CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Thomas Keller Can Bite Me
I showed up that night at Nick’s with an overnight bag and he joked about me moving in. We secluded ourselves inside his house for the entire weekend — no phone, no internet, no outside interruptions. Just forty-eight hours of sex, food, wine, movies, and more sex. Our appetites were limitless. We made love deliberately, eye to eye and skin to skin, memorizing shapes, lines, and curves. There was no haste, just a desperate, unspoken need to savor the sensations and save them up for later. I wanted to stay that way forever.
I didn’t tell Nick about my conversation with Jackie. I didn’t want the real world intruding on our perfect bliss. I would tell him eventually, when there was something to tell. On Saturday afternoon Nick got a call and took it in the bedroom with the door closed. While he was gone I composed an e-mail to Adam asking him to meet me for lunch on Monday. It seemed the least personal way to reach him. He wrote back almost immediately and agreed, gloating less than I’d expected. I didn’t tell Nick about that either.
Our sexual bender came to an end on Monday morning, before either of us were ready. Nick’s assistant Sylvia showed up with an armful of scripts for him to read and a meeting schedule for the day. She was a sweet older woman with apple cheeks, frizzy curls, and thick glasses on a beaded chain. She winked at me when she handed Nick the scripts. I was glad I’d thrown on some clothes when the doorbell rang. I packed up my things and kissed him goodbye. I had to get home and change before my lunch with Adam anyway.
When I got home I unpacked my bag and found Nick’s white T-shirt, accidentally thrown in with my clothes. It smelled like him, a mixture of his grassy cologne, fresh citrus, and sweat. I tucked it under my pillow for safe keeping. It would be nice to have something of his to hold onto while he was gone.
I met Adam for lunch at Bouchon in Beverly Hills, his suggestion. It was a power-lunch spot on the second floor of the Montage Hotel, where industry elites went to cut deals and be seen, a very Adam kind of place. I arrived at the restaurant early but he was already there, seated at a small table in the back next to a planted palm tree, an amber-colored drink in front of him. He raised his hand, calling me over. He’d made an effort to appear respectable in a buttoned-up shirt and skinny tie, a good amount of product in his hair. I swallowed back the bile building in my throat as I approached the table.
“Hi,” he said pulling out a chair for me. “You look nice.”
“You too.” I summoned a smile, or as close to one as I could manage. “Thanks for meeting me.”
“Thanks for asking.”
The knife on the table was facing the wrong way, so I flipped it around. When I looked up, his mouth was quirked to one side. When we were dating he used to tease me about rearranging restaurant silverware everywhere we went. It was a thing, an inside joke. I hated that we still had those.
“I miss you,” he said, his voice wistful. “I miss us. Don’t you?”
Adam had always gotten whatever he wanted. Like any spoiled kid, he lost interest in his new toys as soon as he acquired them and moved on to the next conquest. I was the one thing he wanted and couldn’t have, the one girl who’d rejected him, and it drove him crazy. I had the advantage, I just had to play it right. I needed to flatter his ego enough to get him to tell me what he had on Nick, but not so much he thought I was interested in anything beyond friendship. It was going to be tricky. I wasn’t as good at manipulation as he was, or as good an actor as Nick.
“Sometimes,” I pretended to admit. It must have been convincing because his smirk widened into a toothy Joker grin that made my skin crawl.
He shook the ice in his glass. It made a musical, tinkling sound. “So. What’s up, Katie-Bear? The last time I saw you, I believe you threatened me with a restraining order. So why the change of heart?”
“To be fair, you were drunk and skulking around my apartment at six in the morning.”
“Actually, I was high and it was five in the morning,” he corrected. His attempt to charm me with self-deprecating humor was pathetically transparent. I couldn’t believe I’d ever fallen for his act.
“You know that doesn’t help your case, right?”
He raised his hands, chuckling. “Just keeping the facts straight.”
“So long as we’re getting things straight, I need to make it clear this is just lunch between friends, nothing more.” I tried to sound reassuring. “I mean, I hope we can be friends. I’m . . . still with Nick.”
He downed the remainder of his drink with a dramatic finish. “I figured as much. Does lover boy know you’re here with me right now?”
“Of course,” I lied. “He trusts me. We trust each other.”
“Good for you.” He snapped his linen napkin open and spread it in his lap.
We were interrupted by the waiter with a basket of bread and butter for the table. Adam ordered another scotch and I ordered a salad, hoping it wouldn’t further upset my nervous stomach.
“I have to ask,” I said, keeping it light. “Have you been telling people about me and Nick?”
“Why? Is it like a big secret or something?”
“We were kind of trying to keep it quiet.” I tore a piece off a twisty baguette and buttered it.
“Well I didn’t know. What’s the big deal anyway? Have you got something to hide?” He lifted his chin, hopeful for some sign of discord between us.
“From the tabloids and the gossip hounds? Yeah, we do. It’s none of their business. Or yours.” I bit into the bread. It was lukewarm and too salty.
“Fine, fine. I won’t talk about it. I don’t give a fuck. But I want you to do one thing for me.”
There was always a catch with Adam. I’d been expecting it. “What’s that?” I said around a mouthful of bread.
“Introduce me to Nick’s agent at CAA. A real meeting, no bullshit. And put in a good word for me.”
It wasn’t the most unreasonable request he could have made. I wasn’t sure how I was going to sell it to Nick, but I’d figure that out later. The important thing was he’d given me something I could work with. “Fine. And you won’t pursue this story about Nick anymore?“
“Wait. What are we talking about?” He looked confused, like the conversation had gotten away from him.
“If you think getting some magazine to publish dirt on him is going to break us up, you’re wrong. I’m trying to do some damage control, to keep him from getting hurt. Can you understand?“
“Seriously, babe.” He saw me cringe and softened his tone. “I thought we were talking about you two. I don’t have anything on your boy.”
I tilted my head. “You can understand why I don’t trust you.”
“I swear on the life of my dog — and you know how much I fucking love that dog — I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He held one palm up, the other flat on his chest. I didn’t trust him, but I believed him. Adam didn’t have anything to gain by lying to me now, and he was nothing if not self-serving. His eyes narrowed. “So that’s what this is about? You think I know something and you’re here to get it out of me.”
“No, that’s not—“ I tried to protest, but was too late. He’d seen through me.
“And here I was thinking you actually wanted to be friends.”
“You said there were things he wouldn’t want getting out there,” I pointed out.
“Did I?” The waiter returned with Adam’s fresh drink. He took a gulp, then laughed. Hard. And kept laughing. “Oh, that.”
“This isn’t funny. This is is someone’s life. If you know something you have to tell me.” This wasn’t about the article anymore. I was doing this for Nick. I had been all along. If it made me a bad reporter or put me on the wrong side of journalistic ethics, so be it. I wouldn’t take part in tearing him down.
“I don’t have to do anything,” Adam said, his tone defiant and bitter.
“I’m serious. Enough with this petty shit. Be a human being for once in your life.”
“What about you? What happens when you get what you want? Will I ever see you again?”
I felt the mask slipping. “Not if I can help it.”
“Then what do I get out of this?”
“You get nothing.” My voice was caustic as I struggled to keep my simmering temper from boiling over. “You owe me Adam. Consider this settling your account.”
“You don’t want to shut me out, Kate. You’re making a big mistake.”
“My big mistake was dating you in the first place,” The words tumbled out on their own. A part of me knew I could be ruining everything, but that part was no longer in control. “You treated me like a groupie whose sole purpose was to adore you. But it wasn’t enough to satisfy your huge, insatiable ego, was it? Well, I’ve got bad news for you, babe. Nothing ever will. Not booze or girls or money or fame. I lied to you before. I don’t want to be friends. I can barely stand to be in the same room with you. You want my advice? Seek help. Get therapy. Get some good drugs. Whatever you need to fill that gaping chasm inside of you. Until then, you’re going to make yourself and everyone around you miserable.”
My rant had drawn the attention of the other diners in the restaurant. Adam looked around, more worried about their reaction than anything I had to say. He threw his hands up. “You know what? I was going to give you a chance. I thought we could be friends. But fuck that. You’ve left me no choice.”
Something about the way he said it chilled the blood in my veins, despite the adrenaline coursing through them. “What do you mean? What are you going to do?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He wiped his mouth with his napkin, then tossed it on the table and stood.
I called out to him as he left, “Adam? Adam!”
He didn’t answer or turn back as he left the restaurant. The ambient noise returned as everyone went back to their conversations and meals. I was pissed, more at myself than Adam, and scared of what he might do. Instead of helping Nick I’d made things worse. I sat there alone for a few minutes, finishing Adam’s scotch until my hands stopped shaking. When I’d calmed down enough, I picked up the check — fifty bucks and change for two drinks and a salad — and asked for my food to go.
As I was leaving the restaurant I spotted a car parked across the street. It was the blue Taurus that had been following me in the hills the night I first went to Nick’s. I recognized the dented fender. It could have been a coincidence, but after what happened with Adam all my senses were heightened and everything felt significant. I filed it away for later. There were too many other thoughts whirling around my mind, and one unpleasant task ahead. I had to tell Nick and prepare him for the worst.