Doctor’s Orders

A Second Chance Doctor Romance

By Nicole Elliot and Ellie Wild

Prologue

“What did you get for number three?” I asked, peering over his shoulder.

“Mono, the kissing disease.”

“Me too.” I flashed him a smile.

“Weird name for an illness,” he responded, his eyes meeting mine. God, he was gorgeous. Why did he have to look so good? I was supposed to be focusing on the material.

“Ha, yeah I guess.” I moved my hair out of my face.

He moved closer to me, “I mean the only way to get it is through saliva.”

He licked his lips.

This should be gross, I told myself, we’re discussing diseases. But instead all I could think about were his lips on mine.

“So tomorrow is the final. I think we should go celebrate afterwards.” He winked at me.

“Oh? Where do you want to go?”

“Out, anywhere. As long as it’s with you,” he paused. “And you wear those jeans you had on last week for chem.”

“What?” I asked, shocked. I knew exactly what jeans he was talking about. So maybe I had worn them to get his attention. Maybe.

“Because tomorrow, after we pass this class, I am getting my hands into those jeans Hailey Clarke,” he said just above a whisper. My pussy ached in response.

The anticipation of having Wyatt’s hands on my body was going to kill me.

I was sure of it.

 

 

 

Chapter One: Wyatt

I fucking hated November third.

The harsh thought bounced off the walls of my head and seemed to echo across the empty cemetery. The angry thought remained private though.

My mom and I were visiting his grave.

We stood in front of his headstone, staring down at the slab of rock that was supposed to represent his life. Instead, it only represented his absence.

A small American flag whipped back and forth in the wind, creating a steady rhythm to which we could mark our grief.

November third arrived too soon every year.

It would always be the worst day of the year.

Five years had passed since my father died and it still felt like yesterday. This year, my mom didn’t cry. We visited the grave and said our obligatory prayers. I took a short walk so my mom could speak to him alone. I did this with her every year, but I never understood why. Part of me knew it was just a way to make her feel better, that it helped her feel close to him. A bigger part of me thought it was a giant waste of time. What was the point of talking to a rock?

He wasn’t there.

Still, it was a nice change to visit the cemetery and not have to support my sobbing mom back to the car. She didn’t shed a single tear. She was just quiet through the whole thing.

Something had clicked inside of her a few months ago. I could tell the difference immediately. She still felt his loss in her soul, but it no longer crippled her daily life. She finally found a sense of peace.

I was happy for her, I really was. I just would have been happier if we could stop our yearly visits all together. For me, it never got easier to look at his name on that headstone.

Anderson Wyatt Murphy

It was bold and large. Because he was one of the newer residents in the Bradberry cemetery, his headstone stood out among the rest. While others were beginning to fade, his name could be read from fifty yards away.

Every time I laid eyes on it, I was forced to remember him in ways I didn’t want to. I could still see the coffin they unloaded off that plane. There was an American flag laid across it. My mom still had that flag, folded tightly in a memory box in her bedroom.

He died in combat, thousands of miles away from home. Mom and I didn’t get to say goodbye. He was just gone. It almost killed us both, but while my mom retreated into herself for years after, I did the opposite.

At the time of my father’s death, I was pre-med. I had almost finished my Bachelor’s degree and I was getting ready to take the MCAT. Medical school was right around the corner, but all of that changed when my dad died. My entire life plan was thrown out the window and I knew there was only one thing I could do.

Enlist.

I joined the Army as a medic and spent four years serving my country. It was the best and worst four years of my life.

I flew around the world.

I helped people.

I saved lives.

But I was also reminded every day that no one was around to save my dad. If I had been a medic back then, would I have been able to keep him alive? If I had been there, if I had gotten to him fast enough, would he still be here?

Four years in the Army didn’t do anything to squash those thoughts.

When my time was up, I moved back home and tried to reemerge myself in the Bradberry way of life, but it was no use. I was no longer the same person who left Bradberry four years earlier. I was now the guy who came home twice a year to see my mom through the difficult days: the anniversary of my father’s death and Christmas. Other than that, I managed to stay far away from the small town I used to call home.

By the time November third rolled around again, I had been home for six months. I took my mom to the cemetery to honor my father’s five years in the ground and then we went home.

She barely spoke two words to me on the way home. When we walked through the front door, she went straight to the kitchen and sat down at the table.

I followed her, sure that she wanted me to. I sat beside her and looked at her gently. Despite my lack of patience with our annual visits, I knew my mom was fragile and that it was my job to take care of her. With my dad gone, I was the only person she had left.

“This came in the mail for you,” my mom said with a faint smile. She pushed a thin envelope across the table toward me. “I didn’t know you applied again.”

I looked down at the envelope and saw the UConn School of Medicine symbol on the top left-hand corner. My heart skipped a beat as I looked back at my mom. She was right, I hadn’t told her I applied to medical school for the second time. I wasn’t sure how she would take the news of me leaving again, but when I saw her face, she was smiling at me.

“I was going to tell you,” I said. “I just…”

I trailed off and a small silence reigned until she broke it.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Just open it.”

“Okay.” I nodded and took a deep breath. Sliding my finger under the lip of the envelope, I felt like my entire life was either about to begin or end. I didn’t know which, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to find out.

When I tore open the envelope I automatically reached inside and grabbed the piece of paper. It was just one piece, small and folded in three. I unfolded it and laid it flat on the table, my eyes scanning the words quickly.

It took a few seconds for me to process what I read.

Dear Mr. Murphy,

Thank you for your application, we are happy to inform you…

Once I did, I looked at my mom with a wide smile and nodded silently.

Mom squealed and jumped to her feet. She ran around the table and threw her arms around me.

“Oh honey!” she cried. “I’m so proud of you! You’re going to be a doctor!”

“I guess it’s official now,” I said softly. “I’m going to med school.”

My mom squealed with delight and let go of my neck. She smoothed down my hair and looked at me with her eyes full of tears. She hadn’t cried at the cemetery that day, but seeing my acceptance letter to medical school was enough to send her over the edge. The tears spilled down her cheeks and she closed her eyes for a minute. With her hand to her chest, she breathed slowly and I knew exactly what she was thinking.

“He would be so proud of you,” she said as she opened her eyes again. I didn’t want to talk about my father in that moment, I just wanted to be happy.

“Thanks,” I said shortly, looking away from her. I focused my attention on the letter and smiled.

“When do classes start?” My mom asked. “Does it say?”

“No,” I shook my head. “They’re sending a larger package in the next few days with all the details. It’ll have the course catalogue and the dates of when I can sign up for classes online.”

“Oh, this is just so exciting!” she said. “We’re going to have a real doctor in the family!”

I smiled and watched her excitement build. She raced around the kitchen, grabbing her cellphone. I knew she couldn’t resist calling all the neighbors and filling them in on the good news. In a town like Bradberry, everybody knew everyone’s business the minute it happened. I was surprised she waited a whole ten minutes before sending up the flare.

I knew she was just proud of me and that she wanted to brag, but it was still slightly embarrassing. After all, when I enlisted in the Army, she didn’t rush out to tell all her friends. She didn’t really do anything but stare at me blankly while I repeated myself twelve times.

When she finally registered my words, she was overcome with so much emotion that she didn’t speak to me for a week. It wasn’t until my last day at home that she hugged me and told me that she understood. She whispered that she loved me and that was it. I walked out the door and we never discussed my decision again.

Now that I was home and safe, her bragging abilities were back in full swing. I sat at the kitchen table and listened while she made phone call after phone call. She never stayed on the phone too long, always ending it with, “Well, I gotta go! I’ve got more people to call, but I wanted you to know! We’re just so happy over here!”

Then would she hang up and immediately dial the next number.

By the fourth call, I hoped she would run out of numbers soon. I knew that was wishful thinking though. She would be on the phone all afternoon.

With a small wave, I walked out onto the front porch, my acceptance letter in hand. I sat down on the porch swing and reread the letter three more times. I wanted to make the words sink in. This had been my dream for as long as I could remember.

My mind drifted to the past and the memories swirled around my head.

When I started college, going pre-med was the only option. I always knew I wanted to be a doctor and my time in the Army only served to solidify that wish. As a medic, I learned more than four years in a classroom could ever teach me.

I knew I was ready for whatever was thrown at me.

As I imagined what medical school would be like, I thought back to my undergrad years. It felt like a different life, those four years at the local college. Almost everyone from Bradberry went there, if they even went to college at all. I never considered going somewhere else. I graduated high school and enrolled in pre-med classes the very next week.

I loved college. I was fucking great at it. I studied hard and partied harder. I could outdrink most of the football team and they all loved to see me do it. Most of the kids there had known each other since elementary school, so we all got along well.

There were only a few people I didn’t automatically know on sight, and Hailey was one of them.

Hailey Clarke drew my attention the very first time I laid eyes on her. We were in a Biology class and I sat down beside her. It was her major and a requirement for mine, so we both took the class more seriously than most. We quickly became study partners, then friends, then more.

I could still picture the small bird tattoo she had on her shoulder. Whenever I thought about it, I remembered what it felt like to kiss that spot.

As I held onto my acceptance letter, Hailey drifted in and out of my mind. We were together when my father passed and everything changed. I left for the Army and I moved on, but Hailey always found a way to pop back in my head from time to time. When I was overseas on a long night, I would picture her face. The next morning would arrive and I would be ready to face the day. Hailey was my secret good luck charm, the little memory I carried around in my pocket and pulled out whenever I needed it.

I reread the letter for a fourth time and sighed. As I folded it up, I immediately thought about telling Hailey. Even after years of silence, I knew she would be happy for me. Hailey was the one who helped me study for the MCAT. She pulled more all-nighters for me than she did for herself.

I thought about calling her, but I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t even know where she was now.

Or if she wanted to hear from me.

We didn’t part on good terms and it was all my fault.

I decided not to dwell on that fact and how much it fucking hurt to let her go.

I let thoughts of how we met consume me instead.

Chapter Two: Wyatt

 

It was the first day of Biology.

I needed to get a great seat. This class was my first prerequisite for all my pre-med classes and I couldn’t afford to fuck it up. I knew I was smart - I always had been - but I also knew pre-med classes were no joke. As much as I acted to the contrary, I knew I wouldn’t be able to skate through college the way I did high school.

I walked into the classroom fifteen minutes early and took a seat in the front row. We were in the lab that first day, so I took the lab table closest to the window, which would also put me closest to the professor. Slacking off wouldn’t be an option.

As the minutes ticked by, no one walked through the door. I sat alone in the classroom for a full ten minutes before the door finally opened.

A small girl with short brown hair walked inside. She let the door slam behind her while she scanned the room. Her eyes fell on mine and she looked at the lab table where I was sitting. I could tell she wanted to sit there, too, but she felt awkward with us being the only two people in the room.

I lifted my arm and waved her over with a smile. She was cute, she could definitely sit with me. She hesitated for a second before she shrugged and walked over to join me. She smiled shyly and set her bag down on the table before she climbed onto the empty stool.

“Thanks,” she said softly. “I like to be close to the teachers. Or, professors.”

“I had the same idea,” I said with a nod. “Back in high school, I didn’t care because I could basically get A’s without lifting a finger, but I have a feeling college will be different.”

“Is this your first class?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m pre-med. You?”

“I had an English class this morning,” she said. “But this is my first class for my major.”

“What’s your major?” I asked, hoping she would say pre-med.

“Biology,” she said simply.

“Well,” I laughed. “I guess Bio 101 is a pretty good choice then.”

“Yeah,” she laughed back. “Kind of didn’t have a choice.”

I nodded and tried to think of something witty to say.

She was cute in a shy, nerdy kind of way. Her glasses were thick with black rims and every time she looked down at the table her hair fell into her face. When she looked at me, I saw that her eyes were grey with a hint of blue. She was pretty, but not in an obvious sort of way. She looked smarter than any girl I had ever dated.

Back in high school, I was good at everything. I had girlfriends. I played sports. I got straight A’s. Everyone loved me.

It wasn’t cocky to say so, because it was true. I tried not to let it go to my head. I didn’t want to be arrogant, but I also couldn’t deny what was right in front of me. I was good looking, smart, and athletic. Girls were attracted me. It was just a fact.

“I’m Wyatt,” I said, realizing I hadn’t yet introduced myself. “Wyatt Murphy.”

“I know,” Hailey chuckled. “We went to high school together.”

“We did?” I asked. My cheeks felt a little warm, but I covered quickly. I laughed and said, “Are you sure? I feel like I would remember you if we had.”

“Probably not,” she shook her head. “I wasn’t popular. I sat in the back of the class and only had a couple friends. My name’s Hailey. Hailey Clarke.”

“Clarke?” I asked with a frown. The name didn’t ring any bells. I could tell Hailey was amused by me, but she was kind enough to not say so.

I was failing. I never failed with girls. This was new and I didn’t like it.

“It’s fine,” she said. “I don’t expect you to remember me. You were on the football team, I was in the stands on a Friday night. We didn’t exactly run with the same crowd.”

“Yeah, but this is Bradberry,” I laughed. “Everyone knows everyone.”

“Apparently not,” Hailey shrugged.

I watched while she got out her notebook and popped the top off a pen. She wrote the date in the top right-hand corner of the paper and titled the page “Bio 101 Notes – Day 1.”

I smiled to myself while I watched her meticulous writing. She was careful to keep her handwriting neat. Her “y” was curled slightly in a girly way and I couldn’t help but think it was adorable.

“You really are a nerd, huh?” I teased. She looked at me with wide eyes and I gestured toward her notebook.

“I guess,” she said. “I just want to do well.”

I felt slightly chagrined at my teasing when her earnest and completely innocent gaze met mine. My attempt at flirting had obviously fallen flat. Hailey had only just sat down and already, she was throwing me off my game. She seemed completely oblivious to my efforts. A rarity for me.

I wasn’t usually so awkward with the opposite sex. I was that guy who always knew what to say to get them eating out of my hand. And to get them in my bed.

Hailey looked back down and her hair fell over her face again.

I wondered at the strange urge to push it behind her ear. Her hand, tipped with delicate looking fingers, smoothed the wayward strands back into place. It was an absentminded action, I could tell.

She began drawing in the corner of one page of her notebook. She seemed to forget I was in the room with her.

Another rarity for me. I never had to work this hard to keep a girl’s attention on me before.

I didn’t think too hard on why I wanted her attention on me.

“So,” I said, trying something different. I leaned a little closer to her and let the teasing tone fall out of my voice in favor of a more straightforward one. “Why Biology?”

“Huh?” Hailey asked, looking up at me, confirming my suspicion that my presence wasn’t affecting her in the least.

Her grey eyes shone from behind her glasses and I couldn’t believe I had never noticed her before.

“Why did you choose Biology for your major?” I tried again.

Hailey shrugged and looked back down at her notebook.

She clearly wasn’t interested in having a conversation with me. I watched her for a few seconds, waiting for her to speak, but she didn’t. She doodled in her notebook, completely unaware that I was still sitting beside her.

“I’m glad we got here early,” I said as more students starting filing in. I waved and high-fived a few of the guys I knew from high school. “We wouldn’t have this lab table if we were late.”

“True,” Hailey nodded. “I would hate to sit in the back.”

“Didn’t you say you always sat in the back in high school?” I asked

“I did,” Hailey said. “But this is college. It’s different, so I have to be different.”

That was all the explanation she gave. She put down her pen when the professor walked in, her full attention focused on him instantly.

I admired her focus, but I was daunted by her lack of interest in me. Hailey sat down beside me immediately, but after fifteen minutes of flirting – if my fumbling attempt could be called that - she barely glanced in my direction. I guess I wasn’t her type. Damn.

The professor launched into the syllabus quickly. His teaching assistant handed them around while he explained each section briefly.

“I’m a stickler for punctuality,” he warned. “So, if you’re late to class, don’t bother showing up at all. I won’t let you in. And remember, all assignments are due on the date the syllabus states. If you’re worried, then have them completed a few days ahead of time. That way, if an emergency arises, you already have the work done.”

I listened with raised eyebrows. Was he serious? He wouldn’t allow late assignments?

I exhaled slowly and glanced at Hailey to see what she thought. She stared at the professor with wide eyes and scribbled down notes while he spoke. She meant what she said, she was going to take this class seriously.

I knew if I was going to be successful in my pre-med classes I had to get my act together. Shameless flirting and letting myself get distracted during class wouldn’t get me into med school. This professor meant business, but so did I. I wasn’t going to let my perfect academic record slip through my fingers just when it was finally beginning to mean something.

Being a doctor was my dream. There was no other option for me. I would ace my premed classes and get into a great medical school.

As I listened to the professor finish explaining the syllabus, I made a vow to myself that I would really try. I would put aside my attraction for Hailey and focus during every single class.

With a determined nod that only I noticed, I pulled out my own notebook and grabbed a pen from my backpack. The professor was about to start the real lesson of the day and I didn’t want to miss a single word.

By the end of the hour, I had two pieces of paper completely filled with notes. He spoke fast and my hand ached, but in a good way.

When we were dismissed, I packed up my stuff slowly and glanced over at Hailey. She tossed her notebook into her bag and put the top back on her pen. She still hadn’t looked at me since before class.

Despite my internal promise to remain focused, I couldn’t help but think about Hailey throughout the lesson. I did my best to put her out of my mind but when the air conditioning kicked on and blew the scent of Hailey’s perfume my way I knew I was a goner. She smelled amazing and the way the cool air rustled her shoulder length hair made my whole body tense.

She was beautiful.

I really couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed her before.

“That was a good first class,” I said lamely.

I smiled at Hailey when she looked at me.

She just nodded and smiled back politely.

“Yeah,” she said. “I thought it was interesting.”

Hailey stood up and made her way toward the door. I hurried after her, falling in step beside her when we reached the hallway.

“So,” I said. “I was thinking that since we’re already sitting together, we could be study partners. I have a feeling this class is going to be a killer so we’ll both need the extra help.”

Hailey looked at me for a second before she looked away again. It seemed like she was thinking about my offer.

I couldn’t tell if I had insulted her by implying she might need help, but it was the truth. That professor wasn’t fucking around. It would be easier on both of us if we had someone around to help us study.

Plus, I just wanted an excuse to see her outside of class. I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere in the confines of that lab.

“Sure,” Hailey said with a shrug. “Whatever.”

With that, she hurried off to her next class. I watched her disappear with a smile.

She wasn’t interested in me yet, but by the end of the semester, she would be.

***

I sat on my mom’s porch holding my acceptance letter and remembering that day.

The first time I saw Hailey seemed so insignificant at the time. She was just a cute girl in my biology class. I was attracted to her and determined to get to know her better.

At that point, I had never met a girl who didn’t want to date me. Hailey threw me completely off my game and I liked her more for it.

That entire semester flew by in a blur. Hailey and I studied together almost every day and we both ended up acing that stupid Bio 101 class. We set the curve on almost every test. We slowly became friends and when the final grades came out, I suggested we go out to celebrate. That was the night things shifted between us.

I had always wanted more with Hailey, but that was the night she finally saw something worthwhile in me.

I smiled to myself as the memory washed over me. It had been years since I had last seen Hailey, but I could still picture her face clearly in my mind. I was sure she was just as beautiful as ever.

Sitting there, holding my future in my hands, I wondered what she was doing. I imagined what her life was like now. Did she look the same? Where had her life taken her? Was she still in Bradberry? Had she moved somewhere far away? Was her life everything she always wished it would be?

Did she still think of me like I still thought of her?

Chapter Three: Hailey

 

“Noah!” I yelled. “Hurry up, sweetie! Mommy’s going to be late!”

I ran around my apartment, grabbing my things and quickly throwing Noah’s backpack together.

He was moving slower than ever that morning and I knew I was going to be late for class. It was my first day of medical school and I couldn’t afford to miss a thing.

When Noah’s backpack was packed, I grabbed his lunch from the fridge and threw it inside. I zipped up the backpack and ran to Noah’s room.

Noah was sitting on his bed with his shoes on his feet. He had one foot tucked underneath him and the other poised on the ground. He held the shoelaces in his hands, trying desperately to tie them properly. I smiled and sunk to my knees.

“Here,” I said. “Let me help you.”

“No!” Noah said, jerking his foot away from me. “I can do it!”

His face was set in the stubborn lines I was encountering more and more frequently lately.

I swallowed a sigh.

“Honey,” I said patiently. “Mommy can’t be late for class today, okay? We have to go. You can tie your shoes tomorrow.”

“But…” he began, but I cut him off with a look. That look was more powerful than any of the protests he could throw my way. He knew that look meant I wasn’t having any of it.

He settled down with a pout.

I grabbed his foot and gently pulled it to me. I tied his shoe and then grabbed the other foot. When he was finally ready to go, he jumped to his feet and I wrapped his backpack around his shoulders.

“Come on,” I said. We hurried into the living room and I picked up my bag. With Noah’s hand in mine, we ran outside to the parking lot.

I buckled Noah in his car seat and jumped inside. Firing up the engine, I threw the car in reverse and sped out of my parking spot.

When I finally reached the highway, I checked the clock and groaned. I only had twenty minutes to get to class and I still had to drop Noah off at the campus daycare.

It was only my first day and I was already off to a horrible start.

We reached campus and I pulled up to the daycare. I jumped out and grabbed Noah from the backseat. I grunted as I picked him up but didn’t stop.

He protested while I carried him inside, but I only had five minutes to get to class and I didn’t have time for him to walk.

“Have a great day,” I said, a little breathless from the walk-run action I just did.

I kissed Noah’s forehead and pushed him toward the classroom. He waved at me and disappeared inside.

I didn’t waste another minute. I flew back outside and hurried toward my car.

Speeding across campus, I pulled up to the science building right as class began. I hated being late, but I couldn’t miss class. When I reached the classroom, I peered through the window and saw that the professor had already started the lesson. I groaned and closed my eyes. Interrupting class wasn’t the way to make a good first impression.

With a deep breath, I pushed open the door slowly. I tried to make as little noise as possible. I stepped inside and pulled the door softly closed behind me. The click was still loud, but only a few people turned around.

I hurried to the first empty seat I could find. It was in the back row, but I didn’t care. I was just glad I made it before class ended.

Someone in my row handed me a syllabus and I mouthed a silent “thank you.” She nodded and turned her attention back to the front of the room. I read through the syllabus at lightning speed. It all seemed pretty standard, nothing out of the ordinary. Once I was sure I understood, I tucked it in my bag and pulled out my notebook. With my pen in hand, I focused on the professor.

In reality, I probably didn’t miss anything important. By the time I started taking notes, the professor had only just begun the lesson. Still, I felt like a failure already.

Here I was on my first day of medical school at UConn and I was already behind. I shook my head to myself and scribbled furiously.

The students on either side of me took notes quickly as well. I looked around and smiled.

Everyone in the room was intensely focused on the professor’s words. This was the kind of classroom I wanted to be a part of. There were only about twenty students, but we were all there for the same reason: to become doctors. Our goal wasn’t just to get a degree and then forget everything we learned. We wanted to help people, to save lives. Everything we learned now would help us for the rest of our careers.

Now that I had arrived and class was underway, I let myself relax and enjoy the moment.

While I continued to take notes, I grinned widely. I couldn’t believe I was here. I made it to medical school. It took me years, but I did it.

I felt a wave of pride wash over me and my smile grew. If anyone looked at me, they would have thought I was crazy, but they didn’t know everything I went through to get to that moment.

After spending four years raising a son, I never imagined I would have the chance to study medicine. I put my dreams on hold and focused solely on Noah for so long that I almost forgot I was a real person.

My name was “Mom” and my job description was everything that went along with that name. Who cared that I once had dreams of my own? It didn’t matter anymore, not when my son needed new clothes or food to eat.

For four years, I worked nonstop to support Noah. I did the best I could, but I let myself go in the process. It had been years since I so much as cracked open a book. When my brother suggested I go back to school, I thought he was insane.

“I don’t have time,” I had told him.

There were too many things for me to juggle as it was being a single mom.

What would I do with Noah? How could I be both a full-time mom and a med student?

To me, the answer was simple: I couldn’t.

My brother didn’t let up though. When Joe got an idea in his mind, he ran with it. For months, he pressured me into applying. When I finally did, I never thought I would be accepted. I only sent in the application to shut Joe up.

Getting my acceptance letter felt like a dream. It felt like I was living someone else’s life. Even with the piece of paper in my hands, I couldn’t believe it was happening. I still wasn’t sure I could go.

After countless conversations with Joe, I decided to try.

We celebrated Noah’s fourth birthday and a week later, here I was, in my first class of medical school.

I was still grinning like an idiot when I turned over the first page of my notebook. I wished I had a computer to take notes on, I could already tell that my hand was going to be exhausted by the end of class. I stretched my hand and continued writing.

As the professor spoke, my mind had less chances to drift. The content became more complicated and I didn’t want to miss a single word. I made a mental note to bring a recorder to my all my classes this year. These lessons were too important, I couldn’t risk making a mistake.

I had sacrificed so much to just be in medical school. It was Noah’s last year before he started kindergarten and I had been looking forward to spending time with him. Now, I would see him less and less. This year would fly by and he would be in school in no time. The idea brought tears to my eyes, but I knew I was doing the right thing.

Noah deserved a mom who chased her dreams. Not one who sat around and lived a mediocre life. I had to teach him how to fight for things. I had to show what was truly important in life.

So far, I thought I had done a good job raising him. He was a sweet, polite little boy. All his daycare teachers loved him. His uncle Joe was his best friend and my friends adored him.

Still, I wanted more for him than a cramped one bedroom apartment. I wanted to give him everything.

As class continued, I glanced around the room again. I couldn’t stare at my notebook any longer. My eyes were beginning to water. I squeezed them closed and looked around me. It was a short break, but it was long enough to take in the faces of my fellow students. There were so few of us that I knew I would learn everyone’s name by the end of the month. We would be in all the same classes and labs. Our clinical would be together. At the end of these four years, I imagined we would all be like family.

When my eyes fell on a familiar face, I almost fell out of my chair.

I felt my body go weak and my heart begin to race. I blinked hard, sure I was seeing things. When I looked back at him, I knew I wasn’t mistaken.

It was Wyatt.

Wyatt Murphy was sitting three rows in front of me with his eyes locked on the professor. I could only see the side of his face, but it was enough. I would know him anywhere.

Wyatt’s sandy blonde hair was shorter than I remembered. It no longer covered his face, but it was still long enough that he had to toss it out of his eyes every few minutes. The curve of his nose and the set of his chin looked so familiar it made my heart ache.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Class was almost over, but I had completely lost where I was. My notes lay forgotten in front of me and I couldn’t hear a word the professor said.

My ears were ringing and my pulse was still picking up speed. Shit.

I watched Wyatt closely, wondering why he was there. The last thing I knew about Wyatt Murphy was that he was stationed overseas.

I didn’t even know he was back home. I wondered how long he had been back in Bradberry, if he was staying with his mom, if he was out of the Army for good, and a thousand other things.

My mind was racing when the professor dismissed us. His words shook me back to reality and I jerked my head away from Wyatt. The need to get away from his presence had me grabbing my things and haphazardly packing them into my bag.

I needed to get out of there, and fast.

I flew out of the room a few seconds later like hounds from hell were nipping at my heels. I was the first one in the hallway and I didn’t stop running until I reached the women’s restroom.

I hurled myself into a stall and fell against the wall.

Breathing heavy, I tried to calm down, but I couldn’t.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit!

Everything was spinning and I didn’t know how to make it stop. If Wyatt was in that class, he would be in all the others. I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever, but I also wasn’t ready to face him. Not after the way things ended between us.

Over four years ago, Wyatt left town with barely a goodbye. We had been together for years, but he didn’t bother to discuss his decision to enlist with me. His father died and Wyatt pulled away from everyone and everything he once loved.

Everyone including me.

He became a different person. Someone I didn’t recognize.

A sad, lonely soul.

I wanted to save him, but I couldn’t. His father’s death ruined us both.

I could still remember the day he told me his father died. It stood out so clearly in my mind. Just thinking about it made my stomach tighten and my throat feel dry. I swallowed hard and tried not to think about it anymore.

I could push him from my mind. I could if I tried really hard.

It had become easier to do as the years passed.

But seeing him again had undone all the work I had done trying to put him out of my mind.

I knew this time I couldn’t push thoughts of him to the back of my mind. I was already reeling after seeing Wyatt for the first time in almost five years.

I closed my eyes and pictured his face the way I remembered it. His hair long and his brown eyes full of life.

He wasn’t yet broken in those visions. He was just Wyatt. Fun, adventurous, cocky Wyatt.

But that boy was gone, and this man in his place? I wasn’t sure who he was at all.

And him being here just meant trouble for me.

The life I had built for myself and Noah was going to crumble at my feet, I just knew it.

Chapter Four: Hailey

 

I was with Wyatt when he got the news.

His mom called while we were at dinner. We were laughing about something stupid, I can’t remember what, when his phone rang.

He was still chuckling softly when he answered. His voice was light-hearted and full of happiness when he said, “Hello,” into the phone.

I watched as the smile faded from his face and his shoulders slumped forward. We had been dating for over three years and I had never once seen him look like that.

His brown eyes darkened until they were almost black and he nodded slowly, listening to his mom’s voice. I couldn’t hear what she said, but I could hear the rise and fall of her voice.

Whatever was going on, it was bad. Really bad.

I watched Wyatt closely, straining my ears to hear what his mom was saying. All I could hear was her occasional sobs and a soft whisper. My eyes were glued to Wyatt’s face, but he didn’t look at me until he hung up the phone.

As he set the phone down on the table, his eyes rose to meet my gaze. I reached across the table and took his hand in mine. He let me, but he didn’t move to return my hold. His fingers were cold and limp in mine.

He looked like a statue, sitting there with wide eyes and a vacant expression. Deep down, I knew what the news was, but I waited for him to tell me. I didn’t want to assume the worst until I knew. Until he said the words.

It was minutes before Wyatt moved again.

Slowly, he began to shake his head side to side. Our waiter came over to bring us the check. I took it and waved him away impatiently, my eyes never leaving Wyatt’s face.

I wanted him to know I was there. I wouldn’t speak. I wouldn’t move. Not until he did, but I would be there with him.

I would sit at that table in that restaurant all night if that was what he needed.

While Wyatt processed the news, his expression slowly began to change. He no longer looked empty, he looked sad and determined. Then thunderous.

His eyes hardened and he looked at me with a steely glint that made me want to turn away from him.

I didn’t.

Not now when he needed me.

I held his gaze and waited for him to speak. When he finally did it was just two words. Just two words that would change his entire life and I didn’t know it yet, but mine too.

“He’s gone.”

The words hung in the air between us for several moments.

The air between us seemed to still even though the rest of the world continued to move around us. My vision was blurred around the edges, the only solid thing was Wyatt. Sounds – the click and clatter for cutlery being used, laughter and incoherent conversations - became muted as if coming from a great distance.

I nodded slowly and held his hand tighter in mine. We were frozen in time as we sat there. Wyatt didn’t move. I rubbed my thumb back and forth across the back of his hand and waited.

I would wait as long as he needed. And longer still.

He suddenly stood up. His chair scraped loudly on the floor. The sound drew the attention of some of the other diners but I didn’t care. My sole focus was Wyatt and what he needed.

Our hands broke apart with the move, the connection between us severed.

I followed his movement and tried to grab his hand again. He didn’t let me.

“I need to get home,” he said in the way of explanation, the words emotionless.

I didn’t know it then, but these were the last words he would speak to me in quite a while. Wyatt didn’t say anything again until we were at his house.

He didn’t look at me, opting to train his eyes over my shoulder. He just turned and walked out of the restaurant.

I made to go after him but the sight of the waiter reminded me of our bill. I paid the charges and ran after Wyatt.

Wyatt was waiting for me next to his car. In the empty parking lot, he was a desolate figure.

“I can drive,” I said softly when I caught up with him.

He held the keys in his hands, but he was shaking. I was afraid he was too upset to drive. I tried to take the keys from him, but he jerked away from me and shook his head.

I backed off and let him climb into the driver’s seat. Walking around the other side, I took a few deep breaths and tried to hold myself together.

I had met Wyatt’s dad plenty of times before, but he was away so often that we hadn’t gotten a chance to bond. Still, I felt his loss like a brick in my stomach.

I couldn’t imagine how Wyatt must have felt in that moment or how his mom would survive it. All I could think about was how to be there for them both. I pulled open the car door and climbed inside, determined to do whatever I could to help.

We drove quickly through town.

Wyatt didn’t slow down until he pulled into his driveway. He ran inside and I followed.

Wyatt’s mom was sitting at the kitchen table. She had her cellphone in front of her, but she wasn’t looking at it. Instead, she stared out of the kitchen window with silent tears streaming down her face.

All I could think when I saw her was that she was the picture of heartbreak. If an artist tried to capture the image of a broken heart, Mrs. Murphy would had been it.

I ached for her. I took a step forward, but Wyatt was faster. He flew across the room and knelt down beside his mom. She didn’t speak, but she turned to look at him. Wyatt pulled her against him and held her while she cried.

My eyes were glued to Wyatt’s face the whole time. I could hear Mrs. Murphy sniffing and sobbing, but I couldn’t bring myself to look away from her son. Wyatt was my boyfriend and I loved him. It was his job to take care of his mom, but it was my job to take care of him. The only problem was I didn’t know how.

Slowly, I moved across the kitchen and began brewing a pot of coffee. I didn’t know why, it was just an instinct. In moments of crisis, people need something to do with their hands. Wrapping them around a warm coffee mug seemed like a good idea.

I made the coffee and carried three mugs to the table. I poured coffee into each mug and slid two across the table to Wyatt and his mom.

“Thank you, Hailey,” Mrs. Murphy said weakly.

She didn’t touch the coffee, but my feelings were not hurt. I didn’t expect her to drink it.

When she finally pulled away from Wyatt, his eyes were still dry. His face was set and hard, not a single sign of pain or weakness shone through. I knew he was putting on a good face for his mom, but I wasn’t sure how long it would last. I wanted to be there when he broke. I wanted to help him through it.

“Why don’t you go home?” Wyatt said not unkindly. They were not kind either. His words were firm and he still refused to look directly at me. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I can stay,” I said quickly. “I don’t mind.”

“No,” he shook his head. “We’re fine.”

“But-”

I started to protest again but he cut me off.

“Go home, Hailey,” he repeated, voice harder now. “I don’t need you here.”

I jerked as if he had struck me. I reeled from his sudden lack of patience with me. From his words. He had never spoken to me like that before.

It felt like a physical blow.

“We’ll talk in the morning,” he continued, but he wasn’t even looking at me now. He turned back to tend to his mom.

I hesitated still but couldn’t find the words to make this better.

“Okay,” I nodded eventually, not knowing what else to do.

My word was said to his back.

He didn’t look back at me again.

I stood up reluctantly, and took a few steps toward the front door. I didn’t want to leave. It was the last thing I wanted, but I knew better than to start an argument with Wyatt.

He was going through enough. I thought he would need me, that he would want me around to hold him when he finally broke, but I was wrong. All he wanted was for me to leave.

I loved him enough to give him the space he needed even though it was breaking my heart.

He didn’t call in the morning like he promised.

***

The funeral was hard.

Bradberry’s one and only church was positioned in the center of town and it was packed that day. People crammed themselves into the pews and when those were full, they stood against the walls. The doors remained open throughout the service so more people could listen from outside.

I sat with Wyatt and his mom in the front row. I held Wyatt’s hand while the preacher spoke about Mr. Murphy’s attributes. He went on and on about Anderson Murphy being a war hero. His medals and accomplishments were listed in chronological order and everyone murmured their appreciation.

I nodded along with them, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak. My tongue felt like it was cemented to the roof of my mouth. I knew if I forced it free, I would start to cry. The last thing Wyatt needed was to feel like he needed to take care of me too.

He had his hands full with his mom. He didn’t need to take care of anyone else.

The service ended and everyone moved along to the burial.

I forced myself to hold it together while we traveled to the cemetery. Mrs. Murphy was handed a folded flag, and she succumbed yet again to violent sobs. Wyatt held her tightly and I stood beside them, silent as ever.

For a week, I tried everything I could, to be there for Wyatt.

I asked him if he wanted to talk, he didn’t.

When I sat with him in silence, he told me to leave.

I brought food but he didn’t eat it.

No matter what I did, it wasn’t enough for him to let me in. I felt useless and devoid of hope, but I pushed on. I knew Wyatt needed me, even if he couldn’t say it. I promised myself I would be there, silent and ready whenever he finally came to me.

He never did.

As the funeral ended, the guests began to file out of the cemetery. Wyatt and I watched while they all got into their cars and drove away. There was going to be a wake at Wyatt’s house, but he wasn’t in any hurry to get there. Mrs. Murphy left with her sister, leaving Wyatt and I alone at the gravesite.

I held Wyatt’s hand tightly. He stared at his father’s casket without speaking. I glanced over at him and was surprised to see he had finally succumbed to tears.

He was crying silently while the cemetery personnel lowered his father into the ground. They told us we didn’t have to stay for that part, but Wyatt didn’t move so I didn’t either.

I wrapped my arms around Wyatt’s waist and rested my head against his arm.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked softly.

“No,” Wyatt said. He wiped away the tears impatiently and turned to face me. “But, there is something I need to tell you.”

“Okay,” I said with a frown. I couldn’t imagine what was so important that he needed to tell me then, right after his father’s funeral.

“After graduation, I’m leaving for basic training,” Wyatt said.

His voice was even, devoid of any emotion.

“What?” I blinked, doing a good imitation of an owl.

I had heard him wrong. There was no way…

“I enlisted in the Army,” he explained. “With my undergrad degree, I can be a medic. Not a doctor, but a medic.”

“What about medical school?” I asked blankly.

With tempest of thoughts whirling around my head, it was the first one I could grasp clearly.

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. He was leaving. His father just died. We were set to graduate in December and he was leaving. Joining the Army. Going off to a war his father had just become a causality of.

“I’m not going,” he answered simply.

“But it’s your dream,” I said lamely.

“Dreams change,” he said. He looked away from me and watched while they poured dirt over his father’s casket. I followed his gaze, not wanting to look into his emotionless face any longer.

I didn’t know what this meant for him, or for us. Would we stay together? How long would he be gone? Why was he doing this?

Deep down, I knew why. His father died in combat. Wyatt thought enlisting was the best way to honor his memory. I understood it. I followed his thinking easily, but I didn’t agree with it.

From the time I met Wyatt, his dream had been to become a doctor. He never once mentioned joining the military. In fact, he used to complain about how often his father was away from home.

“He’s never around, but we’re supposed to be okay with it because he’s a war hero,” he would say scornfully.

I knew he didn’t mean it. He just missed his dad and wanted him around more, but it still knocked the wind of me to find out he was following in his father’s footsteps.

“When do you leave exactly?” I asked. There was a lump in my throat and I tried to swallow it down, but I couldn’t. I spent the past week trying to stay strong, but I felt the repressed tears finally threatening to escape.

When long minutes passed without him speaking, I grabbed his hand.

“Wyatt, please talk to me. This is a big decision. We should sit down and properly think this through. I don’t-”

Shaking off my hold, he looked back at me. I almost stepped back, the cold fury in his eyes hitting me like a whip.

“There is nothing to discuss. It is my decision,” he hissed between his teeth.

Anger leaked into my tone. “And what about us? What does your decision mean for us?”

The wind picked up and threw my words around us.

I had tried to be understanding but him shutting me out like this was unacceptable. This hurt.

He didn’t say anything but I felt him pull away from me even more.

“Please don’t do this, Wyatt. Don’t shut me out like this. I love you. I only want to be here for you.”

My tone was gentler this time, my anger falling away as quickly as it came.

I reached for his hand again.

He stepped back.

“We should go,” he said suddenly. “They’ll be expecting us at the house.”

He turned and walked to the car without another word. I watched him go, wondering if he even heard my question or if he cared. I watched while he climbed into the car and started the engine. My feet wouldn’t move. My entire body was in shock.

When I finally followed him, I felt like he was already gone.

Days later, he really was.

Chapter Five: Wyatt

 

My first day of classes was fucking easy. Just as expected.

I only had one class first thing in the morning. I got there and staked out the best seat I could find.

Unlike my first day of undergrad, I didn’t want to be in the front row. I didn’t need to be. I had real experiences to fall back on now. As the other med students began to arrive, I looked around at each of their faces.

They all looked young, much younger than me.

I knew most of them were fresh out of undergrad. I spent four years in the Army, so it was only natural that I would feel older than them.

What I didn’t expect was how much older I looked. My hair was finally growing out again. I had kept it short as per Army requirements, but the second I was out I let it grow. I loved my hair long, I always had. Spending four years with a buzz cut was awful.

My hair wasn’t the only thing that set me apart.

All the men were clean shaven with baby faces. My stubble was thicker by noon than theirs would be in a week. I shook my head and tried to tell myself no one cared. It didn’t matter that I was older than the rest of the students. As long as I scored well, none of it mattered.

Class ended quickly and I left with pages full of notes. There was a commotion in the back of the class and I just barely caught a glimpse of another female student dashing out of the class.

Something about her was vaguely familiar but she was gone before I could figure it out.

I shrugged.

I would come face to face with the student soon enough. The class size meant everyone would know everyone before too long. Kind of reminded me of home,

I went back to my new apartment and studied both my notes and my textbooks. I was determined to get ahead quickly.

I waited too long to fulfill my dream of becoming a doctor. After working as a medic, I only wanted it more. Medical school was the first step to making that dream a reality and I refused to fail. This was my new mission.

The next day, I had two classes in the afternoon, but my morning was free.

I decided to spend the morning on campus because there were paths that led into the woods. I hadn’t really gotten a chance to look around during orientation, but I loved nature and it had been a long time since I had been on a hike.

I got to campus first thing in the morning and bought myself a bottle of water. With my backpack thrown over my shoulders, I set off through the woods.

My path began behind the library. It was surrounded by small bushes, but I could still see classroom buildings all around me.

I walked faster, wanting to put civilization behind me for a few hours. As I walked deeper into the woods, the trees grew steadily taller. After a few minutes, I was surrounded by them. I smiled to myself and slowed my pace.

Now that I was away from the buildings, I could pretend like I wasn’t on campus. I could focus on the sounds and smells of nature without even remembering my classroom buildings were just a few miles away.

I breathed in the smell of the trees and ran my hands over the trunks. After about a mile of walking in peaceful silence, I pulled out my water bottle and took a long sip.

My pace was natural, not too slow or too fast. I had a few hours before I needed to be in class and I wanted to enjoy this rare moment of free time. I knew that the workload would only get crazier as time went on.

Soon, I wouldn’t have anytime to myself. I would be confined to libraries and laboratories. Then, when clinicals began I would be stuck in the hospital every day for months. I was beyond excited about it, but I wanted to breathe in the fresh air while I still could.

I didn’t know where the path led, but I was eager to find out. I walked a little quicker, noticing that the trees were beginning to thin again. The path curved upward and I felt my legs stiffen at the incline. I pushed forward and soon my muscles relaxed back into a comfortable pace. It wasn’t long before the slope evened out. I stepped around a huge oak tree and looked around.

I was standing in the middle of a clearing with trees on either side of me. In front of me, there wasn’t anything but open space. The grass was so green that it was almost blinding in the sunlight. I looked at the sky. It was a gorgeous blue without a cloud in sight. I grinned and walked further into the clearing.

God, I had missed the States.

As I moved, I noticed it wasn’t just a clearing. On the far edge was a steep drop. I walked up to the cliff and looked down. There was a rocky slope beneath me that was much too steep for climbing, but out further was an endless array of beauty.

There were trees and flowers to the left with a small lake directly below me. Off to the right, I could see tiny buildings. I wasn’t sure if they were office buildings or apartments, I was too high up to tell. Damn, the view was amazing. I could have stood there enjoying it all day, but I knew I didn’t have the time.

Pulling my water from my backpack, I took another drink before I turned back around and headed to the other side of the clearing. The sun was rising ever high in the sky and my first class was at noon. I couldn’t afford to miss it so I glanced at the clearing one last time before I set off back down the path.

A few feet past the clearing, I ran into a couple of hikers. I nodded politely and let them pass. It wasn’t long before I realized this was a popular spot. I got there early, so not many hikers had arrived yet. As I walked back down the hill, more and more people passed by me.

I wasn’t paying close attention to each face as I walked. I was focused on maneuvering down the path without tripping or running into someone.

When I heard a familiar voice in front of me, I was sure I had heard wrong.

I froze, body tense and ears perking up.

Disbelief was a living thing in my body.

There was no way it was her.

I looked up quickly and felt my eyes widen. Holy shit.

She was walking toward me.

She hadn’t yet noticed me. Her eyes were focused on the ground and she was talking animatedly to a man.

He walked beside her and I squinted in the sunlight. He looked oddly familiar as well, but I couldn’t place him. Her, on the other hand, I would have known anywhere.

“Hailey,” I said loudly, raising my hand over my head.

A few people turned their head at my loud call.

I didn’t think about my action. That in itself was unusual.

I had learned to be a very methodical and precise person in the last few years. The military did that to its officers. I learned to think every step through before doing acting on it unless a life or death situation activated my instincts.

Seeing Hailey, I just reacted. There was no rhyme or reason. There was just a burst of all-consuming emotion that let impulse rule.

I was back to my old self.

Seeing her made it impossible not to react.

I didn’t know what I was going to say to Hailey. I just knew I couldn’t let pass her without saying something. Without seeing those beautiful grey eyes look into mine.

She jumped at the sound of her name and looked over at me with wide eyes. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, but I could tell it was longer than I remembered. She wore the same glasses on her face and her eyes looked exactly the same: grey with a hint of blue. I walked over to her slowly, letting her shock wear off.

When I approached her, her eyes roamed over my face like she couldn’t quite believe it was me.

“Hi,” I said. “What are you doing here?”

My voice sounded breathless, like I had just sprinted a mile. But it was the sight of her that had adrenaline flowing through my veins.

“I go to school here,” she said.

Her words were slow and reluctant.

“Really?” I asked. “Wow. I didn’t even know you were still in the area.”

“I could say the same about you,” Hailey said. Her voice was becoming more guarded with every passing second and her eyes watched me carefully.

I knew she was sizing me up. I could tell she was nervous. My heart was beating faster by the second, but I couldn’t let her know that.

“I just got back a few months ago,” I said. “My tour ended so I moved back home.”

“With your mom?” Hailey asked. “How’s she doing?”

When she asked about my mom, her voice softened.

“She’s okay,” I said. “Doing a lot better. It’s been five years now, so…”

I trailed off, not wanting to talk about my father. This wasn’t the way my conversation with Hailey was supposed to go. We were not supposed to talk about my dead dad or my depressed mom.

She was supposed to see me and be overwhelmed with how good I looked, or want to get together like we used to. My confidence was supposed to attract her like it did all those years ago.

All those nights in Iraq let me believe she would welcome me with that soft smile she reserved just for me back then. The one that told me I was the only man she saw in the world.

Damn, you’re still so whipped over this girl, a voice taunted from deep inside my head.

I couldn’t deny it.

“Yeah,” she said. “I remember.”

“So,” I said, quickly changing the subject. “Who’s this? New boyfriend?”

I directed my attention to the man beside her. I extended my hand for him to shake, rising up to seem taller than I was.

I hoped my tone didn’t convey the rising anger that made my blood boil at the thought she was taken by another man.

It would hardly make a good impression to her if I pummeled the guy into the ground not matter how much I wanted to.

Instead of giving into that impulse, I pasted a smile on my face. It was all teeth, I was sure, but it was the best I could manage.

“No,” Hailey laughed. “This is Joe. My brother.”

“Joe?” I blinked and stared at the man again.

He looked nothing like the scrawny kid I once knew. He had grown at least a foot and his face was covered in a thick, dark beard.

“Wyatt,” Joe said, shaking my hand.

Well, shaking hands may had been an exaggeration with the pressure he tried to apply to my fingers. I returned the pressure and the terse connection ended quickly when Hailey raised an eyebrow at the obvious show of testosterone between us.

Joe nodded once before he looked away.

“Man,” I said, my tone still friendly despite the awkward handshake. “You look completely different.”

“Five years will do that,” Joe said sharply.

He didn’t bother to meet my eyes. He didn’t make it a secret he wasn’t happy to see me. I watched him for a second before I turned my attention back to Hailey.

I stood up even taller and smiled my best smile. Pushing my hair out of my eyes, I looked into her hers deeply and took a step forward.

“It’s really great to see you again,” I said softly.

Hailey cleared her throat and shifted awkwardly. She looked down at her feet.

“Do you think we could get together and catch up? Maybe talk over coffee or something?” I still asked even though her body language was screaming back off. I had to try.

Hailey looked up at me with an expression I didn’t recognize. She didn’t answer. I stepped closer to her again and watched her closely. I knew she wanted to see me again. I could tell by the way her eyes were roaming around nervously. I still made her nervous. Good.

Nervous was an emotion I could work with. It let me know she still felt something for me.

“Hailey, your class is about to start,” Joe said loudly. “You should probably get going.”

“Right,” Hailey said, shaking her head. The spell that began to build between us was broken abruptly.

She flashed Joe a grateful look. “I’m sorry, Wyatt. I can’t. I’m just really busy with classes right now.”

“Me too,” I said quickly. Hailey took a step away from me like she was going to leave, but I blocked her path. “Come on, you know you want to. Just coffee. We can meet somewhere on campus.”

I sounded pushy but I couldn’t help myself. I felt panicked that she was leaving already.

“No,” Hailey said firmly. I blinked in surprise. She had never used that tone with me before.

“It’s good to see you, Wyatt, but I don’t have time. Sorry.”

With that, she moved around me and headed down the path.

Joe shot me a glance before he followed her.

“Hailey,” I called again, impulse driving me again.

She stopped in her tracks and look back at me wearily.

“This is not the end of this,” I promised. “I’m not letting you get away from me that easy.” I tried to make it sound light and joking, but it wasn’t. She would be mine again.

Her mouth opened by nothing came out.

I had shocked and surprised her. Hailey’s wasn’t good at hiding her emotions, she had never been. Her face was an open book most of the time. I was glad to see that hadn’t changed.

I smiled, knowing I had rattled her.

It was only fair since she had definitely shaken my world.

She closed her mouth then just to look at me for a few seconds before turning and walking away without a word.

I stood still, watching them go until they disappeared. My class about to start as well, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. I stared after Hailey, hoping she would reappear and say she changed her mind.

I should have known she would turn down my offer though. It had been five years and we hardly parted way on amicable terms. She had always been prickly, the charm that worked on other women was not as easy to play on her. The history between us would understandably make her weary.

Her refusal was still a hard pill to swallow though and every one of my instincts was screaming at me to follow her and convince her to change her answer, no matter what.

I didn’t follow my gut though, my common sense rebooting its self.

My legs finally moved and I forced them to go in the opposite direction. As I slowly walked down the path, I could still hear her voice in my head as she said no.

She had been so firm. So final. No matter what I still felt Hailey, it didn’t matter. She obviously didn’t feel anything for me.

Hell, I had no idea what I really felt for her after so long.

Now that I had seen her again though, that fire I felt for her had reignited and I couldn’t accept that no for an answer.

I couldn’t let things rest as they were.

This wasn’t the last Hailey had seen of me.

Not by a long shot.

Chapter Six: Hailey

 

I was early for Bio labs this time.

I had taken a seat closer to the front of the room and was unpacking my notebook and laptop.

The laptop was bulky and outdated. I couldn’t afford the latest gadgets like some of the other students here but the device worked and served its function well enough. It would keep me from writing my fingers off at least.

I arranged everything on my part of the table then pulled up the recorder app on my phone – again not the latest on the market, but it did what it had to do.

All I had to do was press the start button when the lecture started.

With no more preparations to do, I looked up and around the space. Only a few other students were already inside the room. A group of girls were having a discussion around an open notebook while a guy lounged in the back with a pair of headphones hanging from his ears and effectively saying “leave me alone”.

Wyatt wasn’t here yet.

The thoughts had my stomach cramping and sweat suddenly breaking out all over my body.

I had been dreading seeing Wyatt again.

The week had passed quickly and it was Friday when I stepped into the biology lab. My head is still reeling from that chance meeting along the path.

I’m not letting you get away from me that easy.

His words haunted me. They made me hot and bothered one moment, then panicked and angry the next.

Wyatt was a bad boy to the bone.

He tried to hide it behind a friendly smile and a laidback attitude, but the ruthless light in his eyes showed what an alpha he was under the veneer.

He was the kind of man so set to go after anything he set his sights on and determined that he wanted.

Once upon a time he had wanted me with that single-minded intensity.

His persistence was one of the things that drew me to him even when I hadn’t wanted it to. I hated the thought of being one of the cliché girls who fell for the bad boy but when I let myself for Wyatt, I had fallen hard.

When he left, it had destroyed me and had me doubting everything I thought I knew about myself.

I could never allow myself to feel so deeply for a man again.

Never.

Especially not a man like Wyatt.

As if I had conjured him, he suddenly appeared in the entrance.

I gasped, then my breath stuck in my throat.

Wyatt Murphy was the most gorgeous man; even if I didn’t want to admit it.

He was the walking definition of tall, dark, and handsome. His tall frame filled out a plain tee shirt and a pair of jeans. His attire was simple but he looked like he belonged on the cover of a magazine.

He was accompanied by three other guys. They were all obviously younger than he was, yet none of them carried even one tenth on the raw sex appeal that he did.

I had been so overcome with the panic and worry his presence brought that I had mostly overlooked how sexily he had aged.

The force of all that sexiness hit me right then. There was no ignoring or pushing it to the side.

I was sensible to a fault according to some but all my senses went right out the window then. Hormones that had been dormant for almost five years flared to life and I could remember his intimate touch so clearly is was like those five years hadn’t passed.

I wasn’t the only one who noticed Wyatt’s entrance or his attractiveness.

The female students all perked up, smiles at the ready and trying to subtly fix their hair and clothing before he looked their way.

I caught a growl in my throat, barely suppressing the sound.

Being Wyatt’s girlfriend had brought out an unexpected streak of jealousy in me and it seemed to have reawakened with his reemergence in my life.

I moved to turn away, angry with myself for reacting so strongly to him still when his eyes landed on me. There was no turning away from his gaze. The heat of it brushed my skin like a physical touch.

Electricity raced up my back and made the hair at the nape stand on edge.

Wyatt’s grin was slow and knowing as if he knew exactly how my body was betraying me. My cheeks became hot and I knew they were red.

He said something to the guys he came in with.

Without waiting for an answer from them, he sauntered over to where I sat and took the seat next to me without invitation.

He never looked at those other women preening for his attention. I noticed one of them sending me a dirty look from the corner of my eye.

Go ahead girlfriend, been there done that. Not going down that road again.

At least that’s what I was telling myself. Or trying to.

More students suddenly rushed in and the professor came along with them. From then on, the atmosphere changed as everyone focused on the starting lecture.

I was able to tear my gaze away from Wyatt in the sudden bustle but he didn’t let me forget his presence like I wanted to.

The professor asked us to pair up in groups of two to work for the rest of the class.

Wyatt immediately scooted closer. He leaned toward me and his words feathered hotly against the skin of my neck when he said, “Told you, you aren’t going to get away that easy, partner.”

***

The class was a lesson in self-control and I was so very glad that I punched record on my phone because my concentration was shot.

The professor handed the groups each a sheet to complete as he lectured. We were to hand it back to him by the end of the class.

I tried to keep my focus on what the white-bearded man was saying. I really did. Just like I tried to take notes as the minutes went by as well as give my input on the answers to the handout.

However, the spicy scent of Wyatt’s cologne wrapped me in a fog of female want. I remembered that scent well. Late into the nights we used to spend together so long ago, I would put my nose against his neck and inhale a big whiff as we cuddled our way to sleep.

That same scent had clung to the huge shirts he gave me to sleep in and his hoodie when I borrowed it.

It had wrapped me in an invisible cloak of security and love.

I fought against the memories that scent invoked but it seemed like an uphill battle. I almost sighed in relief when the professor announced the end of the class.

Wyatt went up the professor’s desk to hand in our assignment and I took this as my opportunity to escape. I hurriedly stuck my belongings into my bag. Everything inside, I hopped out of my seat and rushed for the exit.

“Hailey,” Wyatt called but I ignored him.

In the hallway, I headed straight for the parking lot and my car. This was my last class for the afternoon and I had to pick Noah up from the daycare.

“Hey Hailey, wait up,” I heard Wyatt’s voice call.

The voice sounded a lot closer than I expected and I turned only to run into what felt like a wall.

A warm, hotly fragrant male wall.

I bounced off the hardness of Wyatt’s chest. The force of the sudden contact sent me toward the floor. I was falling and couldn’t stop the descent.

I let out a startled squeak in anticipation of the hurt from landing on the tiled floor but strong, male hands grabbed my upper arms to keep me from becoming intimate with the tiles. They pulled me back to that hard chest and my breasts became plastered against him. I drew in a sharp breath as my nipples immediately pebbled at the contact. Damn his hotness.

At the same time, my fingers tangled in the fabric of Wyatt’s shirt. I flew a startled gaze up to his to find him watching me with a warm mirth.

“We worked well together today. Just like we did before.”

“That's probably not a good idea.”

I gave him a look.

“With our history, I don’t think I have to explain why.”

“I hardly think our history factors into the fact that we work well together.” He said this slowly as if speaking to a child.

His tone didn’t help my disposition one bit.

I sighed, not about to get into this in the middle of the hallway where several other students were moving about.

“It's just not a good idea, Wyatt. Let’s just leave it at that.”

I hoisted my bag on my shoulder, ready to continue on my way. The considering look Wyatt gave me sent a premonition of impending disaster but my feet remained rooted in place even though I told them to move.

Before he opened his mouth I knew he was going to say something that would make me mad.

I was right.

“No, let’s discuss this. Why don't you think we should study together? Is it because you don’t think you can keep your hands off me?”

He raised an eyebrow to end his proclamation.

My outraged inhale seemed loud even with the noise around us.

“You’re not nearly as irresistible as you think,” I told him, hand coming up to rest on my hip in a show of attitude.

Something inside me said, Liar.

I ignored that voice.

“Then prove it. Let’s be study buddies. We hit the books without letting the past get in the way of our school stuff. We are both responsible, sensible adults. There’s no harm as long as we act that way. I mean unless you don’t want to…”

There a challenge in the words he spoke and I could stop from accepting his dare.

“Wyatt!”

“Fine, I’m joking, but really let’s study. You were always a good partner.”

I sighed. I would show him. After all, responsible and sensible were my middle names.

“Fine,” I said, the word coming out from between clenched teeth. “We can study together.”

His smile was wide. Triumphant.

I wanted to kick myself for falling so neatly into his trap but I couldn’t back out now though.

“How about we start tonight?”

That eyebrow rose again in challenge and I found myself unable to back down. Again.

“Tonight,” I agreed.

“Want me to come over to your place?”

“No!” My denial was too loud as I imagined the horror of Wyatt coming into my home. Of him meeting Noah.

I couldn’t let that happen. Not for as long as I could help it.

Wyatt gave me a puzzled look and a few of the other students did too.

“No,” I said more calmly. “We can meet up at your place. Are you staying with your mom?”

“No, I got my own apartment so I could be closer to campus.”

Oh. Wyatt and I all alone in the confines of a space that smelt like him. Where I couldn’t escape his charm, or have a distraction from his sex appeal.

What could possibly go wrong?

He pulled out his smart phone – a slick-looking, clearly new model - from his back pocket and said, “Give me your number and I will send you the address.”

He looked at me expectantly.

Even though warning sirens were blaring in my head, I began to rattle off my number. He picked up from the middle, finishing the last four numbers for me.

“You have the same number,” he realized before adding, “So do I. It’s-”

I become stuck on the fact that he still had my number memorized but then remember that I knew his by heart too. Even after all this time had passed.

I made a big deal about scrolling through my phone like I was entering the digits but they were already saved.

I never deleted them.

“I’ll text you my address in a few minutes.”

“Okay, I have to go now. I am late for… an appointment.”

If Wyatt noticed my hesitation, he didn’t show it.

He beamed another smile at me and said, “See you tonight, Hailey.”

I walked away knowing I was making a huge mistake and still helpless to stop myself.

Chapter Seven: Wyatt

 

I was as nervous as a high school virgin out on his first date. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I looked in the mirror hanging on the wall for the umpteenth time, smoothing my hair down and looking for imaginary creases in my clothes.

I turned away, making an impatient sound at my lovesick behavior.

It was fucking ridiculous how hung up I was on this woman.

Even now there was an uncomfortable snugness in my jeans just thinking about her. My attraction to Hailey was undeniable from the moment we sat in that lab almost eight years ago. It grew with every day we spent together and blossomed into heated desire when we started dating. Now though…

Now was a whole other ballgame.

The desire I felt for Hailey back then felt like firecrackers compared to the fireworks I felt now.

Hailey was all grown up. She had always had a curvy figure but the way she filled out her clothing now damn near left me panting.

It was puzzling how strongly I felt for her now. My feelings for her before seemed soft and innocent compared to the basic rawness of them now.

I wanted between her thighs and my brain was clouded by thoughts of how I could get here.

I couldn’t claim that my offer to be study buddies was completely innocent. Yes, I would love to have her as an academic partner again but plain and simple, I needed to be close to her as often as possible and this was the perfect excuse.

I moved over to where I had my laptop, textbooks, and notebook set up at the kitchen table.

After rearranging the tools on the surface yet again before I began to pace the hardwood floors. I threw a look at the clock on the oven.

It read six forty-three.

Seventeen minutes until our scheduled study date.

The anticipation and nerves drove me to the refrigerator and I grabbed a bottle of beer.

I acted confident but I felt anything but. I was so far out of my element it was almost laughable. The feelings Hailey stirred in me left me unsettled and I had no idea what to make of them.

Hailey’s knock on the door, announced her arrival a few minutes later.

I put my half-finished bottle on the kitchen counter and made my way across the space. I wiped sweaty palms down my jean covered thighs and took a look around to make sure everything was tidy.

Of course it was.

I had never been a messy person but being in the military had drilled being tidy into my bones. I had only just moved into my apartment and so only the essentials were here. The space was open concept. The kitchen and living room were separated by a small table.

The kitchen carried all the essentials for cooking but I barely used them. The living room carried a two piece set, a center table and a huge television mounted on the wall. A hallway led to the only bathroom and bedroom.

I hurried to open the door when she knocked again.

I opened the door and promptly lost my breath.

Fuck. She was smoking hot.

She was dressed in a sleeveless top and plain dark blue skirt that skimmed her knees. Her feet were encased in a pair of sandals to reveal her toes, which were painted a light pink color. Her book bag hung off her right shoulder.

Without trying, she was easily the most gorgeous woman I had ever met.

She looked at me with those shy eyes framed by widened lenses. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun, but a few strands had broken free of the confines to fall over her grey-blue orbs.

She pushed them back impatiently, the movement automatic.

The fact that she seemed completely unaware of how sexy she was just made her more appealing,

“Hey.”

Her breathy greeting pulled me out of the spell I was under.

“Can I come in?” she asked as I continued to stare at her.

“Of course. Where are my manners? I’m so sorry.”

I moved aside so she could come in. Her light floral scent made my dick try to pop out of my pants.

I closed the door, then we were completely alone together.

She made it to the center of the living room, looked around briefly, then turned back to me.

I cleared my throat and tried to act normal, turning slightly so that she didn’t notice the hardened state of my body. Thankfully I was wearing a shirt that fell over the unruly organ that was overpowering my brain.

“I hope you didn’t eat yet. I ordered dinner. It should be here in about an hour so I was thinking we could get some studying done then chow down,” I said.

“Okay,” she replied.

A moment of silence stretched out between us after. We looked at each other.

I cleared my throat again. I wracked my brain trying to come up with a suave line but all I came up with then was, “Okay. Let’s get started, shall we?”

She nodded and followed me to the table.

We got to work and it was all very innocent as we bounced questions and answers off each other.

I was even able to simmer my attraction down enough so that I could concentrate ad retain most of the information we went over. Hailey was in her element, repeatedly pushing her glasses up her nose and pushing her hair out of her face as her forehead frowned slightly in concentration.

Controlling my desire for her was one of the hardest things I had ever done.

Dinner arrived and we took a break.

We had moved our books to the side and dinner was set up. I had ordered from one of my favorite restaurants across town. The food smelled delicious, a meat and potatoes deal that tasted as good as it looked. The dinner came with a bottle of red wine and we indulged in a glass even though Hailey had said, “I don’t think we should.”

“Come on. Just one glass.”

The stiffness between us had slowly melted away and the conversation between us flowed smoothly. Our plates were almost empty and the wine glasses were in the same condition. We were both on our second glass.

Hailey lifted her glass to her lips for another sip then commented, “This is really good.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“So,” she said stretching the word. “This suddenly seems more like a date than a study session. I’m thinking you tricked me, Mr. Murphy.”

She didn’t sound mad about the possible trickery but I thought her relaxed attitude had a lot to do with the wine. She wouldn’t feel the same if she was clearheaded. She would be back to the girl on the hike, pissed and cold.

She took another sip and her drop of liquid glistened off her lower lips before she licked it off.

I wanted to lean forward and taste those lips.

I followed suit and brought my glass to my lips, trying to control the impulse. I wasn’t drunk in that moment but neither was I fully sober.

My eyes dropped to the fullness of her lips and she noticed, if the way her nostrils flared and her eyes darkened were any indication.

“And would it bother you if this was in fact a date?’ I asked, subtly moving closer to her. We were sitting on the same side of the table and we had already drifted far closer than when we studied.

“I am pretty sure it is the wine talking but I am completely okay with it. Although if I had known earlier, I would have worn something a little more fitting for the occasion,” she said, playing with her lock of her that had fallen over her shoulder.

She was flirting with me and I loved it. Hailey was very reserved but once she came out of her shell, it was a sight to behold.

I very much doubted her words though. She had been so harsh on the hike, but now I realized maybe that was all a show for her younger brother. And if it was, then I was a lucky man.

Another sip of wine. Then she continued, “So now that you have wined and dined me, what’s next?”

I leaned closer still until her lips were only a few centimeters from mine. I inhaled her every exhale and she did the same for me.

“That is entirely up to you,” I said, my tone lowering. Becoming more intimate.

She sighed, pulling away slightly. “You’re bad for me Wyatt. Trouble.”

“Always have been, I’ve never denied that.”

“We were just supposed to study.”

“Then we will,” I agreed.

Her lips tilted up in one corner. “Are you telling me you have no ideas on what you would like to happen next? Besides study I mean.”

My lips curved too although I felt absolute predatory in that moment,

“Oh I had quite a few knocking around my noggin,” I answered suggestively. “But I believe in letting a lady go first. In everything. You remember, right?”

Her cheeks became pink and I knew she remembered how I liked to make her come first at least once before I took my pleasure when we screwed around in the past.

“I remember. Good policy,” she agreed.

There was hardly any space left between our lips now. Just the slightest move forward on either of our parts and our lips would be locked.

I was about to make that move when a noise had us both jerking our heads around to see what caused it.

A pen and notebook had fallen to the ground, pushed over by the dishes crowding the tabletop.

The loud clatter effectively broke the spell.

Hailey jerked away from me, the light in her eyes suddenly very much sober.

“Fuck, what am I doing?” I heard her whisper to herself.

She stood quickly and moved around the table to start gathering her books.

I followed close on her heels.

“I should leave. It’s getting late and- oomph”

I didn’t want her to leave.

Understatement of the century if there ever was one.

No, I needed her to stay.

I only meant to delay her parting with words.

Even without things getting physical, this little flirtation we shared in the last few minutes was a far better than the tenseness that existed between us since we reconnected. I didn’t want things to revert back to that uneasiness.

So I kissed her.

She froze then so did I, expecting a slap to the face.

But she didn’t slap me. Thank God.

 

Chapter Eight: Hailey

 

I knew the feel of those lips on mine.

I knew the taste of them like they were my own.

The wine we drank added an underlying fruity flavor that only enhanced his deliciousness.

There had been many times when Wyatt and I would spend hours just making out, sipping from each other’s lips like we had all the time in the world.

But we hadn’t had all the time in the world. Our time had ended suddenly and those lips had caused me endless pain with their words.

I should have pushed him away and walked out of here to save myself the heartache sure to come.

I had given myself a little pep talk before I came over to Wyatt’s apartment. No matter what, I would resist his appeal this time. I came over here to study and that was it. Then he became that guy that only I had the opportunity to see before. Not the one who flirted so automatically, but the one who was warm and open to me. Only me.

I missed that guy.

I missed him and the moments we shared. Loving moments like sharing light banter over a tasty meal. It was hard not to pretend that the last five years hadn’t happened and just be with him like we used to be.

But I knew better.

The little moment we shared was a fantasy because the last five eyes had indeed happened and they had taken their toll on me.

With the feel of his lips on mine, all the logic I held onto so dearly fell on the wayside and my body took over.

My lips parted under his and my core flooded its self in preparation to receive his.

It knew the pleasure he could provide and it needed to feel it again. Right this instant.

It had been too long, too many nights with a sick kid, or studying for the MCATs. I craved the intimate contact and my back arched, thrusting me into his hold.

His tongue took advantage of my surrender and pushed passed my lips to touch mine. I moaned and allowed my tongue to dance with his. We kissed like had never stopped kissing, the hot familiarity making us move into an easy rhythm.

My hands clutched at him and his swept over me, shaping, molding and squeezing my curves. He was making deep, pleased sounds in the back of his throat and any consciousness I would have felt in the way my body had changed over the years became irrelevant. In his hold, I was the most beautiful creature on earth.

My fingers tangled in the short strands of his hair, luxuriating in the soft feel of them until I was forced to let go because he was jerking my shirt up and over my head.

The connection of our lips was broken for no more than two seconds before they were locked up again. Expert fingers broke the clasp of my bra then it was sliding down my hands and falling to the floor.

We were moving so fast, Wyatt guiding the way. The feel of a wall at my back stopped the movement. Wyatt pressed against my front, his hardness trapping me there.

Through his pants, his cock was hot and insistent against my stomach. Pushing up with my toes, I tilted my hips and pushed back against him.

I pulled at his shirt, needing the feel of his naked skin on mine but he captured my hands and shackled them above my head. He pulled his mouth free and trailed kisses down my jawline, neck and chest before capturing the tip of one breast between his lips.

I cried out, the sound loud in the otherwise still room.

I pulled at the human restraint and he let me go to cup my free breast, rolling my nipple between his fingers.

It felt so good. So necessary. Like a relief I didn’t know I needed.

My fingers reached under his shirt and pushed it up. He let go of me to pull it over his own head. He tossed the fabric away carelessly.

He suddenly spun me around. My front was pressed up against the hard wall and his body molded to my back.

His hands gathered the fabric of my skirt and pulled it up so that it bunched around my waist.

A sharp tug of his hand and my panties were gone.

“I can’t fucking wait,” he growled against my ear.

“Ohhh,” I cried at the delicious violence of the move. At the utter need in his voice.

This man needing me was the ultimate aphrodisiac. I was a goner.

Cool air rushed over the heated flesh between my legs. I squirmed, so very aware of how empty I felt inside. Of the need to be filled by him.

He cupped my smooth mound and growled again.

“You’re so fucking wet for me. Just for me. Tell me you are,” he demanded.

I couldn’t deny his masterful domination. Not when it catered to the need of the part of me that needed to submit to his special brand of hot, unbridled sex.

“Just for you,” I said.

His stroked my clit with his thumb as his middle finger breached my entrance.

“Fuck, I need to be inside you. It has been too long. Let me have you, Hailey,” he breathed hotly against my neck.

His teeth were nipping at my skin and his tongue soothed away the pleasurable pain. He paid particular attention to the small bird tattoo on my shoulder, a habit he had from all the years we spent as a couple.

“Yes,” I moaned my agreement, arching into his hold. Despite knowing I should not be doing this, my body was craving his with an intensity that was stronger that I had ever known.

I had never known such need, not even when we were together in the past. It was scary in its strength but it was also like tempting a moth to a flame. I needed to be consumed by it even knowing I would get burnt.

The sound of a zipper being undone was startling then the crackle of plastic. Then his hot member was hugged by the lips of the most delicate part of me.

Wyatt had a beautiful cock. It had been years since I saw it but I still remembered how long, thick and ribbed it was. In this position, I couldn’t see it but I could feel that it was just as intimidatingly wonderful as my mind held onto. He was poised at my entrance and we both froze, savoring the anticipation. He turned my head and took my lips from his position behind me. Then there was no more waiting.

He pushed forward, spearing my flesh inch by hot inch. He conquered my clenching center like he did my eager mouth.

I cried out as he slipped inside, the small urging thrusts of his hips convincing my resisting flesh to take him. Finally though, there was nowhere left for him to go. My core burned with the effort of taking him but even that pain was pleasurable.

We fit together like we were made for each other.

He started to move and I moaned and cried out in his mouth, the sounds muffled. I swallowed his sounds of passion too. The pace quickly built, my movements urging him on. I needed this to be hard and fast. The demands of my body could handle nothing less.

We began to pant with the hot pleasure and he released my lips. The sounds of our bliss filled the room and so did the wet, fast sound of rough sex.

I arched my back and yelled as he slipped impossibly deeper. My breasts bounced with the hard rhythm and sweat made our skin slick.

I might had been embarrassed at how fast I came the first time if it didn’t feel so good.

Wyatt stroked between my legs with his fingers while his other hand pulled at my nipple. Surrounded by him, feeling the things he did to my body... It was too much too soon and a wave swelled inside me, overwhelming me in how quickly it built.

I gushed my gratification onto his jabbing hardness, my vocalization loud and echoing.

He gripped my hips harder and drilled into me, pushing me higher and higher still.

“Fuck, babe, it never felt this good before… Come for me again. You have no idea how hot it is to feel you in my arms.”

I erupted in another tide of pure sensation. Colors burst in front of my vision and my ears roared as I obeyed his carnal command.

He pushed into me faster, deeper and rougher and with a shout, joined me in paradise.

Through the synthetic barrier he protected us with, I felt the heat of his release and just the knowledge of him coming set of fireworks in my belly again. I shuddered and gasped.

I had no idea how long had passed when I felt myself coming back down to earth. No longer riding my high, the gravity of what I just did hit me.

My heart was still racing but the rhythm changed into a more panicked feeling. My body tensed, all the sweet sensations morphing to horror.

The smell of sex was heavy and wetness coated the inside of my thighs, both testaments to my lapse in judgment.

Wyatt was still hard inside me and my body was still responding to his readiness despite the walls my brain and heart were erecting.

Wyatt felt the change in me though, I knew.

He turned me in his arms and looked down at me, his eyes searching before he tilted his lips toward mine.

I dodged them and they grazed my cheek.

He let his lips linger there for a moment before lifting his head. He cupped my chin and made me look back at him.

“What’s wrong? Regrets already?” he asked.

I couldn’t look at him when I said, “I can’t do this again. This was a mistake. We should never had allowed his to happen.”

“Why? We were great together,” he stated.

We were. My body was still shaking with how great and that was exactly the problem.

“I cannot get emotionally involved with anyone right now, Wyatt.”

Especially you.

I left that part unsaid but it hang in the air nonetheless.

His answer left me shocked.

“Then let’s leave the emotions out of it.”

He said it like it was the most logical thing in the world and the only response I could muster was, “What?”

“We both have a lot going on right now with school and everything. A relationship will only complicate things so let’s keep it strictly physical. We’re great together. And med school is going to be stressful as hell, we both need this release. Even though we just fucked, I want you again. And I know you want me too. Let’s be friend with benefits.”

I definitely should not agree to that crude proposal.

That is what my head said.

My mouth seemed to be in agreement with my body though because, after a few heart beats, I said, “Okay.”

We would have sealed the deal with a kiss but my cell phone started to blare form its position in my bag.

Time to get back to reality.

Chapter Nine: Wyatt

 

After tossing and turning for many, long hours, I finally fell into a restless, troubled sleep. I wanted sleep to be easy but instead my brain wouldn’t let it go. Whatever the hell it was.

Even though I was out of the military I still slept like I was. I was trained to sleep lightly, to be able to wake up at a moment’s notice. I don’t know when the last time was I fell so deeply into sleep that I forgot my surroundings.

Sleep like that was luxury and not something to indulge in enemy territory when the squad could be attacked at any time. Being back in civilian territory hadn’t been enough to change my sleep pattern I developed over the last few years.

Tonight, in my dream, I was seated around a table with a group of five other guys. We were all dressed in camouflage gear with patches proclaiming U.S. Army.

We had just come back from a successful mission and were having a drink at a local bar in a small town in the Iraq to celebrate. The town was known to be friendly to American soldiers and we had thought ourselves safe enough.

We had been ribbing a newcomer to the group Luke Temple, just before all hell had broken loose. In typical fashion, Luke just been initiated into the group with a bunch of pranks, the latest of them left him running around the base nude with nothing but whipped cream covering his dick and a bright pink bowtie around his neck.

Luke’s face was red as the rest of the guys, including myself, laughed. He took it well though, guffawing with the rest of the men as jokes were made about the sight of his bare ass fumbling around the camp in search of his clothes.

I kind of felt bad for the barely twenty-year-old guy. My own initiation into the group had been no less embarrassing. However, it was funny remembering the horrified look on his face when our base camp leader had spotted his mad dash.

A fresh round of laughter sounded at the table just before the world exploded.

The sound deafened me as my body was flown with the force of the blast. When my hearing came back, lots of noise intruded, hurting my ear drums.

My vision was blurred and a dull ache started to pulse on the back of my head.

I was disoriented and confused and for a moment I lost all my senses

“Medic,” someone yelled and I recognized the voice of my squad leader. “Medic, we need you over here!”

The voice grounded me and my focus became clear. My training kicked in and I got to my feet.

My job was providing medical support to the others.

It was my role in the group but most importantly, it was who I was.

I rushed over, steeling my muscles when my legs threatened to buckle under me.

People were screaming and some - those who could – were running away from the scene. Words I couldn’t understand were being shouted with panic and fear in the pitch and tone. Smoke and debris were making it hard to breath and faces were darkened with the mess the blast had created.

Later, we would learn that the explosion was the work of a suicide bomber with something to prove to a radical group hiding out in the area. Fuckers. But all I knew then was providing my team, and others who were injured in the incident, with the medical help they needed.

There were broken bones and limbs and blood, due to the bombers crazy beliefs. I saw a few sightless eyes and unmoving chests but I ignored them as I moved to where my squad leader was hunched over Luke. The other men were helping the injured people in the bar.

Luke was bleeding. Red was all over him, coming from his nose and mouth. He was just a fucking kid.

A large slab of wood was protruding from his chest and threatening his life.

I got to work, pushing my emotions to the side and focusing on the task at hand as my leader radioed in for more medical support and reported the explosion to the relevant authorities.

Luke suddenly grabbed onto my hand with surprising strength. My surprised gaze jumped up to his.

“Please save me,” he begged, coughing up more blood and fluids.

For a second his face changed, and it was my father’s. His lips repeating the same words.

That wasn’t the first time this had occurred while I worked on an injured person. I had gotten better as pushing my personal issues to the side, and just as quickly as my father’s face had been superimposed on Luke, it was gone.

I looked him in the eyes and said, “I’m going to do my best, buddy. Just hold on for me. You’re going to get through this”

Luke’s eyes had closed then and his life was left in my hands.

Presently, mine opened and I was awake, transitioning into consciousness in less than a second.

I laid still in my bed, my body quiet and my senses scanning my surroundings automatically. I heard the distance hum of traffic and a light drizzling of rain sounded outside.

My heart beat was slow and heavy and a fine sheen of sweat had broken out over my skin.

My mind was still reliving the event of that night almost a year ago.

Luke had lived, although his injuries had changed his life forever and left him no longer able to serve his country. They told me it was because of my efforts he had survived.

Every time I was told I was instrumental in saving someone’s life I felt a rush of pride but it was also accompanied by an insidious wash of guilt.

There was no going back with my dad. I would never be able to save him no matter how many others I helped.

Panic suddenly tightened my chest, making it hard to breathe. Even though I knew there was no one else in the apartment with me, I could hear voices calling out to me to save their life. Others blamed me for failing them. My father’s voice was the loudest of all.

I recognized the onset of the PTSD attack and quickly got out of bed, trying to block out the voices. I went into the bathroom, grabbed the prescription pills out of the medicine cabinet and filled a glass with water from the sink.

My hands were shaking and it took a few tries before I was able to open the small tube of white pills.

I threw the pills into my mouth and chased them back with the entire glass of water.

I just stood there for long minutes after, trying to calm my mind and center myself in the here and now.

My diagnosis of PTSD was part of the reason I got out of the military. The other was wanting to pursue a career as a doctor.

Eventually the voices quieted, and I was able to think clearly again.

I looked at the simple digital watch on my right wrist. It was after four AM and I knew there was no hope of me getting any more sleep before the sun rose.

Besides, being inside my small apartment, I felt claustrophobic after the panic attack. I needed to get out.

I donned sweat pants and a hoodie over the pair of boxer briefs I had slept in. With keys and cell phone in my pocket and headphones in my ears, I headed out the door.

I ran for several miles before my mind cleared and I was just able to enjoy the crisp early morning air.

I returned to my apartment just after six AM and immediately headed for the shower to wash off the sweat from my skin.

The heated water beat down on my head and shoulders. Hands braced against the tiled wall and head down, I was able to think about something other than death and war and of course, my thoughts turned to Hailey.

Instantly, my dick became hard and my heart beat quickened for an entirely different reason. My eyes closed and I imagined her face as she orgasmed on top of me. The image filled every corner of my mind, chasing away the shadows it held moments ago. I had wanted to spend the rest of the night bringing that look of bliss to her face. Our time together had ended far too soon.

After our friends with benefits agreement less than twelve hours ago, she had answered her cell phone instead of continuing our interlude. After a whispered conversation that had me all kinds of jealous, she hightailed it out of my apartment without an explanation.

I hadn’t asked if she was seeing anyone. Was that her reason for resisting the obvious connection between us? She made me fucking crazy. I just wanted her for myself.

Eyes still closed, I wrapped my mind in the passion we shared earlier. I remembered the hot silken feeling of being inside her snug body. I remembered the way she responded to my every touch and word. She had been so open and generous with her wants. With her body. In her eyes, I thought I saw my every desire, physical and otherwise, reflected there.

I could come from just remembering those few stolen moments we had.

I didn’t remember grabbing hold of my dick but I hissed from the contact of my hand on the pulsing flesh.

My soapy hand gripped my swollen length tight and stroked hard. My hips jerked to the movements of my hand. My release rushed towards the surface.

“Hailey,” I groaned her name as I came. The sound was drawn out and low. Filled with longing.

My cum spurted from me, mixing with the falling water to run down the drain. It felt like I came forever yet it was over far too soon.

Energy suddenly depleted I sagged against the wall then looked down at myself ruefully.

My cock was still hard and pulsing like an angry snake. Despite my orgasm, I was still aroused, my fist a poor imitation of the heated clasp of her body.

After my release within Hailey’s body, my heart told me what I already knew but didn’t want to admit. I still had feelings for her. I was an idiot to have ever let her go but I wasn’t going to let her get away from me a second time.

My normal defenses were down once I found satisfaction in her body and I began imagining how things would be like they used to be. Better in fact, if the way we just fucked was any indication.

Then I looked in her eyes, saw the regret and knew my little fantasies were just that… Fantasies.

I was hung up on this woman like nobody’s business and all she wanted to do was get away from me.

Was this my penance for handling her heart so callously in the past?

Before she even said us being together was a mistake I knew she would. It still felt like a knife to my heart hearing it though.

I panicked and blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

“Let’s be friend with benefits,” I had said.

It felt wrong saying it but having a small piece of her was better than having nothing at all.

I would settle for any piece she chose to share with me.

For now.

I told her I would keep my emotions out of it but that was just a promise I could not keep. I needed a plan to win her over. I got out of the shower and towel dried my body. While my mind schemed, I got dressed and headed out. I would grab a bite to eat then head to the library to put in a few hours of studying.

My school bag was on my back when I closed the front door behind me.

It was a new day. The sun was out and even after the terrible way the night ended with Hailey, I was optimistic.

She would be mine again.

I never failed a mission.

Chapter Ten: Hailey

 

I was reading the same paragraph for the sixth time and still didn’t remember a single word. I sighed when I had to start for the seventh time.

My concentration was shot to pieces and it was all his fault.

Wyatt Murphy.

Being with him had been mind-blowing.

After I left his place, I hadn’t slept a wink, my mind consumed by the remembered sensations of what had transpired.

Even now, between my legs was deliciously sore, a reminder of what I had done with him. I looked around at the other faces in the library, sure that my salacious thoughts were clearly visible to all. No one was paying any attention to me. The serious faces looked like they were actually getting studying accomplished. Unlike myself.

Inside I was realizing that agreeing to a friend with benefits arrangement would never work for me. I wasn’t built in a way that allowed me to keep emotions out of a physical relationship, especially not with the man who was my first and only love. I would have to break it off with him.

Just as soon as I mustered the courage to face him again.

Jesus what a mess I had gotten myself into.

I turned my attention back to the biology text book in front of me and tried to focus one more time. I had been at the library for almost an hour and hadn’t retained anything new yet. I needed to shake off this Wyatt funk because at this rate I would be failing all my classes soon.

Noah was off at a playdate at a friend’s house and I thought I would take the moment of alone time to study. Being at the library always put me in the right frame of mind to do so. Not today though.

My head was down, eyes on a diagram depicting a part of the anatomy when I felt the air in the building change.

I looked up and my eyes went straight for the entrance. My breath caught in my throat.

Wyatt was here and he was looking straight at me. I felt that heated gaze clear across the room and squirmed where I sat, my body reacting as if on unspoken command.

The air was charged with sexual heat and it would be clear to anyone who looked our way. I could not tear my eyes away though, especially not when he started toward me. He came up to me and took my hand. He drew a lazy pattern on the back of my hand with his thumb and I felt that caress in my core.

He knew what he was doing to me too. I could tell by the knowing glint in his eyes. It made me wish I knew how to hide my feelings better. His knowing stare gave him too much power over me.

With a gentle tug on my fingers, he said, “Come with me.”

By the look in his eyes, I knew exactly what would happen if I followed him. He could not have been more explicit of what he wanted from me with the conversation we had last night.

I should tell him off and walk away.

His friends with benefit offer would never work because despite what I said, I knew my emotions would get involved.

They already were and I couldn’t afford for them to be.

But I knew I couldn’t say no to him, I never could. Clearly that hadn’t changed.

My body was betraying me. My nipples were hard, pointed and probably showing through my dress. My core had turned molten and was leaking my heated desire onto my panties. Damn him and his fuck me eyes.

My heart wasn’t doing much better, doing all sorts of flips and hops in my chest.

My brain was valiantly trying to erect my emotional defenses and I promised it that this would be the last time I let myself fall under this man’s spell.

I would allow myself the pleasure of his body one last time. I would risk my heart one last time, then I would put an end to this relationship and move on.

Just this one last time…

Besides I knew he was likely to hate me once he found out the secret I had harbored for all these years. And I knew is it was only a matter of time before he found out.

I got up and followed him, leaving my text book and bag behind.

He led me to one of the private study rooms in the back of the library.

The room was small and could barely hold a handful of people comfortably. The inside was outfitted with a table and three chairs. The walls were distraction-free and painted a plain beige color. It was the perfect place to focus on your studies, or for me to see Wyatt’s naked body again.

I heard the door close and the lock click. I turned back to find Wyatt leaning against the wood and watching me with heavily hooded eyes.

I swallowed hard and moved to undo the buttons of my dress. We were here to have sex. I was going to get to it as quick as possible so that I could go lick my wounds in private later.

I had only undone one button before Wyatt pushed away from the door and came to me. His movement was cool and confident. Predatory.

Sexy.

When he was within kissing distance, he stilled my hands with his and said, “Let me do that.”

I expected this romp between us to be quick and to the point just like last night.

Instead Wyatt took his time, unbuttoning my dress like he was unwrapping his favorite treat.

When all the buttons were free, he pushed the straps off my shoulders. His fingers caressed my skin in the process and made me shiver with yearning.

He was careful with my clothes, putting the dress carefully on the back of a chair even though he never took his eyes off me.

He moved to my hair next.

I had put it up into a high ponytail that morning. He gently pulled the holder away and my hair fell heavily around my shoulders. The strands teased my skin and goose bumps rose along my shoulders and upper arms.

He made a sound in the back of his throat then announced, “You’re so fucking beautiful I can’t stand it. You have no idea what you do to me.”

This was so unfair. He was acting like he cared. Like he felt something other than desire for me. This was giving my poor heart hope when there was none. I had to stop that mess in its track before it got out hand.

I pulled my eyes away from his.

“Hurry,” I told him. “Someone could knock at any second. You know they might want to actually study in here.”

He put his finger on my lip. Even that simple caress seemed so sensual when he did it.

With a gentle touch, he made he look back at him and whispered, “Shhh, don’t worry so much. Just enjoy the moment. I’ll take care of you.”

He finished undressing me with the same unhurried precision, as if we had all the time in the world. This was so different from the rushed race to the finish of last night.

Then he undressed before my eager gaze and I got my first clear view of his body in almost five years.

He was ripped with muscle. Strength was in every line of his body. I could see the evidence of his service to his country though. There were scars on his arms and chest. They were faint yet some looked deep. Also, there was a new tattoo on his pec bearing the symbol for medicine. I was drawn to those marks and my fingers touched him without my conscious permission. I traced them, trying to sooth away any lingering hurt.

He took my fingers away and kissed each one.

He then took my lips briefly before nuzzling where my neck met my shoulder. His tongue tasted my skin and he groaned low as if sampling a rare, delicious delicacy.

“Mmm, so fucking sweet.”

I shivered, hearing that sound and his following words. My eyes closed and air rushed out of my parted lips when his teeth closed on that same spot, reminding me of a wild animal claiming its mate.

He licked the mark before moving lower and capturing my nipple between his lips.

He loved my chest with his mouth, his hand moved over me in the process and brought me to a fevered pitch quickly. He moved lower still and knelt at my feet. He positioned one of my thighs over his shoulder and I watched with wide eyes as his face moved closer to my mound.

He opened my soaked lips with his thumbs, exposing me to his gaze. He licked me there and I had to bite my lips to contain the sounds that threatened to emerge from me. He serviced me with teasing soft touches that made my hips jerk closer to his talented tongue.

It felt so good but I was greedy. My fingers fisted his hair and I pulled him closer to me yet. I rested my upper body against the wall and tilted my lower half more toward him.

“More,” I whispered and he gave me just what I wanted. What I needed.

He opened his mouth on me and kissed my pussy like he did my mouth. My juices poured from me and he lapped it up. He probed my entrance with his tongue and sucked on my lower lips.

Then he added his fingers into the array and I had to make more drastic measures to contain my cries. I bit the inside of my wrist when he found the secret place inside me that took me straight to the edge once he touched it.

“Come for me,” he said and I did.

He licked me to completion twice then stood. He kissed me and I moaned into his mouth, aftershocks still rocking my frame.

Cupping my behind, he lifted me easily and pressed my back against the wall. My thighs immediately hugged his hips and my ankles crossed low on his back.

We were kissing. I was surrounded by him. His scent clouded my mind. The taste of his mouth on mine was an aphrodisiac. The feel of his body blocked out everything else. My fingers were in his hair, tangling in the strands and keeping his head close to me. I felt his cock press against me and then with a thrust he was inside me. Filling me.

Our lips remained locked the entire time and I was glad because the moment he rocked into me, I screamed from the mixture of pleasure and pain.

His mouth captured the sound.

He stopped, allowing me time to adjust to the hard intrusion. He whispered sweet nothings to me, telling me how beautiful I was and how good I felt.

“Fuck me harder,” I pleaded.

He started with small jabs of his hips that grew harder quickly to meet our carnal needs. He thrust a few more time before he easily moved and placed me on the only horizontal surface in the room – the table.

Wyatt was looking at me with blatant hunger. When he looked at me like this, I almost believed we could have more than just a shallow physical connection. I had to forcibly remind myself that I was only giving him my body for this last time and no more.

Then he began to move.

Again, the rightness of us like this had me reeling. When I was joined with him like this, I felt whole. Complete.

The smack, smack of his body meeting mine echoed around us and the scent of sex filled the small space. Our bodies came together like they were made for doing this. The motions were raw and basic and perfect.

The pleasure came over me like a great wave and swept me under. The intensity battered me from every angle. Three orgasms? This was a new record.

We clung to each other in the aftermath. We were wet with sweat and our chests were heaving. I wished the moment would never end but then a noise outside reminded me where I was. Shit.

Out time together was up.

I pushed at Wyatt’s shoulders and he moved away, sending me a puzzled look. I got out of his hold, avoiding that look. I gathered my clothing, hurriedly pulling them back on.

He touched my arm and tried to make me face him. I shook off his hold and I tried to put my hair back up

“Hey, what's the matter?” he asked.

“Grab your clothes. I’m leaving and I don’t think you want the whole library seeing you naked,” I told him.

“Let’s talk about this, Hailey. What’s bothering you?”

I cut him a cruel look. “That sounds awfully emotional, Wyatt. No emotions. Just fucking, remember?”

His face shut down, becoming void of all emotion and I instantly felt terrible for my words, but it was better this way.

“I remember,” he said finally and reached for his clothes.

A minute later, we walked out of the room, the air between us as cold as if we were strangers.

I didn’t look back as I grabbed my belongings from my study table and left without another word.

Chapter Eleven: Wyatt

 

The phone rang until it went to voice mail.

The recording played in my ear.

You have reached the phone of Hailey Clark. I am unable to take your call right now. Please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Beep…

I hung up without leaving a message. What was the use when the others I left had gone unanswered?

Hailey was ignoring me.

It had been two days since the hot session in the library. Two days since she left me in the building watching her walk away and not knowing what to do to stop it.

Two days since I felt like a part of me was missing.

Two days of trying to find a way to stop caring so much.

It was so much easier to be a playboy and keep my heart unattached, that was for damn sure. Being the guy I was before would make this situation so much easier to handle.

I had never cared for woman like this until Hailey. Even after we broke up, I had never connected with another woman like that and I was beginning to think that I would never again. My mind was settling into the fact that Hailey was it for me.

She obviously didn’t feel the same way about me though.

She couldn’t wait to get away from me every time we made love and damn, if her running out on me didn’t make me feel cheap and used.

The guys on my old military squad would have laughed their asses off if they heard that particular thought.

I should stop beating myself about this and let it go.

For a little while I had even convinced myself that I this was just a momentary bout of craziness I was feeling. It would go away soon. Maybe this distance was a good thing for me.

All that self-talk didn’t change the fact that I missed Hailey. Not just her body and the things it did to mine, but her smile, hearing her talk, her scent. Everything. I missed everything about her.

No matter how much I wished it, these feelings were not going to just disappear. I was forced to stop bull-shitting myself and man up and admit I was all kinds of messed up over Hailey.

If I knew where she lived, I would have gone and knocked her door down. I would have talked her ear off and forced her to listen to what I had to say.

It was probably a good thing I didn’t know her address then because I would have just looked like a damn fool.

I put the cellphone away before I dialed her number again and pulled out a text book instead. I would try to get some studying done before I headed to bed. It was Monday evening. Hailey and I had Biology labs in the morning. I would confront her then and lay my feelings on the line.

***

Saying my piece was a lot easier said than done when I was confronted with a cold and aloof Hailey the next day.

I sat next to her in what had already become our usual spot.

“Good morning,” I greeted and was answered with an uncommitted nod.

She didn’t look at me directly. I may as well have not existed in the moment for all the attention she paid to me.

Ouch.

The professor came in before any more could be said and the lecture began.

My attention was mostly on the woman next to me for the next two hours but her eyes remained trained on the lecturer. She only moved them to take notes.

When the professor announced the end of class, she immediately started to pack up her stuff.

I stopped her as she stood to leave. She looked at where my hand was on her upper arm like the touched offended her and I removed my hand, that look hitting me in the gut.

I waited until the last student had filed out before speaking. “We need to talk.”

She lifted emotionless eyes to meet mine. “I cannot imagine what we have to talk about Wyatt.”

Even her tone was void of feeling. Fuck.

I tried to lighten things with a carefree tone, ignoring her immediate denial.

“There is plenty to talk about. Like the fact that you’ve been ignoring me. That’s not very nice of you, study partner. How about dinner tonight?” I asked. “You can apologize to me and I’ll pretend to be mad for a few minutes before we make up.”

I smiled to end my teasing speech but she remained as aloof as ever. It was like being confronted by a brick wall.

My smile fell and I became series once more. “Come on, Hailey. Meet me half way here. We can talk this out. There is no reason for things to be tense between us.”

She looked away from me and sighed impatiently. She added insult to injury by looking down at the small watch on her wrist.

“Look, Wyatt. This is not going to work out between us. Not as friends or as study buddies. We should just be classmates from now on. I am here to work hard and I do not have time for messing around with you. I cannot afford to be distracted right now.” My heart fell into my stomach.

“I disagree,” I said quickly. “We’re both smart people. If we put our minds to it I know we can make it work so that we both do great at school and maintain a stable, healthy relationship,” I said. “We were great together before, Hailey. I think we should give this thing between us a chance. We obviously have the chemistry. I know I hurt you before. I should have never shut you out like that. Things will be different this time. I will-”

She cut me off and stated, “What we had was in the past and we should have left it there. I want to leave it there. Do you understand what I am trying to tell you? I don’t want to do this. Please respect my decision and leave it alone.”

God, this rejection felt like someone had just pushed a fist through my chest and pulled out my beating heart.

Old habits die hard and I pulled my playboy cloak around me to hide my hurt.

I pulled forth a cocky grin even though I was hurting on the inside and said, “If you change your mind, you know where to find me. I will even reinstate our friends with benefits arrangement if you ask real nicely.”

I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively at her.

She just rolled her eyes at me and said, “Is sex all you think about?”

The question was rhetorical because she turned her back without waiting for an answer and left me standing there alone.

 

Chapter Twelve: Hailey

 

I was in the kitchen making dinner while Noah babbled on about his day at daycare and the new friend he made that day.

It hadn’t been long since we got home and I was so very glad that Noah was able to be on campus with me. It made my life so much easier because I didn’t know how else I would have been able to juggle classes, mothering and working part time.

I savored spending the quality time with my son, treasuring the minutes because they were becoming rarer with the demands of school.

Dinner was a simple pasta fare with cleverly cloaked veggies that Noah downed without realizing. We had his favorite desert – a slice of chocolate cake.

He helped me clean up afterward. In the way of kids, he made more of a mess in the process but I had fun watching him have try.

Next, we moved to the bathroom and he had a bath. I would have to clean up after that too because he got to rigorous in his splashing.

After Noah was all cleaned up and dressed in Spiderman pajamas, we read a bedtime story and tucked into in to his bed.

“Good night, baby boy,” I said, smoothing his hair back to kiss his forehead

“Good night, Mommy,” he returned, speech slurred.

He yawned and I knew that his droopy eyes meant he would be fast asleep within minutes.

After cleaning up the bathroom and tidying up the living room, I pulled out my books and knocked out some homework before studying up the chapter that would be discussed in one my classes tomorrow.

I yawned and wiped my sore eyes after some time had passed.

Looking at the clock on the wall, I saw that three hours had already passed in what felt like the blink of an eye.

I put my books away and got up to stretch the kinks out. I checked on Noah, confirmed that he was sleeping peacefully then went to take a shower.

I dressed in an old tee shirt and a cotton panties. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun then patrolled the house one last time to make sure everything was secure.

I was about to turn into bed when my cell phone rang.

My heart jumped in my chest thinking it might be Wyatt despite the horrible way the talk we had had gone a few hours before. I had mostly been successful in keeping my mind off him and what had transpired between us earlier but there was no avoiding it now.

I was resolved in keeping my distance from him.

For a moment while we talked earlier I had faltered, thinking I saw pain his eyes at my words but the imagined emotion was gone as fast as I thought it appeared. He had been his old, no-care self.

I was slightly disappointed. A small part of me had harbored a secret desire that he would have fought to convince we that we could be more than fuck friends. His phone calls after we had parted ways at the library made me think he might want more than “benefits”. But when his last words to me have been about sex in bio class, I knew it was hopeless for us.

Our talk just convinced me that I had made the right decision.

A clean break from Wyatt was for the best.

Still, I was frozen for a moment as I watched the phone vibrate on the bedside table.

I slowly reached for it and looked at the caller ID.

I released the breath I had been holding as I read the name.

It wasn’t Wyatt.

It was my dad.

I answered, “Hey Dad, what’s wrong?”

It was minutes to midnight. He wouldn’t have called so late unless something was wrong.

“Hi honey, I’m sorry to call so late but I just had to talk to someone. I just had a big blow out with Joe and he ran out. I’m worried about your brother. He has been hanging with bad crowd lately and he gets testy every time I try to talk to him about it. I’m just worried he will end up in trouble.”

I bit back a sigh.

My parents adopted a very overprotective style of parenting and Joe hadn’t been reacting to the helicopter parenting well lately. He was a young man starting to form his own opinions about the world and their attempts to figuratively keep him protected in bubble wrap was causing tension.

They had had several blow ups as of late and if Dad didn’t let up, it wouldn’t get better any time soon.

Dad was most likely worried for nothing. Joe had a good head on his shoulders and wasn’t easily swayed by others. Still, I told my father what he needed to hear.

“I’ll talk to him, Dad.”

He made a sound of relief and replied, “Thanks, sweetie. If anyone can get through to him it is you.”

***

That next morning, Joe and I were seated at Angie’s Bakery having scones. I had kept my promise to my father, I’d check in. We’d eat some delicious baked goods and Joe would tell me he was fine and then we could all move on. I was sure of it.

Except when I arrived, it looked like Dad had been a least a little bit right. I noticed how tired Joe looked. Haggard even.

Finally, Joe broke our carb induced silence.

“Let me guess? Dad asked you to speak to me.”

Looking even closer, I saw that he had lost some weight and his movements were a little nervous in nature.

I frowned. Dad may be right to worry this time.

“He is just worried about you, you know,” I said.

Joe made an exasperated sound and put his scone down as if it suddenly left a bad taste in his mouth.

“God, not you too,” he groaned.

“Why are you being so defensive?” I asked him. “I just want to know how my little brother is doing. Why is that wrong?”

“I do not need you to look out for me. I’m a big boy,” he replied.

“You’re never going to be too old for me to look out for you. I’m your big sister. It’s what big sisters do.”

I reached out and took a hold of his hand. “You would come to me if something was wrong, right? You can trust me with whatever.”

I was suddenly worried that I had been so wrapped up in my own life that I had been neglecting on my older sis duties. My family may have their annoying moments but I loved them with all my heart and would do anything for them.

Joe rolled his eyes like I was being dumb, pulling his hand away. “Of course I know that.”

“Then talk to me,” I said and I remembered someone else besieging me in a similar way not too long ago.

I pushed that thought back.

“There is nothing to talk about,” Joe said and that response sounded hauntingly familiar too. “I have everything under control.”

Joe wiped his hand on a napkin, most of his scone left untouched.

His last statement didn’t sit well with me and I opened my mouth to grill him more but he beat me to the punch. He stood, towering over me. I stood as well.

“Look, I have some place I need to be. See you later, sis,” he said.

Although he leaned over to kiss my cheek, our meeting ended far from satisfactory.

I watched him leave the bakery and hated to agree with my father by my brother was definitely hiding something.

I was going to find out what.

I grabbed my book bag and headed back to campus. I still had one more class for the day before I had to pick up Noah from daycare.

As I drove, I was plotting how I would uncover what was up with my little brother.

Chapter Thirteen: Hailey

 

I kept hitting a road block in trying to get my brother to confide in me.

A week had passed since meeting up with Joe at the bakery. And I was no closer to finding out what he was hiding now than I was then. In fact, I felt like I had taken several steps back on that front.

He had started avoiding my calls and another one on one talk had resulted in him clamming up on me and walking off angry.

I swallowed a sigh as I walked the hallway of the campus, heading for the organic chem lab. I needed to fit in some studying before I had to pick up Noah in a few hours. I was behind on the material with dealing with my family drama.

The lab was usually empty around this time and I wanted to take advantage of the quiet space.

My mind was on my brother and I wasn’t really seeing where I was going, my body moving on autopilot when I stepped into the lab.

I abruptly stopped as I noticed that I wasn’t only one who thought to use the empty lab to study.

Wyatt was seated in his usual seat, his head bent over an open text book and headphones plugged into his ears.

My eyes couldn’t help trailing over him in appreciation of his own unique brand of male perfection. Shit, why did he do these things to me?

His hair was mussed as if he had dragged his fingers through it a few times. It was getting longer as the days passed and falling over his brow. My fingers itched to push it back.

He wore a simple tee shirt and full-length cargo pants over brown boots. The fabric clung to his hard body. The muscles his arms looked like one good flex would tear the clothes off him.

Yum, came the unbridled thought even as I fought to control my hormones.

He had respected my wish to keep things plutonic between us. Apart from a few teasing comments that were rather tame for him, he had made no moves toward me. We still sat next to each other for bio labs but he kept his attention on the lecturer during those times and left with an impersonal smile and goodbye after the professor dismissed us.

We were just as I demanded – classmates and nothing more.

I couldn’t explain why the fact left me feeling annoyed when I should be ecstatic. He listened to me, he never fucking listened to me. Why now?

Yet…

Yet my heart was silently asking that he ignore my words.

I should not be here with him. Alone.

I had a feeling I would do something stupid if he even just looked my way.

He looked up just as I was about to turn and leave. Of course.

For a moment, we just looked at each other. So much was said with that lingering look yet nothing at all.

He pulled the wires away from his ears and the movement mesmerized me. I watched his big hands and remembered the pleasure they could inflict.

“Don’t leave,” he said eventually and even though I knew I should, I found myself stepping deeper into the room.

I settled next to him without a word and pulled out my books. He turned his attention back to his books but left the headphones off.

We were quiet for a time, each of us looking down into our books. There was only the sound of a ticking clock and paper being turned.

My cell phone beeped. With a few swipes of my finger, I unlocked it and saw a text from my dad, telling me Joe had skipped school today day. Again.

He was thinking we needed to have an intervention as a family.

I frowned, thinking that would only push Joe further away.

“What’s the matter?” Wyatt asked, pulling my attention toward him.

He was watching me, concern marring his forehead.

“What do you mean? Everything is fine,” I said, trying to downplay the whole situation. He didn’t need to hear about my family drama.

“Something’s bothering you. I can tell. What’s up?”

I hesitated. I did want to talk to him about it but it felt wrong after I had been so harsh with him over the last two weeks.

He was being kind when I had turned away from him.

“Come on, Hailey. You can trust me. I just want to help.”

He leaned closer as he said this, his focus now centered on me and the scent of his cologne wrapping me in a little cloud that excluded me from the rest of the world. He did just want to help. I could tell by the earnest look in his eyes and I couldn’t deny him.

“Joe is in some kind of trouble. I have no idea what it might be and it’s driving me up the wall,” I confided.

I went on to tell him about the call from father, my subsequent meeting with Joe and my suspicions.

“I have no idea what I should do to help him, especially since I don’t even know what the hell is going on,” I ended, frustrated.

Wyatt had a thoughtful look then said, “It will be okay. Your brother has always had a good head on his shoulders, even as a kid. Sometimes guys just need time to figure out stuff on their own. Just remind him that you’re there for him and I’m sure it will all work out.”

He cupped my cheek as he said this and I found myself leaning into that touch.

“You really think so?” I asked, eyes clinging to his.

He gave me a little smile.

“I know so,” he said. “Come here.”

He pulled me into his arms for a hug. It wasn’t sexual but a gesture of caring, comfort and understanding.

I closed my eyes and savored the connection. It had been so long since I allowed myself to lean on someone else like this. With the simple hold, he made me feel secure. Safe and protected.

I didn’t want that feeling to ever go away.

He was the first to pull away. My eyes fluttered open to find his face close to mine.

He was going to kiss me.

I knew it and didn’t do anything to stop it.

Sparks flew when our lips touched and ignited into a full-blown fire by the time we separated.

We were both breathing hard. My chest touched his, hard nipples pressing into him, betraying my wants.

“I know you want me to stay away and I promise that I have tried. I just can’t, Hailey. I am addicted to you and I don’t think that will ever change,” he whispered against my lips. “I don’t want it to.”

I didn’t say anything. I just pushed my chair back. I saw the disappointment in his gaze as I got up.

I went to the entrance of the lab but instead of leaving, I pulled the door closed. I turned the lock and turned off the light switch.

Only the small florescent lights above the lecturer’s desk provided dim illumination.

Wyatt was watching me when I turned back to him, a guarded look in his eyes.

I walked back to where he sat, stopping only when our knees touched. That guarded look turned heated as he watched me as I pulled my top over my head. I removed my bra and shimmied out of my skirt to leave me in only a pair of panties that didn’t shield much.

“What are you doing?” he asked after watching my little striptease.

“Seducing you,” I answered.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I returned.

“And are you going to run away from me after this seduction is over?”

He watched my face as he asked this.

“I don’t know,” I told him honestly.

He nodded then said, “I hope you don’t.”

I took his hand and pulled him to his feet. I undressed him and he let me, watching me with the same heat that made my skin feel fevered.

When I was done, I pushed him back into his seat. I made space for myself between his knees then knelt there.

He was so hard it felt like I hard to force the length away from his skin.

He hissed when I gripped the jutting tool, eyes closing briefly before shining on me again. He was too thick to wrap my fingers around fully. His hips jerked, coming off the chair before settling back down.

He looked down at me with desire-laden eyes. He demanded nothing, only watching to see what I would do next.

I nuzzled him. He smelled warm, musky and clean. Then I licked a path from the root of him to the tip. I moaned softly at the hot, slightly salty taste of him. I licked my lips and made a sound of appreciation at the taste of him there. I went back to him eagerly and closed my lips around his head. I was looking up at him and saw his pupils dilate as his thighs tensed under my actions.

His fingers tangled in my hair and he bucked into my mouth, force feeding himself into my throat.

I gagged, an automatic reaction and he immediately subdued his motions.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to lose control like that.”

I pulled away and holding his gaze, I told him, “Take what you need, Wyatt. I can handle it.”

With my permission, he slid deep inside and together we built a rhythm that made him shudder. I remembered how he liked to be pleasured and pulled out all the stops. My muscles adjusted to the invasion after being so long unused and he slid neatly into my throat with every upward push of his hips.

He reacted to my every action, his control in pieces. Knowing I did this him gave me a heady feeling of power that shot straight to the center of me. Wetness made between my legs slippery and I could feel the lips guarding my center rub against each other as I squirmed with the sweet agony.

“Stop, baby, please. I don’t want to come this way. I want inside you. Please, Hailey.”

With the taste of him thick on my tongue, I got up and got into his lap. My thighs were on either side of his, feet on the floor. Cupping his face in mine, I got close until only a whisper of air separated our lips.

“Make love to me. Please,” I pleaded, my heart close to the surface and my lips sharing more than I meant to say.

All that was supposed to exist between us was sex. Nothing more. Nothing less.

This time though, I wanted the physical connection to be more than that. I needed him emotionally, I was finally ready to admit it out loud.

He let out a harsh breath and looking into his eyes was like watching walls drop. It was like looking into my own soul and I knew I had been so stupid I running away from him before.

“You have no idea how bad I want to love you,” he said.

He reached down between us and took his cock. He positioned it so that his cap was lined with my center. I let my weight settle on him and gravity took care of the rest.

“Ohhh,” I moaned as I slid down on him.

How could I have thought that I could live without this? Without him?

He conquered every part of me as we became joined as intimately as two people could be joined. Every nerve ending in my body became stimulated and burned for him. I was stuffed to bursting with him and it was the most delicious pain.

“Damn, you’re tight,” he groaned.

I bounced on him, my motions growing increasingly fast and hard in no time. He aided me with his hands on my ass and his hips meeting mine halfway. He leaned down to capture my nipple in his mouth.

One hand snaked between us and stroked my clit.

Breathy cries and pleading filled the air to mix with the slap, slap, slap rapid, wet sound of our lust.

“Fuck I’m going to come,” I whispered.

I was still coming when he stood. In the next moment, my back was on the desk and he drilled into my still spasming core.

His jerky, erratic movements signaled his imminent release and in the next second he pulled out of me. With a few strong tugs of his hand, he spurted his release onto my stomach.

He lifted me off the desk a few minutes later and sat me back in his lap. Sweaty and exhausted, I lingered in his arms.

He kissed my forehead and I allowed my heart to hope that maybe there could be more between us.

Then my brain reminded me that when he found out my secret, he would likely want nothing to do with me.

I would have to tell him soon though and deal with the consequences of my dangerous choice.

Still, I stayed in his arms, having no other place I would rather be in that moment.

Chapter Fourteen: Hailey

 

The next day I received another phone call from my father.

He was panicked and I barely understood what he was saying but when I did, I felt my face lose color and my heart began to beat with dismay.

Joe was missing… And he was wanted by the police for questioning in connection to drug case that was currently under investigation.

What. The. Fuck.

I had just arrived on the college campus when I got the call. I had been sitting in my car, prepared to walk Noah across to daycare and head to biology lab where I would see Wyatt.

I had been on cloud nine too. Wyatt and I had separated on a high note yesterday and even though I knew the news I would reveal to him would be hard to swallow, I had convinced myself I was blowing the fallout out of proportion in my head while I laid in bed last night.

I knew he had feelings for me. It was there in his touch. In the way he looked at me. In the way he said my name.

How deep those feelings were I didn’t know yet, but I had hope that we could bury the mistakes of the past and build better, happier future.

I was nervous but I was also hopeful. It was a weird jumbled up feeling.

I had made up my mind to tell him today and have faith that it would turn out for the best.

My little bubble of sunshine burst with that call from my dad. Telling Wyatt the secret I kept from him was now the last thing on my mind.

I listened Dad as he explained that he and mom were currently at Joe’s school helping the police in locating him.

“I’ll be right there,” I promised him and hung up the phone, throwing it onto the passenger seat.

“What’s wrong, Mommy?” came Noah’s voice from the backseat.

I turned to him, trying to clear the anxiety from my expression.

“Nothing, honey. Let’s get you to daycare,” I answered him with a false bright smile and overly cheerful tone.

He gave me a skeptical look and looked like he was going to question me further but I distracted him by mentioning the new students that would be welcomed into his class today.

His attention was immediately diverted and he started chatting about how he would be really nice to the new girl. He was a very social little person and loved meeting new people.

I couldn’t bring Noah with me into the drama that centered around my brother so I hurried from the parking lot to the daycare in a half run with him in my arms. He thought the mad dash was fun and giggled in a way that would have brought a smile to my face any other day.

Not today. My mind was a mess of worry for Joe.

A few minutes later, I was driving like a bat out of hell to get to Joes’ high school. Horns blew and curses followed me as I cut off other drivers. I even almost ran over a pedestrian, only just hitting the brakes. The old woman threw me the bird then took her cool time crossing the road, sending me a spiteful look almost the entire way.

I tried to be more careful after that but still reached the school in record time. Even though I was trying to suppress them, thoughts of all the worse possible consequences of today’s events on Joe’s life played in my mind.

I couldn’t imagine my sweet little brother doing drugs but then I hardly recognized the person he was these days.

“Dammit Joe, why didn’t you call me?”

My angry whisper bounced off the walls of the otherwise empty car. The two of us had been so close. When had we drifted so far apart that he wouldn’t feel safe in confiding in me?

I felt like I had failed him.

When I reached the school, I double parked but was unconcerned about that fact. The police were already at the school. There were two police cruisers, one with lights flashing.

I ran out of my car, leaving everything behind.

I found my parents a few minutes later, being interviewed by the cops.

They updated me on what was going on. Joe had skipped class early that morning and no one had seen him since. A small bag containing a suspicious substance had been located in his locker shortly after. The school was obliged to report this to the police and so they did.

I listened to all of this in shock and disbelief.

What the hell was my brother into?

I could only hope that he hadn’t just thrown his life down the drain.

“Where are you, little brother?” I whispered to myself.

Chapter Fifteen: Wyatt

 

The seat next to me in biology lab was empty.

I felt Hailey’s absence as if a piece of me was quite literally missing.

At first I thought she might just be late but we were already thirty minutes into the class and she was still a no show.

I pulled my phone out of my bag and sent her quick text covertly.

Hey, where are you?

Even though I didn’t expect her to answer - at least not right away – I placed the phone face down next to my text book.

Yesterday had been great between Hailey and I. A turning point in the dynamic between us I thought.

I had been scared that she would disappear on me – or worse give me the “we can’t be anything more than classmates” speech - like the first two times we had been intimate. After I came, I had actually tried to mentally prepare myself to handle it.

Hailey surprised me though. She had stayed in my arms afterwards. She stayed until we could no longer linger at the very real risk that we might get caught butt naked in the college classroom.

I had walked her to her car afterward. She had even let me to hold her hand and we had shared a lingering kiss before each driving away.

Her eyes had been soft and welcoming with no regret in them and I allowed myself to hope that the romp in the lab had been a changing tide in our relationship.

I meant what I had said to her. I did try to respect her wish for me to keep my distance from her. As much as I wanted her, always watching her turn away from me was killing me and I didn’t know how many more times I could witness it without going totally insane.

However, when she had taken comfort in my arms, I hadn’t been able to curb the urge to feel her lips on mine again. I expected to get slapped and told off. Now I was glad I took the risk in kissing her.

Even after we had left each other’s company in the lab, she had called me late in the night.

I had just stepped out of the shower when I heard my cell phone ring.

I adjusted the towel around my hips – the only thing I wore – as I crossed from the bathroom to the bedroom. I picked up the device from where in had been thrown carelessly on the bed. My heart picked up when I noticed Hailey’s number on the screen.

I swiped to answer and sat on the edge of the mattress.

“Hi, sweetheart,” I greeted.

“Hey.” She sounded breathy and sexy. “I hope I am not calling too late.”

I glanced at the digital clock next to my bed. It read eleven twenty-three PM.

“Not at all,” I told Hailey. “You can call me any time. What’s up?”

A pause, then…

“There’s something I need to tell you but I think I should wait until we’re face to face.”

That made me pause before I answered.

“That doesn’t sound good. Are you going to give me the boot again?”

I made it sound teasing but my heart leapt into my throat at the thought.

She hesitated and the choked feeling only intensified. Shit.

“Hailey?” I asked, so many questions in that one word.

“I’m not giving you the boot. In fact, I think it is something you might like to hear. I’m hoping so anyway. Can we talk after lab?”

Her voice was soft and uncertain and every instinct I possessed wanted to reassure her.

So I said, “Of course we can. I’m sure we can work whatever it is out.”

My mind was turning over the possible scenarios of what she wanted to tell me but there was no use speculating. I would find out soon enough.

Again, she said, “I hope so.”

We just listened to each other breathe for a little while before she asked, “So, Mr. Murphy, what are you wearing?”

I let out a relived breath that things didn’t stay tense between us and let myself fall back in the bed.

“Why Ms. Clarke are you trying to lure me into having phone sex with you because I have to tell you, I really be into that.”

She laughed a low sexy sound. “Of course you would be. Is there anything you’re not into?”

“With you, nothing is off the table,” I told her and meant it.

“Ohhh, I like the sound of that. Now about that phone sex, how long do you think it will take you to make me come with your dirty talk?”

“Is that a challenge?” I had asked, my cock hardening in anticipation. “Because I am more than up for it.”

It had taken ten minutes before she moaned long and low from across the line.

My hand had been beating at my meat and the sound of her gratification sent me over the cliff.

I felt the feeling engulf me and knew I was about to blow when…

“Mr. Murphy?”

I was suddenly thrust out of the memory when I realized that my name was being called.

The professor along with the rest of the class was watching me. Some of the other students were even snickering and I wondered how long I had been out of it.

“Are you with us?” the professor said.

“Yes, Sir. Sorry about that.”

I was sure my cheeks were as red as they felt. It didn’t help my embarrassment that my cock was a steel pipe in my pants just then.

“I would to remind you to pay attention in this class, Mr. Murphy.”

He repeated his question to me and luckily, I knew the answer.

The rest of the class went on without incident and I wasn’t caught daydreaming again.

An hour later, everyone else filed out of the room and I immediately picked up my phone and called Hailey.

There was no answer.

I got the same result the next three times that I tried.

Worry began to settle in my gut. I knew how important passing was to Hailey. She wouldn’t miss class unless something was wrong.

I was about to dial Hailey’s number again when the phone rang in my hand.

The number is not recognized by the device and it is not familiar to me.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Good afternoon Mr. Murphy. I am calling from the campus daycare. I’m so sorry but Noah is sick. Can you come pick him up? We have tried to contact Hailey several times but haven’t been able to reach her, is everything ok?”

“Excuse me?” I was confused and told the other person on the line, “I think you have the wrong number.”

“This is Wyatt Murphy, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Ms. Clarke has you as the emergency contact on Noah’s form.”

“Hailey?”

“Yes,” the woman on the line answered as if talking to a slow child. She gave me directions without asking anything else.

After she hung up I just looked at the phone, my confusion turning to suspicion.

I headed to the campus daycare, a feeling of foreboding making my stomach cramp.

Chapter Sixteen: Wyatt

 

This child was a spitting image of me.

I instantly knew he was mine.

He had the same sandy blond hair and light eyes. His chin jutted out in a stubborn tilt I remembered from pictures of me when I was his age. He even had the small dimple in the center.

Oh God, I have a son.

The words were repeatedly bouncing off the walls of my head, leaving no room for anything else. My mind was reeling and I froze. My limbs felt heavy and it was like I had lost all internal knowledge of how to control them.

I felt light headed and my vision dimmed. There was as loud roar in my ears and it became hard to breathe.

Holy shit. I was a father and all these years I had no idea.

I had missed so much.

Along with my shock and amazement, anger began to simmer in my mind.

“Hello Mr. Murphy, we spoke on the phone. I am Veronica March, the supervisor. Thank you for coming in so quickly. As you can see Noah is not very happy to be sick.”

The woman’s voice grounded me. It gave me something to concentrate on instead of what was going on in my head. I didn’t have time to dwell on my turbulent emotions because my son needed me. Right now he was fussing, demanding his mommy.

The little boy called Noah was wailing. Big fat tears were falling down his cheeks and he squirmed in the woman’s hold.

I held out my hand to catch him when he almost fell out of Veronica’s hold when he pushed hard at her chest. He registered my nearness and stilled, leaning into the middle-aged, brown-haired woman now as he watched me wearily.

Tears were still falling from his eyes but he had stopped letting out those gut-wrenching sobs.

“Come on, little guy, we need to get you home,” I said, my voice was croaked as if I hadn’t used it in years.

I reached for him, keeping my movements slow and deliberate.

Noah shook his head then hid his face against Veronica’s neck, stating, “I want my mommy. Where’s Mommy?”

“He doesn’t seem to be very comfortable with you,” the woman observed, bouncing Noah on her hip.

Maybe because he has no fucking clue who I am I thought angrily, the hot emotion surging in me.

I had to get myself under control though or they wouldn’t allow me to walk out of here with my own son.

I pulled my military training around me and suppressed the violent mix of emotions. There would be plenty of time to feel them later.

Right now, I had to be a father to Noah. He needed me and I wouldn’t fail him. I had already failed him for all these years by not being around.

To the woman, I summoned a charming smile and said, “I have only recently come back into his life and we are still adjusting to each other’s company. We’ll be fine though. He is completely safe with me.”

I watched her fall under my spell, a blush making her cheeks pink as she unconsciously patted her bob length hair back.

She nodded as if she completely understood what I was saying and said, “Ms. Clark has always had you as her emergency contact so I see no reason he can’t be released into your care. Just show me your ID so I can make a copy and you’ll be on your way.”

“No problem,” I pulled my license out of my wallet and she still held onto Noah as she walked over to the copy machine. So that’s why they called me, Hailey had me written down. Did that mean she had always thought I would come back? Or that she would tell me about him?

She returned, handing me my ID. “Looks like it’s all in order.”

Still bouncing Noah, she coaxed his head away from her neck and told him, “Be a good boy now, Noah. Go on with Mr. Murphy. He will take good care of you and you’ll feel better soon buddy.”

When she passed Noah over to me, my arms wrapped around the child like I had been doing it for years. It felt natural and right to hold him and I fought the urge to smother him closer.

I savored the feel of his slight weight even though he was stiff against me. I inhaled deep, emotion threatening to take over, and smelled the shampoo from his hair. Same as his mom’s. Happiness was now in the mix of feelings.

My heart opened up and accept the boy into it without reserve.

I was a father to what I already knew was Noah the most lovable child in the universe. I internally promised to spend the rest of my life taking care of him and making sure he had everything he needed, most of all my love.

He would never doubt how much I loved him.

“He seems to be coming down with a stomach bug. I’m sure with a little medication and rest, he will be right as rain soon,” Veronica said. “I have placed the medicine Ms. Clarke keeps here for emergencies like this in the bag for you. I already gave him a dosage about thirty minutes ago. All you have to do is stick to the instructions on the bottle and everything will be fine. Don’t worry if he is drowsy. It is a normal side effect of the medicine. Plus he is likely tired from his body fighting the sickness.”

I nodded, eyes only for my child.

She handed me a bag decorated with cartoon characters and I shouldered it.

I buckled Noah into the backseat of my car a few minutes later. He was watching me with wide, unsure eyes. I didn’t even have a car seat. Did he need one? I had no idea.

“Where’s my mommy?” he asked.

I pushed his hair away from his forehead, the gesture unthinking. He stiffened initially but relaxed into my touch when I kept it gentle.

“I don’t know, bud. I would very much like to know that too. I’m going to take care of you until your mommy can come pick you up, though. We can watch movies and have a snack until she gets there. Would you like that?”

He nodded and told me, “I like Spiderman. He’s super cool.”

I put an expression of delighted shock on my face. “Yeah? So do I. We seem to have all the right things in common then. We’re going to have a great time together.”

He nodded as if I spoke a proven fact.

I couldn’t stop a genuine smile. The little guy was adorable.

He kept his eyes on me then surprisingly said, “I have seen a picture of you in my mommy’s room. She told me I would meet you one day. You look like me.”

My heart beat in an erratic pattern, racing one second then slowing down the next.

“Yeah?” I said.

“Yes,” he said matter-of-factly. “We should be friends.”

I didn’t know when was the last time I cried but I felt the telltale prick of tears in the corner of my eyes.

“I would like that every much,” I said, voice choked.

Once I got to my apartment, I settled Noah on the couch.

He was impressed by the size of my television and we located a channel playing cartoons.

I asked if he was hungry, having spotted a few snacks into his bag. He declined respectfully.

I offered him a glass of water after and he accepted. When I returned from the kitchen with the glass though, he had already curled up on the couch and fallen asleep.

I pulled his shoes off and settled him into a more comfortable position before settling across from him.

I couldn’t take my eyes off him. They moved over, my brain trying to catalogue everything about him.

I called Hailey’s phone a few more times, pissed as hell I had a kid and had no clue about it.

Hailey had a lot to answer for when we saw each other.

Chapter Seventeen: Hailey

 

Joe had been found.

And thank goodness, he wasn’t into drugs.

His life was filled with way too much drama for a high schooler though.

He had a crush on a girl that went the same school as he did. She was being abused by her boyfriend, a guy who went to the same school but was one year older than them. To add to this guy’s no good tendencies, he was also a small-time drug dealer.

Joe had stolen a stash of the teenager’s drugs in effort to take the guy’s focus off his girlfriend and direct at him.

His plan had worked and he now had a busted lip, blackened eyes and various other scrapes to prove it.

My family and the police hadn’t been the only ones searching for Joe. The small time crook had gotten to him first and given him a beating.

My heart had ached when I saw his injuries even though he had tried to play them off, even going so far as to decline medical attention.

I hadn’t accepted that and had demanded he be seen by a doctor. He had finally agreed when he saw I wouldn’t budge on this and he had been declared not too worse to wear at the hospital.

He was sitting next to me in my car now. He was going to spend the night at my place. He and Dad had a fight. Dad questioned his decisions as of late and Joe hadn’t taken it well. Everyone was very emotional and I thought it best if Joe came with me so the two of them could have a chance to cool off.

I agreed with my dad for once though. Joe’s choices didn’t reflect the smart, level-headed person I knew him to be.

I didn’t interrupt the silence in the car because I honestly had no clue what to say to my brother about his choices. He didn’t need another person breathing down his back right now so I left the conversation for another time.

I glanced at the dashboard. I read the time of the digital clock and mentally confirmed that I had to pick up Noah from daycare soon.

I also realized that I missed all my classes for today and mostly importantly, my talk with Wyatt to reveal that we had a son together.

I got nervous just thinking about it. My hands became sweaty and my stomach clenched.

I found out I was pregnant just after Wyatt had left for the military. I had been heartbroken when he left so suddenly. I had stopped caring for myself and went through life on automatic.

Finding out I was carrying his child had been at once devastating and yet a moment that I remembered with happiness even though I knew my life had just become ten times harder.

I tried to imagine how Wyatt would take the news. We had been careful and I had never missed a day in taking the pill while we were together.

I didn’t think he would welcome the news. Not with the way he left.

I hadn’t wanted to tell him through a letter, email, or even over the phone. This seemed like in person sort of news to deliver.

I had sent him one email with a single line that he never responded to or acted on.

We need to talk. Please contact me when you’re in town.

He came home rarely and we never ran into each other.

As time passed, there also came many missed opportunities to tell him. Then I worried that he would try to take Noah from me or that we would have a nasty custody issue.

It became easier to just keep the news to myself.

Until now…

Would he understand why I kept it a secret for so long? Or would he make me pay for my decision to keep the knowledge of his child to myself?

I pushed the matter to the back of my mind. I could only deal with one thing at a time. The brooding boy next to me needed my attention now.

A few minutes later, we arrived at my place. I told him to make himself comfortable while I went to pick up Noah.

“We’ll talk when I get back,” I said.

“I know you’re mad at me,” Joe said and I stopped in my tracks on the way to the door.

He said it like the words could no longer be contained and I turned back to him.

I was honest when I replied, “I am, but I love you, Joe. Nothing will ever change that. I just wished you would have trusted me to help you.”

He looked down shamefaced. He seemed so young and lost in that moment and I had to go to him. I pulled him in for a hug even though he stood almost a foot taller than me.

He buried his head against my shoulder and let out a shuddering breath.

“Sis, I knew I should have come to you. It’s just my head was so wrapped up in this girl and she didn’t want me to tell anyone. I promised her that I wouldn’t and I couldn’t go back on my word.”

I admired his strength of character even though he was in a difficult situation. I patted his back comfortingly and told him, “I understand. Love makes us do crazy things sometimes.”

Wasn’t that the God damned truth.

He laughed, a shaky sound.

“Yeah, it does,” he agreed.

I pulled back and told him, “I have to go get Noah now. We’ll finish this conversation later.”

“Thanks, sis,” he said.

I headed for the door again and patted my pockets, checking for my cell phone. It wasn’t there.

I had left it in the car I realized.

I got into the driver’s seat and immediately looked for it. I was never without it.

It was in the glove compartment and when I picked it up, I saw all the missed calls I had throughout the day. The daycare and Wyatt’s outnumbered all the others and I called the daycare back first.

They explained to me that Noah had become ill and that they had reached my emergency contact, who had picked him up.

I felt the blood drain from my face.

Wyatt already knew.

This wasn’t the way I wanted him to find out.

I had put his number on the form on impulse, not really thinking that he still carried the same contact number. My parents were usually unavailable to pick up Noah and Joe was too young. I had had no one else to place as a contact.

After I got off the phone with the campus daycare, I knew my day had taken a turn for the worse.

My hands were shaking as I dialed Wyatt’s number.

He answered in the second ring.

“He is at my apartment,” he said, the words coming across without emotion.

“Wyatt, I didn’t mean for you find out like this,” I started. “I swear-”

He cut me off before I could continue.

“Just come over, Hailey.”

He hung up without another other word.

I had to take several moments before I felt calm enough to drive. My mind was a mess and I was panicking, only terrible scenarios playing out in my mind about the upcoming confrontation.

Still, I tried to be optimistic.

A girl could hope, right?

Finally, though, I was able to turn the key in the ignition and pull out of the driveway.

When I showed up at Wyatt’s apartment the door was yanked open before I even knocked.

By the look on his face, I knew things were not going to go how I had hoped.

 

 

 

Chapter Eighteen: Hailey

 

Wyatt and I just stared at each other for a few seconds, me standing just outside his front door and he like a guard over the threshold. I looked at a place just over his shoulder and I felt the coolness of his eyes roaming over me.

I couldn’t meet Wyatt's eyes - not yet - afraid of what I would find there, so instead of doing so I let my eyes trail over his body.

I still couldn’t help but notice how devilishly handsome he was in a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt. Then back up my stare went. Over long legs, muscled thighs, trim hips, a flat stomach and a hard chest.

His jaw was stubborn looking and the lines of his face were sharp. The light stubble darkening his jaw intensified the bad boy aura surrounding him. He definitely didn’t look like the kind of guy you would want to piss off.

When I finally found the courage to allow my eyes to meet his, I found him watching me. He tried to bury his emotions beneath a layer of ice I could tell but the clench of his jaw and the heated light in his eyes told me what I needed to know.

He was angry.

Actually, the word angry didn’t adequately describe the tsunami of hot emotion pouring off him. It threatened to burn me alive even though a word hadn’t been spoken yet.

I swallowed and straightened my spine. I needed to pull up my defenses for the upcoming confrontation that was about to go down. No matter what, I wasn’t going to just tiptoe around him. My pride wouldn’t allow it. I would explain how this situation happened and hoped he understood. I knew I deserved him being pissed, hell I would have been too, but my kid was in his house and I needed to see him.

“Can I come in?” I asked, working to keep my voice level.

He stepped back and allowed me to enter.

“Where’s Noah?” I asked as I passed him, careful so that no parts of our bodies made contact. “How is he?”

My focus moved completely from Wyatt to my baby.

“On the couch,” he answered, the words ultra-controlled and giving nothing away. “He’s fine. Poor kid is suffering from one of those twenty-four hour bugs though.”

I headed straight for the living room and immediate rushed to Noah’s side. I dropped the bag I carried on my side and knelt next to the furniture, my hands hovering over him. I was careful not to jostle him even though I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my arms and make sure he was truly okay.

My son – our son – was sleeping peaceful on the couch. A light blanket was thrown over him and his chest rose and fell gently.

“He fell asleep almost as soon as we got here. I woke him up to eat lunch and gave him another dose of the medicine in the bag. He watched television for a few minutes but went right back to sleep. He’s been sleeping most of the time. Is that normal for him?”

My eyes remained on the small child, my mother’s eyes meticulously cataloguing his every feature and searching for anything that might be off.

Luckily, all I saw were the normal signs of a child recovering from a mild sickness.

I answered Wyatt without moving my gaze, giving Noah another automatic sweep of my gaze. “The medication makes him drowsy plus he tends to sleep a lot when he’s sick. He’s no worse for wear. He will get over this soon.”

Thank goodness!

I pushed Noah’s hair back and kissed his forehead, lingering for a moment. Noah didn’t move but continued to sleep, his breathing easy.

A silence filled the room. I ignored it until it became too loud for me to continue doing so.

Steeling myself, I moved my eyes to the man who stood like an imposing mountain at the entrance of the room.

He was watching me.

For a moment I swore I saw a softening in his look as he gazed upon the image Noah and I made. But the look was gone much too quickly for me to believe it was anything more than my imagination.

The molten fury simmering in the depths of his eyes was certainly real though. Shit.

The intensity of his look left me momentarily speechless. Finally I said, “We need talk.”

That was an understatement if there ever was one.

His eyebrow rose as if to say, obviously, then said out loud, “Follow me.”

He turned without waiting for my answer or reaction.

I watched his back as he walked to his bedroom.

Giving Noah one last look, I took a deep breath and followed him.

Inside the bedroom, I briefly looked around and noticed that the bedroom had all the essentials – bed, dresser, bedside table – but like the rest of the apartment lacked any true touch from this man. He had obviously only just moved in and had made no effort to infuse the space with his personality as yet.

I turned to him and saw that he had pushed the door to almost closing. He left a small space that allowed us to hear if Noah needed us but also afforded us a small amount of privacy.

There was more heavy silence until he finally broke it.

“What the fuck Hailey? Why? Why did you keep this from me? You had no right. Absolutely no right.”

His words seemed hurt and I swallowed, pushing back the sudden prick of tears. His anger I expected and kind of understood. His sorrow was unanticipated and worse than I imagined.

I couldn’t stand to hurt Wyatt. Not back then and not now. Knowing I did so was liking being stabbed a knife through my heart.

My voice was croaked when I spoke for the first time.

“I was going to tell you. Please believe I never meant for so much time to pass before I did. I screwed up,” I said.

His jaw ticked and his anger exploded in venomous hisses that left no traces of the hurt I thought I saw.

“When Hailey? When he was in his twenties and I had completely missed all the important moments in watching him grow up? What the fuck did you think you were accomplishing by keeping my own flesh and blood from me? Think long and hard before you answer me because your answer had better be fucking good or God help you,” he whisper-shouted.

His tone was grating and instantly my hackles rose, a natural defense mechanism I had developed over the years. Heartbreak and motherhood had taught me to toughen up or life would have swallowed me whole and spit out an emotional mess by now.

“Don’t you dare think you can threaten me Wyatt Murphy! I won’t stand for it,” I returned in an irate whisper.

Our son laid only a few feet away and I had no desire to have him awake to two screaming adults. Wyatt must have had the same idea because his tone remained subdued despite the heat in it.

“Threaten you? Oh no, honey, that was a promise. “

Now I was angry and the urge to slap my hand across his arrogant face was very real. I fought to keep my wits about me though.

He was understandably furious. I couldn’t deny I would have felt the same way if the roles were reversed.

Besides that, it wouldn’t help the already turbulent situation if I lost my cool so I controlled my tone to one which was even and more patient after a few deep breaths.

“When we talked last night, I told you I had something to tell you. This was it. I never meant to keep this from you for so long. I swear to you I didn’t. The fact that I had you as the emergency contact on Noah’s daycare sheet should tell you as much.”

“You expect me to believe that when you lied to me for so long!”

“I never lied to you!” My tone rose along with his but went right back down when I repeated the words, adamant because they were true.

“You lied by omission, Hailey. No matter how you spin it, you kept something from me that I had every right to know.”

“When was I supposed to tell you, Wyatt? You weren’t exactly around,” I responded, gesturing with my hands to solidify my point. “When I found out about the pregnancy, you were already gone and you had been in such a dark place after your father’s death, I honestly didn’t think this was something you would be able to handle. I didn’t know how to break through your walls and I wasn’t going to bring my child up in a broken home with a father that popped in and out of his life.”

“You had no right to make that decision for me. I am his father. I needed to know that I had bought a child into this world,” he said, his hand gestures just has furious as mine.

“You’re right.” I could see that he was taken aback at my agreement and added, “I see that now. I should have tried harder to make you a part of his life and my decision not to is something that I will always have to deal with. I can’t change the past but I am willing to work with you to make the future better for everyone involved here. I am ready to do right by both you and Noah so I am begging you that we try to move past this and focus on what is best for him.”

“And that is knowing his father loves him and is willing to die to protect him,” Wyatt said. “I should tell him. He has the right to know just like I did.”

I panicked and closed the distance between us with haste. I grabbed a hold of Wyatt’s arms and tugged.

“Have you told him? Please, tell me you didn’t, Wyatt. Not like this. Not without me,” I cried.

“Of course I didn’t. I am still a stranger to him. I’m not going to just spring it on the poor kid,” he replied, pulling away from my touch like he couldn’t stand it.

I breathed a sigh of relief, my body sagging with the feeling. I refused to focus of the aching disappointment of having him visibly pull away from me.

“But doesn’t he already know? He said you have a picture of me.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I do. But I haven’t said the words of who you are to him. But we will together, when he feels better.”

“And if he’s better tomorrow, will we tell him then?” He asked as if expecting me to say no.

I meant what I said. Noah was a growing boy who needed a father figure in his life. He was already noticing the fact that other kids at the daycare had daddies in their lives and he didn’t. I had fielded the questions he had so far but I knew his curiosity would only make the situation more volatile.

He needed to be told that he had a father who obviously cared for him. I would never deny him that. Not again.

“Yes, Wyatt. I just want him to feel good when he gets the news.”

Wyatt didn’t get a chance to respond because we interrupted.

“Mommy?”

The small voice had both our heads turning sharply toward the living room then we were both moving.

I got to Noah first. He was sitting up on the couch, the blanket pooled around his hips. His cute little mouth was stretched in a yawn and his was rubbing his tired eyes.

I pulled him into a hug.

Wyatt stood behind the couch, watching the display with a guarded expression.

When I kept the embrace too long, Noah began to squirm. I let him go, pulled back and smoothed his hair way from his face, feeling for his temperature in the same movement.

He was cool to the touch.

“Did you have a good time with… Mr. Murphy?” I asked.

Wyatt's jaw clenched at my hesitation.

Noah glanced back at Wyatt and the man’s expression instant change to one of utter devotion. It was like watching the sun suddenly break through the clouds.

It made regret settle in my stomach. I really should have told him about Noah sooner. Because I hadn’t they had both missed out on so much.

“Oh, that we did,” Wyatt said, ruffling Noah’s hair. “Didn’t we, buddy?”

“Oh yeah.” Noah perked up at the attention. “Wyatt – he told me I could call him that – and me are best friends now,” he announced.

“That’s great,” I told him, injecting false joy into my voice. “But you have to say goodbye to Wyatt now. We gotta go baby, get you to bed.”

“Awww Mommy, do we have to? I want to watch Spiderman with Wyatt again. He promised we could.”

“And you will. Just not right now.” I made my voice firm and he settled down with a pout.

I went over to where his bag was on the table and shouldered it.

“Is all his stuff in here?” I asked Wyatt.

“Everything’s in there,” he confirmed.

I looked up to find him watching me with that cold expression so I turned away from it and went back to Noah. I lifted him into my arms

“Say bye to Wyatt. You will see him again soon,” I said.

“Very soon,” Wyatt interjected.

We left a few minutes later.

When the door closed behind us, the sound rang with such finality that I felt like I had just gotten my heart broken all over again.

“What's the matter, Mommy? You look sad,” Noah asked.

I was buckling Noah into his car seat when he asked. He touched my cheek and brought my attention to the wetness there.

A tear had rolled down my cheek that I hadn’t even noticed.

“There must be something in the air. I’m okay,” I lied, quickly wiping the moisture away. My cheeks hurt from the awkward smile I gave him. “Everything is fine.”

Seconds later we drove away from Wyatt’s apartment but I knew this was far from over.

Chapter Nineteen: Wyatt

 

I paced my apartment long after Hailey and Noah had left.

I had watched her taillights disappear and fought the urge to call them back. There was so much we still needed to discuss. So much I felt.

For her.

For him.

I also knew that Hailey and I needed some alone time to hash this out the right way.

The turbulent mixture of emotions made it impossible for me to sit still especially when it felt like the walls of the apartment were closing in on me.

It didn’t take me long to admit to myself what the real issue was. I missed them – both of them - and not even thirty minutes had passed since they left.

The somber emotion forced my anger into the back seat and for the first time in so many hours, my thoughts weren’t fueled by the heated force of it.

I still couldn’t believe that Hailey had kept such a vital piece of information from me. Yet the more I thought about it, the more I could see her point for view – at least initially.

I had mentally tapped out after my father’s death. It was like hitting an emotional wall I couldn’t climb over no matter how hard I tried. Or how hard she tried. Dad and I had never had a great relationship and I had been resentful of the fact that he was gone for so long so often with his time in the military. To me, it felt like his squad was more his family than we were.

With his death though, I felt that I had to follow in his footsteps. To see what he saw. To do what he did. To feel what he felt. To understand why he chose his country over me and my mother.

In the end this desire had made me turn away from the woman I loved, unknowingly in a time when she needed me most.

All my anger wasn’t directed at Hailey. Some of it was directed at my God damned self. I didn’t regret my time of service but I shouldn’t have left things with Hailey the way I did.

My mind had been void of anything else but my need to join and be like my dad, so I abandoned everything else.

Was Hailey right then? Had I been in a mental space that prevented me from being the best father I could have been to Noah? Would I have tried to come back to be part of his life? Or would I have done just as my father had?

All the evidence pointed to me having done just as my father had done at the time. Did I have the right to punish Hailey for believing the evidence and going with her gut?

We would never know how things would have turned out now and all this should haves and could haves were leaving my mind in a tangled mess.

I needed to clear my head so I threw on a hoodie and sneakers and went for a run.

During the many minutes my feet hit the pavement in the rhythmic but punishing stride, I couldn’t help but notice the parents and guardians minding kids. It was something I didn’t focus on before but now their pairings were glaringly obvious.

I saw kids smiling and talking animatedly. They ran. They skipped. They laughed. They were radiant in their innocent enjoyment of life and what it had to offer.

There was even this one kid who threw a tantrum on the sidewalk of the park and left his mother with an embarrassed, rueful expression.

I wanted to experience all those moments with my own son - the good, the bad and the ugly.

I wanted to take him for hikes through the park and I wanted to teach him to ride a bike. I wanted to take him out for ice-cream and to learn what his favorite foods were. I wanted to be there to cheer him on when he excelled and help him dust himself off when he failed.

I wanted to be a part of my son's life in every possible way. No matter what I felt for his mother, that wouldn’t change.

Hailey. Jesus, I was lying to myself if I said that even in my anger I didn’t want to be close to her. Because I did. I wanted her and Noah and I to be something, something more.

Like a family.

I came back to my apartment when it was dark outside and long passed the time kids should be out on the streets. I immediately headed for the shower and left the warm water do its work on my overheated muscles.

Later, I ordered a pizza and bit into the first slice while throwing back a beer. I was watching the television, the volume on mute as I watched Noah’s favorite cartoon character throw webs and swing his way across the city.

Suddenly I had to talk to Hailey. I couldn’t properly function until I heard her tell me he was okay.

It was already after ten PM. Still I couldn’t stop my fingers from dialing her number.

She answered on the second ring.

“Hello?” The greeting was hesitant.

She sounded like she was already in bed and my mind instantly went to the gutter, imagining her in nothing but my tee shirt and waiting for me to do naughty things to her body.

My dick began to harden and I had to forcible suppress the image to keep my body under control.

“Hi, Hailey.” I, too, was suddenly hesitant. Now that her voice was ringing in my ear and my body was reacting to the sexual fantasy, I lost my direction for a moment.

“Is something wrong,” she asked when the silence stretched too long.

I shook my head to clear the webs and answered, “Uh, no, everything is fine. I just called to check in with you guys. How's Noah doing? Did he settle down okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Kids get sick. This is not the first time he has come down with a bug. I really doubt it’s serious but I will book an appointment with his pediatrician tomorrow just to make sure.” She paused then asked, “Would you like to come?”

I jumped the opportunity to see Noah again… and Hailey.

“Of course,” I said. “I would love to come.”

“I’ll call you when I know the details,” she promised. “And I will keep you updated on how he is in the meantime.”

“Great, thanks,” was my reply then my mind flat lined.

There was rustling on the line, like she was moving in her sheets. The erotic image popped right up in my head again and my pants tented.

There was another pause and she filled it by saying, “He couldn’t stop singing your praises. You’ve made quite the impression on him. He really likes you. That’s a good sign that thing will work out, I think.”

Talk of developing a relationship with my child dampened my lust and I focused on working things out with Hailey instead trying to imagine what color panties she was wearing.

“I would love that – for things to work out. I want to have a relationship with him. And I have to admit I am scared of what it means to be a father. I have no clue what I am doing or should be doing. I don’t want to make any mistakes.”

She laughed softly. “Parenting is not a perfect science. You’re going to mistakes. You just have to learn from them and keep at it. I think you’re going to be a great dad for what it’s worth. Plus, I am here to help make sure you guys develop a sturdy father-son relationship.”

“Thanks for saying that.” I sighed. “I didn’t mean to go off on you like that this afternoon. It was just a lot to take in, you now?”

“I know and I understand. I would have probably not handled it much differently if I was in your shoes.”

“I want us to be like a real family,” I told her.

“I’d like that too.”

For the first time since I found out I had a son this morning, my mind settled because for some reason I knew it was going to be like she said. It was all going to work out.

It had to.

 

 

Chapter Twenty: Hailey

 

I wiped my sweaty palms down the front of my full-length jeans as I watched Noah and Wyatt get ice-cream from the vendor.

It was bright and sunny Saturday morning and we were all at the nearby park. Other families were running around and spending quality time together.

A few days had passed since Noah had recuperated from the stomach bug. After the doctor had given us the all clear yesterday, Wyatt and I had talked and agreed to tell Noah the truth today.

I was nervous and excited. I thought Noah would take it well. He did after all want a guy in his life. He was already in love with Wyatt and couldn’t stop talking about the man. The two spent every available moment together. Even now as they returned to me holding three ice-cream cones I could see that Noah was already adopting some of Wyatt’s mannerisms.

Still, I worried that things could fall apart at any second. I had stayed up late more than one night worried that he would become upset with the news.

I was sitting at one of the lunch tables situated strategically around the park. Noah came to my side and sat down while Wyatt sat opposite us and handed me a vanilla-cherry ice-cream cone.

We made small talk as we ate. Wyatt and Noah were discussing a cartoon show, allowing me to observe the interaction between the two of them for the most part.

Wyatt was very patient and loving, speaking with him as if he truly valued his opinion in their discussion. Was it wrong that I found him completely hot when he was in full daddy mode?

Maybe it was but that didn’t stop me from secretly lusty after him.

I covertly checked out Wyatt. He had on shorts and a simple tee shirt that highlighted the hardness of his body while sandals covered his feet. He wore an almost identical outfit to Noah, who only dressed after he saw what Wyatt had on, while I was in floral sundress.

He looked deliciously dark and handsome like he always did. My pussy definitely took notice of the fact.

I wasn’t the only one either. I had seen a few of the other moms and passing women checking him out. I had ground my teeth more than once to suppress my growl of possessive jealousy.

I should not be feeling the hard emotion of possessiveness. This man wasn’t mine. I had no claim on him and their admiring looks only made the fact more glaringly obvious to me.

We hadn’t spoken of a romantic relationship between us since he found out about Noah. We both seemed to be afraid to broach the subject. I certainly was. Despite my efforts, my heart had become hooked on this man again. I didn’t think I could stand to hear him say he didn’t return my feelings so I left the subject alone.

We were both concentrating on what was best where Noah was concerned and that was just the way it should be.

Our tissues were thrown in the bin and our ice-creams devoured when I looked at Wyatt I nodded when I saw the question in his eyes.

Was it time?

I was thankful that he allowed me to lead the conversation even though he was eager to deliver the news.

“There’s something we would like to tell you,” I said to Noah.

Something in my tone alerted him that this was serious because he looked up sharply and his eyes went wide as he cocked his head to the side curiously.

I wondered how I should deliver the news and even after almost a week to figure it out all I settled on was just blurting it out so that just what I did.

“Wyatt is your daddy,” I said.

Even though we were in the middle of a park filled with people, everything seemed to go completely silently as both Wyatt and I watch Noah carefully for his reaction.

He seemed to be mulling it over in his mind then final said, “Is that why we have the same last name?”

I wasn’t surprised that he noticed the fact. He was a very smart child.

“Yes,” I confirmed. “That is why.”

His fist pumped the air then he nearly shouted, “Yes, I knew it!”

His smile could light up the world in that moment. He turned it first on me. Then on Wyatt. Wyatt’s smile was just as bright and the happiness from the two of them brought tears to my eyes. Wyatt stood and came around to Noah’s side of the table. He knelt so that their eyes were level.

“Hey buddy, I promise to be the best dad I can be to you if you will have me,” Wyatt said, his voice husky with emotion. “What do you say? Do you want to have me for a dad?”

“Oh yeah,” Noah said, then threw himself into Wyatt’s arms. When he pulled back he threw me – and Wyatt given the way his eyes widened –for a loop.

“Are you and Mommy going to get married now? Like Casey’s mom and dad,” Noah asked.

Casey was a girl who attended his daycare.

Wyatt sent me a look and I immediately rushed to answer, not wanting to put him on the spot or have him feel pressured.

“Oh no, Noah. We’re not getting married. Sometimes mommies and daddies don’t get married but that doesn’t mean that they don’t love their little boys and girls with all their heart. Do you understand what I am saying to you?”

I took a moment to think it over then said, “I think so.”

The rest of the day was filled with a happy Noah and Wyatt getting to know each other better.

It filled my heart with joy to watch them together even though I now believed that any hope of a relationship between Wyatt and I had died.

I had ruined it. Last time it was Wyatt leaving me, this time it was me pulling away from him.

 

Chapter Twenty-One: Hailey

 

The last few weeks had been life-changing.

Wyatt and I had settled to co-parenting and managed our scheduled so that Noah had plenty of time with both of us. Wyatt and I had resumed being study partners. Our bio final was coming up soon and we were hitting the books at his place.

For once Noah wasn’t around. He and Wyatt seemed attached at the hip for the most part but he was spending the night with my parents.

I was looking down at the text book but was seeing none of the words printed there. All of my senses were wrapped up around Wyatt and it was killing me to have him so close yet be unable to touch him.

We were sitting out our customary study place at his kitchen table. He was next to me and his cologne created a heavy fog around my brain. I could feel the heat coming off his body

Our relationship now was that of friends. Co parents. Study partners. We hadn’t screwed around at all in the weeks that had gone by. While Wyatt’s flirtatious nature was back in full swing, I didn’t allow myself to place hope in it since I thought that flirting was just part of his personality. It didn’t mean anything. Not to him.

But I meant so much to me.

I was in love with Wyatt.

It had been a long hard road but I was finally able to admit to myself.

It hurt every second of every day to keep the knowledge to myself. Having him close all the time and seeing what a great dad he was to Noah had me tied up in knots.

The silence in the room caught my attention and I looked up from my books to find him watching me.

He had asked me something and I hadn’t heard a word.

I blushed and said, “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

He put the pen he had been holding down.

“You seem distracted tonight. You all right?” he asked.

“Oh no, everything is fine,” I rushed to reassure him and move the focus off me and my troubling emotional state.

“Are you sure nothing’s bothering you?”

“Wyatt, I’m fine, just nervous about the test I guess.”

He pressed on further, “How are things with Joe?”

“Great,” I said, grateful to have focus off me. “He and Dad are trying to work on their relationship. And he’s with that girl, the one he saved from the abusive guy. I’m pretty proud of him after all that.”

We made some more small talk and I slowly began to relax when the mood suddenly changed with Wyatt’s next words.

“I missed you these last few weeks,” he said.

I frowned and I said, “I’ve been right here.”

“I know but I want more.”

Was this really happening? He stood and pulled me to my feet.

“You do? But I thought for sure…”

“I have missed us. Having you close to me and not really having you is eating me alive, Hailey.”

He pulled me close with his hand behind my head and kissed me.

When he pulled back he said, “I want to be more than just Noah’s dad to you. I want to be your lover, your friend, your everything. Say yes.”

He took the words right out of my mouth and I was the one to kiss him this time.

“Oh yes,” I whispered against him lips, hungry for him.

He groaned and I clenched my fingers in the collar of tee shirt to keep him where I needed him. His hand pushed my shirt up my back before going back down to dip into my pants, cupping my behind through the lace-trimmed cotton underwear. I kissed along his jawline. He groaned when I nipped his chin.

“I need to see you.”

Wyatt ripped my shirt from me. The torn material was thrown carelessly to the side as Wyatt look at what he had uncovered with heated adoration.

He stared for so long that longtime insecurities reared their heads for a tiny second before he demolished them with two words. “Fucking gorgeous.”

His hands kneaded my breasts and he latched onto my nipple through the fabric of my bra. I tossed my head back and held his head to me. He started off slow, his head moving in time with the stroke of his tongue. I felt each tug low in my core. I was unable to keep my hips still.

He moved to the other peak but pulled the cup down before engulfing as much of me as he could.

Oh yes! Fire rushed from where his mouth suckled and spread quickly. Colors burst behind my eyelids. The ends of my hair touched my back and I shivered, leaning into the warmth of Wyatt’s hands.

My head rolled back to the front. I opened my eyes. He was looking up at me, those long lashes fanned over his eyes. He pulled stronger on my nipple and I moaned. He let it go with a wet, smacking sound only to flick his tongue in a slow circle.

Pulling his face up to mine, I pushed my tongue into his mouth. His hips jumped beneath mine and he groaned, matching my aggression.

My hands traveled down his chest, still disappointingly shirt-clad. I needed to remedy that situation.

I tore at his clothing and his shirt fell to the floor in no time.

I didn’t get very far in my unclothing venture because he lifted me and carried me to the bedroom.

“I need to have you in a bed this time,” he said.

When we got into the room I switched our positions and got on top of him.

I copied his growl when the zipper of his full-length jeans didn’t cooperate. Larger hands joined mine.

I pushed them along with his underwear down his hips when the task was done, nipping at his lower lip before licking it in the process.

I gripped him. His hips arched off the mattress.

“Damn, Hailey, you’re killing me.”

I knew what movements made him tremble, which ones made his breath shudder out on a rough praise and I used every one as I stroked him. His head moved back and forth on the wall yet his eyes were zeroed in on me. His hands on my hips clenched and released.

“Oh shit, baby. I need to touch you, too.”

His move was too fast for me to intercept, not that I wanted to. My back was against the bed and his large body blanketed mine. I didn’t lose my grip on his cock and continued to fondle him. His hips pushed into mine as he leaned down to engulf my bare nipple while his hands work on unfastening my pants.

There was a tearing sound as his fingers entered my undies and slid through my wetness. The tightness of the pants restricted his movements. He knelt and pulled my shorts and panties down.

He didn’t return to his previous position but instead placed his head between my sprawled thighs. He spread me with his fingers and didn’t do anything but look.

He closed his eyes and inhaled deep. I felt my cheeks blush but it wasn’t embarrassment I felt. There was just heat as I tittered on the edge of something elusive.

Wyatt opened his eyes. “I’ve been dying to do this.”

His finger brushed against my clit. It was a light touch but my breath whooshed out in a trembling exhalation. Moisture was coating my inner thighs. “You’re so wet.” He repeated his action before his finger sank deep. “And so fucking tight.”

He stroked my thigh and withdrew. Caressing my slick skin, he gave my clit that same fleeting touch and entered me again. His tongue and mouth were drawing patterns on the insides of my thighs, moving closer and closer to my center as his finger started a slow rhythm.

“I can feel you.” His teeth scraped no more than an inch away from my puffy lips. My thighs quavered. “Every time I touch you, your pussy clenches and you get wetter and wetter.” He twisted his finger and he touched a sweet place no other man had. I was rising to meet his fingers. “Do you like that?”

The words were a hot caress against my skin. I nodded, incapable of speech.

“Then you’re going to love this.”

He laid his mouth on me. His eyes closed slowly, a little moan escaping. His tongue found my bud. My breathing echoed around us when he curled his mouth around it, the sucking motion of his mouth concentrated there. His finger felt fuller and I realized he added a second. Together, mouth and fingers dragged incoherent sounds from my throat and involuntary actions from my body.

“Wyatt, please.” There was need in my voice and I was losing all sense of me, falling down a never ending spiral. My hand on his head, I pulled him closer, trying to capture the feeling.

I exploded with a choked whimper. His hands kept my trembling hips in place as he continued his torture until he rang every bit of the climax from my body.

Any lingering reservations I had about doing this with him melted in the heat of my desire.

“I love you,” I admitted.

“I love you,” he told me right back.

 

Epilogue: Wyatt

 

We had come a long way since I found out about Noah being my son.

It was graduation day for both of us.

I had accepted a residency a couple of hours away from Bradberry and immediately asked Hailey and Noah to join me. She had agreed, after turning down a residency in the South. Labs and focus was more her thing than patients. She ended up applying to multiple labs nears my new hospital and got to take her pick. She was always smarter than I was.

And Noah wasn’t a little boy any more, and I think I honestly was enjoying his coming into his own, more than when he was little. He had a funny sense of humor, and he was always messing around with Hailey and me. He was becoming a really cool kid, and I thought I had a hand in that.

We were out celebrating our graduation at a restaurant in the upper class part of town and the upcoming move with my mom, Hailey’s family and of course, Noah.

The boy gave me a conspiratorial wink and I winked back. He was seven now and growing like a weed.

I got down on one knee and watched Hailey’s eyes widen. She covered her mouth with one hand as they grew damp with tears

“What are you doing?” she asked from behind her hand.

I took her free hand in mine and smiled up at her as I said, “Hailey, I knew we had a rocky start once we reconnected but these past few years have been the best of my life. You have made me the happiest man alive by giving me the best son anyone could ask for and loving me unconditionally. I love you and the life that we are building. I can’t imagine living without you. I don’t want to. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Tears were freely running down her cheeks by the time I was done and she dropped to her knees in front of me and took my face between her hands. She pulled until our mouths met.

“Is that a yes?”

She nodded while laughing around her tears.

“Yes,” she answered but the word came out muffled against my lips.

“She said yes!” Noah announced to the onlookers, most of who promptly laughed and applauded.

“You knew?” Hailey asked.

“Of course. Dad asked my permission,” Noah said, chest puffed up and beaming with pride.

His smile was infectious and I broke out into a grin too.

I turned back to look at Hailey, “I love you.”

She smiled, her eyes sparkling with just the mist of tears. “I love you too.”

Thank you so much for reading Doctor’s Orders!

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