Ella
It’s hard to believe that only one week has passed since I left Finch standing in the hallway at his fraternity house.
Every day since that night, I have thought of Finch in ways I know I shouldn’t. Only one kiss, I had told myself. One moment of passion with the man that has occupied my thoughts from the moment I’d seen him on campus over three years ago.
But that kiss had turned into so much more. I can still feel Finch on my lips and sense his touch on my skin. It was everything I had ever wanted. Finch was everything I thought he would be. Too bad things could never work out between us.
He would never be interested in a girl like me. I’m no longer rich or popular, not accepted into the elite inner circles that Finch belongs. He’s one of them, and well, I’m just a nerdy girl who tutors jocks to earn extra money for school.
With a few minutes to spare, Tori Reynolds strolls into class with a wide grin on her face. I was supposed to meet her at the party. Instead, I became the masked girl who kissed Finch and the talk of the campus. He’s been looking for me. Tori keeps me informed of the latest news about Finch. She can never know that I hid this from her, not when she’s the only friend I have.
Ever since Tori got back together with Sebastian Prince last semester, she’s been all smiles. I don’t blame her. A guy like Bash would put a silly grin on my face, too. But I’d much rather have Finch. He was sweet when it counted and bad when I’d needed him to be.
I loved the bad side to him. If we weren’t in that hallway, who knows what would have happened between us. It was obvious he was dying to get me out of that dress, but I had practically stuffed myself into it. Lord knows he tried to strip away the fabric that had gotten between us. I’d wanted him to rip it apart, piece-by-piece, but it wasn’t mine to destroy.
Tori drops her messenger bag onto the floor between our desks and slides into her chair. “Hey!” She flashes a smile that lights up her face. “You will not believe what I just heard from Bash.”
My hands tremble every time she tells me something about Finch. Then, my stomach clenches and a wave of nerves rushes through me. I wasn’t nervous that night, but that was before I knew Finch intimately. Now, every rumor about him makes me equal parts giddy and anxious.
“What happened now?” I do my best to play it cool around Tori and act uninterested when I am on the edge of my seat.
She twists a blonde lock around her finger and moves her desk closer. “You will not believe what crazy things Finch is up to now.”
“Crazy?” I raise my eyebrows at her. “Is he still chasing after that girl?”
“He’s progressed to hardcore stalker mode.” She chuckles, as she settles into her seat, crossing one leg over the other. “Finch is wearing some charm this girl dropped around his neck.”
Instinctively, I reach for my necklace and finger the gold chain my father had given me. I still regret wearing it to the party.
“That does sound pretty stalkerish,” I say in a hushed tone.
How can I get the charm back without telling Finch that I am the girl?
“He’s determined to find her. It’s kind of cute, though. If Bash had done something like that and made a grand gesture to get me back, we would have been together for most of college. Instead, we spent two years apart, all because of a misunderstanding.”
“That is pretty cute,” I admit. “Finch doesn’t strike me as the type to do something like that for a girl.”
She shrugs. “I guess she hit a nerve with Finch. I have known him for almost as long as Bash, and I have never seen him this interested in a girl. He doesn’t even know her name. How bizarre?” Tori leans back, sinking into her chair further, and glances over at me. “I would like to see him find this girl, you know. Just to see something good happen to him for a change. Underneath all the muscles and sex appeal, is a lot more. Finch is a good guy. He’s sensitive. Finch is…different.”
I scoot closer to her in my chair and lean over. “How so?”
I’m dying to hear more about Finch. For years, I’ve had my eye on him but was too scared to interact. The party gave me the courage I’d needed to talk to my crush, and with only a few more months left of school, I didn’t have much to lose. Finch was worth the risk. If only I can find a way to get my father’s charm back. I have to find a way. I cannot let him keep it.
“Finch is just not like the other guys he hangs out with.” Tori tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear and scans the room as if she’s afraid someone will overhear our conversation. “He’s close to his mom, like a total mama’s boy, and I think it’s adorable. Bash is close with his mom but nothing like Finch. He grew up without a dad, so Finch has always been the man of the house. The way he treats his mom is too cute for words. She comes to all his home games. You should come and see for yourself. They’re too fucking cute together. I just know from what I have seen that he will be the same way with this mystery girl. She’s one lucky girl.”
“You’re dating Bash. I’d say you’re pretty lucky, too.”
She smiles at the mention of her hot-as-hell boyfriend. “Yeah, he’s okay, I guess.” What starts as a chuckle quickly turns into full-blown laughter. “I’m kidding. Bash is amazing. But, seriously, I can’t wait to see what happens when Finch finds this girl. It will be nice to see him settled and happy for once.”
“You think he would settle down with her?”
She nods. “You bet your ass he would. He’s crazy about her.”
A beat passes between us as I consider Tori’s words.
Should I reveal myself to Finch? Would he accept me once he knows I’m not one of the cool kids?
I don’t care what he thinks of me, but I also don’t want to make a fool of myself and have everyone on campus point their fingers at me for the rest of the semester. I avoid unwanted attention whenever possible, even if my stepsisters are nothing but drama. They bring enough home, which is why I like to maintain my usual low profile while at school.
Here, I can blend in with the crowd and go about my day. I’m not Ella the Cook or Ella the Housekeeper while I’m here. I can just be Ella Fitzgerald, a normal twenty-one-year old girl who likes to read and tutor people in her spare time. I’m not the girl who dates guys like Shawn Finch or goes to frat parties in lavish gowns. Or am I? Maybe I’m becoming that girl, and if I allow Finch into my life, I will be that girl. But I’m not so sure I am ready to become what he needs.
“Whoever she is, she’s lucky.”
Tori bobs her head in agreement. “What are you doing this weekend?”
“Nothing much. Probably just homework and studying.”
I hold back the part where Clarissa will have her usual form of weekend punishment awaiting me. She loves to watch me squirm while her daughters go out to frat parties and have sex with anything that will breathe in their direction.
“All work and no play,” Tori says, teasing me. “You need a night out. Would you want to come with Jessica and me this weekend to Bash’s first playoff game?”
A sickness rises from the back of my throat. It’s not just Bash’s game. Finch will be there. I wouldn’t mind seeing what Tori is talking about when it comes to Finch being a mama’s boy. I’d love to see that side of him.
How can I pass up this opportunity?
“Sure. Count me in.”
Tori returns my smile as our professor takes his place behind the podium and taps on the microphone, cutting off our conversation.
* * *
The tutoring center is in the back of the library, tucked far away from the rest of the students who are studying at tables when I walk into the building. With its high ceilings and gothic architecture, it’s easy to get lost inside and find hiding places.
When I’m not tutoring failing athletes, I like to sneak up to the third floor and sit at the table by the window. Hardly anyone ever ventures into that part of the stacks, the space hidden by nothing but reference books and tables of old microfiche machines. No one knows I come here when I want to be alone with my thoughts. It’s peaceful, relaxing.
With an exaggerated sigh, I check the time on my cell phone, slip a bookmark inside the vintage copy of The Great Gatsby I borrowed from the library, and stuff the book into my bag. I have a few minutes before my shift begins. My boss doesn’t take kindly to us showing up late for appointments.
For the last few months, I’ve been passed around between the guys on the hockey, football, and basketball teams, depending on who was failing at the time. I’m supposed to get a new student to tutor today. I keep my fingers crossed that it’s not Dean Crawford, the hotshot star of our hockey team because he’s a jerk to the max and makes weird, sexual comments every time he speaks.
Some of the guys that come to us for help act as though we owe them our first born child because they play a sport at the school. While some people live and die by the athletics at Strickland University, I am not one of them. I’m here because it’s the best college in the state and one of the best in the country.
That’s why I pay the price of being humiliated by my stepsisters and mentally tortured by my stepmother. Even if I worked three jobs or was able to secure a loan, this school is far too expensive to afford. Plus, Clarissa had refused to sign a single paper to help me get financing. Her only bargaining chip has always been my education. One day, when I’m gone and successful, I hope karma bites her in the ass.
By the time I reach the first floor, crowds of students push through the doors and practically knock me into a table, as I try to pass. I lose my balance for a second and reach out to grab the wood, but I’m too far away to get a good grip. My bag slides down my shoulder, and I’m about to trip over my feet and land flat on my face when someone hooks their arm through mine.
Judging by the way his muscles flex against my skin, it must be a man. As he helps me regain my footing, I glance up and find steel blue eyes that pierce through me, shattering my insides with one look. Finch stares at me and studies my face for far too long. Still joined together, we stand there for a few minutes, the heat radiating between us. He seems at a loss for words. A guy like Finch always knows what to say.
I lick my lips without thinking and remember his full lips pressed against mine. I can still recall the scent of Finch’s aftershave on my skin as he devoured my body.
“You…” Finch shakes his head, his voice trailing off for a second. “You look familiar. Have we met before?”
This time, he analyzes every feature of my face. He runs his thumb along my jaw, leaving a trail of heat in its wake, and cups my face with his big hand. I’m speechless, unable to move or breathe. This is how I felt the night we kissed. Finch can make me powerless, and I hate that.
As if he has realized that what he’s doing is weird, he lets go of my face. Like all of the athletes on campus, Finch draws a crowd wherever he goes. I take a step back, slipping from his grasp.
“Thanks for saving me.” I give him a tiny smile. “I think that makes you my Knight in Shining Armor or something.”
I’m such a dork that I shudder at my comment, but Finch smiles so wide that it reaches his eyes, illuminating every inch of his handsome face. Before he can respond, I raise my hand and wave. I spin on my heel, too afraid to look back.
With everyone’s eyes burning a hole through me, I haul ass through the center of the library, passing rows of desks, until I reach the tutoring center. Breathing comes easier now that I’m away from everyone. The air is less dense, more manageable.
I’m at the one place where I am comfortable, the one escape from the real world. It’s also my excuse not to run home after class. My hands stop trembling for all of thirty seconds before Finch strolls into the room behind me. He winks when he locks onto me, making it a point to let me know he’s here.
Could a guy like Finch like the real me?
I had my doubts for the past week, which is why I decided never to speak to him again. But he’s here and chatting up the student librarians, who are more than happy to help him. Seeing him here after that kiss is more than I can handle right now.
I walk up to the counter to get my assignment for the day. Some days are different from others, while some weeks stay the same and I tutor the same person the entire semester. Running my finger down the sign-in sheet, I spot my name and trace a line to the student’s name next to mine. Shawn Finch.
This is not happening.
Last year, I would have fought my friend to steal Finch away from her, but what should I do? As per the usual, I’m supposed to stand in the front of the room and call out the name of the student. But I want to vomit at the thought of working with Finch.
I consider trading with another tutor until it occurs to me that this could help me get what I want, all while helping Finch get what he needs. How else can I get close enough to Finch to get back the other half of my gold charm?
Attempting to keep my shit together, I move away from the counter and stand in the middle of the desks that run down the aisle. “Shawn Finch,” I say, my voice somewhat shaky but not too noticeable. Or so I hope.
He stops talking to the guys on the hockey team long enough to glance over his shoulder at me. The way he stares at me makes me nervous. It’s so intense and serious.
After a long pause, he nods in my direction. Finch pats the boy he was talking to on the back, muttering something I can’t make out, and then stalks toward me with a purpose. His gaze causes my lip to tremble along with my body that has come alive with one look.
“So, we meet again,” he says, his voice deep and modulated. His words are like a melody playing in my head. “What are the chances that I save you from making an ass of yourself out there, and now, you’re going to save me from failing this class?”
I grin so wide my jaw hurts. “I guess the odds are in our favor.”
“I’m serious about the not failing part,” Finch says, as he follows me to my usual table in the back of the room. “I can’t afford to fail any of my classes, or I won’t graduate on time, and Coach will not let me play.”
“Lucky for you, I am an excellent tutor, and you are in good hands.”
He pulls out a chair for me at the table, gesturing for me to sit with a nod, and my brain stops functioning.
I look at him like an idiot, frozen in place.
“You should sit,” he says, snapping me out of my trance. “The next two hours could be rough in those shoes if you plan to stand the entire time.”
It doesn’t occur to me what he’s talking about until I look down at the four-inch heels I borrowed from Mrs. Feighry last night. She has amazing taste in clothes and even better taste in shoes.
I had to present a legal argument in front of the class this morning, and that required me to dress in professional attire as if I were a practicing attorney. I minor in law and major in finance, which is why I have so many classes with Tori. Finch is failing Law and Ethics. I breezed through that class last semester.
Finch waits for me to sit and pushes the chair in for me. Tori was right about him. He’s not like the person I had built up in my head. The kind of guy who would help a girl into her chair is most definitely the same guy who would take care of his mother. I would love to see that side of him for myself, but that would require me to attend a football game.
Anastasia and Natasha would be there, making the idea less desirable by the minute. They have their claws in every player who will sleep with them. Finch is mine. But I have to put on my big girl pants if I want him.
Would he want me? That’s the question of the hour. I guess there’s only one way to find out.
Getting comfortable in the chair, I lean back against the wood and take out my notepad and books. Finch sits across from me and removes his textbook and writing supplies. His long leg grazes mine as he settles into his seat, causing sparks to ignite beneath my skin.
He peeks up at me and gives a quick apology. I wish he’d keep touching me, even if it’s just a little under the table action. Being this close to him again does things to me that I cannot explain. I was never a boy-crazed girl, but around Finch, I’m like a blood thirsty vampire, hungry and desperate for more. He smells so good that I take in the scent of his sweet cologne that fills my nostrils. I memorize his perfectly sculpted features, perfectly messy hair that I want to run my fingers through, and his arms…My God I want him to jump across this table and finish what we had started last week.
Finch must feel it too because he hasn’t spoken a single word. He stares me down like a hunter stalking its prey. I wish he would bite me, lick every inch of my body, and take what he wants. But I am not that girl—even if he is that guy.
“Are you sure we haven’t met before?” Finch breaks the silence between us. “You look familiar.”
I shake my head. “I’ve worked at the tutoring center since sophomore year. That could be why I look so familiar to you.”
He blushes, turning his head to the side for a second. “I guess you get a lot of dumb jocks in here.”
“No one is dumb. Some people just need more help than others.”
“And you can help me?” he asks without hesitation. His tone is hopeful.
“I don’t doubt that you will graduate with our class by the time I finish with you.”
Finch leans forward, digs his elbows into the wood, and cups his face in his hands. The two feet that separate us is not enough when he flashes me a panty-melting smile that goes straight to my core. I cross my legs and suck in a deep breath, reminding myself to keep it together. I cannot let my guard down around Finch. But he does things to me that I wish wouldn’t happen, stripping away my willpower.
“You’re graduating this year, too?”
“With honors,” I confess.
“Smart, beautiful, what else do I need to know about you?” He stops himself, as if deep in thought, and then continues, “There is something about you. I can’t put my finger on it, but I know you from somewhere other than the tutoring center.”
“I’m not in a sorority or on the cheerleading team, so I doubt it.”
“That’s not it,” he says, unfazed by my dig at the company he keeps. “Those girls blend, but a girl like you stands out from the crowd.”
“How so?” This I’m dying to hear.
“You’re not like those girls.”
I snort. “Well, thanks for pointing out the obvious and making this conversation even more awkward.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
I shrug, pretending as though his words didn’t just cut through me. Finch would never see me the way he does a sorority girl or a cheerleader. That much is clear from his comments. I stand out from the crowd all right.
He crosses his arms over his chest, holding my gaze. Those eyes are like daggers that cut deep into my soul. I wish he’d say something to end my suffering. The silence is deafening and driving me crazy.
“What’s your name, tutor girl?” He’s so fucking cute that when he winks at me, I can’t decide if I want to kiss or punch him for calling me tutor girl. But it sounds more like a term of endearment than an insult coming from Finch.
“For starters, my name is not tutor girl.” I sink further into the chair and decide what to say next. Around Finch, I’m nervous yet bold, just like I was at the party.
“I’m still waiting, Princess.”
“Princess is not any better,” I mutter. “Try again.”
After an awkward pause, he stretches his hand across the table. “Hi, I’m Shawn Finch, tight end for the Strickland Senators and failing yet another class. I like to party and do stupid shit that ruins my grade-point average, and now, I need this beautiful, spitfire girl to keep my dumb ass from failing.”
“I already told you that you’re not dumb,” I counter. “You shouldn’t talk about yourself that way.”
“That’s all you took from what I just said.” He shakes his head, still holding out his hand and waiting for me to shake.
I slip my fingers between his and electricity sparks between us. It’s as if we never had any time apart, our bodies still connected as one. There’s something between us that no one can deny. He knows it. We both know it.
“Ella Fitzgerald,” I finally say, letting go of his hand. The sensation between us is too much for me to handle.
“Definitely not tutor girl,” he says, smiling. “Nice to meet you, Ella.”
“Nice to meet you too Finch.”
“I’d rather you call me Shawn.”
“Everyone calls you by your last name,” I point out.
“You’re not everyone.”
His words take me by surprise, causing my breath to hitch. “Either are you, Shawn.”
“I like hearing you say my name,” he says, his voice almost a whisper. “Say it again.”
“Shawn,” I breathe, maintaining eye contact.
The tension between us provokes a deep yearning inside me. I’d love to give into my desires, lunge myself across this table, and admit that I’m the masked girl from the party.
His muscles flex under the black fabric stretched tight across his chest. Like most of the athletes on campus, Finch has on the standard athletics shirt and track pants uniform they all sport to class. Some days it's jeans or shorts, but today, Shawn is wearing black track pants to match the Strickland Senators football shirt. And he sure knows how to wear it.
I have to stop this before someone notices. Breaking eye contact with Finch, I grab his textbook and slide it between us, and then, flip open to the middle of the book. “Shall we begin?”
“Let’s see what you’ve got, tutor girl.” He says it with a cocky smirk and another sexy wink.
“Okay, Finch,” I challenge.
He hasn’t even touched me, and I’m wet and aching for more. I have to pull myself together and act as though he hasn’t gotten under my skin. If he keeps this up, Finch will be the death of me.
How will I make it to the end of the school year with him sitting across from me, giving me those bedroom eyes that weaken me? Finch is like a drug. I get high just from being around him. Can I control myself around him? Do I want to?