Chapter 29

Emma

Jeremy flashed me a grin as he walked past, which I found more troubling than anything else. He’d been in such a mood when he originally stalked into Max’s office. What had gone on in there that had made him so smiley?

I didn’t have long to wonder, however, since the moment Jeremy was on his way to the elevator, Max buzzed me in again.

I didn’t buzz back to ask him what he needed. I knew he wanted me to come into his office to finish our conversation, and I’d been preparing for it while he and Jeremy talked. Handing in my notice was one of the hardest things I’d ever done and my heart ached. I had spent the past ten minutes trying not to cry at my desk, so I didn’t know how well this conversation was going to go. I didn’t know whether it would be better for him to beg me not to go or just accept my resignation with the cold attitude he displayed on the flight.

Rearranging my skirt, I rose and walked over to his office door. I took a final bracing breath before I entered.

Max was waiting inside, his intelligent crystal-blue eyes watching my every movement as I stepped into the room. He looked stressed, his hair a tousled mess and his suit jacket and tie hung on the coat hook by the door. I immediately wanted to comfort him, to wrap my arms around his thick torso and squeeze until he forgot everything that was plaguing him. Unfortunately, one of the things this time was me.

“Why don’t you sit down,” he suggested, gesturing to the chair Jeremy had only just vacated. I would’ve known Jeremy had been right there even if I hadn’t just seen him, there were paper clips and other detritus strewn all around the otherwise immaculate desk space.

I nodded and sat down, folding my hands in my lap and looking at Max expectantly.

“I’m at a bit of a loss for words, Emma,” Max began. “I guess I should start by saying I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back, looking casual and very handsome. “I was a complete asshole to you on the way home from Punta Cana and I would take it all back if I could. I figured I’d get a chance to explain myself to you, though. I didn’t realize it was so bad you’d end up quitting.”

“That’s not why I’m quitting,” I replied, shaking my head.

Genuine confusion twisted his features. “It’s not? Then why?”

As much as I appreciated his apology, I had to remember that I’d made a decision on this. I couldn’t change my mind just because he was saying a few things that I wanted to hear.

“I got this job because I was seeking independence,” I said. “Sleeping with the boss completely negates that fact. I want to go out on my own and succeed on my own merits. I need to go out on my own and succeed on my own merits.”

Max looked almost hurt. His eyes grew wide, his brow creasing in the middle. His hands twitched on the desk as if he was suppressing the urge to reach out for me. I was suppressing the urge to reach out for him too.

“Emma,” he said softly. “You will always succeed on your own merits here. You’re great at what you do. Brilliant at it, really. If you’re not happy with an aspect of your position, I’m more than willing to negotiate.”

If only it were just a problem with my job. This relationship was much too deeply embedded in my position though, so any problem with either was going to slip into the other.

“It’s like I said, Max, it’s an independence thing. I’ve loved working here and I hope I can count on you for a good reference, but I need to be somewhere else.”

Somewhere far away from you...

I wondered if there would come a day when it wouldn’t hurt to think of Max anymore. I reminded myself that I was doing this for my future happiness, and my future happiness depended on me leaving this job and Max. I needed a clean break.

“You want to go out on your own,” he said, slowly nodding. “That’s something I can understand, certainly. I’m happy to support you in this transition. My only question is if this means you’re quitting me too?”

My heart thudded painfully. This was what I’d been dreading, the very thing I’d hoped to avoid as long as possible, even though I knew it needed to be ripped away quickly and cleanly like a band aid.

“Yes.” My voice was so soft that I was worried he hadn’t heard it. He was staring at me blankly, completely still save for the rise and fall of his breathing.

“I can’t let you do that.”

A spark of irritation flared to life inside of me. “You can’t let me do that?”

He shook his head, gazing down at his folded hands. “I think you’re going through something right now, and I can understand you wanting to quit the job, but I can’t understand you wanting to end things when I know how you feel about me.”

I shot to my feet. Did he have to make everything sound so much like a business transaction? Not that it would have swayed me, but it wouldn’t have hurt for him to use this as an opportunity to tell me exactly what he felt about me. Instead, he said we couldn’t break up because of how I felt about him? That was exactly the kind of arrogant shit Max would pull.

“Gee, with an impassioned declaration like that, there’s no way I want to break up.”

Max stood and walked around the side of the desk. I watched his approach with my fists clenched at my sides, staying perfectly still. His eyes were warm… and filled with kindness. I didn’t resist when he pulled me against his chest, because it felt too good to have him hold me. He swayed me back and forth, lips pressed against the crown of my head. I loved it when he held me like this and tried to commit the feeling to memory, since this was the last time I could allow it to happen.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m a bit new to all of this. I don’t always know the right thing to say.”

“No shit,” I said, my voice muffled against his shirt.

His deep laugh rumbled through me. “You mean a lot to me, Emma. I don’t want to lose you. Tell me what I can do.”

It was amazing to hear him say those words. Sometimes he had his sweet moments where I felt like the most important girl in the world, but there were other times when I wondered if he cared about me any more than any of his other business contracts.

“There’s nothing you can do,” I sniffed, tears threatening. “I already had a relationship where I waited the whole time for our interests to line up, and I can’t do that again. I care about you and it’s hurting me to have to leave, but I can’t keep waiting for something that’s never going to happen.”

Max stiffened, no longer swaying me. He pushed my shoulders back until our eyes met. His eyes narrowed on mine, sky to earth.

“I want you, Emma.” His voice was thick with emotion and frustration. “I want you so bad that I would rather peel the skin from my bones than see you walk out that door. Isn’t that enough?”

I didn’t answer, too blindsided by the depth of the feeling in his words. That and I didn’t think I could even speak without immediately bursting into tears.

Max let out a frustrated growl, my only warning before he swept down and pressed his lips to mine. I curled up against him out of instinct, just like I always did. Chest to chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. There was a little nook in his body that I fit perfectly into, and settling back in after a couple days of barely talking was like coming home.

Max kissed me feverishly, pulling me tight to him with one hand on the back of my head and the other on my waist. My own hands clutched pathetically at the front of his shirt when they should have been pushing him away. I couldn’t help it. Kissing him was my personal addiction, something I was going to have to quit cold turkey if I wanted to fix this. Right now, I didn’t want to fix it. I would stay under his thrall forever if it meant I got to feel like this. Cared for. Cherished.

His mouth trailed eagerly down my jaw, gliding along my throat and making me gasp. He tightened his fist in my hair and pulled my head back, exposing more of my neck for him to hungrily devour. I was weak with lust. My knees trembled, struggling to hold me upright. If I didn’t have Max’s arm supporting me, I probably would have slumped into a pile of nothing on the floor.

Max’s teeth scraped along the delicate flesh where my shoulder met my neck. This time, my gasp was more of a moan. His hardness ground against my stomach and my mouth watered as I thought about how sexy it would be to have one last office tryst. We could do it over his desk. We could do it under his desk. Fuck, I didn’t care where we did it, as long as I got his cock in me. I wouldn’t feel right until I was full of him, surrounded by him.

Him. Him. Him.

“Stop!” I jammed my hands against his chest and sent him teetering backward.

He was panting. We both were.

“That’s exactly the problem, Max,” I said to the unspoken question in his eyes. “I get so wrapped up in you that I forget about me, about what I want. But I know what I don’t want, and that is letting you lead me around behind you for the rest of my life because I’m too weak to go out there and seek what I want on my own. I’m sorry.”

The hurt in his eyes nearly killed me. I could tell he was searching for the right words, but if he hadn’t found them by now, I doubted he was ever going to. And that was just something I’d have to live with.

I loved Max Westfield. Max Westfield didn’t love me. He felt all sorts of things for me, sure, but love wasn’t one of them.

A muffled ringing cut through the tense silence of the office. It was my desk phone.

Max anticipated my action. “Leave it,” he said. “Please… leave it.”

The word ‘please’ coming from his lips sounded almost as sinful as when he whispered naughty things to me while we made love. But no amount of ‘pleases’ in the world could have stopped me from taking the opportunity to get out of that explosive situation.

I gave a tiny shake of my head, rearranged my clothes and hair, and strode out of Max’s office.