Twenty- Three
Piper
The words left my lips and hit Logan’s ears like a brick. I could see his entire demeanor change. He sunk into himself. His eyes darkened and his face lost all color. His breathing stopped almost completely as he stood staring at me in shock.
“What did you just say?” he asked.
I took a deep breath and tried to explain.
“When you left,” I said. “I was pregnant. I didn’t know it at the time. That night, I only knew that my heart was breaking. A week later, I found out I was pregnant.”
“Oh my god…”
“I didn’t know what to do,” I continued. “Or, what I should do, but I knew I had to decide fast. I talked to my mom and to Audra. They both supported me. They said they would stand by me no matter what decision I made. When I decided to give the baby up, it was the hardest decision I ever made. I was six months along when I asked Audra to adopt the baby. I didn’t even know if it was a boy or girl. I couldn’t bear the thought of knowing and then having to give her up. Audra said she would keep her. She held me while I cried over it and she was there in the room when I gave birth.”
“So, Audra has our child?” Logan asked. His voice was soft, but I could hear the anger bubbling beneath the surface.
“No,” I shook my head. “When she was born, I held her. I held her for a long time and then they took her away. The second she left the room I knew I made a huge mistake. I started screaming and sobbing. I yelled as loud as I could until Audra and my mom came running into the room. I told them I made a mistake, that I wanted to keep my baby. They thought I was just emotional and sleep deprived. They wanted me to sleep on it, but I didn’t need any more time. I knew the second I saw her that I couldn’t lose her. She was mine.”
“Ours,” Logan corrected with a glare. “She is OURS. How the hell could you keep this from me?”
“I thought about telling you a thousand times,” I said. “But you were gone and I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what you would say or how you would react.”
“That doesn’t matter!” he said. “I had a right to know I was a father.”
“Would it have changed anything?” I demanded. “Would you have left the SEALs to be a dad?”
“What I would or wouldn’t have done isn’t the point, Piper,” he said. “You kept my child from me for five years! How could you do that?”
“I was scared.”
The truth felt like an excuse, but I said it anyway. Logan watched my face and knew I wasn’t lying. He saw how terrified I was back then. In that moment, he felt all my fear and pain.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he said softly. “For you. For her.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I said. “That wasn’t fair.”
“What’s her name?” he asked. He glanced behind me, looking at the front door as if he only just realized where he was. “Is she here?”
“She’s at Audra’s playing with her cousins for a few hours,” I said. “Her name is Lillianna. Lillianna Marie.”
“Marie?” Logan asked, his eyes widened in surprise.
“After your mother,” I nodded. “You know I always loved her.”
“You didn’t tell...” he began.
“Your parents?” I asked. “Of course not. Do you really think they would have kept that from you?”
“Maybe,” he shrugged. “If you had asked them to.”
“I didn’t,” I said. “I didn’t tell anyone outside of my family.”
“I want to see her,” he said bluntly. There wasn’t a question in his voice. It was a demand. One I couldn’t ignore.
I nodded and gestured toward the car. We climbed inside and drove through town until we reached Audra’s house. I pulled into the driveway and Logan immediately jumped out of the car.
“Wait,” I said. I hurried after him. I grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face me. “You can’t just barge in there.”
“Why not?” he demanded. “She’s my daughter.”
“But she doesn’t know that,” I reminded him. “Please, for her, just give me a minute to explain things to her. Please.”
Logan looked like he wanted to shove me to the ground and race inside the house, but he knew I was right. No matter how angry he was with me, he couldn’t put his own needs above Lillianna’s. She needed to be prepared for what was about to happen.
I stepped around Logan and made my way up to the front door. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. Audra opened the door with a smile.
“You’re early,” she said. “We didn’t expect you until later.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Um… something came up and I need to talk to Lillianna. Now.”
“Okay,” Audra frowned. She stepped aside and let me in. “Piper, what’s going on?”
“I told Logan,” I said. “He’s here to meet her.”
“Oh my God.”
“Where is she?” I asked.
“Upstairs.” Audra pointed to the stairs. She touched my shoulder as I walked by.
The kids were playing in the playroom, all of them giggling. I leaned against the wall and watched them for a few seconds. I wanted to imprint the image onto my brain.
“Hey guys,” I finally said. “Can you go find your mom while I talk to Lili for a minute?”
“Mom!” Lili said. “We’re playing!”
“I know, sweetheart,” I told her. “But this is really important, okay?”
“Fine,” she rolled her eyes as her cousins ran downstairs. “What is it?”
“Come here,” I said. I gestured for her to come stand in front of me. I knelt so I was level with her. I smiled and smoothed her curls down. She had grown up so much that there were times when I forgot how little she still was. She was just a little girl, after all. She hadn’t even started kindergarten yet.
“Mommy,” she said with a frown. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you remember when you asked me about your daddy?” I asked.
“Yes,” Lili nodded. “You said he was a brave soldier. You said he was busy fighting for our country.”
“He was,” I nodded. “He did that for a long time, but now he’s done. He’s retired and he’s here to meet you. Is that something you want?”
Lili thought about it for a second and frowned. She took a step backward and looked down at her shoes. I could see the wheels of thought turning in her five-year-old mind.
“Am I going to live with him now?” she asked.
“No,” I shook my head. “You’ll stay with me. I promise.”
“Is he nice?” she asked.
“You’ll love him,” I told her with a smile. “He’s really nice.”
“Okay,” she nodded. “Then, I want to meet him.”