Donovan

My nerve endings feel like they’re on fire, each one raw and exposed as if they’ve been scraped and then scorched. I know I need to get my shit together, but right now, I’ve got no choice but to hold tight to her like she’s an anchor. No matter how badly I need to escape the truth is that at this moment I’m not strong enough to do it. I just had the most explosive orgasm of my entire life, yet the pain I’m currently experiencing is staggering. It’s too much, an overload my system wasn’t prepared for. It’s like my muscle memory is all fucked up—and really, how could it not be? After years of nothing but agony, my body no longer knows how to process pleasure.

“Don’t worry, I have you,” she murmurs.

My breath catches as her words hit me. Dammit, she knows I’m a fucking mess. Knows, and is still being sweet as fuck. This tiny beautiful woman practically has a goddamn halo and I’m nothing but a broken-down husk of a man who shouldn’t be anywhere near her. By letting my guard down and touching her like a man possessed, I’ve basically guaranteed that she’ll wind up getting hurt—and fuck if the very idea of that doesn’t make me want to kick the shit out of myself. When it mattered, I failed in the worst way possible. I’ve hurt enough people in my life—I don’t need to add another to the mix.

“Donovan?”

I pull in a slow breath, letting the soft scent of Eden work its way into my senses. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

I haven’t been okay in so long I no longer remember what okay felt like. Still, I nod. I will not hurt this girl. I will not hurt this girl. I will not hurt this girl. “I’m okay, Shortstack.”

I feel the relieved breath she lets out as it floats across the top of my head. “You’re not going to freak out?”

“I’m not going to freak out,” I assure her.

Technically, I’m not lying. I’m not going to freak out because I already fucking am. My body is like a live wire. I hurt everywhere, inside and out. The only thing keeping me from flipping my shit is holding on to Eden.

“Nice spot, by the way. Do you bring a lot of girls here?” she asks. Her little giggle lets me know she’s kidding. I’m surprised to realize that her joke has my lips twitching.

“You’re the first.”

She chuckles softly as she sits up. I lose my breath when I lift my head from where it’s been buried against her neck. She’s beautiful every fucking minute of every single day, but right now she’s even more so. Her plump lips are kiss swollen and her eyes are soft with pleasure. When I’m looking at her and she’s looking back at me, there’s always this moment where things aren’t so bad. I never forget what I’ve lost—ever—but when my focus is on her, a big part of me wants to be better—to actually try living instead of just pretending to.

“We should go before we get caught back here,” I tell her.

“That’d be embarrassing,” she snickers.

Keeping her eyes on me, she climbs off my lap and settles into the passenger seat. Only when she starts to adjust her top does she look away. I use the opportunity to get myself right as well. As I get myself together, I realize my dick is sticky and my shirt is splattered with my release. Once I have myself in place I turn and note that her black shirt also has cum on it. I don’t know why the sight of my cum on her clothes makes my cock swell in my jeans, but the reaction is immediate.

“We made a mess,” she notes with a soft chuckle.

“That we did,” I agree.

It’s true, and in more ways than one. Somehow, I went from trying to tell her she wasn’t no one to me to kissing the motherfuck out of her and now we’re here. I learned my lesson though— I shouldn’t have treated her the way I did and I won’t do it again. I’ll tread much more carefully with her from here on out.

After buckling myself in and turning the engine on, I look over to check and make sure she’s situated. The hesitant smile she gives me causes my heart to twinge painfully. That smile tells me she’s waiting for me to do something shitty— and I fucking hate that I’ve been such a dick that she’s not wrong to worry.

It’s never been my intent to make her feel like shit. Generally speaking, I’m a dick because it’s what I do to keep people at bay. With Eden, it’s been more complicated. From the moment she looked up at me with those blue eyes I knew she was a danger to the system I’ve developed to keep myself going from day to day. Fuck knows I tried to stay away, but tonight is proof positive that where she’s concerned, my head isn’t screwed on right.

Now I need to figure out how to get my shit together without hurting her because it’s really the only thing that matters.