AUSTIN

The air is black. Thick ebony smoke billows against the clay walls.

“Get down!” a voice echoes.

My eyes are heavy, so heavy I could shut them again. It would be easy. So easy.

Clear. It was clear.

Bullets spit. Footsteps pound. The vibration of the earth moves beneath my head.

“We gotta get you outta here,” someone is yelling.

I lift my eyelids and see a man covered in soot with a green helmet blending in with his blemished face. He’s pulling me by the arms; my weight is lead.

“Jimmy,” I call out, but it comes out scratchy. My mouth is dry, like parchment, so I repeat my plea to make sure he can understand what I’m saying, “Upstairs.”

“There’s no time.” He lifts me up, pulling me with a firm grip.

A searing pain radiates up my spine. It burns.

“Jimmy.” It goes unheard.

Walking.

My weight is falling despite the tug on my hand.

Smoke. More smoke. Flashing light.

Burning. Sharp, shooting pain with every step.

Loud. So loud.

The guns. The men. The screams. The cries. The wails.

Jimmy.

Austin.

“Austin.”

“Austin,” she says soothingly, a hand on my head, gently rubbing it along the brow. “Wake up. You’re having a bad dream.”

My body jolts with the opening of my eyes as I get my bearings to see where I am—in Jalynn’s apartment, in bed with my girl.

She places her hand over my shirt-covered chest, which is dramatically rising and falling. I blink my eyes and adjust to the dark and the faint light coming from the alarm clock that illuminates her face.

“Breathe. Take one slow breath and relax.”

I follow her instructions.

“You’re sweating. Are you okay?”

I wipe my brow and then run my fingers through my hair. “I will be.”

“Do you have nightmares often?”

“Yes. More as I’ve gotten older, ironically.”

“My mom used to say, ‘Nightmares are the heart’s way of making you appreciate how beautiful daydreams are.’”

“Your mom sounds like a wise woman,” I say as I follow her rhythm and relax my breathing.

Jalynn smiles. It’s more beautiful than a daydream. “She was amazing,” she says with a nod and a deep sigh. “I used to wake up a lot, and she’d rub my head, just like this, and sing a song.”

“Will you sing for me?”

“Will you tell me what your nightmare was about?” she asks.

I shake my head and swallow. “No.”

“I wasn’t going to sing for you anyway, so now, we’re even.” She shrugs and then curls up to my side. “You okay?” she says groggily.

She nestles into the crook of my arm, running her hand under my shirt to touch my chest, down my stomach, and then up again. It’s comforting.

“I’ve never known a man who sleeps in his undershirt,” she says.

I suspiciously glance at her. “Are you really talking to me right now about other men you’ve slept with?”

She lets out a little laugh. “No. I just thought, since you were sweating, it might be more comfortable to go without it.”

“Well, usually, after a dream like that, I go for a run or a drive or … look at porn.”

“That’s charming.”

I laugh, so she smacks me in the stomach.

Pulling her in close, I kiss the side of her head and inhale her sweet peach scent. “Talk to me then. Tell me about your mom. What was she like other than nightmare-reliever extraordinaire?”

“Sweet”—she wraps her arms around my waist—“kind. Always there when we needed her. She never yelled, and she made the best brownies. Beckett makes them for me sometimes.”

“Beckett bakes?”

“Oh, yeah. He’s a Suzy Homemaker. He has so many great qualities that go unnoticed because he’s such a hothead.”

“That I believe.”

She smacks me in the stomach again. “Says one hothead about the other. You two are a lot alike, you know.”

“I don’t bake.”

“You run,” she says, and I still. “You race to run away from whatever is bothering you. That’s what he does.”

Rolling my head back, I look up to the ceiling. “So, your mom made brownies,” I deflect.

Her nose presses up against my side as she laughs. “She also liked to hike and bird-watch, took us to the movies all the time, and had us involved in everything going on around town. Beckett and I didn’t realize it until after she died that she was keeping us away from our father. He was an alcoholic and abusive.”

I clench my jaw at the thought of anyone hurting Jalynn. “But he never hit you?”

“No. It was only Beckett. He was always in trouble, and my dad unleashed on him to the point where it became expected. Beckett didn’t leave the house until I went to Davis, and we haven’t been back since.”

“Did you ever think that maybe he was protecting you?”

Her head pops up, and her hair falls in front of her face. “How so?”

I brush the strands behind her ear. “Maybe he got in trouble on purpose, so your dad would hit him and not you?”

Her mouth purses as she contemplates my words. She lies back down and curves her body right back against mine.

“Eva says I protect Beckett too much. I stayed close to home instead of choosing an East Coast school. I followed him to San Francisco, paid off his gambling debt when he was betting on football games, called in sick for my job so that I could drive to Reno to have him back in time for his job after he missed his ride from partying too late. I’ve held him back from numerous fights at bars, and once, I spent an entire weekend convincing him that the life of a gigolo was not as appealing as it was in the movies.”

“Well, HBO had a pretty convincing show on that even had me thinking I could have a pretty glamorous life as a male escort.”

“Hung definitely tainted the minds of the impressionable.” She yawns. “I told you, you had a lot in common.”

Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her tightly into me and kiss her forehead. “Jalynn …”

She lets out a tiny yawn.

“What you said to my family tonight …”

“I’m sorry if I overstepped—”

“Thank you.” I sigh into her hair and place a soft kiss on her temple. “No one’s ever stuck up for me like that.”

“I was just being honest.”

I chuckle from deep within my chest. “Well then, I’m glad you met my family on a day you were happy with me and not when we met a few weeks ago. Your honesty might not have been as flattering.”

I hear a slight giggle escape her lips as she curls into me more.

“Go back to sleep, baby. You’re tired.”

She arches her back with another yawn. “I’ll stay up with you.”

“No, I’m good. I’m gonna close my eyes, too,” I say and feel her body slowly lull to sleep.

She snores.

Of course, the girl who has worked her way into my heart has a respiratory problem. She has to be a pain in the ass, even in her sleep.

After my nightmare last night, I had a hard time falling back asleep, so I lay with Jalynn resting on my chest as I brushed my fingers through her silky, dark hair. Her hand wrapped around my waist while little vibrations echoed out her throat with each breath as she pulled deeper into her sleep.

I should have been annoyed, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was the cutest sound I’d ever heard in my fucking life.

We lay like that all night. She slept and I sat in the dark. I couldn’t help but notice the odd sense of calm.

Being with Jalynn is the most content I’ve felt in years.

The draw I feel toward her is primal. Either I’m fighting with her or fighting others, so they stay away from her. Is it a douche-bag move? Hell yeah. But she brings out the beast in me that needs to be tamed. And, right now, it’s happily hibernating in her bed with her nestled into me, purring like a lion.

“Austin,” she breathes against my chest.

I look down to see her eyes are still closed and fluttering with the dream she’s having. I smile to myself, knowing she’s dreaming of me.

It’s been a while since I let someone in. Jalynn’s seen the surface, and after last night, she’s gotten a taste of what lies beneath. I never thought I’d be ready to share my life, but I want her to know me. The whole me.

The thought of letting her in on my entire past has me raising a hand and running it down my face. I could use a shave and a shot of tequila. I’ll have to settle for just the shave and a pot of coffee.

I’ve gotten used to not sleeping and running my days on booze and adrenaline. If I keep it up, I’ll have a heart attack by the time I’m thirty. That will have to change if I want a future with Jalynn. The thought of my life with her is the only thing that makes me want to slow down.

Maybe last night was the cooldown. The ultimate slow your brakes if you want to do a victory lap with this girl.

Jalynn’s hand slowly falls as she lifts her head up. Her lips are swollen, and she’s looking at me through lazy eyelids. “Morning, handsome. You didn’t sleep, did you?”

“I’m used to it.” I kiss her nose to wipe the worry off her face.

She rises up on her elbow, and the sheet falls, exposing her breasts. “That’s not good, Austin. You can’t be up half the night like that. You’ll burn out.”

I run my thumb over her nipple and feel it harden with my touch. “Having you next to me makes it more manageable.”

She lets out a moan, closing her lids in ecstasy. “Hmm … that feels good.”

“While I’d love to spend the entire day in bed with you, we have to take a rain check because I have to be at work in a half hour, and I’m taking you with me.”

Her eyes pop open. “I can’t go to the office with you.”

“You’re that worried about what people think?”

“Gee, kettle, black? Where’s your hoodie, Falcon?” She playfully hits me and swings her legs around the side of the bed, taking all of the sheets and blankets with her.

I motion toward my erection peeking out of my boxers. “I’m a little exposed here.”

Her eyes light up at the sight, and I watch as her tongue sneaks out her mouth to skim her lip. Despite the obvious look of desire, she raises her chin and stands up. “‘Rain check,’” she says, using air quotes. “We have to be at work.”

God, I love it when she’s a pain in the ass. “You’ll be happy to know, we’re not going to the office. We’re headed to the Sir Francis Drake Hotel.”

“The Sergeant Miller interview is being conducted there today,” she says in realization. “You’re going?”

“And so are you.”

“No. I don’t want stories being told about me around the office. I like working there.”

“I’m sorry to break it to you, but they’re gonna talk.” I rise from the bed and walk over to her side where she’s standing, clutching on to the sheets. Running my fingers up and down her arms, I look directly at her and declare, “You and I are together. I won’t hide that. From anyone.”

She suspiciously eyes me. “Bryce said it’s okay for me to leave for the day?”

I nod with a Cheshire cat grin.

“With you?” she asks curtly.

I lean in to kiss her nose. “He’s still in Tahoe. And, if he weren’t, I’d demand he let me take you. I want you there with me.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re the only one I’m willing to share my secrets with.”

Her chest stutters with a breath. She turns to grab her clothes faster than I thought possible.

Note to self: if you want Jalynn to cooperate with you, promise her a piece of your past.

Jalynn and I pull up front of the landmark San Francisco hotel. I don’t usually go to these things, but this one is too personal. My stomach turns. I have to loosen the tie around my neck as we exit the car and walk through the entrance and up the elevator to the penthouse suite where Stefanie is waiting.

“The production crew knows this is going to be used on multiple platforms?” I ask, eyeing up the set of two chairs facing each other with three cameras and lights positioned on each. “There should be a fourth camera.”

I’ve been working with the lawyers, marketing, advertising, and the executive producer we hired to make sure today happens and that we have enough fresh material.

“The fourth camera will be a handheld. All bases are covered,” she says as the door behind us opens.

A man with scars all over his face enters the room. His eyebrows are nonexistent, as is the front of his hairline. He’s gaunt, and he walks with a slight limp as he heads toward us, followed by a few people who are probably his family.

Stefanie looks me in the eye. “You ready for this?”

I nod, not saying a word. She knows. Actually, she’s one of the only people who does, so there’s nothing that needs to be said.

I didn’t want this meeting to make a spectacle of my past, but Bryce insisted every moment be captured, reminding me about how our mom used to capture even the smallest details. He’s right, of course, but that doesn’t change my nerves in the process.

The handheld camera that was on the dresser is now in the hand of a member from the crew, who has it focused on me as Sergeant Miller approaches.

My gaze runs down to his pants that I know are covering a prosthetic leg and up to his missing left arm.

A hand softly touches my back. I think it’s Stefanie, but when I turn, I see it’s Jalynn. There’s no way she knows my truth, but there’s also no doubt that she knows that I need her touch right now.

While I’m currently spending my days and nights trying to keep my alternative life as Falcon under wraps, just a few years ago, I was Corporal Sexton, keeping my real life as separate as possible from the platoon.

The guys were too busy cracking jokes at my name to bother with caring about who my family was. I told them I was from a small town in Ohio, and they had no reason not to believe me.

I take a deep breath and walk toward Sergeant Miller. Reaching out my hand while my chest tightens beyond belief.

“Corporal Sexton?”

My hands shake as emotions race through my body. We stare at each other for a few breaths until I can’t help myself, and I wrap my arms around the man who saved my life.

“Okay, men. Listen up,” Sarge called out from the front of the line where we were huddled against the side of a building with our guns loaded and our fingers ready on the trigger. He pointed with two fingers toward the site and spoke in a grainy voice, “Once we get in this building, we’ll set up our home base and hunker down for the night. It’s been a long day, and I know everyone’s tired. We’ll be staying here for a few days, so get comfortable, eat some food, and try to get some shut-eye to prepare for tomorrow. Supplies should be here shortly.”

We took our positions as we entered the abandoned building, one by one.

“Clear,” I called, keeping my scope up in case an enemy combatant was lurking in the shadows.

Each room was checked, and after multiple rounds of hearing men yell, “Clear,” we brought our guns down and took in our new home for the night.

I removed my sack off my back and sat down on the dusty floor. My feet and back were killing me, and I wanted nothing more than to lie down and close my eyes. I needed to get a few bites of food in me first before I keeled over.

“Hey, you got a can opener on you?” I asked Jimmy, who walked into the room, as I rustled through my sack, looking for one.

“I got you. I left my bag upstairs. I’ll be right back.”

I nodded. “Thanks.” Continuing to set up camp, I unfolded my sleeping pad and reached for my water.

“Incoming!” is the last thing I heard before the entire room opened up into a ball of fire.

Tears fall as I feel his arm wrap around my back. We stay like this for a few moments, everyone giving us our moment while I try to recoup.

“I can never thank you enough,” I whisper before pulling back and wiping the tears away.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” he says, reaching up to straighten my tie. “You clean up nice. Much better than when I found you lying in that heap of rubble.”

“I thought you were an illusion until I woke up at the base, and they told me what had happened.”

He motions toward the seat. “Mind if we take a break? This bad boy hurts my hips after a while.” He motions toward his prosthetic leg as he sits down.

I stay close to make sure he doesn’t need help.

When he’s settled into his chair, I take a seat in the other as the crew looks on at us.

“I’m sorry I put this off for so long,” he says. “I don’t exactly clean up as well as you these days.”

“No need to apologize. I’m honored you chose to tell your story to us. You certainly had your pick.”

“It only seemed right. Were you in the hospital long?”

My hand instantly goes to my chest, knowing my scars are more hidden than his. “I’ve healed okay. Still have some pains here and there, but I’m alive, thanks to you.”

“You would have done the same thing. I have no doubt. I was just lucky enough to be on my way there to deliver supplies when the missile hit.”

“Ain’t that the truth?” I try to laugh, but it doesn’t go anywhere. There’s no laughter in this situation, and I look down at his leg, my reminder hitting me square in the face.

“Hey.” He shakes his good leg, putting it on display for me. “Look, I’ve still got a good one. It happened. I’m okay. You’re okay. That’s what’s important.”

His lighthearted attitude is baffling.

“It’s ironic that you’re consoling me. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

“Yes,” he says with a mock look of contemplation. “Tell me all the amazing things you know about me. I like hearing those.”

I laugh out loud. “Well, I woke up in that building to you hovering over me. It was like a mirage as you lifted me off the ground and carried me out of there.”

I pause as the memory swoops into my brain and overtakes my thoughts.

“The guys and I were settling in for the night,” I continue. “Everything was calm, quiet even, like the earth had stopped and was holding its breath. Then, one of my men called out just as the bomb was launched. It happened so fast.

“One moment, the earth was still, and the next, it was raging. It was loud and bright, and my body was flying in the air. I don’t know how far, but I must have passed out because the next thing I remember is seeing you. There was gunfire and more bombs going off around us. I could hear them and knew it was only a matter of time until another was launched our way.

“You could have run. Hell, you should have run. But you stayed and got my sorry ass out to safety. You saved my life, Sergeant Miller, I will forever be grateful.”

Now, it’s his turn to bear a misty expression on his face. “No man left behind.”

He’s right. And, just like him, I’d never walk away from a fallen soldier.

“No man left behind.”

“You begged me to leave you there,” he says.

I blink back at him in confusion.

“You told me to leave you and get Jimmy. You were willing to risk your life for that of your friend’s. They give Medal of Honor to men who save lives, but they don’t always recognize the true heroes.”

I wave him off. “I should never be mentioned in the same category as you.”

“Bullshit. You fought me in your damn half-conscious state. You kept telling me to go save your friend.”

“You listened. If it hadn’t been for me, you wouldn’t have gone back into that building a second time and gotten hurt. You only went up there because I’d begged you to, and for that, I will always be sorry.”

“I went up there because one of our men needed help. Jimmy is alive, and he wouldn’t be if you didn’t tell me exactly where he was.”

“But look at you,” I say and instantly regret it.

No, fuck that. I don’t regret it.

Sergeant Miller knows what he looks like. He knows he’s missing an arm and a leg. He knows he has burns all over his face that look like angry red waves. He knows he has the stature of a ninety-year-old man when he should be a robust man of twenty-six.

“You shouldn’t have suffered the way you did. I should have been the one to get the can opener.”

“The what?”

“I was about to eat, and I needed a can opener, so Jimmy was getting me one.”

“Your meal, the ready-to-eat kit, was in a pouch. What the hell did you need a can opener for?”

“I had a can of peaches I took from the base,” I say and then stop.

The notion of peaches has me looking over at Jalynn, who is watching me with her hands covering her mouth. Our eyes meet, and I see nothing but glassy beauty staring back at me.

Sergeant Miller laughs. Not a coy chuckle. The man fucking laughs. “Peaches? You’ve been beating yourself up over asking a buddy to get you a can opener, so you could eat a can of peaches?”

I woke up five days later from a concussion with blown eardrums and multiple pieces of an IED lodged into my back, my vest being the only reason it hadn’t killed me completely. I stayed in the hospital for a week before they sent me home, and months later, I was medically discharged.

Sergeant Miller stayed for months and endured multiple surgeries, skin grafts, physical therapy, and more. He went into virtual hiding as news of his heroism splashed across the country.

Now, that same man is staring at me with an expression of absolute humor.

“As a matter of fact, yes. Knowing that you had to save a man who was where he was because I’d snuck a can of peaches off base is literally what’s kept me up for the last two years.”

His face turns serious. He slightly leans in and holds eye contact as he explains, “Austin, no one who has ever had something bad happen to them was at the right place at the right time. I wasn’t supposed to be there that night. The man on duty came down with a stomach virus. He’s not beating himself up now. Why are you?”

“I’ve always felt responsible for what happened to you and Jimmy.”

“Jimmy and I were in the same burn unit for a few months. I actually stay in touch with him, and he told me to tell you hello. He said you guys were close.”

Guilt floods my soul. He was the twelfth guy rescued. He would have been with me, being the fourth guy and only suffering from non-life-threatening injuries if I hadn’t asked him to get me a can opener.

“Yes, I’ve tried to stay in touch with him as well.” I look down, rubbing my eyes.

“He told me to tell you to stop.”

My head tilts up to stare at him.

“He said to stop beating yourself up. It’s not your fault that he got more injured than you.”

I sit back in my chair, looking up to the ceiling to stop more tears from falling. “He told you that, huh?”

“He did. We were all doing our job. Some got more injured than others, but you know what? We all survived.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose to control my emotions. My chest is pounding, and my legs are shaking. A quivering exhale pours through my lips as I look at Sergeant Miller. “This is not how this was supposed to go, you know?”

He laughs. “Consider it your payback for putting me under the lights.”

“You’re a good man, Sergeant Miller. Sick sense of humor, too. I wish I’d had you on my platoon. You would have loved our crew. They were a bunch of ballbusters.”

“With a name like Sexton, I’m sure you got plenty of hell.”

I grin. “You have no idea.”

Stefanie steps in, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you again for coming all the way here, Sergeant Miller. We’re all set, so we should get started with the official interview.”

“There’s more?” he asks jokingly.

“Get used to the lights. You’re gonna be here all day,” I kid as I give him a hug, a tight one, and thank him again for his service.

He smiles and sits up straight before a makeup artist walks over with a brush to wipe the shine that’s developed on his head from sweating under the lights.

I turn around, and the sad expression laced all over Jalynn’s face doesn’t make me feel like a hero either. She looks like she feels sorry for me.

This is why I’ve kept my truth a secret. No one outside my immediate family knows I was one of the injured soldiers there that night. I didn’t want who I was to overshadow my squad or Sergeant Miller’s heroism, so I asked the military not to release my identity.

Having this meeting was both for me and for him. I want to make this the end to my own story as well, so I can close the book on that part of my life. This is the exact closure I needed.