Sarah

I’m just stuffing my bedsheets into the washing machine when I hear Laynie’s voice carrying down the hall. “Ding dong! Anybody home?”

“Yaynie!” Millie’s tiny footsteps thump across the floor as he runs to greet her.

“Be there in a second!” I call out. I add the fabric softener to the machine and close the lid.

Laynie’s already in the living room, her service dog Dexter laying at her feet, his long pink tongue licking Millie’s cheek as she giggles. “Hey,” I greet, taking a seat beside her. “This is a nice surprise.”

“I figured we were due for a chat,” she says with a smile. “We haven’t had a chance to just hang out in a long time.”

My teeth sink into my lip as my fingers curl into tight fists at my sides. “That’s kind of my fault,” I admit.

“Oh, trust me, I know.” Laynie’s laugh doesn’t hold any of the resentment I’d expected to hear. Instead, she reaches over, her hand searching out my knee. “You’ve really isolated yourself from all of us. At least you’ve tried to.”

Tears prick at my eyes as I stare into her kind, open face. “I’m sorry.” My apology is but a whisper, but Laynie hears everything.

“No apologizing,” she says. “That’s not what I’m here for. I’m here to set it right. You can’t get rid of us that easily.”

Bosco’s angry eyes flash in my memory. “I’m not so sure that’s the case for everyone.”

“You’re talking about Bosco,” she says, but it’s not a question.

My heart sinks. “You know, don’t you?”

“I know nothing,” she chirps, raising one hand in the sign for scout’s honor. “Well, kind of nothing. I know Bosco called Reaper this morning to pick him up not far from here. I know he was pissed off, in a very un-Bosco like way. I also know that your voice is quivering with tears. Just a guess that all those things are related.”

Puffing my cheeks out, I release a breath. “You want a coffee?”

“I never say no to coffee,” she declares and stands, her hand out in front of her as she follows me to the kitchen. Attempting to buy myself a little time, I set to work getting the coffee pot ready.

As the percolator starts dripping, Laynie decides she’s waited long enough. “Talk to me.”

“I slept with Bosco.” I just blurt it out, needing to get that part off my chest before anything else. “I slept with him, and then this morning when I woke up, for just a second, I thought he was Mouse.”

Sadness washes away the elated grin from Laynie’s face. “Oh, Sarah,” she says softly.

“When I realized what I’d done, I picked up his clothes and tossed them on the lawn. I just...” I run my fingers through my hair and pace the tiny kitchen. “I just needed him out of here. I felt so guilty, ya know? Like I’d cheated on Mouse.”

Laynie sits quietly, her mouth turned down with sadness, but she doesn’t interrupt. I keep talking, like the dam has busted and the words just keep coming.

“I didn’t want Millie to see him here, and definitely not in my bed. I was so mean to him, Laynie. I kicked him out in his underwear! And he was so angry when he left. I just...the thing is...I don’t think I’m ready for another relationship.”

Laynie leans forward and rests her chin in her hand. “Everyone moves on at their own pace. Don’t ever feel guilty for not being ready, Sarah.”

Sighing with relief that she understands, I plop down in the seat across from her and drop my face into my folded arms on the table.

“But I don’t think this is an issue with you not being ready.” Lifting my head, I watch her face as she considers her words carefully. “I think the issue is, you feel guilty that you are ready. Do you think Mouse would have wanted you to be alone? That he wouldn’t want you to be happy?” Her fingers reach out, searching the table top until they come to rest on my arm. “Honey, Mouse wouldn’t be angry with you for living a happy life, even if that means with another man.”

I think about that for a moment. “Maybe,” I concede. “Maybe you’re right. But either way, that other man can’t be Bosco.”

“Bosco loves you guys,” she says, not telling me something I don’t know.

“He does. He’s also a member of a motorcycle club. The same club that my little girl’s father was a part of when he died.” I bite my lip as my heart clenches, the crux of my problem becoming clearer by the second. “I can’t go through that again, Laynie. I won’t survive.”

Bosco

“As I sat there in the grass, staring at my dead friend, all I could think about was my brother. About how fucking pissed at me Spencer would be if he could see me now. I thought about the fact that he had died and I had lived, but I was pissing it all away on drugs and living this life that nobody would wish on their worst enemy.

“It took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, along with the help of a couple very kind social workers, but I got my life back. I’ve been clean for five years, and I don’t plan on ever going back to that life. I joined an MC, and now I have a family. Somewhere I can truly belong. Life is good now. I miss my brother and I miss my parents, but I do not miss the drugs that almost ruined my life.”

I step down from the podium to the sound of applause, nodding and shaking a few hands as I pass. It seems like this is the millionth time I’ve told this story, right here in the basement of this church, but this is the first time there are actually people here for me, to hear me tell it.

Ryker, Tease, Jase, Reaper, and Anna take up the third row of seats, one of the chairs empty and meant for me. Taking my place, I look down at the ground. I’d avoided looking at my crew the entire time I spoke. I hadn’t wanted to see the disappointment or the anger I’m sure they must be feeling. I’ve been keeping so much from them for so long.

Anna’s hand reaches out and squeezes mine, giving me the courage I need to look up. She leans over, pressing her shoulder into me as she whispers in my ear, “That was very brave, Bosco.”

I turn my head and meet her eyes, giving her a tight smile. It’s then I risk a glance at the men beside her. Reaper simply gives me a lift of his chin, Jase a nod. Tease is already watching the next person at the podium. It’s Ryker’s opinion I care about most, though, and he’s watching me, his eyes assessing.

My heart stops beating as we sit frozen, our eyes locked, his jaw tight. I don’t even know what I’m expecting from him. Approval? Accolades? Acceptance? Regardless of what his thoughts are, it’s not like I’ll be kicked out of the club; it just doesn’t work that way. I haven’t actually done anything wrong. My secret isn’t a danger to any of them, or to the club as a whole.

Reaper was right, though. I’ve never felt one hundred percent in when it came to the Kings. I’ve always been hiding a part of myself from all of them, but that just ended today when I got up there and bared it all to the entire room.

All the worry, strife, and fear of their anger disappears when Ryker leans across the other guys and Anna, his fist extended. His lips are tilted up on one side, and his gaze shows nothing but pride. When my fist meets his in a solidifying bump, I realize that all the hiding is behind me.

I don’t have to hide my shitty past from anyone; it’s part of who I am. Part of what has made me the man I’ve become. My brother, the streets, the drugs—all of it. I was a better person because I came out on top. I didn’t let that shit suck me down and end me. I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and every reason to be proud.

At the end of the meeting, we don’t stick around and mingle like everyone else. Without a word, we walk outside and around the corner to the parking lot where our motorcycles wait for us, parked in a line at the edge of the property.

To my surprise, it’s Jase that speaks first. “That took balls, man. Proud of you.” He leans in, bumping his chest to mine and slapping my back.

Tease just squeezes my shoulder. Reaper stands with his arm around Anna. “Explains a lot,” he says, indicating his wife. “Sucks you had to go through that shit, man, but glad you came out on top.”

Anna comes forward and wraps her arms around my waist, giving me squeeze. If anybody understands how hard that was for me, it’s her. We’ve attended many meetings here together, at one point, both of us hiding our pasts from these very same people.

“Mine,” Reaper says, his voice a low growl as he pulls his wife from my arms. He has a smirk on his face, and Anna giggles as I raise my hands in surrender.

Ryker is the next to step forward, dropping a heavy hand on my shoulder. “Now you’re a King. No more holdin’ shit back, yeah?”

A King. I already was a King from the second I got patched in, but I think part of me always felt like I was never all-in. Now I am, and looking around at these men in front of me, I remember what it was like to have a brother. I haven’t really felt that since Spencer died.

“All right,” Reaper says, moving to his ride and starting it up, the engine roaring to life. “Put your tits away ladies and let’s move on with this fucking day.”