As every gymnast will tell you, skill level seems to come in waves. First, you find yourself doing pretty good on one particular apparatus. You’re learning skills. You’re sticking landings. You’re feeling confident.
And then there comes a shift. You hit a plateau. Sometimes it happens because of a growth spurt. Sometimes it’s a mental block. If you can push through it, eventually it will get better. But until it does, you suffer through a lot of falls, and a lot of self-doubt.
That’s where Fiona is right now with the balance beam.
For quite a while, she seemed to have spot-on balance. She could turn, leap, even cartwheel and her skills were always solid. But something has changed over the last couple of weeks, and now she’s suffering through one of the most discouraging parts of gymnastics.
Huffing, she plops down next to me on the bench during her two-minute water break.
Handing her the squirt bottle, she takes a swig, the scowl never leaving her face.
“You’re doing fine,” I try to encourage. I get a no-nonsense glare in return.
“I keep falling.”
“Everyone falls. You just have to get yourself back up.”
“I didn’t fall two practices ago.”
She’s got me there. Two practices ago, she was still riding the top of the skill wave, which was fun to watch. But let’s face it, you can’t ride high forever. That’s not reality. Slumps happen. Falls happen. Waves peter out. The key is knowing how to see it coming so you can prepare yourself for the inevitable.
Kind of like I’ve been doing with my two best friends lately.
“Has Coach Pete talked to you about balance checks?” Turning my body so I’m facing her, she opts not to move, just shakes her head while she takes another drink. “A balance check is a way of taking a pause in the middle of your routine so you can readjust so you don’t fall.”
She looks over at me. “So I just stop?”
“Sort of. But you don’t stop all the way. It’s more like pausing yourself right after a skill. Let’s say you do a leap. When your foot lands on the beam, you stop for a tiny second.”
“Why?”
“In that second, you concentrate on feeling where your foot is. Is it in the middle of the beam or do you need to move it a little? Feel where your body is. Is it tight or are you loosey goosey? Are you standing up straight, or are you leaning to the side? Once you check those things, you know how you need to adjust your body so you can move to the next skill.”
The crinkles her little eight-year-old brow while she thinks. Then she says, “But what if I’m doing all those things wrong?”
I smile at her, knowing this is more than just gymnastics tips. This is a life lesson she’s going to need someday. “If something’s wrong, you fix it before you keep going. If you don’t, your routine is either going to be really messy, or eventually you’ll fall.” Just like in life.
Damn, I’m good at this parenting thing sometimes.
She nods quietly, still thinking about what I’ve said. But I see that quiet determination behind those precious eyes. Slowly, she stands up and walks back onto the floor, passing everyone until she gets to the high beam.
Biting my lip, I feel a strange amount of anticipation as I watch this moment which could very well be pivotal for her. She, however, seems cool as a cucumber.
I watch her climb back on the beam and get into position. She runs through the poses and turns of her routine, and then she goes for the leap that has been giving her trouble.
As soon as she lands, I see it. Her foot is slightly too far to the left and her body is leaning. But then she pauses. It’s a split second, and most people wouldn’t even notice it unless they’re trained to see it, but it’s there. And what do you know… she adjusts accordingly, doesn’t fall, and continues on with her routine. Only now there is a huge smile on her face.
“Is your balance check with me finally over?”
I didn’t hear Greg come out of his office, but it doesn’t surprise me that he overheard our conversation and knew part of it was about him.
“You caught that, did you?”
His lips twitch into a small smile as he leans against the door jam, arms and legs crossed. Pushing off, he comes to me and kisses me on the top of the head, something he’s never, ever done at his work place before. I kind of like it. “I did. I hope you’re done feeling me out and are ready to move forward.”
I nod. “Yeah. I am. I needed a minute to get my bearings straight and make sure I wasn’t going to fall again.”
“Don’t be afraid of falling, Elena. I’ll always be here to catch you.”
My phone rings in my purse, breaking our moment. He squeezes my shoulder and says, “Maybe it’s time to move forward with Callie too.”
Glancing at my phone, sure enough, that’s who is calling. “How did you know it was her?”
“Lucky guess,” he shrugs. “Plus, she’s been texting me non-stop since Saturday because you haven’t been taking her calls. She’s really upset over this.”
“She is, or you are because you’ve had to put up with her crazy?”
He laughs. “She is.”
“She should be.” I say it like an unfeeling bad ass, but I’m not fooling either of us. I miss my best friend as much as she misses me. Now that I’ve licked my wounds and worked things out with Greg, it’s time to let Callie make amends.
Ok, ok. I should probably make some, too.
One last squeeze of my shoulder and he walks away, leaving me to have this conversation privately. Well, as privately as you can get in the middle of an open gym.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Oh, thank God,” she bursts out. “I thought you were never going to talk to me again.”
I bite back a giggle. And Greg says I’m overdramatic.
“Obviously I was going to talk to you again, you goof. I just needed a balance check.”
“A what?”
“Never mind.” I wave her off like she can see me even though she’s on the phone. What can I say… I’m a hand talker. “I had to sort a few things out.”
“Oooh! Did you sort them out with Greg?”
Her comment makes this giggle come out. I’m not at all surprised her main concern would be whether or not Greg and I are back together. Which we are. I think.
“Yeah, we sorted things out. For the most part. Now that you say that, I may need to clarify this with him because we never got that far in our conversations.”
Huh. The last few days we’ve shared a lot of “I love you’s” and a lot of kisses. But we’ve never actually said, “So we’re back together again.” Looks like we’ll be having another serious conversation soon.
“Pfft.” I can almost hear Callie’s hand waving around this time. “That man is so head over heels. You don’t even need to talk about it. It’s obvious.”
“Maybe to you.”
“Of course to me. You should have seen him when you left the park.” I get a twinge in my gut at her reminder of the fall out. “He jumped up so fast to chase you, I thought his butt was on fire.”
“Yeah, he was pretty great that day,” I admit, picking an invisible piece of lint off the pants Callie gave me at the last party. I like them. They’re fitted in all the right places, but don’t look overly sexy. Just my style.
The silence on the other end of the line tells me she’s trying to figure out exactly what to say, which is funny since she’s had days to decide. But I know she’ll comment when she’s ready, so I don’t push it. I’ve got nowhere else to be.
Finally, she speaks. “I’m sorry, Elena. I should have said something to Deborah. I should have stood up for you and I didn’t.”
This right here is why she’s my best friend. She’s not perfect, none of us are. But when she’s wrong, when she knows she hurt me, even inadvertently, she’s the first to own up to it. It kills her when she hurts people. That’s how big her heart is. And her heart is what I love most about her.
“You should have,” I respond. “But I get it. RowRow isn’t a hobby for you. You are running a legitimate business and you’re in a precarious situation, you know?”
“Yeah. I know. It’s why I’m not really sure what to do in this situation. She’s already so close that if I cut her out, I’m afraid of the backlash.”
I take a deep breath, because I have to make this easy on her. Well, easier than it could be. So I bite my tongue from what the vindictive part of me wants, and say what the adult part of me knows is right.
“Look, you have to work with her. I get that. But I don’t.” Looking up, I see Greg watching me. He winks, giving me the support I didn’t even realize I needed to have this conversation. “I’m not asking you to choose. I’m really not. But I’m asking you not to share any part of my life with her. I’m sure she’s a nice person, but you know how long it’s taken me to feel good about myself again. I’m not going to let someone take that away from me again. Not even for your business.”
“I would never ask that of you,” she responds. “I thought Deborah was one thing, but once I really went over the scene in my head, I realized she’s not at all who I thought she was.”
“Most people aren’t. Why do you think my only friend is you?”
We both laugh, knowing that statement is more than a joke. People really do suck half the time.
“I love you, Callie,” I say, feeling overly sentimental like I always do after fighting with someone I love. “That isn’t going to change because you have shitty colleagues.”
We laugh again, because humor is what we do.
“Well, I won’t make you hang out with those colleagues again.”
“Thank you.”
“Anything for you. No matter who else comes along, you’ll always be my BFF.”
I smile at the endearment. “Promise?”
“I promise.”
I feel really light and free in this moment. I took the balance check I needed, made the adjustment necessary, and moved on. It feels good. And it’s nice knowing this time, I’m not going to fall.