It’d been four weeks since Chaos left. Four long, painful summer weeks that seemed to stretch out in slow motion. Nessa texted me when they arrived back in LA, thanking me for what I’d done. I replied with a smiley face, but that was all. I hadn’t heard from Ralphie, but I guess I’d asked him not to, so what could I expect?

We’d been getting dressed after we…and the words just slipped out. He looked kind of sad, but I told him we had to make this moment our last. Keep it sweet and uncomplicated. He then offered to stay for the last two weeks of his vacation instead of going to Chicago to see his family, but I’d said no to that too. As much as I wanted him around, it would have only made his leaving that much more painful. It was better to get it over with.

Besides, he couldn’t put me before his family…just like I couldn’t put him before mine.

I begged him to respect my choice and Ralphie, being the kind of man he was, did just that.

If I’d known how much I was gonna miss him, maybe I wouldn’t have been so strong. Letting go was harder than I ever thought possible. He was constantly with me—in my dreams, when I cooked, when I cleaned, when I folded Violet’s dresses and ironed Victor’s shirts…I couldn’t escape him. I thought time might make it easier, but as my summer drew to an end, I was in the worst shape I’d ever been. My spirit was sore and aching.

All I wanted was Ralphie.

Sucking in a shaky breath, I adjusted the buds in my ears and let the song really soak in. Nessa had introduced me to Avril Lavigne on the plane and I’d fallen in love with her music. “Everybody Hurts” was keeping me company as I sat in the barn loft and cried. I couldn’t do it in the house and had been making regular visits to ‘our’ spot so I could mourn in solitude.

The music was so loud and all-consuming I didn’t even hear Daddy approaching. His head popped into view and I near jumped out of my skin.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” He chuckled while I pulled the buds out of my ears and set my phone down beside me.

I swiped my face, making sure no tears were showing.

“How you holdin’ up?”

“Good.” I nodded. “I mean, I miss Mama, of course.”

Daddy sat down with a slow sigh, resting his hands on his knees and staring at me like he knew something I didn’t.

“That’s not why you’re crying though, is it, petal?”

My expression crumpled, but I sucked in a quick breath and pulled it into line. My hair flicked in my face when I shook my head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Daddy’s lips twitched with a smile and he took the cap off his head. “You know what I think?”

I wiped the dribble from my nose with the back of my finger, resisting the urge to shout at him that I really didn’t care what he thought. But I was a good girl, so I forced a smile and said, “What’s that, Daddy?”

“Well, Victor leaves for college tomorrow, and if your Mama was still around, you’d be going with him.”

I huffed out a sigh. “We’ve been through this. Maybe I’ll apply next year. But I can’t leave y’all here. You need me.”

He made a clicking sound and tipped his head. “Thing is, I think maybe we don’t.”

My mouth popped open. “What did you just say?”

I didn’t know whether to be offended or not. I’d been working my butt off to keep the house runnin’ and there he was saying I wasn’t necessary.

He snickered and rubbed the back of his neck, glancing away from my, no doubt, offended expression. “I’m not saying it wouldn’t be hard, but I’m pretty sure we can handle this place on our own.”

“But…”

“We’ve still got meals coming in from the ladies at church, and the Burts have offered to have Violet after school every day. They’re gonna help her with her homework and such. Vincent’s driving now, so he’s pretty self-sufficient, and my farmhands are making my job a lot easier.”

I couldn’t speak. I just stared at him like he was some kind of crazy.

“What I don’t need is a daughter who’s miserable all the time because she’s living a life she doesn’t want.”

“It’s not about want, Daddy. I can’t be selfish. I can’t…”

“Yes, you can.” He nodded. “Sometimes doing what is right may appear wrong, but in the end the heart knows what it wants. And I’m not gonna be responsible for holding you back.”

I must have been absorbing his words in slow motion because my reply took a long time to come. “I don’t really know what I… I mean, the second Mama got sick, I knew my lot. I’ve accepted that.”

His soft gaze penetrated my veneer. “Is that really the way you want to live? Resigned acceptance doesn’t sound all that fun to me.”

“I’m too old to have fun,” I muttered.

A surprise laugh busted out of him. “Veronica Rose Sloan, you are eighteen years old!”

My shoulders slumped and I shook my head with a pitiful frown. I knew it sounded stupid, but some days I felt like a middle-aged mother.

Daddy pressed his lips together, his laughter tucked back into hiding as he gave me a sad smile. “You’re not going to find yourself by staying on this farm. You need to go…experience life, figure out who you want to be.”

“Come on, Daddy. You’re saying all this stuff, but be realistic. I can’t leave this family. You need me here. We always knew that was the plan.”

“I liked that plan when I thought you’d be happy.” He knelt down beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “The plan’s losing its shine with each passing day, and I can’t watch you do it anymore.”

“But…”

He shook his head, cutting off my argument. “Why do you think I never high-tailed it to Chicago when Rosie passed and Vanessa didn’t come back home?”

I frowned and shrugged. “Because Mama wouldn’t let you?”

He chuckled, giving me a knowing smile. “No. It was because I knew my Vanessa was better off with her band than she’d ever be with us. Her eyes would light up whenever she talked about them…and the music. That girl was not born for farm life…and, it turns out, neither are you.”

I let out a shuddering sigh, still grappling to wrap my head around what he was saying.

“Now, I’m not the world’s smartest man, but I have the slightest inkling that there’s a place for you somewhere in California. You need to go test those waters and find out where home is.”

I tried to smile, but my face ended up crumpling as I let out a grateful sob. I threw my arms around his neck and squeezed tight. Part of me was scared to go and leave this safe little farm in Mississippi. But another part of me had already sprouted wings and was ready to take flight.

Daddy laughed, patting my back and giving me a kiss on the cheek. “You’ve got to promise to come back and visit…and bring your sister with you.”

“I will, Daddy.” I squeezed him tight again, laughing and crying into his shirt until my skipping heart finally slowed down enough to let my brain start working again.

I was gonna see Ralphie.

All I could hope was that there was a space for me in his life.