Chapter Fifty-Five

Carrie

I don’t remember going to sleep, but the alarm on my phone wakes me after what I think is about three hours. Not only did I work most of the night, I kept thinking about that last call with Reid. I know I’m not overreacting to what has happened, but I want to be overreacting. His voice made me want so very badly, on so many levels. Knots form in my stomach at the idea of seeing him today. I’m going to have to face up to who we are, not who I thought we were. And I will. Maybe that’s just what I need. To see him, to look into his eyes, and see the truth.

I shower and slip into a black dress with a neckline that goes all the way to my collarbone. I use the products I bought yesterday. I wear panties that I bought myself that he will never touch. I pack my backup briefcase because Reid has that, too.

I arrive at work with coffees in hand, one for me and one for Sallie. “Morning,” I say, eyeing Reid’s closed door, with Connie already at her desk.

He’s not here.

I am.

I walk into my office and claim my desk. My cellphone rings with Royce Walker’s number and I answer immediately. “Hi, Royce.”

“I’m late getting back to you, but Reid told me to get you whatever you want on your father.”

“He did?”

“Yes. He did. What do you want to know?”

“Everything, because I now believe I know nothing.”

“Then you’ll get everything. I’ll be in touch.”

“Wait. When did he tell you to do this for me? Before the weekend?”

“Yes. Before the weekend.”

“Okay, thanks.” He disconnects and I lean back in my chair.

Reid told him to do this for me and it wasn’t motivated by what happened this weekend. It matters. The timing matters. That he did it matters. It says he’s not trying to keep whatever is going on with my father a secret. He just doesn’t want to be the one to badmouth my father.

Sallie appears in my doorway. “You okay?”

“Yes. Why?” I try not to look guilty as charged.

“You didn’t even look at me when you gave me the coffee.”

“Sorry. I was up dealing with a Japan deal and barely slept.”

“Japan? You hate Asia deals.”

“This one is different, and Reid has investors he’s confident in.”

“But are you?” she asks, perching on the edge of the visitor’s chair.

“If Reid believes in them, I do. I trust him.” The words are out before I can stop them. I trust him. How can I trust him on this and nothing else? Money, I think. He won’t let himself get hurt financially.

“What can I do to help?” Sallie asks, grabbing my attention again.

“I’m about to email you a list of research items.”

“Got it. I’ll watch for it.” She heads out of the office and I stare after her, thinking about my words, “I trust him.” I’m very confused. I don’t spend much of my life confused. I’m decisive. I have goals. I know what I want. I’m focused, and I need to focus now. I dig into my work and I keep expecting to hear, “My office. Now,” from my intercom any minute. Some part of me craves that moment, while another dreads it.

It’s nearly nine and Sallie is at my desk going over data with me. “This all looks good,” Sallie says. “Incredible. But it’s Asia. You’re sure you trust Reid on this?”

“I do. I trust Reid.”

At that moment, Reid appears in my doorway, his big, perfect body eating away the doorframe, his blue eyes meeting mine. I feel so many things in this moment, too many things. “My office,” he says. “Now.” He turns and leaves.

I swallow hard. Sallie looks at me. “When he does that in person looking all hot and dominant, it’s not nearly as offensive as when he does it on the intercom, don’t you think?” She narrows her eyes at me. “Carrie?”

“I need that data quickly. I need to be ready to show it to investors as early as this afternoon.”

Reid buzzes my office. “Now means now.”

Now means now. I want to be pissed, but I’m not. I’m ridiculously nervous. I stand up and round my desk, marching out of my office, across the open office area and I don’t even look at Connie. I open Reid’s door and the next thing I know, I’m pressed to the hard surface. “Yes. I’m pushing you against a door again.” His fingers tangle in my hair. “And yes, I’ve wanted to do this for twenty-four painful hours.” His mouth closes down on mine and I try to resist, I do, but I’m back to thinking he owes me this. He humiliated me. He hurt me. He owes me the damn kiss. It doesn’t matter that thinking is what got me to this place with him. I just want him to keep kissing me.

I sink into the connection and I forget everything that happened between us. I need him. I want him. My hands are on his body and his are on mine and it’s not until he’s tugging my skirt up that I come to my senses. I catch his hand. “I’m on my period,” I pant out.

“Ask me if I care right now.”

“We’re at work, Reid.”

“Then let’s leave now.”

“No. No, we—this—it changes nothing. I don’t know why I just let that happen.”

“Because we’re good together. Because we need to be together, Carrie.”

“I can’t just fuck you and let you fuck me. I’m not you, or my father, or your father. I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t do this. I’m getting too—I’m just—I can’t.”

“Too what?”

“Emotionally involved, and you will hurt me. You already did. You—in that kitchen—God. Please leave me out of this war. I just want out of it.”

“I would never hurt you, Carrie. Ever.”

I shove against his unmoving chest. “What do you think that was in your sister’s place? What do you think you did to me?”

“My father’s brutal. If you had lashed back at him, he would have come at you hard at the party and beyond. I was protecting you.”

“If that’s your way of protecting me, I’ll stick to protecting myself. I can’t do this.”

“I have never asked a woman to trust me. I am asking you. Trust me. I won’t let you down.”

“When this is over, maybe. But not now, and I get it. You’re you. You can’t wait. You can go fuck whoever you want, and I’ll fuck whoever I want and—”

His fingers return to my hair, tangling roughly. “You do not have permission to fuck any other man. I do not want another woman. We’re together. That isn’t changing.”

“I’m afraid to trust you.”

“I know, baby. I know you have reasons, and I’d feel the same in your position, but I need you to look at everything I’ve done to earn your trust.” He brushes his lips over mine. “I need you to think about how we feel. That’s real.”

His intercom buzzes. “Your car is waiting and our flight is scheduled for two hours from now.”

“I’ll be right there,” he calls out.

“Flight?” I ask, my heart racing. He’s leaving? “You’re leaving?”

“I have a problem I have to deal with. It can’t wait. I’ll have internet on the plane. You can reach me. We aren’t over, baby, and neither is this conversation. And if you don’t leave now, I will pull your skirt up and fuck you. I will forget this trip and I can’t. Not this trip.” He releases me and steps back. “Go, baby.”

I don’t immediately move.

He arches a brow.

“Carrie?”

“This doesn’t mean we’re still us.”

“Just tell me you’ll listen when I get back. Alone. Be with me long enough to really hear me.” He steps to me, his hands on my waist. “I don’t know if there was another way to handle what happened in that kitchen, but I swear to you, I meant to protect you. I hate leaving right now. Promise me—”

“I will. I’ll listen.”

He breathes out in relief and cups my face. “I’m not letting you go.” He kisses me and turns me toward the door. “Go, baby, before I don’t let you.”

I don’t want to go but I do. I exit his office, and I know that I’m in a quicksand of my emotions with this man. I know that I’m in dangerous territory with Reid, but I have nothing to go on but what I feel. And I trust this man. I want this man. I’m going to risk everything for this man.