Chapter Two
Baelan
“Baelan!”
Baelan’s eyes opened and he groaned. His head ached and his vision was fogged over. Arsinoe was bent over his bed, narrowing her eyes and glaring at her son.
“What?” Baelan asked. His voice was a groggy creak. “What is it?”
“I cannot believe you!” Arsinoe shouted. Her cry was shrill – it was so high, in fact, that Baelan imagined the glass of his windows shattering with her fierce voice.
“Gods, mother, please,” Baelan whined, pulling a pillow over his head. “My head! How it aches!”
Arsinoe snatched the pillow away from her son’s face and threw it to the floor. Her face was twisted into a mask of murderous rage – she looked angry enough to spit.
“You will die,” Arsinoe said, shaking her head and setting her white lips in a thin line. “I cannot believe you would choose to be so irresponsible!”
“I do not know what you’re talking about,” Baelan said irritably, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes with his hands balled into fists. “What’ve I done now? Is this about Aya?”
The look Arsinoe gave him was cold enough to freeze the sun into a giant ball of ice.
“No,” Arsinoe said sarcastically. “No, Baelan, that is not why I am so angry with you! You have joined the navy! Queen Zornaya’s navy! A soldier showed up this very morning to collect you!”
“Oh,” was all Baelan could say. He blinked. “I did, didn’t I?”
“Yes,” Arsinoe said through clenched teeth. “I want you to fix it. Go to the queen and tell her you made a mistake. She’ll understand – I just know she will.” Arsinoe tossed her hair. “I’ve arranged for you to be at the palace and take audience with the queen.”
Baelan shook his head.
“Yes, you will go,” Arsinoe said, shaking her head. “I don’t care how awful you feel – you deserve it, for putting me through this kind of anguish!”
Baelan stared dully at his mother. “No,” he said. “I mean, I will not meet with the queen. I have no desire to back out of my promise.”
“Baelan, please,” Arsinoe said. She sat on the edge of Baelan’s bed and reached for her son’s hand. “I know you are depressed. I know you feel that you have no right to be happy…”
“That isn’t it,” Baelan said stiffly, even though his mother was exactly correct. “I want to do something useful. I’ve never done that before, mother, I’ve never been of use to anyone!”
“That isn’t true,” Arsinoe said. “You have been a good, loyal son. You have been a good brother to Selene, and your father and I are very proud of you.”
Baelan shook his head in disgust. “A good brother to Selene, mother, are you crazy?” He narrowed his eyes and the dull pain in his head seemed to expand. “We fought constantly!”
“Well, you know your sister – she was always a little different,” Arsinoe replied. “Baelan, what I am trying to tell you is this: your father and I love you.” She put her hand on Baelan’s shoulder, but Baelan sensed that his mother was holding back.
Baelan nodded.
“And to do this – to join a navy! – is suicide, Baelan.” Now, Arsinoe’s clutching fingers on Baelan’s arm began to feel oppressive. “And I cannot allow you, my only son, to go from me in such a way!”
“I will not die,” Baelan said stubbornly. The truth of the matter was, now that the alcohol had worn off, Baelan felt shaky and nervous. He had lost his nerve – he had lost every ounce of will pushing him forward – and he felt like turning tail and hiding under the thick quilts of his bed for the rest of his life.
But as sickly and weak as Baelan felt from a night of drinking and poor sleep, he knew he could never admit as much to his mother…or to anyone. After all, he was a man. And men weren’t to address their feelings, at least not when it came to feeling like a coward.
“You could very well become seriously injured, then,” Arsinoe said. “Baelan, please, listen to me. Queen Zornaya is a reasonable woman, and she will consider your request.” She eyed Baelan. “Besides,” Arsinoe said quietly. “I have told her that you were…inebriated at the time of your signature. That should disqualify you automatically.”
Baelan heaved a sigh. “Mother, I’m not quitting,” he said. “I’ve said it, and I’ll say it again. I’ll say it until you listen to me – this is my life. I’m an adult man, with nothing to show it. I have no wife, no family, nothing of my own.”
“And you think this is the way to get those things?” Arsinoe asked. The sadness in her voice was evident as she released her grip on Baelan and folded both of her hands in her lap.
Baelan didn’t reply.
“Son, you deserve happiness,” Arsinoe said gently. “And I do not think you will find it serving in the navy of the queen.”
Baelan shrugged. “I signed up to do it, and I’m not going to back out,” he said, pushing the covers away from his body and getting to his feet. He could smell his own musk and the scent made him sick. He walked across the floor of his chamber, took fresh clothing, and stood there staring expectantly at Arsinoe.
“Are you going to watch me, too?” Baelan asked crossly.
Arsinoe shook her head. She flushed as she got to her feet. “Baelan,” she said softly. “I beg you – please – do not do this.” She sniffed. “I have already lost one child. I don’t need to lose both in the same year.”
“You have not lost Selene, and you will not lose me,” Baelan replied. “Selene can be reached with post, and well, I am sure I will be in port for most of the year. After all, this is a defensive navy, mother.” He stood for a moment, grasping for a point which had been a trace of an idea. “And besides,” Baelan added, his voice loud and confident. “It’s my responsibility.”
“I don’t see why you think that way,” Arsinoe replied. “You are a royal cousin, Baelan, you are not some wretch condemned to a life of poverty! Why are you punishing yourself?”
“Because,” Baelan said hotly. “If it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t need a defensive navy in the first place. I would never have brought Zheka into danger if I had not fallen for the Lady Taryn, and stayed oblivious to the danger she posed.”
Arsinoe looked at her son for a long moment.
“Aye,” she said softly. “You are stubborn, my son.”
“I get it from you,” Baelan said, chuckling. “You know I do.”
Arsinoe gave him a sad smile. “Perhaps you are correct,” she said. “But Baelan, I am so worried for you.” She bit her lip. “Please, promise me that you will work hard and value your life.”
Baelan frowned.
“Please,” Arsinoe repeated. “It’s very important.”
Baelan sighed. “Fine,” he said. “I promise.”
Arsinoe stood up and walked over to her son, planting a dry kiss on his cheek. “I will send word to the queen that you are determined to keep your vow,” she said. “And I am sure your father will be proud of you.”
Baelan nodded. He was becoming more uncomfortable by the second, and he wished his mother would leave. She seemed to linger in the doorway for an inordinate length of time before clucking her tongue against her teeth and finally walking away.
As soon as he was alone, Baelan flopped back down into the bed. He was both embarrassed and insulted that his mother had tried to intervene on his behalf. She thinks I cannot take care of myself, he thought as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Baelan’s haze of depression was so obfuscating that it almost hurt to think. Between that and the wicked hangover from all of the wine, he had barely moved by the time the sun was beginning to sink low in the sky. He got up and washed properly, put on clean clothes, and joined his family at the dinner table, still exhausted.
As soon as Baelan entered the room, his father, Ashton, stood up and saluted him.
“I am proud of you,” Ashton said. He handed over a rolled piece of parchment. “This is from the queen. You are to meet with the other men at the docks tomorrow morning.”
Arsinoe smiled, but Baelan saw tears in her eyes.
“Yes,” she echoed. “Isn’t that nice, Baelan? Your father is so happy.”
Baelan nodded. He took the parchment from his father and slipped it into the pockets of his trousers.
“We should enjoy a perfect meal together,” Arsinoe said, smiling at Baelan and Ashton. “This might be the last time we are together as a family for quite a while.”
Ashton snorted. “Nonsense,” he said. “The queen would never put our son in danger.”
Baelan felt a pang of irritation. “I signed up, father,” he said calmly. “I’ll do whatever is asked of me with pride.”
“I am sure you will,” Arsinoe said. She reached across the table and patted Baelan’s hand.
Why is it that now, when I’m just about to leave home, I feel like more of a child than ever before, Baelan thought as he stared down at his empty plate.
Soon, the dining hall was filled with servants. They all beamed at Baelan and the cook handed out an extra large portion of lamb, Baelan’s favorite dish.
“We will all miss you, sir,” the cook said, wiping a tear from her eye.
Baelan frowned. “It’s not as though I’m going off to war,” he said, shaking his head. “I won’t be in any danger, you know.”
The cook nodded, but she still looked teary.
The rest of dinner wasn’t much better. Baelan picked at his food – the lamb smelled delicious, but he had little appetite – and merely sipped at his wine. His head was still throbbing, and he found himself staring out the small windows that faced Zheka’s harbor.
Tomorrow, I’ll be a free man, Baelan thought as he speared a small piece of meat on his fork. And then, perhaps, I can begin to atone for my sins.
After dinner, Baelan slipped away and locked himself in his chamber. As the moon rose higher in the sky, he flopped down on his bed and stared pensively out the window. He knew he should be excited – or at least nervous – for the next day, but he couldn’t summon the will to think.
Finally, after hours of tossing and turning, Baelan fell into a restless sleep.
The morning came quickly – so quickly that Baelan was shocked when he opened his eyes and saw the sun shining overhead. He dressed quickly, grabbed the parchment his father had given him the night before, and ran downstairs into the main hall of the royal compound.
Arsinoe and Ashton stood at the entrance, dressed in their most splendid robes. Arsinoe pulled Baelan into a tight embrace.
“You will be wonderful,” she said, stroking the side of his face.
Baelan resisted the urge to push his mother’s hand away. He forced a smile. “Thank you.”
Ashton patted Baelan on the back with such force that Baelan staggered forward.
“Make us proud,” Ashton said.
Baelan nodded. “I will,” he said.
Turning on his heel and walking away from his family felt strange, almost intoxicating. It felt easier than Baelan would have expected. Why I could have left at any time, he realized with a frown as he began the long walk from the royal compound to the Zhekan harbor.
There was a huge crowd of men assembled on the grass. Most of them were scarred, muscular, huge – much bigger than Baelan. Even though he was lean and muscled, he still felt like a tiny shrimp compared to the rest of the men. Baelan found a place at the back of the crowd. He dropped to his knees and sat lazily on the grass, idly picking at a few longer green blades with his fingers.
Baelan didn’t have to wait long. A man dressed in a strange uniform – a broad jacket and wide trousers – walked and stood at a podium at the front of the crowd. He blew a bright brass whistle and the sound was so loud that Baelan winced.
“Men! Today, you have come to fulfill your destiny. It is in honor of Queen Zornaya that we have gathered today,” the man said. “I am your commander. I am your captain.”
The man sounded so pompous and self-important that Baelan couldn’t help sniggering into his sleeve.
“Hey!” A man seated next to Baelan with huge muscles narrowed his eyes. “Shut your mouth!”
Baelan rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me what to do,” he said arrogantly.
When the man’s fist connected with Baelan’s jaw, the punch caught him off guard. At first, it didn’t even hurt – but after a few seconds, the pain began trickling down Baelan’s neck. He put a hand to his cheek and winced.
“What was that for?” Baelan asked sourly.
“Shut your mouth,” his attacker hissed through clenched teeth.
“Why should I?” Baelan said, narrowing his eyes. “Why, I’m a royal cousin! You don’t dare lay a hand on me!”
The burly man got to his feet and growled. Standing, he was almost two heads taller than Baelan. Baelan shrank at the sight of the large man looming in front of him. He was so distracted that he failed to see the naval commander had abandoned his podium and joined the burly man’s side.
“You, there!” The commander yelled. “Who are you?”
Baelan got to his feet and wiped his hands on his trousers. He tasted iron and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, glancing down to see blood.
“I am Baelan Covendane, a royal cousin,” Baelan said smugly. “And this ogre just attacked me!”
The commander nodded. “I see,” he said archly. He turned to the burly man. “And why would you do that?”
The burly man saluted the commander, squinting into the bright rays of the sun. “He was laughing, sir,” he said in a deep voice. “I put him in his place.”
The commander nodded. “Very well, then,” he said. “You may continue as you see fit.”
The burly man balled his hands into fists and approached Baelan, dancing on the balls of his feet as elegantly as a sylph.
“Hey,” Baelan said shortly. “What in the name of the gods is going on,” he asked warily, stepping back.
The burly man swung his fist. When his hand connected with Baelan’s stomach, Baelan crumpled to the ground in pain. He cried out and wrapped his arms around his legs, pulling his legs close to his body and whimpering.
“Pathetic,” the commander said. “Stop it,” he added. “This man has been humiliated enough…for now.”
Baelan opened his eyes. He felt angry and embarrassed, but mostly, he was just afraid.
“Please,” Baelan said. “You will regret what you have done when my parents intervene!”
The commander’s laughter was a harsh, caustic sound. After a few seconds, the other men joined in. Soon, Baelan was surrounded by a chorus of mocking.
“Your parents,” the commander said, shaking his head and laughing. “You, a grown man! Still hiding behind mother’s skirts?”
The laughter grew louder. Baelan glared at the burly man who had punched him twice – he was doubled over in laughter, tears streaming down his dirty cheeks.
Baelan drew himself up to his full height. “Why, yes,” he said, trying to keep composure. “My mother is a very powerful friend of the queen.”
The commander snorted. He shook his head and grinned. “You’re a fool,” he said. “And as of now, you’re my assistant.”
Baelan narrowed his eyes.
The commander leaned closer, still grinning. There was a malicious gleam in his dark eye. “That’s not a good thing,” he added, shaking his head. “And tonight, I will have you wash the docks of all the ships while the rest of us feast.”
Baelan blinked. It took a few seconds for the words to sink in.
“And don’t even think of saying the queen’s name again,” the commander continued. “You’ve already shown me what kind of man you are.”
“And what kind of man is that?” Baelan asked hotly.
The commander stared at him for a long moment before chuckling and shaking his head.
“You’re a lazy man,” he said. “An entitled man – a man who is used to being served from a silver spoon.”
“Why, that isn’t true!” Baelan said indignantly. “I am a man, just like you.”
The commander rolled his eyes. “We’ll see about that,” he said, still chuckling under his breath. “Indeed we will.”
--
That night, as the other men supped and drank on the shores by the harbor, Baelan sweated and strained over a mop and a bucket of water mixed with lye.
He felt more regretful than ever before.