Chapter Nine
Pepper yawned as she walked through the arrival gates two days later. She knew what it was like to be tired. After all, she’d been to law school and had worked at one of Seattle’s most powerful law firms. But none of those all-nighters had ever left her like this. Bone shattered. Brain numbed, and like all the brightness had been drained away.
This was her fault.
If she’d done the sensible thing and spent her time preparing for the interview, going over her tactics with meticulous detail, there might’ve been a different outcome. She tried to ignore the senior partner’s voice as she’d walked Pepper out of the building.
“I’m sorry,” Meredith, a sixty-year-old titan of the legal system, had said. “I know Carl liked you a lot. But the other partners had reservations based on what happened at your previous firm.”
Why hadn’t she just sued Paul right from the start?
Instead she’d let him get away with his vendetta and she was still paying the price. Nothing had changed.
Wait. That wasn’t quite true. One thing had changed. For the first time since she was eleven years old, Pepper didn’t have a plan.
Well, no decent ones.
She rolled her shoulders as she ignored the Christmas decorations hanging in the airport, and clutched at the small suitcase she’d taken for the short trip. Now all she wanted was to sleep for a week and wake up back in her old life. She headed toward the taxi lane.
“I have it on good authority most taxis will take you the long way home, and I know how much you hate inefficiency,” a voice said and before she could even turn around, her pulse quickened.
Coop?
She turned to face him. He was wearing a pair of jeans, a plain T-shirt, and an old leather jacket she recognized as once belonging to Simon. After a horror filled day, she was surprised at how reassuring his presence was. A lump formed in her throat.
“What are you doing here?” she managed to croak while trying desperately not to notice the way his T-shirt showed off the ripples of his torso.
“Before you get mad, let me explain.” Coop plucked her suitcase out of her hands and led her over to some plastic chairs. Normally she would’ve shaken off his touch but she was too tired to fight it. “I have an idea and I think it’s a good one. Now, I know you’ll have objections because hell, you’re Pepper Watson. You always have objections. But hear me out.”
“Okay.” Pepper blinked as she allowed herself to sit down, her breathing quickened from his unexpected appearance, her skin hot from where his touch had been.
“Oh.” His mouth flattened in surprise. “I was expecting for you to raise your first objection. But that’s good, because we’re great together. Mind-blowingly great. So why do we keep fighting it? The wedding’s in three weeks.”
“Two and a half,” she corrected, which seemed to catch him off guard.
“Right.” He nodded his head. “Two and a half weeks that we should spend together. If you want to tell everyone, tell them. If you want it to be a secret, fair enough. And then when you leave to start your amazing new job, we’ll say goodbye. What do you think?”
Pepper shut her eyes as the world around her began to shift and change.
What did she want to say?
Yes, I want your touch?
This is pointless because it will never work?
My life’s complicated and this is the last thing I need?
Or, the truth.
She opened her eyes.
“I didn’t get the job.”
“What?” he said, shock lines radiating out around his mouth and eyes. “But that’s insane. You’re amazing at what you do. I should know, I’ve been butting horns with you for the last ten years. You helped Stan and Miss Dottie. You can think inside and outside the box.”
“Well, what’s good enough for the town of Sunshine isn’t quite good enough for Ritzman and Unger,” Pepper said as all the tension of the day caught in her throat. It was like razor blades were lodged there. Then, before she could stop herself, tears welled in her eyes. She angrily pushed them away. She never cried. Not after her parents were killed. Not when Simon died, or even at Ivy’s funeral. Never.
“Whoa. Hey, it’s okay,” Coop said, his voice warm but firm as he tilted her chin up. His eyes were full of reassurance while his fingers were a caress against the swirling emotions racing through her body.
“No.” She tried to wipe away the tears but more just fell in their place. “It’s not okay. Not at all. Look at me. I’m falling to pieces over a job interview. I’m a mess.”
“Pepper, you’re the most together person I’ve met. Like ever. This is just one small setback.” He used his finger to delicately wipe away one of the tears, his beautiful brown eyes intense, like he could see her. Really see her.
“One small setback?” she said and even to her own ears she could hear the hysteria. “I haven’t worked in three months. What does that say about me?”
“It says you’ve been dealt a blow. It will pass,” he said and some of the awful tightness in her throat loosened. For the first time, she understood why Bec had been friends with him for such a long time. Not because he went along with her crazy ideas or because he laughed at her jokes, but because he was kind and understanding. Tender. Patient.
She tried to imagine how Paul would’ve handled her meltdown. The answer was he wouldn’t have. He would’ve walked away. Hell, I would’ve walked away.
“I wish I could believe that,” she said, her entire body quivering like it had been hit by a hurricane. No wonder she normally avoided emotional situations. They were exhausting.
“What can I do to help?” His voice was a blanket against the wind. All the reasons she’d carefully gathered over the years—the ones she’d curated to form a complex and bulletproof story began to crumble. This isn’t real. I don’t care. Right now real is making me crazy. Real is my tattered life.
Real can wait.
“Kiss me.” She slammed shut all the noise in her mind. If his words calmed down the panic, surely his mouth would do even a better job.
“Pepper,” he said, his face only showing the smallest amount of surprise. “Are you saying you agree to my idea?”
She nodded as she dared to reach up and run a finger along the firm line of his jaw. Her body shuddered in response. “Only if you kiss me and then take me back to your place and help me forget what a hideous day it’s been.”
“With pleasure.” Coop’s face broke out into a smile, but before she could bask in it for too long, his mouth came crashing down on hers and everything else was pushed from her mind.
…
“No, Bec. We don’t need to have a tractor in the official wedding photographs,” Pepper said in a stern voice four days later as they stood out on the terrace of the vineyard owned by Emmy’s close friend, Rachel. It had finally been decided that while the ceremony would be at the wishing bridge, the reception would be held at the vineyard, so Emmy didn’t feel like she was at work. And while most of the preparations had been done, they were still trying to lockdown where the photographs should be taken.
Bec had suggested on top of a cliff, next to a tractor, and somewhere an hour’s drive away. Pepper was just waiting for a parachute to make an appearance on the list. Normally it would’ve driven her to distraction, but now she found it vaguely amusing.
Coop had been right. Sex was the best form of stress relief.
Relaxing naked. In bed. With him. Even better.
Heat curled in her belly. The craziest part was if not for the horrendous trip to Chicago, she never would have agreed to his outrageous suggestion at the airport. And even then, she’d intended to put an end to it the following morning. Until his arms had wrapped around her and the fire burned in her veins again.
It had been like that for the past four days. Which was why, in between organizing the wedding and making phone call after phone call to headhunters and legal recruitment agencies, she’d spent most of her time in his bed. She allowed herself a small smile before catching Bec’s curious gaze.
Note to self. Don’t think about sex while in the company of others.
“I’m just trying to be helpful. Where do you suggest?” Bec pouted. “We can’t use the vineyard because that would be boring. It has to be somewhere different. Oh, what about a parachute?”
“No parachute,” Pepper corrected as Emmy and Rachel walked toward them.
“Right, the extra seats for Christopher’s brother’s family have just been sorted. How about you two? Any ideas for the photographs? Don’t forget I want to be within ten minutes of the farm, with easy access but nothing that looks too familiar. Oh, it would be great if there were some vintage props—but no tractor,” Emmy quickly added, before Bec could finish opening her mouth.
“It’s still a work in progress but I’ll find you something perfect,” Pepper promised as she studied her iPad, which had her detailed spreadsheet on it. “We need to put the wedding on hold and discuss Christmas. I was thinking something small, since we’ll be having the wedding a week later. I’m pretty sure we still have Ivy’s old decorations. Bec, can I leave you in charge of the food and also, check to see if Lincoln’s family will be coming over for it.”
“Christmas?” Emmy’s face went pale. “I forgot all about that.”
“You’re a bride, you’re allowed to forget,” Pepper said as she went through the rest of the list with her sisters before nodding. “Okay, I think we can get back to the wedding preparations now.”
“It’s only ten in the morning.” Rachel raised an eyebrow as she peered at the screen. “And that’s quite some list. If you ever want a job here in the vineyard just say the word.”
“Hey, that’s not fair. If Pepper stays in Sunshine, we have first dibs on her,” Bec said in a stern voice just as Rachel received a call on her cell and made her apologies before heading off.
“You know,” Emmy said as they walked toward the car. “Rachel’s idea isn’t such a bad one.”
“You want me to work in a vineyard?” Pepper raised an eyebrow as she remembered the lone potted plant back in her Seattle apartment.
“Not the vineyard. On the farm. We make a pretty great team,” Emmy explained as the climbed into the sensible car Bec drove these days.
“Or, if you missed being a lawyer, you could always set up your own practice. It would be better than holding court in the back of Stan’s taxi.”
“I’m not holding court,” Pepper protested. Stan had taken to driving customers to see her for informal consultations in the back of his cab, but so far none of them had required her to use any of her legal training. Just common sense. All the same they seemed pleased with the results.
“You don’t need to make up your mind just yet,” Emmy hastily cut in, as if reading Pepper’s frown. “The tenants are in your apartment until after the wedding, why don’t you treat this as a trial run.”
“Yes, let’s see if we can work our magic on you.” Bec clapped her hands. “After all, if anyone had told me four months ago I’d be living here and happy about it, I would’ve told them they needed to get their temperature checked. But I tell you, Pepper. You might just like it here. Stranger things have happened.”
“I’m sure they have,” Pepper said in a dry voice, not wanting to tell her sisters the truth about why she could never move back to the town. To the farm. To their wedding business. It was because what if she invested herself in it fully and then they changed their minds? After all, Emmy was marrying a travel journalist and Bec had the attention span of a gnat, and a British Lord for a partner. They could pull the plug at any time and where would it leave Pepper?
Exactly where I was when I was eleven and our parents died.
Alone and stuck in a town I hate.
She was saved as a familiar ringtone beeped and Coop’s name flashed up on the screen. She murmured something about an important message as her heart hammered in her chest. The more time they spent together, the more she wanted.
It wouldn’t last. Because Coop was still the same charming guy who had most of the town wrapped around his little finger. But short term was another thing entirely. She studied the screen.
Wanted. One lawyer/wedding planner to help deal with a brewing crisis.
P.S. Not really. That was code.
P.P.S Hi.
Desire ricocheted through her body, proving she still had no immunity to his charm. But before she could type out a reply, Bec coughed. Okay, small chance I was distracted. She put her cell phone away.
“So?” her youngest sister demanded. “Will you think about it?”
Think about sleeping with Coop? I’m all for it. Oh. No. Wait. Wrong question.
Her sisters wanted to know if she’d consider moving to Sunshine.
She bit her lip. If she said no, they might start to list all the reasons she should consider it. They would be many and varied. And take a long time to get through. If Coop’s message was anything to go by, she had far more pressing things to attend to.
“Er, sure. Though I’ve just remembered I need to make a few phone calls. It might be best if you drop me in town and I’ll finish my business there.”
“Take all the time you need.” Emmy exchanged a smile with Bec. “And Pepper, if you did move back, it really would be great.”
“Totally.” Bec nodded in unison, but all Pepper could focus on was that in the last few days she’d been happier than she’d ever been before.
…
“I have an idea. We take this delectable picnic basket I prepared and go to bed and get naked. Then when we get hungry we won’t even need to get dressed. As far as I can see it’s bulletproof,” Coop said several days later, as Pepper walked into his barn, a vision in figure hugging jeans and a navy sweater, the color of her eyes. Her cheeks were bright from the brisk wind outside and her mouth was full and ready to be kissed.
It had been two weeks since he’d picked her up from the airport and it wasn’t something he was likely to forget in a hurry. Not only had she agreed to his proposal, but she’d been crying. He’d wanted to storm into the lawyer’s office and punch something.
Instead he’d wrapped her in his arms.
Lust stirred again.
Will I ever not want her?
But he knew the answer. Unfortunately, he also knew the answer to the follow up question as well. Will she ever not want me?
And the answer was yes. Pepper wanted her job, her sisters’ happiness, and somewhere down the list she wanted him. For now. Until their time together expired.
He drew her toward him, her shampoo catching in his nose as his mouth found hers. Heat ran through his veins and he slid his arm around her waist. She let out a soft groan and pressed further into him, before pulling away and shaking her head.
“As much fun as your naked picnic sounds, I need to find the location for the wedding photos.” She walked over to the large work desk in the middle of the barn. She paused to neatly pile up some of the samples he’d been working on for a new label and then spread out a map of Sunshine. Coop frowned. Personally, he liked his idea better.
“I thought you were going to do that yesterday afternoon,” he said, since it was why she’d crawled out of his bed and left him.
“I thought so too.” Pepper pulled a face, making him want to kiss her more. But he’d spent enough time with her to know when she was in work mode. He sighed and sat down next to her. “But then Stan appeared with Nancy Black who had a problem with her mother’s estate. It took longer than I thought. What? Why are you smiling?”
“Nothing.” He reached for her arm and drew a line up it with his finger. “Even though you keep saying you can’t practice law here, you could. You’ve practically dealt with half of Stewart’s client base already.”
“Not you too?” Pepper groaned.
“I take it your sisters have mentioned it.”
“On more than one occasion. And I know on paper it might seem like some amazing perfect solution, but not for me. My life’s in—”
“It’s okay,” he cut her off, annoyed he’d done the one thing he’d promised himself he wouldn’t do. Just because I want more doesn’t mean she does. Why didn’t I just keep my big mouth shut? “This thing we have is pressure free. Well, no pressure for what happens after the wedding. But as for today? Now? These clothes really need to go.”
He leaned forward and trailed his finger slowly under her sweater, enjoying how she shivered. A low moan escaped her lips before she wriggled away from him again.
“I wish I could, but I wasn’t joking about the location. The wedding’s in three days. I need to find somewhere.”
“And if we find somewhere, then will you consider naked?” he said as he studied her face. A smile tugged at her mouth, leaving Coop ridiculously pleased. For eight years it had seemed like an impossible task to even get her to look at him. A smile was like gold dust.
“I’ll do more than consider it.” A smile danced across her mouth. “Do you have a location in mind?”
No, but I’ll sure as hell find one.
And fast.
“Tell me what she needs?”
“Don’t get me started. It has to be close to the farm, private but not too far away. Preferably, with some kind of vintage backdrop. In her words, ‘a falling down house with a cute half-destroyed window we could stand in, would be great.’ A window. How am I supposed to work with that?”
“I’m guessing she didn’t like Bec’s parachute idea then.” He rubbed his chin as he considered and dismissed several well-known locations around the area. Emmy knew the area as well as he did, which meant none of them were suitable.
“No one liked Bec’s parachute idea,” Pepper corrected. “I suggested just a regular doorway, but it’s not old enough or romantic enough for her. Where do I get a frame?”
“I don’t know—” Coop started to say as he caught sight of his leather jacket, hanging off the back of his chair.
He stiffened.
It had belonged to Simon. His brother had worked on the farm for an entire summer to afford it. The cruel thing was the cancer stripped the weight from his body, making the jacket hang like chainmail over his wasted shoulders.
Simon had given it to Coop two months before he died. They’d been out driving before Simon had pointed to a beaten track and told Coop to turn down it. There had been talk of a bridge going in there, but nothing had come of it and all that was left was a giant concrete pipe. Big enough for two boys to sit in, throw stones and listen to them echo off the wall, while wishing things could be different. That was when Simon had given him the jacket.
“Are you okay?” Pepper said, almost shyly as she reached and touched his arm. “You kind of zoned out.”
“Sorry.” He gave himself a mental shake. “I just had an idea. What about a pipe?”
“As in something you smoke?” Pepper wrinkled her nose. “Because I know Emmy’s changed, but she hasn’t changed that much.”
“No. As in a very large concrete pipe. Like from a construction site but dumped in the middle of the paddock. Simon and I used to hang out there. It’s big enough for two people to stand in and is covered in gothic vines. Emmy’ll love it.”
Pepper’s eyes widened and she nodded her head. “Sounds amazing. Can we go and see it?”
“Sure.” Coop glanced at the picnic hamper, a grin spreading across his face. “And then we could come back here.”
“You’re relentless,” Pepper teased, but she didn’t say no.
They made the short drive in silence and walked into the clearing. The cool weather whipped around their cheeks as the six-foot high pipe came into view. It was sitting in a field of winter grass, half covered in a tangle of vines.
Pepper let out a small gasp and hurried over to inspect it, but Coop stopped as memories reached up to choke him.
The last time he’d been here had been in summer, with the grass green and buzzing with insects. But now it was dull, all fading under winter’s touch. Dead.
“Coop, this place is amazing.” Pepper rejoined him, her perfume catching in the breeze. “I can just imagine you both here.”
“I can show you,” Coop said as he pulled out his wallet and retrieved the photograph he always carried with him. It was of Simon standing in the middle of the pipe, his arms and legs stretched out like an X, a goofy smile on his face. The photograph was tattered and bent, but Coop preferred it that way. To see it getting older with age, as if it would somehow age his brother, not keeping him trapped at sixteen.
Pepper let out a soft gasp as her finger trailed over it, her navy eyes shining.
“He looks happy.”
“He wasn’t,” Coop assured her as he tried to keep his voice light. To hide the stuff inside. “He was pissed off his jacket looked so much better on me.”
“Somehow I doubt it.” Pepper touched his arm, her eyes uncertain, almost like she wasn’t sure if she had permission. “He never begrudged you anything and you know it.”
Coop opened his mouth and then shut it again as the truth dug into his skull, pounding away at him, just like it had done ever since his brother’s death.
“What about living? About the fact I’m here with you and he’s not? Do you think he’d begrudge me that?” Coop said, trying not to choke.
“Is that how you really feel? Guilty he’s dead and you’re alive?” Pepper’s hand fell away from his arm, her serious eyes searching his face.
Always.
And why am I bringing this up now?
“I hate that I couldn’t save him.” Coop angrily wrenched his head away from her penetrating gaze. He never spoke about Simon. Not to Bec. Not to his parents. Not to anyone. They might have been twins but Simon was always that much smarter, faster, more ambitious. There was only one thing he couldn’t do as well as Coop. Live.
“Simon never expected you to save him.” Pepper reached up and gently turned his face toward her. “All you could do was be there for him. And you were.”
“Yes. I got to watch him die. But his dreams didn’t die. You know what he was like. All those plans he made. Of what he was going to do when he got to college. I found pages and pages of details outlining what his future looked like. Hell Pepper, I almost applied to law school, just in case he was watching over my shoulder. To give him a chance to live his dreams.” The words tasted like ash in his throat. As if trying to burn the truth before he could speak it.
A feather like movement in her jaw was the only sign Pepper had heard him as the space and silence was heavy with emotion. After an eternity she drew breath, her steady gaze catching his.
“That night when you found me at the party, you never asked me why I was there,” she said as a dangerous energy flashed in her eyes.
“What?” Coop was suddenly alert. They’d never talked about that night. Not even since they’d first hooked up. “I assumed you were there because you wanted to be.”
She shook her head. “I was there because I was mad. Mad about everything. Simon should still be alive. Hell, he did everything right. He followed all the rules. He didn’t screw up anything, and yet he was punished.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Coop traced a line along her face, trying to smooth away the pain. He’d been so caught up in his private grief. The one that traveled with him wherever he went that he hadn’t thought Pepper still carried her own. “You should’ve said. I would’ve understood.”
She shook her head, stepping back from his touch. “You say that now, but back then you wouldn’t have. You’ve always lived without a plan. Even while Simon and I studied and schemed, you and Bec were running wild around Sunshine. Anyway, I wanted to do that. Just for one night I wanted to let go. Be reckless. But I couldn’t even do that right. When you came and rescued me, I wasn’t pissed off that you’d ruined the night. I was pissed off that I’d messed up. That I needed saving. And you were the one who knew my shame.”
Hell.
Her voice was hollow. Her eyes haunted.
I didn’t know.
“Pepper, I don’t know what to say.”
“Say that you miss your brother. Say that you hate he’s not here. But please don’t say you feel guilty for being alive.” Pepper closed her eyes, her dark lashes resting against her pale skin as her chest rose and fell.
Coop let out his breath, the cool weather turning it into a frosty column.
Most of the time he was too busy working, making sure his parents were okay, and helping Bec get out of whatever crazy situation she found herself in, to dwell on how much he missed his brother. How the guilt sat in his belly.
It had seemed like a good idea. But now standing still with Pepper just inches from him, the noise in his head finally quieted down.
“I still miss him,” he finally spoke the words out loud.
“That’s okay, Coop. I miss him too,” her voice was a whisper along his skin as she slipped her hand into his. “And if you don’t think we should tell Emmy about this place, then that’s okay too. If you want to keep it as a private thing between the two of you.”
Coop shook his head as her touch helped bring him back into his body. “I don’t want to keep this place a secret.” I don’t want to keep us a secret either. “Emmy and Christopher will love it. Let’s take some photographs for them to see. And when we get back…”
“When we get back, I believe you promised me a picnic,” she said as his body stirred with lust. Did this mean they could have a future after all?
Damn, but I hope so.