Chapter 14
In fact, it wasn’t that easy to reschedule their flights. And it was well over sixteen hours later that they arrived back in the US. The decision was made that Kat would stay with Badger until they could figure out if her house would be fixed quickly or not. It was late; everyone was tired. Badger drove past her home so they could take a quick look, but, when she saw the busted window and the mess in the yard still to clean up from the glass, she shook her head and sat back again. There was only silence in the car as he drove to his house.
As they got out, she said brightly, “It’s not exactly how I expected to come back to your house, but I will enjoy being here for the night.”
He laughed. “That’s the only reason you’re my friend, isn’t it? Just so you can stay at my place.”
She tossed him a teasing glance. “Not necessarily. You’re pretty good as a bodyguard too.”
He shook his head. “Not so sure about that. England was not what I expected.”
“That goes double for me,” she admitted. “I had hoped for a little bit of tourist time, some relaxation from all the stress of what I’d been through. Instead, things geared up in a totally different way, and none of it was very good.”
Badger led her inside his house and took her to the guest room. She walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows on the opposite side of the room. She exclaimed in joy, “I don’t know why you’d ever want to leave when you have this place.”
“I wasn’t planning on leaving for long. Home feels like my world is coming back to normal again.”
She turned to watch as he dropped her bag on the bed, catching the pain that whispered across his face. She dropped her gaze to the floor and waited until he was done. It didn’t seem to do any good to tell him anything. He needed to have the surgery that would reconnect more of the muscles to give him something for her to use as a base for a prosthetic.
But he wasn’t ready for that step, and there was nothing she could do to force him to be ready. But still, he needed to get back on the crutches and let that stump heal.
He didn’t say a word as he turned and walked out. She sighed, walked over to her luggage and opened it up.
He called back, “The pool might be a little cool, but it would be refreshing.”
She headed to the window and stared down at the pool. The evening lights made the place look magical. “I’m game if you are,” she called out.
“I’m already getting changed.”
She laughed, found her bathing suit, walked into the bathroom, absolutely stunned at the gorgeous sunken bathtub, walk-in shower, double vanities. Everything appeared to be done in tile. Between the bronze and the gold and the brown with cream running through the tile, the colors gave it an opulent look.
She quickly changed, used the bathroom, washed her face and brushed her hair back into a quick braid, then grabbed a towel. In the suitcase, she found her beach cover-up, which she quickly threw over her suit. She didn’t even know why she brought it, except if there had been a pool at the hotel, she didn’t like walking up and down hallways or taking elevators in just her bikini. She’d always been very personal about her body, never an exhibitionist.
She walked down the stairs, seeing Badger at the bottom, waiting for her. Only there was one big difference. He didn’t have his prosthetic on. He did have on shorts, and he was using his crutches. And a beautiful coonhound sat beside him, her tail doing a lovely sweep of the floor. Kat crouched down beside the dog and gently stroked her graying head.
“This is Dotty,” Badger said by way of introduction.
The dog, hearing her name, jumped to her feet and barked. Kat laughed. “She looks happy to be home.”
“And to go into the pool,” he said, shifting his crutches away from the stairs.
She stopped, looked at the stairs and shook her head. “I never thought about how hard those stairs would be with the crutches.”
He kept going, Dotty running between the kitchen door and the slow humans. “I’m used to it.”
“I’m sure you are. Did you ever think about putting in an elevator?”
“I have the designs worked up and a price quote. But it’ll be close to thirty thousand dollars, so I haven’t gotten there yet.”
“Ouch.”
He laughed. “Yeah, ouch.”
She followed him as he led the way through the kitchen and dining room area out to the back. Large full-size glass doors opened as he stepped to the right.
“Automatic doors?”
He nodded. “One of the last changes my father made after my accident.”
She stopped and looked at him. “You lost him that recently?”
He gave her a grim smile. “They passed away six months after my accident.”
“I’m so sorry. That was a double whammy.”
“It was a rough patch.” He walked over with his crutches to the hand rail, laid them on the side, pulled his T-shirt up over his chest, tossed it down and literally just fell into the water.
Dotty barked crazily and jumped in after him, swimming like a duck around Badger.
Kat laughed, quickly discarded her cover-up and unclipped her ivory leg. Tossing the towel on one of the chairs close to the pool, she dove into the deep end. The cool refreshing water broke over her body. She loved it. She rolled and twisted underneath the water until she needed to come up for air. When she broke through the surface, she was laughing. “Oh my. This is absolutely wonderful.”
He swam toward her, a grin on his face. “So glad you appreciate it. I was wondering if I would have to come to the rescue. I didn’t realize you were half mermaid.”
“Growing up, I always thought that was the ideal person to be. I was in love with the cartoon Ariel and her underwater life.” She smiled and brushed her wet hair off her face. “But to think that you get to come home to this every day … You are very blessed.”
“I am, and I know it. But it’s not thanks to my own hard work. It’s thanks to my parents.”
“It doesn’t matter how you got it. They created this heaven out of love. And they left it to you for the same reason. Obviously you’d rather they were still here with you, but, considering that can’t happen, how lovely you get to have the memory of every bit of work that went into creating this place.”
He gave her a smile that hit her deep inside. “Not many people understand that. Not many people know how I see the hammer strokes and the loving care. But, every time I look at a wall, I can see my father’s hand placing the hardwood and the panels and the two-by-fours and his screwdrivers and drills in action. When I study the hardwood floors, I remember seeing my father on his hands and knees, checking the nails, checking for joints that weren’t as good as they could be. And even more stripping and putting layers and layers of hard coating on top to protect them. My mother was always in the background, making him tea, shopping for materials for his next project and making sure he was looked after. They were quite the pair.”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “My navy service gave me a view of the world, but my parents gave me a view of the opposite world. I don’t know that I’d be the same person if I hadn’t grown up knowing such a love was possible. Once I hit the service and traveled, I saw the crazy nasty things that people did to each other. It changed me. But still, on the inside, my parents’ love inhabited that core that was always there with me.”
She swam toward him, both of them just floating in the deep end, the colored lights magical outside. The evening was a little cool, but there was still some heat from the afternoon. It was just so damn refreshing and beautiful, she couldn’t get enough. She flipped onto her back and floated.
“What your parents gave you was so much more than wood and money in this estate,” she said quietly. “They gave you that loving foundation. And that’s something you’ll never lose.”
They swam for several moments.
She floated, rolled over, dove to the bottom, came up and floated some more. She didn’t ever want to leave. “With the lights around here, it’s absolutely amazing.”
“The lights give it a special touch.” He paddled toward her. “We haven’t eaten.”
She rolled onto her stomach and looked up at him. “True, and I am getting hungry,” she admitted. “But it’s not like you have any food to cook, do you?”
He shook his head. “We could order in, or we could make something simple. I do have a little bit. Eggs and a few veggies. Maybe enough for a night or two.”
She considered it for a long moment. “Honestly I’m hungry, so why don’t we check out your fridge, if you’re okay with that, and see what we can come up with?” Then she thought about it. “The trouble is, I don’t want to get out. And I definitely don’t want to get changed.”
He laughed. “I have a special carpet in the kitchen, so we can go from the pool to the kitchen, make our food and come back out again.”
“We don’t have to get changed?”
He shook his head. “No, you can dry off a little bit, so we’re not bringing in buckets of water, then come back out again.”
“Done.” She swam over to the ladder and climbed up to her towel and gave him space to get in and out on his own. Just like he’d become adept at crutches on the stairs, she knew he was adept at the pool but didn’t want to make him feel any more self-conscious.
With her cover-up back on to keep the chill away from the evening air, her leg back in place, she wrung the worst of the water out of her hair.
Dotty stretched out on the cement on the side of the pool and slept.
Badger wrung out the water from his shorts. When he was done, he grabbed his crutches, smiled at her and said, “Ready?”
Together they made their way back into the kitchen. He opened the large fridge and the two of them stared at the contents. “There’s some leftover ham. We’ve got eggs and cheese, green onions, mushrooms …”
“Perfect. You also have lettuce. You’re okay if I make a salad?”
“As long as you make enough for two. And I’ll fix a large omelet for both of us, if that sounds good to you.”
Roles assigned, they went to work. It took fifteen minutes until they both held plates with the salad and half an omelet completely stuffed with mushrooms and ham. She smiled down at the dinner in front of her. “This is a veritable feast. Half the time I go home and grab an apple, and that’s it.”
He gave her a look of horror. “You need to feed yourself properly. Stress will wipe you out if you don’t.”
She nodded. “True enough but often I’m just so tired, and I have so much work to do, that I grab something fast and sit down and keep working.”
“Got to stop that, Doc.”
She grabbed the cutlery and both plates and headed outside. There was a small poolside table where she stopped, then her eyes took in the two lounges. “Do you want to sit in the lounges or at the table?”
He was already making his way to the lounges. Dotty, caught by the smell of food, came over and lay down between the two loungers. Badger took one, put the crutches on either side and held out his hand. She passed him his plate and cutlery, then sat down on the one beside him. They dug in.
At her first bite, her mouth exploded with flavor. She sat back and relaxed. “You know? As a break, I could have just come here. Screw England. That was more stressful than anything.”
He laughed. “If I had realized it would be so easy to look after you, I might have made that suggestion,” he admitted. “But I figured you might have taken it the wrong way.”
She turned her head so she could look at him. “The wrong way?”
He grinned. “Like I was making a move on you.”
She leaned forward with a look of mock disappointment. “You mean, you aren’t?”
He froze at the twinkle in her gaze and started to laugh.
She settled back and continued to eat, a satisfied smile on her face.
He loved seeing this side of her. The teasing, the laughter, and, for once, she appeared to be totally relaxed. She was correct. England had been a nightmare. As for dropping her stress levels and getting her to relax, it had done just the opposite. But here, at his place, she seemed completely chill. She was eating her food like she hadn’t had a decent meal in forever. She’d taken to the pool like the mermaid she was.
He had to admit, the more he learned about her, the more he appreciated who she was on the inside. And he really loved the way they connected. He knew it was dangerous for him to think in that direction. He didn’t want to be sidetracked from his goal. But, for the first time, he wondered if maybe he wasn’t the only one who had to go after that goal.
He stared down at his stump. It was much happier after being in the water, but he knew by rights he needed to spend a full week on the crutches. And he should go back to the surgeon who had urged him six months ago to get the surgery. He was just putting off the inevitable, possibly to the point of not being able to fix the problem anymore. As Kat had said, she could do only so much. She had to work with what he presented her for flesh and tissue and bone structure. The surgeon wanted to go in and make it better, and Badger should be letting him. But that would mean walking away from this mission in his mind, the reason he’d gone to England.
“What are you thinking?”
He glanced at her, startled to realize he sat here with his bite of salad on his fork in midair. “Wondering about the surgery for my leg.” He watched as her gaze went to the stump, and she frowned.
“You know as well as I do that the sooner you get it done, the better.”
He nodded. “And how do I do that after what broke open in England?”
“Did anything break open? Or did it just lead you a little further down the path? And is this just for you to do? What about all the rest of the men who also experienced the same nightmare?”
He frowned, popped the salad in his mouth and chewed as he thought about her words. “I can’t speak for the others. I just know that it’s been a driving force for me.”
“But they appear to be at better stages physically. At least Erick and Talon. I’m not sure either of them needs surgery. You, on the other hand, need to take six months out of your life and get your own body a little bit farther along.”
He nodded. “But I don’t want to let go of my mission.”
“Maybe it should be an ‘our mission.’ Not just yours. You got the information out of England. Maybe let it rest now. So you can move on, get your surgery done, while somebody else picks up the next leg of this.”
He settled back, placing his empty plate on the side table. “I was just contemplating my options.” He could feel her surprise. He smiled. “I know. I’ve been pretty focused on just doing the one thing.”
“What changed?”
He frowned, clasped his hands together and dropped them over his belly as he stared up at the darkening sky. “It’s hard to say,” he hedged.
“No. For you to have made such a major shift, something has had to change. What is it?”
“Why are you asking?”
She frowned at him. “Because I care.”
He studied her, saw the flush on her cheeks, the emotion in her eyes, and realized she really did care. But the big problem was, in what way? He had to know. He took a deep breath. “In what way do you care?”
Her eyebrows lifted, and her eyes dilated in surprise. She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“As a doctor or as a woman?”
The blush on her cheeks deepened, but she didn’t look away. She didn’t shift uncomfortably. Instead she stared at him with the same boldness he’d come to recognize from her.
“Both,” she said quietly. “I certainly recognize there’s something between us. I would love to see it develop.” Her lips twitched. “Not just because I love your house.”
At that he laughed. He reached for her hand. Without hesitation she placed hers in it. “In that case, I’ll tell you the reason why my focus is shifting and why I’m rethinking my path of vengeance. Not that I’m letting it go but maybe broadening it to allow the rest of the men to take part—if they want to. I don’t want to place this burden on their shoulders if they’re content to walk away. Also they need to know about the audio file and make their own decision afterward. I can’t keep this from them. I won’t. There has to be an answer that doesn’t involve one of us being the traitor.”
She smiled and nodded, then pushed further. “And?”
“It’s you,” he said simply. “When I first met you, I didn’t give a damn. I would go after this guy, and I would take him out. If I went out at the same time, I didn’t care.”
She nodded. “I could see that. It always bothered me.”
“And you were never short on telling me that,” he said in a dry tone.
She flashed a smile at him. “Somebody had to. You’re too good a man to go on a suicide mission.”
“Part of the reason why I didn’t give a damn was because I had nothing here to hold me back. To make me want to come home again.”
She studied him for a long moment. “You loved your family a lot, didn’t you?”
“We were very close. My dad and I, we did everything together. And Mom, … well, she was just very special. And, although I had a lot of relationships over the years, I never found that special one. … However, when I went on a mission, I knew I had to come home for my parents’ sake. It would kill them if I didn’t make it back. It almost killed them when I was blown to shit. But they were here, right at my side, helping me every step of the way. When I lost them, I lost something else. I lost that root, that connection inside. I lost anybody here who cared if I went or not—except Dotty.”
Dotty jumped up onto the lounger beside his good leg. He stroked her back in long soothing strokes. “Dotty is great company.”
Kat shook her head. “It was hard on both of you. But,” she said gently, “you still had your friends. You still had the other teammates.”
He nodded. “I did, but I could justify doing that to them because I would be doing it for them too. I would give them closure.”
“Did you ever ask them if they needed it?”
He shook his head. “No. I don’t even know if they all know what I’m doing. Obviously Erick, Cade and Talon do, but I’m not sure about the other three.”
“Maybe you need to meet with them. Get it all out in the open. Assign some duties. If you’re on a mission, everybody would have a part of the job. Everybody would be tasked with something to do to help move this forward. To complete the mission. You don’t have to be a lone ranger. I realize you were the team leader, carrying the burden of responsibility and guilt for your team being blown up, for losing Mouse. Yet you don’t have to do this by yourself. You never did.”
He squeezed her fingers gently, sliding the thick pad of his thumb across the long finger bones of her hand. “But I felt alone. And, when you feel alone, you think you are alone. I saw this as my job. Something I had to complete alone. And that’s what I’ve been grappling with this last year and a half. And I hadn’t realized I wasn’t alone any longer—had never been alone—until I went to England. With Cade and Talon and Erick.”
She sat quietly, waiting.
He knew he had to get it all out to finish this. “In England, somehow I realized you were there. You were always there. Every time I turned around, you were there. Before England, some days—when I didn’t have appointments with you—there’d be an email from you, telling me about results or a new plan. A new adaptation on my prosthetic or a new idea. I hadn’t realized how much I loved opening up my email, hoping there would be something from you. How much I looked forward to our appointments. Even if only because I got to see you. When you were kidnapped, that was my first clue, my first scare. But I never really made sense of it all until in England, when the gunman held his weapon on you, and I realized just how close I was to losing you.”
She smiled. “You know? It’s funny. When that gunman arrived at our room, I wasn’t worried.”
“How could you not be worried? It’s not like you’ve spent a lifetime at the other end of a gun.”
She laughed. “No, but I knew you were there. I knew the others were there too. And I knew you wouldn’t let him hurt me. It just wasn’t your style.”
He laughed. He gently squeezed her fingers once again. “No, but, for a moment there, I wasn’t so sure. If he’d pulled that trigger, you’d be gone. And I knew then nothing would stop me from getting to the bottom of this. Even now I won’t stop. You need to understand that. This is not something I can just turn away from. With this break in the case, I do want to bring in the other men. I’m hoping they can take the next step with my help and maybe allow me to get the surgery done. One of the other things that came to mind was the fact that, although I could do what I needed to do in England, if things had gotten much more physical, I don’t know that my leg could have handled it.”
“That’s why you were wincing in the hotel room, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Did something happen when you met the informant? Did you fall? Did you get injured?” She’s swung her legs over on the lounger to face him, a frown forming on her face. “Did you hurt yourself?”
He shrugged. “It wasn’t even so much that. It’s just the leg gave out from under me because, of course, it doesn’t fit properly. And I went down to try and help him, but it was already too late. And, by the time I searched the rest of the apartment and made it back to the pub, the leg was in much-less-than-prime condition.”
She nodded. “And, if you hadn’t had that happen then, you wouldn’t have been reminded about the weakness of your leg. So maybe England was a good thing after all.”
“England was a great thing,” he said with a smile. “It helped a lot. I don’t think it did you any good …” His eyes searched hers, looking for any signs of trauma from the last few days.
She shook her head. “It helped me too. No, it didn’t give me the peace and quiet of a holiday. But it let me see the three of you in action. Four of you actually, once Talon arrived. It gave me a better idea of how you need to use your legs and what you are up against on a day-to-day basis when you’re in the service. And it also let me see a different side of you. You never once tried to hide your disabilities. Even now I can see the scar tissue, the damage your body sustained …”
“You’ve already seen it all, Doc,” he said quietly. “No point in making myself look pretty. I’m well past that.”
“But before, you were very damaged on the inside. Now I can see you’re healing. And that’s a very important step.”
“I might never heal properly,” he warned. “I still need answers.”
“And you need to come to terms with the fact you might not get all the answers you want. And, in spite of it all, you have to put one leg in front of the other.”
He laughed and lifted his stump slightly. “That would be a whole lot easier to do if it wasn’t constantly soring up. The surgeon did say it wasn’t a major operation but …”
“It’s not. It’s just, after all the surgeries you went through, any operation was too much until now.”
He nodded slowly, rubbing the top of the muscle. “I hate the idea of therapy work again.”
“Not much of it this time. But you’re not afraid of the work. You’re not afraid of the pain. As a matter of fact, you’ve been incredibly dedicated to get as far as you have already.” She studied his chest muscles. “The amount of muscle you have regained, the strength you have rebuilt …” She shook her head. “It’s amazing.”
“I’m not pretty to look at.”
She turned to stare at him. “Since when did I do pretty?”
At that he laughed. Because she was right. Everybody who walked into her door was damaged in some way. “I didn’t expect, when I walked into your office, to meet somebody I would care about like I’m starting to care about you.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t expect that either. And there’s no starting to care. You might be afraid of it. You might not trust it. But you already care—whether you’re ready to admit it or not.”
He smiled and pulled her slowly, inexorably closer to him. “You’re right,” he whispered against her lips. “I care.”
And he kissed her.