Evan couldn’t quite believe Susanah had refused him so resoundingly. He’d been in the middle of enumerating all the ways he wanted to care for her and possibly that meant he loved her, but he’d been too slow.

Did he love her? He’d been unprepared for the question, which was stupid of him. He had to offer her something to counterbalance his lack of rank. Just because Susanah hid her emotions didn’t mean she wasn’t like every other woman who wanted a man’s admiration and devotion. She had more of that from him than he ever would have predicted. Bloody hell, was that love?

She was marching off toward the gate, which she would find locked.

His heart thudding, he rose and scuttled after her. How could he convince her she would be better off married to him? “Susanah, wait!”

She drew to a stop but didn’t turn to face him.

“At least give me a chance to explain.” When he laid his hands on her shoulders to turn her, she ducked away. Feeling thoroughly rebuffed, he dropped his hands.

“I told you I wouldn’t marry you.” She whirled and pointed a finger at him. Her eyes snapped, and her mouth was crimped in anger. “I told you that in the beginning.”

He stepped back. Why was she angry? “Yes, you did, but I don’t see how you’ll be happy if you marry Farringate.” Beyond happy, he wasn’t certain she’d be alive in ten years if she married Farringate. Although, there weren’t any whispers of him killing his wives or anything so dastardly. No, they did that themselves, although it wasn’t talked about. Or really no one knew for certain. But at least two of the accidental deaths seemed to have been self-inflicted calamities. “He isn’t known for making his wives happy.”

“And you would make me happy?” she scoffed. “Besides who says I am marrying Lord Farringate? You probably just want to marry me so you don’t have to be your uncle’s steward.”

“No.” He shook his head. “I will still be my uncle’s steward.”

She rolled her eyes. “Do you really expect me to believe that?”

He’d meant to explain his circumstances after she’d agreed to let him approach her father. But she’d asked the question, and he’d told her the truth. Perhaps what he needed to do was explain that his uncle’s barony would go to his mother, then to him or his son one distant day. Except how could he without revealing his family secrets to a woman who’d turned him down. He was duty bound to not speak freely about Gilbert to just anyone. Although, he had considered that an exception might be made when he spoke to her father.

Stepping forward he tried again. “I do care about you. Quite possibly, I love you. I’ve certainly never felt this way—”

“Don’t lie to me,” she snapped. “You probably just want to marry me so you can stay in society and seduce every other woman you see.”

Her attack was a knife to the gut. It hurt all the worse because there were grounds for her to think he was a philanderer, but he hadn’t been married and he hadn’t treated her so callously. “Is that what you think of me?”

“It is why I chose you to help me, but you probably just saw it as an opportunity to snare an heiress.”

There was no real basis for her thinking that. As he studied her, he didn’t see hurt fueling her anger. There was an element of disdain in her protests, which made him want to shake her. “If all I wanted was to marry you, then I just would have seduced you or carted you off to Scotland.”

She winced, then resumed her attack. “Yes, but seducing me might be hard to do if you don’t even want to kiss me.”

His head spun, and he sputtered, “But I do. I didn’t want to force your hand by seducing you. I intended to propose in an honorable way.”

“The way that ensured my father paid my dowry and kept me as his heiress.” The disgust was heavy in her voice.

No. That hadn’t been the point. He no longer trusted himself to kiss her and not take it much further than he should. And her father probably would have forked over a bigger dowry to keep the scandal from erupting. “I don’t care about your dowry or your inheritance.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said. “I can’t marry a steward.”

How could he argue with what she believed? He didn’t like her much at this moment, but oddly enough her passion stirred him, which made him question his sanity. But he still wanted her to agree to marry him—or at least consider it. “You’re so damn arrogant and spoilt. Is it so important that you become a countess?” Or was there some suitor other than Farringate whom she was encouraging? His thoughts turned dark. “You’ll be styled a lady whether you marry a commoner or not.”

“It is my duty to marry well. What do you know of duty?”

“More than you think,” he muttered. He could tell her about his “expectations” and his commitment to take care of his cousin. But damn it, he didn’t want her marrying him because he would be a baron. He wanted her to marry because she could care about him and he could keep her safe. “My mistake, my lady, I had no idea your opinion of me was so low. I had thought you might have some regard for me.” He shook his head. “Let me clean up our supper, and then I will see you home.”

Maybe she would be calmer, and he could reason with her. But her opinion of him was so black, he didn’t know what he could do or say to sway her. Maybe nothing. Her back to him, she stood at the rail, waiting and not bothering to help. Bloody hell, he’d gone about this all wrong. He should have planned a seduction instead of a supper. And it was too close to dawn to change his tactics. He tried one more time to hold her, but she shrugged away from him.

* * *

Susanah was shaking and she couldn’t seem to stop. Evan didn’t say more than was necessary as he asked her if she was willing to ride home and then boosted her onto the horse’s back. They had to wait at the park gates until a surprised attendant unlocked them. They departed while a couple of grooms with horses to exercise were let inside.

Evan didn’t offer any explanation to the man.

But it was better that he wasn’t speaking. Her thoughts were so disordered she didn’t know that she could make sense of anything. And her horse was skittish—probably reacting to her turmoil, which required all of her focus just to remain seated.

Evan stayed close enough his leg brushed her horse’s flank more than once and he murmured soothing words to the mare. He looked over at her often, but she kept her gaze straight ahead. Riding was difficult enough without trying to puzzle out what he was thinking.

The eastern horizon was lighter than the sky to the west. It would be dawn soon, and daybreak seemed ugly. It wasn’t the beautiful thing poets described or that drew an artist’s brush, just a grayness edging out the deep blue-black hues of the night. Still, the horses plodded on through the barely stirring London streets.

They were still two blocks from her house when Evan leaned over and drew her horse to a stop. “Susanah, I don’t know why you think so little of me, but I need you to listen to me.”

How could he be surprised at her low opinion? “You deceived me.”

“I have not. You may have deceived yourself, but I never deceived you. My reputation is not all to the good, I’ll admit, but I am not the villain you think I am. I have done my best to treat you with honor, although that is the last thing I wanted to do.”

He lied. He may have wanted to kiss her, but after her poor showing in the conservatory, he likely decided kissing her wasn’t worth the bother. Nor was taking her to a Cyprian’s ball the least bit noble. Then again what bothered her more than anything was his outrageous flirtation with the dark-haired woman at Almack’s. He’d done it right in front of her. That showed how little he thought of her. Her eyes burned, and she looked away towards the gray sky. “I need to get back.”

He let out a loud puff of air. “I beg you to consider your options. You are of age. You don’t need your father’s approval to marry me.”

If she had a brother, she wouldn’t bear the entire weight of the future of her family and its legacy. But she didn’t. “My duty—”

“I have duties that you don’t understand and I can’t explain. I will be managing the estate in one capacity or another for the rest of my life, regardless of whether my wife brings money to the marriage or not. This is my family, and I have a role to play. I can support a wife in comfort and keep her in paints, or threads, or whatever she fancies to keep her happy.”

This was only confusing her. No one in his position would reject her inheritance. “On a steward’s salary?”

“The estate is vast. The barony is old and its prosperity has grown over the centuries.”

But it wasn’t his estate. It may belong to his mother’s family, but he would still serve at his uncle’s pleasure. Even if he didn’t intend to now, they would likely end up back with her parents. Everyone would expect him to prepare to take over the estate management from her father. His family could press one of his younger brothers into serving as their steward. Her family only had her.

“Listen to me,” Evan said. “We don’t have much time.”

“Or do you mean to delay me so long, I am caught?”

He let out an exasperated huff of air then let go of her reins. He spurred his horse forward. She followed suit.

When they arrived in front of her door, he dismounted. Reaching up to help her down. He let her slide along his body. Sensations rioted in her. Her skin tingled, her breath caught, and her breasts tightened.

He set her away from him and disappointment dropped over her like a shroud. He caught her hand and pressed something faintly warm and hard in it. “Even if you don’t marry me, don’t marry Farringate. I would like to think you are happy no matter what.”

She would be happiest away from her parents. Lord Farringate would at least offer that. She had a duty to marry well. It was the only thing her parents asked of her. “The onus on me is to marry a man of some rank. Lord Farringate has been nothing but kind to me, and he is an earl.”

“So you do plan to accept his offer,” Evan said tightly.

“I am not encouraging him,” she replied. But there wasn’t anyone else either. “But his offer might be the best I receive.”

She hesitated, wanting Evan to say something or do something to change the outcome, but he couldn’t jump up to becoming a lord. She looked at her hand and saw the tin of candied almonds. It was a mark that for at least one moment he’d thought about her and noticed what she liked. Somehow looking at it caused her nose to sting. She couldn’t have anything around her that would make her emotional, not when she went inside and donned her perfectly proper persona. She pushed out her hand. “I can’t take this.”

He backed away, ignoring the refusal of his gift and shaking his head. “I don’t like candied almonds.”

He affixed the long lead to the mare with choppy motions as if he just wanted away.

“So this is it?” she said in a small voice. She didn’t even know why she was lingering. She should go inside before she was caught. Would he not kiss her goodbye? But then why would he if he didn’t particularly want to kiss her?

“My lady, I wish you all the happiness you can find in your neat stitches because you won’t find any with Farringate. Good day.”

Her chest became like a vise as he mounted his gelding and turned away. Was this it? She wanted to call him back, demand he kiss her goodbye, but to what end? She still wouldn’t be able to be with him—not as his wife. Or could she? Heavens above had he really asked her to marry him? And had she just made the biggest mistake of her life?

She needed to think about it or talk to someone about it, but the only person she’d shared private matters with was him. Shaking her head she found her key and put it in the lock. The predawn light had turned everything a fuzzy gray tinged with pink.

Her heart thudded painfully as she peeked around the door. The emptiness of the entry hall didn’t give her any sense of relief. Crossing the marble, her boots seemed to click out mistake, mistake, mistake. Each step she climbed the weight on her increased until she could barely take the last few steps. A tiny voice promised she would feel lighter if she ran outside and called Evan back, but how could she put her own happiness ahead of her duty?

No one was about, no maids, no footmen, nor was the housekeeper standing in the corridor. But it was dreadfully still as if the walls were closing in. She opened her bedroom door and carefully shut it behind her. She let out a slow sigh that she had made it safely to her room.

Her room was too dark to see as the drapes were pulled shut. The fire had long since burned out, but she knew the layout of her room. She tiptoed across the floor toward her bed.

“It is about time you returned home,” said a voice from the chair by the fireplace. Her father’s voice.

She froze one foot in the air as if that would stop him from seeing her. Her blood turned to ice, and her abused heart thundered.

She put her foot down and turned towards him. Her eyes adjusted to the dimness. His form took shape.

“Where have you been?” he demanded.

“Hyde Park,” she answered truthfully. There wasn’t any point in lying.

“Hyde Park is gated at night,” he scoffed.

“Apparently, a bribe is all that is needed to gain access.” She hoped he didn’t think she was being impertinent. She didn’t think she was, but her mother often accused her of it. Belatedly she added, “I’m sorry.”

Her father was silent for a spell and that was almost worse than his words. Perhaps he was trying to decide whether to believe her or not. Or what her punishment would be.

“I was learning to ride again,” she said when she couldn’t stand it any longer.

“And whom exactly were you with?”

“A gentleman.” She could barely hear herself. “Nothing untoward occurred.”

Her father scowled at her.

She wondered if she shouldn’t have said that. If her father thought Evan had ruined her, he might insist they marry. Her heart skittered at an impossible rate.

“No gentleman takes an unmarried girl out unescorted in the middle of the night to a park or anywhere else.”

Evan had been far more of a gentleman than she’d expected or wanted. “He offered to marry me.”

Her father’s expression darkened. The room was lightening by degrees and she could see he wore evening clothes. Had he been waiting up all night?

“Sit down,” he said.

The words were like a shot, and she couldn’t hide her cringe. Her legs felt like stilts as she moved to her dressing table stool. She wanted to hide the tin of candied almonds, but she was afraid to do anything overt. She gingerly set it on her dressing table then turned to face her father as she took her seat.

“What did you say to this gentleman when he asked to marry you?”

She dipped her head and looked at her hands in her lap. “That he was not of a sufficient rank to be acceptable to you.” She raised her head. “But I do believe he would try to make me happy.”

At least for a little while. But then she remembered his insistence that he would be a steward for the rest of his life. Could she be happy as the wife of a servant? The idea of it was so beyond anything she’d ever imagined, it wouldn’t settle into place in her mind.

Her father gave her a sharp look. “He is a commoner then?”

She nodded. He made it sound like being a commoner was the equivalent of being a peasant. Strictly speaking, she was a commoner, too, her title being only a courtesy title. “His maternal grandfather was a baron, and his father’s family has land…but he is not the eldest son.”

Her father pinched the bridge of his nose. “This will stop.”

“Yes. It’s over,” she said. “I know it was wrong.”

“Five seasons and you are encouraging some commoner to ruin you.” He shook his head. “I’m done with the expense of a full season for you and your mother every year. You should have been married long before now.”

Susanah swallowed hard and nodded. For a second it seemed possible that her father would allow her to marry Evan—although she was fairly certain a minute ago she’d known why that was a terrible idea.

“You know what is expected of you. This man could do nothing to advance the interests of our family. He is likely salivating over the idea of getting his hands on your dowry and inheritance.”

She nodded her head. She had thought as much.

“You will accept Lord Farringate’s forthcoming offer and the banns will be read this Sunday.” There was a ring of finality in his tone. “The marriage will take place as soon as can be arranged.”

She went to say yes but ended up coughing. Although she’d known this would happen, that she would likely end up accepting the earl’s offer, it hit her like the entire house had toppled over on her.

He stood. “Be thankful I won’t tell your mother about this evening.”

“Yes, thank you, Papa.”

He crossed to the door, and she wanted to beg for the remaining weeks in the Season to be allowed to find a better suitor, but she knew it wouldn’t matter.

As he reached for the doorknob, she said, “Papa, could you tell me how Lord Farringate’s prior wives have passed?”

He stiffened and she ducked her head feeling she had stepped over the line. But didn’t a woman have a right to know what had happened to those who had gone before her?

“I will not stoop to address slanderous gossip.”

And that was that. She’d probably never know because she couldn’t see herself asking Lord Farringate to explain.

What was worse was she wished she could go back to that moment when Evan asked her to marry him and change everything. But her course was set. She was to become a countess. So if she had a son she could make up for the sin of being born a girl. After her father passed, her son could petition the crown to restore the abeyant marquessate on him. Then their family could carry on with the respect and political capital that went with the title.

This was it. Her future was decided. She couldn’t hope some other woman would show up with a prior claim on Lord Farringate—not that she had appreciated losing her fiancé in that way at the time.