Chapter 14
Blakely
I’m so fucking disappointed in myself.
The perfect opportunity presented itself. Nicholas was naked, on top of me, touching me the way I’ve been fantasizing about. And I chickened out. I ran away when what I really wanted was to give him all of me. I wanted to give him my virginity.
Now, he’s the one avoiding me.
Instead of watching movies on the couch like he usually does, last night he went straight into his room when he got home from work. He made a quick cameo in the kitchen this morning to grab an energy drink before heading to work, but he ducked out of the house before I built up the courage to raise the topic with him. It’s almost like he feels he’s done something wrong or that he’s taken advantage of me.
And me? After one hell of a ‘self-love’ session under my covers, I was up writing into the wee hours of the morning. When he touches me, it’s like magic. The words just flow off of my fingers.
But it’s not enough. I want more.
I want it so bad I might even be able to pin down my shyness for long enough to act on my desire.
I pace back and forth in the tiny foyer until I hear keys in the door just after 6:30 in the evening.
“Blakely.” Nicholas steps into the apartment carefully, moving slowly, almost as if he’s afraid that he’ll spook me.
I don’t want to beat around the bushes. I need to just say something to him before I lose my nerve. “I need to talk to you,” I state past the lump in my throat.
With wary eyes fixed on me, he kicks off his sneakers on the mat and slides his backpack off of his shoulders. “Sure.” He follows me into the kitchen and sits at the table across from me.
I pull in a deep breath. I already feel like I’m chickening out again. I can’t do this. I can’t just look him in the eye and tell him that I want him to be the first man I have sex with. I’m not the kind of girl who makes statements like that. I don’t just grab the bull by the horns (or maybe I should say, by the balls) and take what I want. I’m the type of person who usually just takes what comes to me. It’s usually the scraps.
But now, I want him. And he’s the whole package. Tall and handsome. Smart, kind and cocky as hell. Plus, I know that he knows exactly what to do with my body.
When I imagine losing my virginity, I want it to be with someone like him. If I’m honest with myself, that’s why I started writing Taken by my Bad Boy Roommate in the first place. I wanted to express my deepest fantasy, get it all out on paper. So, why does Bailey get to have all the fun with Rick? Why do my fictional characters get to be more alive than I do?
Nah, it’s time for me to woman up and take what I want.
And what I want is to fuck my roommate.
Now, if only I could get the words out of my mouth.
I spend so long trying to formulate my first sentence that Nicholas ends up speaking first. “I’m really sorry about the other day –”
“Don’t be,” I say quickly. I pause, then sigh. “I just wish I hadn’t bolted before we finished what we started…”
Nicholas’ eyebrows dart up in surprise. He swallows hard causing his Adam’s apple to bob, but he says nothing.
“All my life, I’ve been the quiet girl in the shadows letting life happen to me, hiding from the spotlight, too timid to really be myself,” I admit, “None of my friends know about my writing. I’d be mortified if they found out the filthy things I write as BJ Hamilton. When I found out that you’d read my manuscript, I almost died…but then you kissed me…and I felt more alive than I ever have.” I take a deep breath and sit up straighter in my chair. “I needed you to kiss me like that, Nicholas. I still need it.”
His eyes narrow in on my face. His expression is so serious it almost scares.
I immediately feel like an idiot for putting myself out there like that. I back peddle. “I – it really helped with my writer’s block.”
He looks at me like he knows I’m bullshitting. “I don't beat around the bushes Blakely and I don’t play games so if you have something to say to me, say it. If you want something from me, just ask. Don't expect me to figure it out. That's the way my brain is wired.”
I pull in a deep breath. "Okay. What I'm trying to say is, I like the way it feels when you touch me. And I want more. I want everything. I want you to take my virginity."