I gesture the bartender for another drink, hoping the whiskey will fill that hollowed-out spot inside me. Jesus Christ, I hated leaving Eliza, but what the fuck was I supposed to do? I promised her I’d see this ruse through to the end, but after giving her every part of me last night, and waking up to see Jason with his hands on her as she sprawled out on her lounge chair beneath him…Christ, I was ready to fucking murder him. But that’s when reality hit me. Jason is the guy she wants. The whole reason for me being there in the first place. Fuck man, I never should have agreed to sex with no condom. I needed something, anything to protect me from giving all of myself to her. How does a guy come back from something like that?

The truth is, I might not be the best guy for her, but I’m not sure it’s Jason either. In fact I know he’s not. But fuck, if that’s the guy she wants, how can I possibly stand in her way? I love her, for fuck’s sake, always have, and I’m not going to be a selfish prick for one more second. No matter how much turning my back and walking away had gutted me, her happiness comes first and foremost.

“Why aren’t you answering my texts?”

Great. Just fucking great. Derek is just about the last person I want to see today. He returned from overseas last night, and I’ve been ignoring him. For good reason. One look at my face, and he’s going call me out on my shit. How can I tell him about Eliza and me? How can I not?

He plunks down beside me at our favorite Irish pub, and gestures the bartender for two more of what I’m having. Then he turns to me, those astute brown eyes assessing me.

“What the fuck is going on with you?” he asks

Jesus, I wish he couldn’t read me so well.

“Nothing,” I say and finish the whiskey in my glass.

“Don’t fucking ‘nothing’ me,” he says. “It’s two o’clock in the afternoon, and you’re drinking.”

I shrug. “So are you.”

“When my best friend drinks at two, I drink at two. Now tell me what the fuck is going on so I at least know why we’re drinking.”

I exhale a slow sigh, and brush the backs of my fingers over my face, a stalling tactic. Another beat of silence, and then, “For starters, I’m a shit friend, Derek.”

I twirl my glass, and slowly angle my head until I see the confusion on my friend’s face. Derek is the best guy I know, and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt by me like this. My fingers curl, as the hate I feel for myself takes up residence in my gut.

He stiffens. “What did you do?”

I can’t lose my best friend. I can’t. He and his family are everything to me, but I can’t keep this from him, either. The guilt will eat me up inside and he deserves to know what an asshole I really am. Here I used to pride myself on keeping my word. Now my word means nothing. I take a breath, let it out slowly and start at the beginning.

“Eliza stopped by my office Friday night and—”

“Is she okay?” he asks cutting me off as he sits up a little straighter, his gaze zinging from me to the door, and back to me like he’s ready to bolt. He was always protective of his kid sister. We both were. Still are.

I grunt to let him know what I’m about to tell him is all kinds of insane. “She had her annual retreat at her boss’s place, and asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend so she could get the attention of some douchebag she works with.”

He shakes his head, incredulous. “What the fuck?”

I scoff. “Yeah, my thoughts exactly.”

“Tell me you didn’t do it.”

The bartender slides us each two fresh shots of whiskey, and Derek shoots one back quickly. Yeah, he really should have a few fast ones before I tell him I ravished his sister.

“Oh, I did it. I did a lot of things.” I cast him a quick glance and look away. Fucking coward.

“What things?”

I toss another drink back, and plant my elbows on the bar top. “I crossed a line while pretending to be her boyfriend.” One second passes, then two, but they feel like an eternity as I wait for him to say something.

“You slept with Eliza,” he announces.

The guilt on my face must have been a dead giveaway. I swallow. Hard. The sound cuts the tense silence between us. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I know you warned me against her and—”

He takes a drink, and slams his glass down on the bar top. “Yeah, when you were nineteen and she was sixteen. Things have changed since then.”

“And I didn’t mean—” I jerk around to find my friend grinning at me. “Wait, what?” I ask as his words sink in.

“I didn’t want you fucking around with my sister when we were teens, asshole. But we’re not teens anymore.”

“I…what?” I ask again, my rattled brain unable to keep up. I fight to make sense of his words.

“Look, you’ve been in love with her since the first time you set eyes on her. You two weren’t ready for each other then, which is why I told you to stay the fuck away. I knew eventually you’d find each other, when you were both more mature and the timing was right.”

I shake my head, and count the empty glasses in from of me. “I must have had more to drink than I thought.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder. “You’re not hearing me wrong, pal.”

I tense, still not sure he’s just fucking with me before he throws a punch. “You’re not going to knock my teeth out for sleeping with Eliza.”

“No.” He raises a questioning brow. “But I am wondering what you’re doing here, tossing back whiskey and sulking like a kicked puppy.”

“I love her,” I say and stare at my drink.

He laughs, and I lift my eyes to his. “Yeah, no fucking kidding, Brax.”

I shake my head. “You knew all this time.”

“All this time. You’re really not that great of an actor.” He laughs. Not sure why Eliza thought you could play a role.” At the mention of Eliza he glances around the bar. “So where is my sister?”

“At her boss’s retreat, with her douchebag.”

“Why are you here?”

“I’m not the guy she wants.”

He grunts. “I doubt that. She’s been in love with you from the second she laid eyes on you too, pal.”

My heart misses a beat as a surge of hope and excitement rushing through me. “You think so?”

“I know so.”

Unease coils through me, pushing back that burst of happiness as I face my friend. “What if I’m not the right guy for her, Derek? What if I’m not the best guy for her, you know? I grew up in a loveless household. What if I can’t do right by her?”

“Brax, you’re the best guy I know, and the only guy I’d ever let near my sister.” He taps my chest. “I’ve never met a guy who cared more about people—more about my sister and me—than you.”

I put my arm around my best friend’s shoulders, and give him a hug. “I fucked up,” I say when we break apart. “I totally fucked it all up.”

He gives an easy shrug. “Then go make this right.”

I stare into my empty whiskey glass like it has all the answers in the universe. “What if it’s too late?”

“You’re never going to know that sitting here, are you?” He finishes his whiskey, slams the glass back on the bar top. “So go take her away from this douchebag and show her you’re the right guy.”

I nod, a new kind of desperation burning through my blood. “I need to go find her.” I jump from my stool, and turn toward the door, but stop dead in my tracks when it flies open and hits the wall with a deafening thud.

No way!