and her ex. She realized how much she had allowed her ex’s negativity to get her down to the point where she had stopped loving herself. Telling CJ how great he is just the way he was, brought everything full circle. It was then Gloria could finally acknowledge that she was worthy to be loved just like anyone else. She not only was good enough for Landon, she was good enough for herself.