Chapter 2

Dante

The wind howls outside and raindrops whip loudly against the windows and the roof of the small house. The occasional flash of lightning illuminates the room. When the storm first started, I’d pulled out a flashlight and set it on the counter, just in case the power went out.

Out of the corner of my eye I watch Nico fidget, and then gulp down the last drops of his fifth beer in the past hour.

He’s been acting strange for the past week, and I can’t seem to put my finger on what exactly has him so wiggy. I suppose it’s typical graduation nerves. Here we are, finished with college, facing down the rest of our lives without any sort of roadmap. That’s some scary shit right there.

At least the rest of them have figured out what they’re doing with themselves. I’m still sitting on three different job offers trying to decide where I want to go and which path I should choose. I decided to major in business with a focus on marketing because it seemed like a safe choice with plenty of career options after graduation. But now that I actually have to choose a direction to follow, I’m definitely feeling the pressure. I’ve made spreadsheets of pros and cons about each offer— location, salary, opportunity for advancement— and I still can’t decide.

The real problem is the logical side of my brain is having trouble convincing the weird feeling in my gut that one of these offers is clearly better than the other two. But for some reason, my gut can’t give up on the least practical choice.

“Dante, you haven’t told us where you’re going now that school is done. Are you heading back to Greenville or did you take a job somewhere more exciting?” Hunter asks as he deals the next hand.

“I haven’t decided yet,” I admit, taking a sip of my beer and watching Nico get up to grab another for himself. He sways a little on his feet as he walks, and I wonder if I should cut him off. Maybe one more and then I’ll try to get some food into him. We skipped dinner, after all, because we were all so excited to get up here before it was too late in the evening.

“How have you not decided? Mr. Plan-For-Everything, I figured you’d already had a company picked out before you even started your major,” Nico teases without malice.

“Yeah, I have a few options, I’m just having a tough time choosing one.”

“You should move to Chicago with me,” he suggests in an offhand way. The truth is, one of the offers is in Chicago, and it’s the one I most want to take, even if it’s not the most sensible. “You’d save me having to find a stranger for a roommate.”

“Yeah,” I mutter noncommittally. Nico being in Chicago, too, was the very first thing on the pro list for that job.

Nico drinks his next beer just as quickly as we play the next few hands, and when he gets up to get another, I put my hand out to stop him.

“Is anybody hungry?” I offer. “I could put some pizzas in or something.”

A resounding round of yeses follows my offer. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and hand it to Nico, giving him a pointed look when he opens his mouth to argue. I’m not sure I’ve ever fully understood the dynamic of my friendship with Nico, except that I’ve always had the overwhelming urge to take care of him, and he’s always let me.

While I get the pizzas out and preheat the oven, I hear the guys all talking about their new jobs and the places they’re moving, the things they’re hoping for, and how weird it will be for us to not all be together anymore.

Nico and I grew up as next-door neighbors, so we’ve known each other basically since birth. We met Hunter and Kris in first grade, and Taylor in middle school. The five of us have been thick as thieves over half our lives now, and they’re right, it’ll be weird as hell not seeing each other nearly every day. But I think I can live without seeing Hunter, Kris, and Taylor. I’ll miss them, but I’ll be fine. For some reason, every time I imagine giving up Nico in that same way, my chest feels too heavy to breathe.

I would be crazy to take a lesser job just to stay near my best friend. I’d be pathetic and co-dependent.

But the thing is, it’s not just about being near Nico. The job is working for a non-profit that focuses on getting food and supplies to children in developing nations. It doesn’t pay nearly as well as the other two options, it doesn’t have the same career ladder as the others, and I won’t ever get any of the prestige I could eventually earn in another position. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to say fuck it to those other considerations and follow my instinct.

Once the pizzas are in and the timer is set, I sit back down and notice Nico has torn the label off his water bottle and ripped it into tiny pieces, making a small pile on the table in front of him.

“So, listen,” he says, licking his lips and darting quick glances around to everyone at the table. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you guys and...well...no time like the present.”

An awkward silence falls around the table as everyone stares at Nico, seemingly trying to guess what he’s about to say. I’ve never seen him this nervous before. What could possibly be so bad that he’s afraid to tell us? To tell me?

“Whatever it is, you can tell us,” I assure him, reaching over and putting a hand on his shoulder. The smile he gives me in return isn’t comforting, it’s almost as if he’s saying we’ll see about that.

“I’m…” He takes a deep breath and looks down at his hands. “I’m gay.”

I didn’t think there was a sound quieter than silent, but somehow our small group manages it as Nico’s words sink in. I’m not sure if a single one of us even breathes for a good thirty seconds, including Nico himself.

“That’s it? I thought you were going to say you had cancer or something.” Hunter laughs with relief.

“Yeah, no big deal.” Taylor shrugs. “I fooled around with a guy once when I was super drunk. Can’t say it was for me, but hey, at least I know for sure now.”

“Sexuality is just a social construct,” Kris adds.

Nico gapes at our friends like a fish, his mouth moving with unformed words. Slowly his confusion morphs into relief, and he smiles for the first time in a week.

“Thanks, guys. I wasn’t sure how you’d take it, I’ve been making myself sick worrying about it.”

Then Nico looks in my direction, likely waiting for my reaction. I’m not sure what he sees on my face, but his smile falters.

His words are still being processed by my brain as I try to change and shape my whole worldview to fit this new information. Nico is gay? He likes guys? I’m not sure why this information is causing an almost unbearable heat to creep over my skin and settle in the pit of my stomach. It’s not a bad heat, it’s pleasant in fact. But I still don’t understand it. There’s a strange feeling blooming in my chest, not dissimilar to the gut feeling I’ve been having about Chicago. But again, I’m having a difficult time piecing all of these feelings and bits of information together.

Nico’s chair scrapes against the wood floor loudly, and then clatters to the ground as he jumps up from the table and disappears from the room. The sound of his bedroom door slamming rattles down the hall, and I stare after him in surprise.

“Dude,” Kris says disapprovingly.

“What? Me?” I ask stupidly.

“Yes, you. He was waiting for you to say something, and you just sat there staring at him like he was some sort of alien,” Hunter chides.

“I was processing,” I defend.

“Process faster next time. He thinks you’re weirded out or disgusted by him,” Taylor adds.

“I’m not, I was just surprised.”

“Go talk to him,” Hunter urges.