Charlotte

I asked Cavan and Dani to come with me. Any of the others would have gone, but Cavan and Dani had spent a lot of time with bikers. And Dani’s father was the founder of the Lake of Fire MC. The fact that he was currently in prison for murder, and Dani didn’t have any contact with him, didn’t matter. What mattered was that she was Dani, and while she was with me, along with her badass husband, there was no way the Lake of Fire would try anything.

“I don’t have much advice for you,” Cavan said as he drove us to the meeting place. “Bikers are pretty simple. Tell him what you want, straight up. Don’t try to play games. And don’t show fear.”

“Don’t let the fact that he’s an asshole get to you,” Dani added. She was in the passenger seat, looking effortlessly beautiful, even with casual clothes and no makeup. These women, I swear to God.

“You’ve never met Kingston,” I reminded her from the back seat. “How do you know he’s an asshole?”

“He’s the president of an MC chapter,” Dani said. “Trust me, he’s an asshole.”

Dani had been with a biker before she met Cavan. According to Gwen, Dani had begged Cavan to get her out of the MC life, then run away with him, her ex-boyfriend hot on their trail. It was a cool story, one you’d never guess by looking at either of them. They looked like normal people. But when Cavan glanced away from the road and at his wife, the air was practically singed with electricity. These two had definitely been through something that made them fight for what they had. And it was worth it.

I wasn’t feeling so well, myself. I hadn’t been able to eat breakfast this morning, and my stomach was making a slow, queasy turn. I was wearing cargo pants and a T-shirt, and I didn’t feel very glamorous, effortless or not. This morning I’d called and quit my job at the Red Cardinal pub, because Ben wanted me to work with him full-time. Work with me, that was how he put it—not work for me. It sounded good, and now that I wasn’t trying to support Jeremy anymore, I didn’t need to work two jobs. But I wasn’t stupid enough to think it would be easy, working for my boyfriend. Getting a paycheck from him. In fact, it would be weird.

I’d cross that bridge when I came to it. First, I had to deal with the president of the Lake of Fire MC.

We met in a deserted parking lot near the airport, just after sundown. Cavan, Dani, and I got there first, but we’d barely pulled in before we heard the roar of a motorcycle. As we got out of the car, the bike pulled up, and Kingston parked and got off, pulling off his helmet.

He was over forty, tall and fit. He had dark hair sprinkled with gray—attractive, if you didn’t know how dangerous he was. He also had a salt-and-pepper beard and dark eyes that were very, very hard. He took a step toward us, and we took a step toward him, and then we all stopped. It was kind of absurd, western-style.

“How is Hanratty?” Kingston said, not bothering with a greeting.

“Still in the hospital,” I said. “They’re keeping him for a few more days.” They wanted to be sure he was stable, and there was no infection, but Ben wasn’t taking it well. He wanted to go home.

Kingston nodded, then his gaze flicked to Cavan, and then to Dani. Then back to me. “You have what I want?” he asked.

Suddenly, I was mad. About everything, this whole thing. That it all came down to this asshole—Dani was right—getting what he wanted. That that was the only thing that mattered.

I took the thumb drive from my pocket and threw it at him, listening to it clatter across the pavement. “Take it,” I said. “I don’t know what good it’s going to do. Estelle is in jail anyway.”

“That’s my problem,” Kingston said. He walked over to the thumb drive, put his motorcycle boot over it, and ground it into the concrete, letting it make a snapping sound. “This the only copy?” he said.

“Yes,” I spat.

“Then we’re done.”

“That’s it?” I said, watching his eyebrows lift in surprise. “Your old lady shoots Ben and nearly kills him, and all you have to say is We’re done? Your goons threaten me, and chase my brother out of town, and all you have to say is We’re done?”

“Your brother tried to shake us down,” Kingston pointed out. “Not a smart move.”

“I don’t care,” I said. “He’s a stupid college kid, not a biker. Just tell him no instead of making him run for his life. Instead of threatening him, and me, to protect your wife. You all must think you’re so tough, threatening women and college kids. You don’t look tough to me.”

Kingston took in my entire rant with a stoic expression. Maybe he was used to hearing rants from crazy Estelle. “I made a lot of choices,” he said, “and they were all for her. She’s all that matters.”

“She’s a murderer,” I said.

“What would you do?” Kingston asked me. “If Hanratty had killed someone—someone who was hassling your daughter. What would you do?”

I stared at him.

“Not so easy, is it?” Kingston said. “Not when it’s the people you love. It’s harder to see it in black and white when it’s them.” He ground his boot over the drive one more time, then stepped away. “I admit she shouldn’t have done what she did. She should have stayed back and let the brothers take care of it—because we were going to. But the fact that Viper was bothering our girl made her crazy. She took it into her own hands, and all I could do was try and clean up the damage.”

“Nice work,” I said.

He turned his hard eyes on me. “You always such a bitch?”

“Only when I’ve just spent a week at the hospital, hoping that my boyfriend doesn’t die. I’m a bitch then. Like you say, it isn’t so easy when it’s the people you love.”

Had I just said that? That I loved Ben? Yes, I had. Because I did. I loved him like crazy; there was no other reason I was here. It was screwed up that I’d admitted it to this biker asshole before I told Ben himself. I wasn’t any good at this. Luckily, neither was Ben.

Kingston drew his chin up. He glanced at Cavan and Dani again; they were standing just behind me, letting me say my piece. “Estelle shouldn’t have shot him,” he admitted. “I didn’t know she had the gun on her. I wouldn’t have let her take it if I knew.” He leveled his gaze at me. “We’re done now, like I said. You’ll never hear from the Lake of Fire again. Neither will your brother. Neither will Hanratty.”

“Is that a promise?” I asked.

“Yeah, it is,” Kingston said.

“It better be,” I said. “Because if I ever hear from any of you again, I’m going to be very pissed off.”

He just stared at me for a second, and then he put his helmet back on. He got on his bike and drove away.

I turned and looked at Cavan and Dani. They glanced at each other.

“Fuck, that was righteous,” Cavan said softly.

“It was,” Dani agreed. “You didn’t need us at all.”

But I had. If they hadn’t been there, I probably would have passed out with fear. Or gotten myself a punch in the teeth at least. But it was done now.

You like the chaos, Ben had told me.

Yeah, maybe I did.

“Okay,” I said. “That’s over. I think I’d like to go home.”

* * *

You like the chaos.

At six o’clock the next morning, I stood at my bathroom counter, thinking about those words again and again.

I’d woken up after a night of strange dreams with cramps low in my belly. I’d gone to the bathroom and found small spots of blood in my panties, but it wasn’t my period. My period wasn’t due for another five days.

I’d thought it over, then thought it over again. Did the math. Counted the days. It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t. I was on the pill.

The cramps came and went, then came again, my body telling me otherwise.

I told myself I was ruling out the possibility. I went to CVS and picked up three different tests. Brought them home. Peed on three different sticks. Put them on my bathroom counter. Waited thirty minutes, thinking about Ben, about how he was coming home today. About how both our lives were already a mess, and we were starting something that might not work out, and for God’s sake I was supposed to work with him. I thought about his hands on me, and the way he kissed me, and that night… that night. I thought about how good that night had been.

And now I had three sticks to watch.

It wasn’t supposed to be possible when you were on the pill, and careful. I thought about the statistical probabilities. I thought about the fact that I’d never seen myself as a mother, mostly because I couldn’t picture anyone I could make kids with. I thought about the sane, normal life I’d thought I was trying to have. I wasn’t going to have that life. I was going to have this one instead.

The sticks had changed color. I looked at them and thought, How the hell am I going to tell Ben?

If I wanted the chaos, I was going to get a lot of it.

I was pregnant.