***
The next day, back at the office, Lex was still on her mind. He’d never left. All during the flight, and then through the night as she drank an entire thing of boxed wine by herself, he’d been there.
And there’s nothing wrong with boxed wine. Just because I’m a corporate operations executive doesn’t mean I’m above boxed wine.
Even in her head the title came out sarcastic-sounding. Petal was upset with herself, and who’d she’d become. In her head, she thought back to a time before she worked in the corporate world. When everything had been open and the possibilities endless. Back then, she’d dreamed of meeting someone like Lex. He quite literally had the entire list of qualities that she’d hoped to find in a man.
Funny. Tall. Intelligent. Well-spoken and well-educated—if not formally. Strong. Gorgeous looks. Capable and handy in a pinch. Good with his hands, the type not afraid to take on home renovations himself. She didn’t know about the last, but it seemed like a good bet. Everything she’d ever dreamt of had come and dropped quite literally into her lap. He was even interested in her!
But the Full-Petal-Bitch had reared her head, biting his off like she were a praying mantis. Her inability to let her guard down had been brought into the light with Lex. All it had taken was one fearful moment that someone might find out, and she’d clamped back down into her old ways.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing for her was that she could see it. She knew damn well what the problem was. How to solve it was just as easy: Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be afraid to tell him that you like him. That he’s amazing, and you’re not ashamed to be with him.
But every time she tried to pick up the phone to call him, her body froze, and the unsavory thoughts returned.
She emerged from the elevator and walked down the hallway. Everyone scurried to get out of her way, not wanting to risk her wrath.
Lex never ran away from me like that. He would have stood directly in my path, pretending like he didn’t notice that I was forced to walk around him. Then he’d probably say something just to make me realize how I was acting.
A smile crossed her face at the thought, which sent her subordinates ducking for cover. Petal sighed as the door to her office finally closed behind her. Lex was so different from all the people around her. His love for nature and the desire to be a help to his town. It spoke of an honest person, one who cared for his fellow man. The contrast was hard for her to believe.
He would talk to her, she realized. As in, hold an actual conversation. He’d talked to her about his life a bit, about who he was, what he liked. She knew who he was as a person.
Could that be the difference?
She poked her head out of her door, found the first person to make eye contact and jerked her head, indicating he should come over.
“Close the door, Jimmy,” she said as he entered.
The door shook slightly in the doorframe as he closed it, betraying his nerves.
“Relax, I’m not firing you,” she said, smiling to let him know it was okay.
“U-Uh. Oh. Okay,” he stammered, looking frantically around the room, anywhere but at her.
“You can look at me. You won’t turn into stone.” She tried another joke.
Jimmy made eye contact once, then resumed his staring at the wall above her head.
“What do you do for fun, Jimmy?”
He frowned nervously. “Pardon?”
“Fun. You know. Hobbies, things like that. What do you do?”
Sweat was starting to bead on his forehead. “Oh. Um. Hobbies. Right. Well, I like to read,” he said hopefully, as if he were trying to come up with the right answer, something that would make her happy.
“Oh, that’s fun. What do you read?”
“Um, mostly the classics. You know, Dickens and such.”
He was just trying to appease her.
“Do you play any sports?”
“Me? Sports?” Jimmy burst out into nervous laughter. “No, no sports for me.”
Petal sighed. “Okay. Thanks, Jimmy, that’s all.”
“Of course, ma’am. Always glad to help.”
She gestured for him to leave. It was useless. They were all petrified of her. This was the life she had cultivated with her personality. Not what she had glimpsed while out in Surrey while trapped with Lex. This is what she was forced to deal with if she wanted to ascend the corporate ladder.
Petal leaned back into her chair, considering that last statement.
If I want it.
But is that still what I want?
The answer eluded her.