CHAPTER 2
Gage felt Alexa stir after sleeping beside him for nearly an hour. She nuzzled him in her sleep, her hand curving around his neck, as if trying to get closer to him. His eyes turned soft with love as he looked down at her, reminded of a secure, untroubled child awakening slowly from a delicious, deep slumber. He remembered when he was young, emerging from sleep the same way. Just seeing Alexa awaken slowly, not jerking awake with a cry of alarm, was rare. Over the last month that they’d started living together, Gage could count on one hand when that had happened.
Because he was so in love with her, he was sensitive to her every mood and response. They shared a rare connection, and he was eager to discover more about how their journey together was going to develop.
Alexa could walk into his office at Artemis, and he’d know without even looking up from his desk whether she was worried, super-busy, or feeling positive about life. Sliding his hand down across her shoulder, feeling those firm muscles beneath her velvety skin, made him aroused once again.
He’d forced himself to quit reacting to her sexually while she slept, but now, as she moved her hips with him still lodged deep within her, all bets were off. He felt the tightness and the slippery wetness within her as he started to grow thicker and longer once more.
Gage tried to still his sexual hunger for her, but Alexa’s innocent moves while awakening had him fully aroused. He closed his eyes, connected with her on every level, feeling her soft breath against his neck, the tickle of strands of hair against his jaw as the breeze ebbed and flowed through the thicket that hid them so well. It almost felt to him as if Alexa was dropping off to sleep once more. If that was so, he would lie there forever with her.
Gage had slept some himself, but he wasn’t surprised—he’d been as sleep deprived as Alexa.
“Gage . . .”
“I’m here, baby,” he whispered, moving his head to the side and kissing her hair.” You can sleep more if you want . . .” Gage heard her making a nondescript happy sound in her throat, and she caressed his jaw, placing a kiss against his neck.
“I love you so much, Gage . . . so much . . .”
The tremble in her husky voice filled him with the deepest joy as he heard those longed-for words.
“I love you, too. You know that, don’t you?” Sometimes, Gage wondered if Alexa did love him. It was nothing specific, but when she was in a down cycle, she seemed disconnected from everyone, including him.
He understood this was all part of her PTSD. And when she would come up out of that dark hole, she’d often tell him “I love you” to reassure him. It was tough seeing Alexa exist in a part-time hell, much like a bipolar person would, swinging from one extreme emotion to another.
“Mmm,” she said, sinuously moving her hips, sending a new wave of desire through him. “You show me every day in large and small ways, Gage Hunter . . . please, don’t ever stop . . .”
Now, the little vixen was slowly moving her hips from side to side, then slowly pulling forward and then easing back down upon him. Groaning, he watched her drowsy, half-open eyes burn with arousal. Oh yeah, he was sure as hell ready to take her hard and fast, but his sniper patience won out and he gave her a feral grin.
“You’re such a tease, Ms. Culver. I’m going to come if you don’t stop that . . .” He slid his hands down her arms as she warmed him with a serene smile. Her hair had loosened from that ponytail and longer strands had escaped, framing her flushed cheeks, emphasizing the gold and green in her eyes. She knew exactly what she was doing to him, and if Gage hadn’t been near exploding, trying to rein in his own sexual appetite for her benefit, he’d have her riding him hard and fast.
“You feel so good to me,” she whispered, trailing her short fingernails down across his chest, stopping to lean down and suckle his nipples. The sweet skitter of fire spiked within her, and she relished his length and size.
“Even a sniper has limits to his patience,” he warned her gruffly, gripping her hips, sliding her slowly up and down his wet, slick cock. “Are you ready for me to end my suffering, baby?”
She smiled and left his nipple, licking his lower lip, absorbing the strength, taste, and controlled power she felt around him. “I love having you inside me. Did you know that?” She searched his burning blue eyes, riveted like a falcon on its quarry. “I love that feeling in you, the hunter, the man who is going to stalk me, slowly ease up out of nowhere and then take me.”
“That’s going to happen in a few seconds,” he growled. “Unless you do something first.”
Alexa placed her lips against his, feeling his mouth taking hers hungrily, deeply. She ground her wet core against him, feeling the throb of his cock stroking her, building that fire that was already blazing and needy. “Tell me how you want me,” she demanded. Alexa loved Gage fiercely. Since her trauma, he’d let her know that she was in full control when they made love. How many men could really do what Gage had done? She moved sinuously against him, riding his cock, absorbing that thick, warm steel that was making her clit ache, making her want to burst into orgasm. She sighed, allowing herself the pure physical pleasure of sharing her body with him. Never had she had a more skilled lover than Gage. He always thought of her first and made sure she had as many orgasms as she wanted before he gifted her with his own climax.
Kissing each corner of his mouth, drowning in the ocean blue of his eyes, feeling his love surrounding her, she whispered against him, “Tell me, Gage. It’s your turn. How do you want me?”
“I want—” he growled, framing her face, loosening the rest of her ponytail, watching that straight auburn hair fall around her shoulders “—to please you.”
Alexa rested her lips against his, content as never before, feeling the boiling heat in her lower body as he slowly stroked her back and forth, the ultimate tease. “Come with me this time and don’t hold back,” she urged, sweat gleaming on her taut body.
Nipping her full lower lip, Gage rasped, “You first, then I’ll come.” He saw her half-closed eyes gleam with lust and love. Her perfectly formed lips tasted sweet beneath his mouth, and they both smiled at the same time.
Their trust with one another was so incredible that sometimes Gage couldn’t believe it. As he drew her upward, placing her hands on his chest, watching the expression of satisfaction in her face, he could feel how very close she was to coming again. On a good day like this, Alexa had a full sexual appetite. He eased her back and forth on his cock, absorbing the lightness coming to her nearly closed eyes, her lips parting. The soft sound she was making made his heart soar, because he was gratifying her. It made the day even more special than it already was.
Her fingers tightened against his solid torso and he rocked her harder, deeper, faster. Her breath broke and she quivered, the orgasm building rapidly within her. Gage felt her tightening around him, gripping him, and he sucked air through his clenched teeth, bringing her firmly against him. Just as he thought he couldn’t control himself any longer, her orgasm erupted. It felt like a white-hot volcano flaring to life as her walls contracted violently around him, making him growl.
Alexa cried out. She froze, her fingers digging spasmodically into his ribcage, sobbing his name.
And with that, his control snapped as she continued to cry out, trapped in the fiery pleasure her body was rewarding her with, no longer coherent, but lost and floating somewhere in raw, physical satiation. Gage gripped her hips hard; then he, too, was lost in the brutal heat careening down his spine, slamming into his balls tight against his body, the burning heat making him groan. He was sent spinning into fire and blinding light as his whole being was tossed into a galaxy of stars, tumbling and floating.
Alexa’s cries continued and he called her name, feeling her flatten her palms against his chest, slowly falling forward across him once more, weakness beginning to invade her spent, ravished, sweet body.
How good she felt! Gage lay there, unable to get his breath, his hands lessening their hold around her soft, rounded hips. His whole body throbbed with awareness of Alexa, of being buried deeply within her incredible, giving body. He loved her more than life because she gave all of herself to him. She never shrank back or only gave a portion of herself. She was all heart, all passion, sensitive, caring. And his.
“I don’t want to leave our little hideaway,” Alexa murmured as she tugged on her socks after pulling on her jeans. She sat opposite Gage, who was slowly dressing, too.
“It’s always here,” he said, catching her slumberous gaze. Her cheeks were a delicate pink, her red hair deliciously mussed around her oval face, the serenity in her expression that Gage wished would always be there. But he knew it wouldn’t be for long, so he was grateful for this time when her anxiety was gone.
Sometimes it lasted half a night before her anxieties attacked her again, like an animal devouring her from within. It reminded him of a parasite inside Alexa, spreading its toxic darkness, stealing her light and her natural ebullience. Gage tried to give her light every way he could, but it never seemed to be enough to put aside the terrors that eventually overtook her, running her emotions until she was upset, disoriented, and exhausted.
Alexa’s lips curved faintly as she pulled on her sneakers, tying each of them with her long, slender fingers. “I love where we live, Gage. I really do.”
He had pulled on his T-shirt earlier and finished tying the laces on his boots. Then, Gage urged Alexa across his legs, settling her sweet butt into his lap so she could face him. His arms and body became a cradle for her to feel safe within. He felt her utterly relax against him, her head resting on his shoulder, lids half-closed, her expression soft and stress-free. Gage tucked her in, making sure she was comfy, taking her weight, giving her that sense of safety he knew she craved. He rested his chin against her hair, his voice low.
“When I was a kid growing up at Camp Pendleton, where we lived in military housing . . .”
“Yes?”
“We got to tramp through the hills of Pendleton. Now, it was mostly rocks, yellow soil, cactus, scrub brush, but it was my backyard. When my sister, Jen, was old enough, she’d tag along.” He smiled, closing his eyes, remembering his sister—a near mirror image of Alexa personality-wise. “She loved the outdoors, too. We’d sometimes hike the hills where the Force Recon Marines were working to perfect their hunting skills. I remember this one time; we came across a huge concrete watering tank. As we went over the hill, we spotted a group of six deer with their fawns beside them, drinking from it.”
“Ohh!” Alexa gasped, seeing his vision as clearly as he had. “Did you get a cell phone photo of them?”
“No,” he mumbled. “I was only nine, and Jen was seven. My mom always gave me a cell phone to carry in case we needed help or got lost. It was an old phone, and the battery wore down on it fast if I turned it on. So,” he said, smiling a little, “Jen and I took pictures with our eyes and stored them in our hearts instead.”
“Jen sounds very special,” Alexa said, hearing the loss in Gage’s tone. There were days when he became quiet and withdrawn, remembering his lost family. And he was especially vulnerable after loving her. These were the moments she cherished with Gage the most. She loved when he opened up and shared the happy moments he had had with his family. There was his younger sister, his heroic Marine Corps sniper father, and his mother, who was slowly going blind with macular degeneration disease. “Did you ever mind her coming along with you?”
“No,” he whispered, lost in his hall of memories, his eyes closed as he held her. “Never. Jen was like you: fearless. She could hike those rugged hills of Pendleton with the best of the Marines. She never asked me to slow down. Never quit, either. Although,” he drawled, laughing a little, “she’d throw a pebble at my back, letting me know that my very long legs were eating up too much ground between us!”
“She sounds a lot like you,” Alexa whispered, leaning back, meeting his sad blue eyes. “I’m so glad you’re sharing these times with me, Gage. You help me to know Jen better. It allows me a window into your life, into the happy times you had together.”
He took his index finger, removing several auburn strands from her furrowed brow. “I want you to know the people I lost, baby. They own the rest of my heart. I have some scrapbooks in my Marine Corps trunk, but I’ve just never had the guts to pull them out and start looking at them.”
“Why?” Alexa gave him a tender look, feeling his heartache as he missed the family he’d loved so much.
With a ragged sigh, Gage looked down and shook his head. “Because I’m afraid if I do, I’ll start crying and I’ll never stop.” He lifted his chin, holding her understanding expression. “Does that make sense?”
“Yes . . . yes, it does, Gage.” Alexa smoothed a few short strands away from his temple, aching inside for him. “I can’t imagine what I’d do if my family was suddenly taken from me. I’d probably go insane. I rely on all of them so much. Tal, Matt, and I are glued to one another’s hips. Oh, I know all families, at least the healthy ones, are very close, too. I just can’t imagine myself alone and without my family. I . . . just can’t. I don’t know how you manage . . .”
“But your Turkish and Greek families are really tight,” he said. “I’ve found in my travels around the world that American families are pretty independent, separated and dispersed from each other. Sometimes they can be a whole coast away from each other. I wouldn’t like that. I loved that Mom made sure we were a well-loved, tight-knit family even though Dad was gone overseas on multiple deployments. We did have Skype, and we really looked forward to talking with Dad, hearing his voice. It was like he was reaching out of that video connection and holding me and Jen. We felt his love like he was right there beside us, not half a world away. It was an amazing, magical thing to us kids. Mom said it was our love for one another that made it happen.”
“I believe that,” Alexa whispered, sliding her hand across his chest. “Well, as soon as I can get myself healed, I truly want to start our family, Gage. Not all my dreams are nightmares. Once last week, I woke up and remembered a good dream. I saw me giving birth to this beautiful little golden-haired baby. Funny, because neither of us is blond. I was thinking about that and I remember that earlier that evening, you were talking about Jen and how she always thought her blond hair was too thin and straight.”
“Hmm,” Gage grinned, cheering up. “I like that you’re dreaming of being a mother.”
Alexa chewed on her lower lip, her brows drawing down. “I do worry, Gage. I don’t want to be like this when I get pregnant. I want to be like I used to be. I don’t want to subject a baby to how I’m feeling right now.” She met his shadowed eyes, his full attention on her, his arms protecting her, giving her such a sense of peace. The man always had this incredible serenity around him, and she wondered if it was just part of being a sniper. Gage didn’t get rattled about anything.
“Well,” he soothed, grazing her cheek, “we have time, Alexa. Do I want a family? Yes. But right now isn’t the time. You’re working to heal from that trauma, and until you feel you’re in a quieter space emotionally, I don’t think bringing a baby into the world is the smartest thing to do, either.”
“But I feel like I should hurry,” she confessed hoarsely. “I’m almost thirty. All my life, I’ve always wanted a family, Gage. My Turkish aunts and uncles do nothing but dream of when we kids will settle down, get married, and have a slew of children they can adore and love. And my Greek cousin, Angelo, and his sweet wife, Maria, have three children of their own. I grew up, Gage, surrounded by tons of relatives in Turkey and Greece when we’d visit during summer vacation.”
“That’s what I’m saying. Your Turkish and Greek relatives are very, very close as a family.”
“And I love it, Gage.” Alexa lifted her gaze, melting into his. “You have no idea how badly I want to get off the birth control pills and love you and know we’re creating a baby from that love.”
Wincing inwardly, Gage felt her conflict and the heartache it brought her. “You’re naturally maternal,” he whispered, kissing her brow, caressing her cheek, trying to give her some ease from her heart’s pain. “And one day, you’re going to make an incredible mother, Alexa.”
“It’s natural for you, too, Gage. You’re a father by nature. You’re so quiet, gentle, and you don’t act like the guys out there who think with what’s between their legs.”
His mouth curved, and he gave her an amused look. “Now, I have to admit, when I first met you, I was thinking with what’s between my legs. I couldn’t help myself, because you were so alive, so radiant, like blinding sunlight to me. And here you were in the middle of war-torn Afghanistan, so pretty and untouched. The rest of us poor bastards were falling all over ourselves just to feel that sunlight when you’d smile or laugh.”
She snorted and playfully elbowed him. “You were never like any of those guys at Bagram, Gage. You stood out from them. You were a gentleman when I walked over to the table at the canteen to meet Matt for lunch. You stood up, pulled out my chair, and called me ‘ma’am.’ You were so courtly compared to those guys slobbering at the bar. Testosterone was so thick in there you could have cut it with a knife.”
“You were a ray of sunlight after all the crap those guys had to face daily,” he reminded her, somber, holding her gaze. “You didn’t see that, Alexa, but I did. It’s like having lived with the stench of blood in your nostrils for a year and suddenly, you step outside and you smell fresh air. It’s shocking, dizzying, and freeing.”
“And that’s what was really happening in that canteen?” Giving him a derisive look, Alexa muttered, “Sorry, but my female senses tell me that it was pure testosterone, all those dudes being horny as hell and wanting a woman. Any woman.”
Chuckling, he shrugged. “Well, maybe that, too. But at least those animals had good taste.” And then he gave her a teasing look. “But I’m the lucky bastard who won your heart.”
She leaned up, kissing him for a long, warm moment, her hand resting against his jaw. He smelled of fresh air, sweat, and raw maleness that always made her want to love him once again. As her lips parted from his, she absorbed that feral intensity suddenly coming to his eyes, that hunter in him. “You are so much a better man than I have ever met, Gage. I love you so much I hurt sometimes,” she said, and she leaned upward, curving her lips to his mouth, needing that tender contact he always afforded her. Alexa could tell he was monitoring her. She could feel it. A sniper registered thousands of smells, movements, and changes in color in any given second when out on an op. They were human computers that read their surroundings with practiced, detailed ease. He read her. He had from the beginning. Alexa was convinced that because of his amazing abilities, he had often successfully negotiated her and her swinging, abrupt mood changes.
Gage said nothing, but he didn’t have to. He closed his arms around her, bringing her against him, holding her close, holding her tight, as if sensing this was what she needed. And it was. Alexa was forever amazed at his eye for detail in the minutia of everyday life, and his ability to winnow out what didn’t matter, but knowing unerringly what was important to her.
Sighing, she whispered, “I don’t want my anxiety to come back, Gage . . .” and tears pricked her closed lids. Alexa knew it would. She burrowed beneath his chin, clinging to him, inhaling his calming scent. She picked up the slow, solid beat of his heart beneath her opened palm on his chest, wanting to absorb him forever.
“One day,” he told her gruffly, kissing her ear, her temple, “it won’t be there, Alexa. Becka, your therapist, told you that herself.”
“But it makes me crazy. And you’re like my whipping post, Gage. You just take my moods, my anger, my lashing out, as if it doesn’t hurt you. But I know it does, and I’m so sorry. I don’t try to hurt other people. I hate when it happens.” She gave him an apologetic look. “When I’m like that, I’m not myself. I’m . . . irrational. I won’t listen to anyone. It’s driving me crazy, because I can barely control it.”
“Hush,” he murmured, kissing her cheek, kissing her mouth, hearing the pain and tears in her voice. “It’s going to be all right in the long run. You just got out of this trauma a few months ago. You’re early in your healing process.”
Gage knew Alexa hated taking medication. Becka had tried to give her a sleep med and an antianxiety med, but she’d refused to take them and suffered deeply as a result. Gage wanted to help her, but he was helpless beyond a certain point. “I love you, Alexa. Just hold on to that. Your family loves you, too. And we’ll ride this through with you all the way.”
Alexa pressed her head against his brow, her arms going around his shoulders. “I just wish it would hurry up and leave me the hell alone. It exhausts me. If I’m not depressed, I’m hyper and manic. I feel like a damned ping pong ball getting batted back and forth, Gage.”
He lifted his brow from hers, looking deeply into her anguished hazel eyes. “You’ll never be a ping pong ball. You’re too pretty.” Gage offered her a slight smile, tenderly kissing her, wanting to infuse Alexa with his love, his belief in her working through this trauma. More than anything, as he skimmed his mouth against her lips, easing them open, sliding his tongue between them, tasting her, hearing her moan softly, he wanted to banish the returning anxiety. She quivered, a sign that he was giving her pleasure.
Without a word, he eased Alexa down on the blanket, his arm beneath her neck. She opened her eyes and he saw arousal in them. Leaning down, he slid his other hand beneath her tee, knowing she wasn’t wearing a bra. He cupped her breast, watching the nipple become a sharp point against the cotton material. He eased the material upward, revealing it. Watching her, holding her drowsy, hungry gaze, he reached down and closed his lips over that hard bud. Instantly, Alexa moaned, her hips bucking upward, her hand gripping his shoulder, willing him silently to stay and suckle her nipple as shards of fire leaped from there down to her simmering lower body.
This time, he licked it, teased it, and then drew it into his mouth to drive her out of her mind. Gage could chase her anxiety away by loving her. It was medication of another sort. Alexa came unhinged in his arms, her hips urgently pressing against his jeans where his cock twitched and thickened, hungry for her again. Her cries became low and her breath grew ragged as he ruthlessly tugged and suckled on that sweet nipple of hers. He would never cause Alexa pain, at least in loving her, but he could walk her along that very fine edge of pleasure/pain that would bring a woman to a swift orgasm if the man knew how to do it.
“Let’s take off your tee,” he urged, helping her sit up. “I’m going to love you out of your mind.” He saw her give him a shaky look, her hands trembling as she tried to grasp the ends of her tee. With a tender smile, he rasped, “Let me undress you . . .” and he brought the tee over her head, dropping it nearby. Urging her to lie on her back, he opened her shorts and pulled them down. Lastly, he took off her sneakers and socks, mentally photographing her beautiful, sinuous body spread out on the bright green wool blanket. Her auburn hair was thick, glistening, creating a halo about her head and shoulders.
He took off his tee, throwing it aside, opened his jeans and unzipped them. Pushing off the jeans after getting rid of his hiking boots, he came back to Alexa, lying by her side, sliding one arm beneath her neck. As he captured her other nipple with his lips, she cried out, leaning into him, her one hand gripping his shoulder, pulling him closer, feeling his throbbing erection brushing against her rounded belly. At the same time, Gage moved his other hand across her mound, his fingers sliding into her moist folds, knowing she was very close to orgasm once more. In the back of his mind, he knew that by loving her, he could keep the anxiety at bay for another hour or two. As he slid two fingers into her slick, juicy entrance, she cried out, hips powering toward him, wanting more. She clenched, losing her mind to the boiling heat he was creating with his skill. Gasps tore out of her as Gage eased his way into her. She moaned his name, her fingers gripping the short hair near his nape, begging him to alleviate the pressure building up within her.
Gage lifted his lips to the other nipple and he grazed the peak with his teeth. It was just enough pain-pleasure. Almost instantly, she was coming, coming, and screaming. He felt the orgasm hurtle her to a place where nothing, not even memories, could touch her. Opening her thighs, he blanketed her, easing into her tight, wet channel. He lost his mind as she hungrily thrust her hips, pulling him fully into her.
Gage felt his whole body explode with hers. And, in the midst of their passionate union, he gave thanks that he could give the woman he loved a reprieve from the nightmares of her past.