CHAPTER TEN
Chelsea
Since I had met Ben, this was the longest amount of time we had gone without seeing each other. Over the past two weeks, I had spent my time at the studio with Quinn either writing music or listening to her lay tracks for the next album.
A few afternoons when Quinn had to leave early for press commitments, I had even tried to find the secret fishing hole. But I always seemed to walk in the wrong direction. The ranch wasn’t the same without Ben. Everything felt quieter and empty without him filling in the space.
I watched the Texas fields scroll past as the jet climbed higher toward California.
As soon as I heard Quinn was taking time off, I was ready to drive one of Ben’s cars west. But there was no way he would be ok with that. Maybe one day we could take a road trip together and get lost like he did over the summer, stopping at tourist stands and taking pictures in front of the Grand Canyon or the Space Needle.
The white clouds surrounded my view, and I settled into my seat. In two hours, I would land in L.A. That’s the only thing that mattered. I closed my eyes and found sleep while the engines hummed and the plane rose higher.
When the jet landed, there was a private car waiting for me on the tarmac. L.A. was better equipped to handle secretive passengers than the Austin airport.
It didn’t take long to arrive at the hotel. I had always heard awful stories about L.A. traffic, but it didn’t seem to be a problem.
For my first time in the land of glitz and glitter, I didn’t care about any of the hot spots. All I wanted was to see Ben. Hear his voice. Look into his eyes. Feel him pressed against me.
“Can we get you anything else while you wait, ma’am?” The hotel valet stood in the doorway of the suite.
“No, I’m fine, but thank you.”
He made a slight bow from the waist and backed into the hall with the valet cart.
I surveyed the set of rooms that formed the suite. I walked to the closet and grabbed one of Ben’s T-shirts, pressing it against my face. There was that clean soapy scent I had missed. I inhaled again before returning the shirt to its hanger.
It was almost seven. I hoped he was on his way home. I sent him a quick text.
Waiting for you.
There was no response. I tossed my phone on the couch and picked up the remote. I flipped through the channels until I saw Ben and Rebecca’s faces appear on the Gossip Channel. The anchors were talking about Love & Bondage, and the rumors that Ben and Rebecca had rekindled their romance.
I cringed when I heard the woman call them “Benecca.” Was that a thing? There was a reason I never read gossip magazines or paid attention to tabloid headlines. None of this was true.
I was about to change the channel when a picture of Ben with his arm around Rebecca flashed on the screen. For a second, I couldn’t breathe. It was as if all of the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. But I focused on the picture frozen on the screen and realized they were somewhere tropical. There were sailboats behind them. It wasn’t a recent picture. It must have been dug out of their relationship archives. The feeling returned to my chest, and I took a normal breath. I turned off the TV.
Rumors. They were only rumors. I knew Ben was over Rebecca. But for the first time since he started working on the movie, I felt tinges of jealousy. The rest of the world didn’t know it was Hollywood spin. They thought there was a chance the couple had been brought back together by the movie. It made my stomach ache.
It made sense in theory when Ben had proposed the idea of letting the press be misguided. But now that I could see it for myself, I wasn’t sure I was equipped to handle it. I didn’t want to share the headlines with him, but maybe it was worse having Rebecca in his spotlight.
I texted again.
I’m in your suite. Can’t wait to spend the night with you.
Fifteen minutes passed and I still hadn’t received a response. I pulled out one of my lyric pads and unclasped my guitar from its case. One of the perks of flying on the jet was that I could bring as much as I wanted. My writing sessions with Quinn might be on vacation, but there were still lyrics in my head. I settled back on the couch, tucking my feet behind me.
Suddenly, I missed my hammock and the little porch on the beach house. All summer I had wanted to escape it, branch out into the real world. Now I was in the center of it, and the only thing I could think of was salt breezes and the sounds of the boats in the harbor.
You haunt me like the wind
Taking me back to where I’ve already been
You think I can’t be happy without you
But I can stand out of the shadows too
That was all I had. I strummed a few more bars and glanced at the floor-to-ceiling windows. Where was he? I watched the lights dim over the Hollywood hills, wondering when I was going to see him.
***
I felt lips brush against my cheek. Someone was in the suite.
“Chelsea, wake up.” A firm hand nudged my shoulder.
I stretched upright, locking eyes with Ben. “Hey, what time is it?” I must have fallen asleep waiting for him.
“I’m sorry it’s so late, but I couldn’t get out of there. It’s midnight. 2 a.m. Texas time. You’re probably exhausted.” He sat next to me on the couch. “But I’m so glad you’re here, darlin’.”
I nodded, pushing myself forward. Midnight? He hadn’t called or texted the entire time. I wrapped my arms around him, wanting to feel the strength of his arms and the warmth of his skin. But my nose was hit with a sharp wave of perfume.
Quickly, he pulled my hands off his neck and kissed me on the forehead. “I’m going to go take a shower, but I’ll be right back.”
I watched him walk toward the bathroom. All the feelings of joy and anticipation of seeing him again felt shadowed and dark. Something was off, and I didn’t like the way he smelled.
I slipped off the couch and crept to the bathroom door. I pushed it open slowly. Ben was standing under the stream of water. His back was facing me. I stared and took a step forward. It was covered in red lines.
“Ben, what happened to your back?”
He jerked and turned around. “Oh, that’s nothing.”
“Nothing?” I opened the glass door and reached out to touch his skin. I didn’t care that the water was soaking my shirt.
His eyes held me steady. “Baby, it’s from the movie. It’s not a big deal.”
“Are they from Rebecca?” I remembered the scene in the book.
“Not Rebecca, Evangeline.” His head tilted to the side, and I thought he was trying to soften the impact of the physical evidence.
“Same person. Did Evangeline put these on your back?”
“Yes, but they don’t hurt. They’ll be gone by morning.”
I turned from the shower and closed the door behind me.
“Chelsea, wait—” but I didn’t stop. I hurried through the suite, looking for a place that would offer comfort. But it just looked like a fancy hotel suite, not home.
“Chelsea, we should talk about this.” Ben appeared dripping wet, holding a towel around his waist.
“Is this what happens every day? Is the movie really this physical?” I tried to make the words smooth, but I choked in between questions.
He hung his head. “You read the book. You know the storyline.”
My eyes stung. “But I thought there would be doubles or something. Body doubles, right? There are supposed to be other people doing those parts.” This couldn’t be how it happened. Where were the special effects? There should be some makeup artist painting lines on his back, not Rebecca.
“You won’t see that much of it once they do the editing. No frontal nudity for me, I promise.”
“Was frontal nudity an option?” I felt naive.
Ben led me to the bed and sat on the corner. “Darlin’, in this movie, everything is an option.”
“Does that mean Rebecca is naked? Are you with her naked?”
“It’s not like that. There are fifty people around us at all times. It’s choreographed and technical. I swear, absolutely no improv. I can’t even turn my head without them telling me which direction to go.” He paused. “I thought you were ok with all of it. Didn’t you tell me it would be hot if I did the movie?”
“I didn’t know what I was saying. I didn’t know it would be like this.” I pointed to the top of his shoulder where the pink lines started. My inexperience in how movies were made was plastered all over my forehead. Ben stared at me.
“I wouldn’t have signed on if you had said no.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “But I can’t back out now. I have a contract. I have to finish it.”
My eyes fell to the quilt. I couldn’t look at him. “I don’t know what to say. All I can think about right now is you and Rebecca.”
“Hey, hey. Come here.” He pulled me against his chest. I felt the water droplets against my cheek. Thank God, the perfume smell was gone. “There is no Rebecca and me. I am making a movie with her, yes. But as soon as we wrap, it’s over. I won’t see her until premiere week. This will all be over.”
I nodded, but I felt as if I was agreeing to something I didn’t truly believe.
“You know it doesn’t mean anything, right? It’s acting. I’m only acting.”
I tried to nod.
“How about we get some sleep? It’s late and we’ve both had a long day.” He maneuvered around me to pull the covers back and adjust the pillows. “We can talk some more tomorrow. I don’t have to be on the set until noon. We can sleep in. Have a nice breakfast.”
How was I supposed to fall asleep next to him now knowing the marks on his back were real, and his hands had been on someone else?
It wasn’t the night of passion and heated abandon I had planned. But I curled up against Ben, his palm planted on my hip. Within minutes his breathing was slow and rhythmic, but all I could think about was that he had just spent the day in bed with Rebecca Campbell.
I clung to the hope that, in the morning, I would wake up and all of this would be a dream. It was part of some big misunderstanding caused by an acute case of jetlag. There was nothing ok with this situation. If it wasn’t a dream, I was going to have to figure out a way to deal with being in love with the man staring in the most talked about movie on the planet.
And his ex.
***
Ben’s voice was muffled. He was in a serious discussion with someone. I threw back the covers and padded into the next room.
“I can’t keep her cooped up in here.” His back was to me. I listened. “This is crazy. I should be able to go out. Can’t you do something about it, Scott?” Ben paused. “I know, I know, but it was a surprise to me too. I didn’t know she was flying out. And what the hell is this ‘Benecca’ crap?”
I felt a sour pit fire in my stomach. I turned from the conversation and rushed to the bathroom. This was all a mistake. I should have stayed in Austin and worked on my music, or flown home to see my parents. My mother was dying for me to visit.
I splashed cold water on my face and brushed my teeth. There had to be a way to get out of L.A. When I finally emerged, Ben was standing in front of a room service cart pouring two cups of coffee.
“How’d you sleep?” he asked.
“Fine.” I didn’t like the awkwardness that was starting to spread between us any more than his diversion tactics.
“I thought we’d order some room service. These omelets aren’t as good as Lenny’s, but I had them add extra bacon for you.” He winked and motioned for me to join him.
I sat at the bistro table in front of the balcony, feeling stiff and guarded. How was he able to act like everything was normal? He was one half of “Benecca.” That was not normal.
He sat across from me. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“Ok.” I wasn’t interested in touching breakfast. I could barely breathe. It was like a vice had been fastened to my chest. Every time Ben spoke, someone cranked the handle on my back, making even a whisper impossible.
“So, here’s what’s going on.” He flashed a grin. The one I had seen on the front of magazine covers. “I was talking to Scott, and he thinks it’s best if we aren’t seen in public together while you’re in town.” He picked up a piece of toast and slathered it with butter.
“What? I don’t understand?” It sounded like he just said I was a hideous toad that he couldn’t be seen with in public.
“Remember the plan I had to keep the press away from you? Well, now that we’re both in L.A., it isn’t going to work out like that. If they see me with you, it’s only going to ramp things up worse than they’ve ever been. Do you understand? They’re like sharks when they get a whiff of the tiniest amount of blood.”
The burning in the back of my throat and eyes was almost unbearable. I pushed back from the table. “I understand. I’ll head to the airport.”
Ben jumped toward me. “No, that’s not what I want. I never want that.”
I whipped around, my eyes firing into his. “What do you want? You didn’t want me last night. You fell asleep. Then I overhear this morning that my surprise trip has ruined your big PR plans. It’s obvious I don’t belong here. I shouldn’t have come. I’m just in the way. I can pack up and be out of here in ten minutes.”
“No, no, no. You don’t get it. I don’t give a damn about the movie PR. I’m doing it for you. I want to keep them away from you. If we give them just one photo op, your life will be a living nightmare. If I keep the spotlight on Rebecca and me, it takes it off you. That’s all I want. I want to keep you safe.”
It may have sounded sensible, but it didn’t cure the burn that had invaded my body. All the jealousy, the embarrassment, and the suspicions he wanted me to stay in the shadows had taken hold. No logical explanation was going to unwrap their talons.
“I’ll head back to Austin today, and you won’t have to worry about it.” I turned toward the bedroom, hoping I could make it before the tears started sliding down my cheeks.
“Chelsea.” He grabbed my arm, spinning me to face him. “I don’t want you to go. You can’t go.”
I couldn’t look at him. “I think it’s the best thing for both of us right now. We can talk about it later when I’m gone.”
“You don’t really believe that. How can the best thing for either of us be you leaving when we can’t stand to be on opposite sides of the room from each other?” He dropped his grip. “You’re like a magnet to me. I won’t be able to think about anything but you. I can’t think about anything but your blue eyes, your laugh.” He paused. “Your stubbornness.” He chuckled. “Girl, you have lost it if you think I would be happier with you back in Texas. I can barely breathe when you’re gone.”
“But I heard what you said to Scott. And I know about ‘Benecca.’ I can’t stay.”
I couldn’t stop them. The tears fell.
“Baby, don’t cry. I know this was a horrible start to your L.A. trip, but we can turn it around.” His thumb brushed a tear that had descended toward my chin. I felt the warmth in his touch, and it stirred hope I thought was lost. Little flickers of hope that just needed fanning.
“How are we going to do that?” I looked at him, needing answers from him that would soothe all the confusion and hurt I felt.
“First, we’re going to start by me loving you like I should have last night.” He stepped closer, filling all my senses.
“I-I—”
“And don’t argue with me.” He scooped me up and carried me to the bedroom, proving for the next two hours that he was a man of his word.