Chapter Nineteen – Damn You, Beth
As his heart hammered in his chest, Tristan knew that he had to leave. Now! Before he did something he would regret. Something he was not up−
“Wait!” she called after him as he turned toward the door
Instantly, his feet stilled, and he closed his eyes, cursing himself for his weakness. Why was it that she had such power over him? He had only come to her chamber to inform her of his plans to send her to Hampton Hall, and now…now, he was not certain if he had the will to leave…leave her…leave her untouched.
Stepping around him, she came to stand in front of him, her pale blue eyes gazing up into his, so open and honest as they had been at the ball, and once more he felt drawn to her as though she was a light in the dark. “What about my kiss?” she whispered, a smile on her lips, and yet, Tristan thought to detect a touch of nervousness in her eyes. “I can see that you want to,” she continued, and he gritted his teeth, knowing only too well how right she was. “Why would you deny yourself the experience?”
Why indeed? Tristan wondered for in that moment his rational mind seemed to be unable to come up with an answer. “I need to go,” he said, his eyes fixed on hers and his feet rooted to the spot.
A slow smile curved up her mouth. “You’re still here,” she observed, stepping closer, gently placing her hand on the front of his shirt. “Why are you still here?”
A jolt went through him as the tip of her index finger brushed over his skin at the opening of his collar. Sucking in a sharp breath, Tristan jerked backward, needing more space between them. “You ought to listen to your mother,” he choked out, forcing his mind to a safer topic. “Most people do not appreciate outspokenness, especially in a woman.”
She laughed then, her eyes shining with delight as she followed in his wake. “Would you say you’re one of them?”
“One of what?”
“One of those people who do not appreciate outspokenness?”
Tristan swallowed. “That is irreleva−”
“I do value your opinion,” she said, the expression on her face suddenly serious as she looked at him. “I may not always agree with it,” a slight curl returned to her lips, “but I would never refuse to hear it. The night of the ball allowed me a glimpse of your character, but I want more.” Again, her hands came to rest on his chest. “I want to know who you are, what you think and how you feel. Not speaking the truth−for whatever reason−only complicates matters as you’ve seen.”
Reminded of her betrayal, Tristan felt his shoulders tense, and he finally made up his mind to leave.
However, her next words stopped him.
“I do like you,” she whispered. “There’s something about you that speaks to me. I can almost feel your presence, and it affects me in a way I’ve never experienced before.” She shook her head, her gaze travelling down to touch his lips. “But it’s not enough. I want more.” Again, she met his eyes, desire burning in their depth. “Tell me the truth. Are you not tempted? Not in the least?”
Tristan swallowed, all thoughts of leaving forgotten.
“Tell me,” she whispered, pushing herself up on her toes, her lips coming dangerously close to his, almost touching.
Feeling her breath on his skin and her body pressed against his, Tristan gritted his teeth as his resolve became non-existent. She was right. Something about her spoke to him as well. With nerve-wrecking precision, she knew exactly how he felt, knew exactly what to say. And it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. He, too, wanted more. Much more.
Finding her soft eyes looking into his, so vulnerable and, yet, so insistent, Tristan groaned in sweet agony as his emotions effortlessly overruled his mind. One arm came around her, yanking her up against him, as the other slid along the side of her jaw to the nape of her neck. “Damn you, Beth,” he growled before his lips closed over hers.
***
The moment he kissed her, the whole world fell away.
Wrapping her arms around his neck as his arms held her up against him, Beth rejoiced at the sudden emotions she felt not only in her heart but also in every fibre of her being. However, what excited her even more than the delicious tingles that tickled her skin and sent goose bumps up and down her arms was her husband’s unrestrained reaction to her closeness, to the temptation she presented.
Oh, Beth had hoped – prayed−he would not be able to resist her, but she had never expected that he would so openly admit to his feelings for her!
Sliding her hands up the back of his neck, Beth moved her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer as he kissed her breathless. His hands moved over her back, pressing her against him in an all-consuming desire to feel her, to know her.
Then his arms went suddenly slack, and his lips released her own.
Disappointment swept through Beth so unexpectedly that her arms tightened around his neck. Opening her eyes, she searched his face, not allowing him to escape as he tried to step back. “What are you afraid of?” she whispered against his lips.
Meeting her enquiring gaze, her husband drew in a deep breath, his light blue eyes dark with desire as his lips pressed into a thin line, forcing back the emotions he had so openly admitted to only a moment ago. “I’m not−”
“You are,” she interrupted him, her eyes gentle as she held his gaze. “I am, too.”
At her words, his gaze widened, and he stared at her for a moment before his eyes narrowed. “I do not know what to believe,” he whispered. “After everything that has happened, I cannot help but assume that a woman who pretends to belong to upper society to trap a husband is well-versed in pleasing said husband.” His brows rose at the implication in his words, and for a moment, he remained quiet. Then he sighed, and the expression on his face softened. “However, when I look at you, I feel as though everything you told me that night was the truth.” He swallowed then, and his gaze drifted from hers. “Am I a fool to believe so?”
Searching his face, Beth understood the nature of his doubts. “Who called you a fool?”
Instantly, his eyes shifted back to hers, alarm darkening his face.
“Was it your uncle?”
Her husband swallowed, but didn’t respond.
Holding his gaze, Beth took a deep breath. “The people we love have great influence on us, on who we are,” she whispered, remembering how her mother’s example had always encouraged her to strive to be the best person she could be. “Especially those who rear us, who are there as we grow up. They shape us, mould us, guide us in the direction they consider right for us.” Watching his face, Beth began to relax as understanding and a hint of recognition came to his eyes. “But we are not them. At some point, we have to decide who we are on our own.” Swallowing, Beth drew in a deep breath. “All my life, I looked up to my mother. She was the woman I wanted to be. She was kind and honest, considerate and determined. But then one day…”
As tears threatened, Beth averted her gaze, forcing her grief back down.
“What happened?” her husband asked as he placed a gentle hand under her chin, asking her to look at him.
With a sad smile on her face and tears clinging to her lashes, Beth met his eyes. “I learnt that she was…more than what I knew of her,” she whispered, determined not to let this chance to reach her husband’s heart slip through her fingers. There would be time to grieve later. “Very often, we only see who people are on the surface, but like an iceberg, there is a lot hidden underneath.”
“What are you hiding?” he asked, his eyes slightly narrowed, and yet, there was barely a hint of suspicion in them.
Beth shrugged. “I wouldn’t say I’m hiding something. It’s simply that people are rather complex, and it takes time to get to know them well.” Again, her arms tightened around his neck, and she pushed herself closer. “All I can say is that the glimpse I saw of you the night at the ball made me feel connected to you. And now, that I am seeing more of you, I am even more convinced that I am precisely where I should be. I want to know more about you, about who you are, about who we could be together.”
Looking into her eyes, he drew in a shaky breath, and Beth could see that he wanted the very same thing. Still, doubts played on his face, and Beth knew that his uncle’s influence was far greater than she had imagined. To liberate him from his uncle, she would need to find out more about her husband’s past, about his family. Since his parents had not been at the wedding, Beth could only assume that they had died, probably a long time ago. However, that was the extent of her knowledge−if one could call it that−and it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.
However, today was her wedding day, and in the weeks to come, there would be more than enough time for questions such as these, questions that would lead to a deeper understanding of her husband’s character. Tonight, though, she did not want to think and consider and contemplate. Tonight, she merely wanted to be a young bride, eager to show her husband how much he meant to her.
“Look at me,” she whispered, holding his gaze without flinching, “and tell me what you see. Just like that night at the ball.” The memory brought a slow smile to his lips, and Beth returned it with heart-felt joy. “What do you see when you look at me? Who am I? Do I care about you? Did I marry you for your title or because you’re the only man who’s ever been able to make me feel like this? Tell me.”
As his chest rose and fell with each breath, his eyes roamed her face. And although Beth thought he already knew the answers to her questions, there was something holding him back, something that stood between him and the happiness he so clearly desired. “I’m not certain I−”
“Yes, you are,” she insisted before her arms tightened around his neck once more. “What do you feel when I kiss you?” Then she pushed herself up again and captured his lips with her own, delighted with her own boldness.
For the barest of moments, he remained still, almost immobile, and a dawning insecurity began to fall over Beth. However, just when she was about to relinquish her hold on him, admitting defeat and withdrawing in embarrassment, his arms came around her.
Slowly, he moved closer, and his lips eagerly responded to her question. His hands moved over her body, up her neck and into her hair, then down her shoulders and further over her back, pulling her against him as he began to walk her back toward the large four-poster bed at the back wall.
Anticipation bubbled up inside Beth as he swept her into his arms and carried her the last few steps.
A mixture of desire and determination hung on his face as he gently laid her down. Then his lips claimed hers once more, and all thought was lost.
There would be enough time for that in the weeks to come.