“There’s the job here and I believe there’s one at Stanford going too,” Lewis said. “Maybe you should apply for both.”

“And maybe,” Clyde chastised, “you shouldn’t talk about work over the Christmas period.”

I smiled. Clyde, Lewis’ partner, was the best I’d ever known at stopping Lewis from persistently researching or writing. We’d managed to make it through most of Christmas Day without getting on to our favourite topic. “Victoria needs to consider her options. Of course, you could stay in London. You sound like you’re getting roots there now.”

“What do you mean?” I said, sipping a glass of merlot. It had been a blissful two days. Lewis had instructed me to change my plane ticket to fly to New York instead, as he and Clyde had decided to have the holiday there, renting a suite in a hotel. Clyde did something in marketing—I had made a note to pass on his details to Vanessa—and had always wanted to spend Christmas in New York and New Year’s in Times Square.

“You’ve talked a lot about Max, and Jackson who helped you with the will. And I know you’re still friends with Jacob. Plus, your colleagues in the law department. It’s the first time since I’ve known you that you’ve had a wider circle than Jacob and other history students,” Lewis said, straightening the tie he’d insisted he wore.

We’d eaten Christmas dinner in a restaurant near the hotel and were now relaxing with our food comas.

“I have to look for the best options,” I said. “That always looked like the States, at least for a couple of years.” Although there were reasons to stay in London—a tall, muscular one in particular.

“Having you over here would be great, especially if it’s Johns Hopkins. We could kick some historical ass together,” Lewis said, a geeky look on his face. He’d been a great mentor and friend while I was studying and I had been devastated when he’d moved away. But as he’d reminded me, we had the internet and WiFi and text messages so there was no reason to not be as close as we’d become, but distance still changed things.

He and Clyde spoke of people I didn’t know and referred to events I was unaware of and I’d started to wonder whether looking for tenure at Johns Hopkins was just a pipe dream that had helped me get through the worst of times with my grandad and then my brother. But my grandad had thought it was a wonderful idea: to work in a different country and study the subject he’d had such a passion for.

Clyde eyed him knowingly. “Then you have to be honest about everything,” he said to Lewis. “It’s not fair to her.”

“It’s Christmas Day and you’ve already told me off for talking about work,” Lewis said, taking a corkscrew to another bottle of red wine.

“I’ll allow that without an argument.”

Lewis rolled his eyes dramatically. “I’m only staying at Johns Hopkins for another year then we’re looking for a move up to New York or even Toronto. Although if you were offered the job then we’d have a good year together.”

Starting somewhere new without knowing many people didn’t scare me. I had enough confidence in myself to know I’d get along wherever I went. Yes, there’d always be bitches and people who wanted to drag you down but they were easily dealt with, as I’d learnt with Francis. “Let’s see if the job becomes available and if I get it first,” I said, taking a swig of the wine Clyde poured for me.

My phone vibrated and I itched to check it, but I didn’t want to appear rude. The conversation diverted to British versus American Christmas traditions, and by default we started to educate Clyde about the history of the Christmas tree and yule logs. My phone vibrated another three times and I saw Clyde trying not to laugh.

“Just check it already, will you?” he said. “You keep mentioning this mysterious Max and I’m wondering if it’s him.”

I knew it would be him, or Seph or Vanessa. Since they’d left London to fly to Toronto I’d had regular messages from them and several photos: daft family ones with them all wearing pyjamas the day before Christmas Eve; one of Max scowling from Seph; Max and Jackson building a snowman which Seph and Payton destroyed minutes later.

Then there were ones from Max that were a little less family friendly: a photo of his fingers with a caption of ‘guess where these would rather be’ and more. I missed them. I missed Seph and his stupid grin and sensitive side where he would question himself on a regular basis. I missed Vanessa’s friendliness and her attempts to draw me closer into having girlfriends—something that hadn’t always been natural to me.

And I missed Max.

I pulled my phone out of my purse and saw more than the four messages I’d heard.

There were separate messages from Seph, the first being a picture of Max that had been edited to put a party hat on him and changed his frown to a smile.

I had just finished reading when another message from Max appeared, this time a photo of a station masters’ clock and informing me that his stepmother had found it at an antique’s fair the weekend before.

“I assume that’s Max?” Lewis said. “The look on your face isn’t one I recognise.”

“And his brother.”

“Kinky.” Lewis raised his brows and smirked.

“It really isn’t. I’m good friends with Seph. I think he’s missing me,” I said, wondering what Payton had got herself into. I’d met her several times, usually after work on a Friday when she’d torture the male population that she wasn’t related to through flirting and being generally beautiful.

“How about Max? Is he missing you?” Lewis’ voice was quiet and thoughtful.

“Some parts more than others, probably.”

Lewis shook his head. “You shouldn’t do yourself down, and if it’s not that, then maybe you need to think about why you only want it to be about one thing.”

“It’s not just about one thing,” I said defensively, although part of me was shocked that I said it. “He’s a good guy. We get on really well.” We did. He was the first person I called when something unusual happened, and he was the first person I wanted to see at the end of a busy day. He was fast becoming my best friend as well as my fuck-buddy, but that was all he was meant to be.

Lewis leaned over and topped up my glass. “How long have you been seeing him?”

“Just over three months. Not long.”

“That’s the longest you’ve ever been seeing the same person since I’ve known you.”

“No,” I said. “There was…” And there wasn’t. Lewis was right. In the past four years I’d not seen the same man on a regular basis for more than about eight weeks, not that there had been many. The occasional one-night stand scratched an itch and there had been a couple of regular one-night stands, but that was it. “I suppose so. But this isn’t the right time for this. And he’s so career focused; I don’t think he’s interested in anything long term, which is fine, because I’m not either.”

Lewis stood up and stretched, cracking his back and making me grimace. “Flights to Toronto are peanuts. Why don’t you surprise him?”

I sat back, shocked. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

He laughed loudly, causing Clyde to stick his head in from the bedroom. “Not in the slightest, but you’ve come all this way and you’re here for a couple of weeks. Why not meet your man in Toronto, see his parents’ winery, then bring him back here? Clyde and I would like to meet him and you know we have to spend time at his parents for a couple of days.”

That had been part of the reason for his change in plans when he said they were spending Christmas in New York. It was Clyde’s sister’s birthday and his family were gathering. Apparently there were loads of them and it was the first time Lewis had met most of them. I had been invited, but Lewis had suggested I made the most of my time with exploring and sightseeing rather than with Clyde’s family, most of whom Lewis described as ‘bizarre’.

“Bring him back for New Year.”

It wasn’t a bad idea and I didn’t usually need much time to consider my actions.

“You’re sure you don’t mind?”

“As long as I get to meet him.”

I pulled my phone out and opened my messages, going straight to Seph and texting him to see if he’d pick me up from the airport without telling Max. I figured if he was that fed up of his brother’s moods—which, to be fair, could be fairly cranky—commandeering a car wouldn’t be too much of an issue.

Almost an hour later I had a response and my eye on a flight the day after tomorrow.

I decided not to contemplate that sentence and to concentrate on my wine instead.

Less than forty-eight hours later, Clyde dropped me off at JFK, picking up some distant relative at the same time who he was less than pleased to see.

“Enjoy yourself,” he said. “Worth going up the CN Tower even if it’s minus twenty-five. Get your man to keep you warm.”

I’d given up arguing with them that he wasn’t ‘my man’. It was a pointless task as they just did it all the more.

“Enjoy your sister’s birthday,” I said, picking up my suitcase. I’d tried to fit everything into my hand luggage but the sweaters I’d packed to protect me against frostbite were too goddamn bulky.

He pulled his face. “Yeah. If I’m not here when you get back it’s because I murdered Aunt Ivy and tried to dispose of her body in the Hudson. This is the sort of thing that murder stories are based on. Be glad you’re escaping.”

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his smooth cheek. “You’ll be fine. Lewis has the patience of a saint so he’ll keep you sane.”

He waved me off and I headed in to the airport, leaving him to navigate his way towards arrivals. I had questioned myself after booking the plane tickets: what if Max didn’t want me there and this was all Seph seeing things that weren’t there? What if I was intruding on his time with his family and he didn’t want me to meet his parents? What if I ended up back in New York on an earlier flight and that was it, Max and I were over?

Practicality and rationality defeated doubts and insecurities in a battle that was over in the time it took for my plane to take off. If he didn’t want me there, I’d stop in Toronto for a couple of nights, return to New York, shop the sales like a boss and indulge in lacy underwear and stupidly high heels. Then, I’d go back to London no worse off. After all, I had a plan, and a man wasn’t part of it.

Or so I told myself.