Emily

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Westlake was quiet at three o’clock in the morning. I pulled up in Mom’s driveway and got out of the car as quietly as I could, trying not to slam the door. I turned the key in the front door silently and slipped into the house, pushing off my sandals as soon as I was inside.

I was tiptoeing down the hall toward the stairs when I saw the figure in the kitchen.

Mom was sitting at the kitchen table in a bathrobe. In front of her was a steaming cup of tea. The little lamp in the phone nook—yeah, we had a phone nook—was on, the warm glow lighting her face as she looked at me. “Have a seat,” she said, using her foot to push out the chair opposite her.

The first thing I felt was a rush of guilt. Old habits die hard. Then I remembered to give myself a little dignity. I kept my chin up as I walked to the kitchen table and sat down.

Mom looked at me for a long minute, her gaze going up and down me. There was no way around it: I was completely sex-disheveled. My hair was tousled, my bra was in my purse, my makeup was gone, and my lips were raw.

I’d gone to Luke’s again tonight. I hadn’t been able to stay away; I’d wanted to see him more than anything. I’d gone to his back door again, in case the cops drove by out front. We hadn’t had dinner this time, because we’d both been in the same mood: intense, impatient, and burning up.

He’d gone down on me right there in the kitchen, pushing my dress up and pulling my panties down, licking me as I leaned back against the kitchen counter. After I came, he turned me and bent me over that same counter, his cock big and harsh inside me as he said dirty things in my ear. He’d pounded me hard until we both came, sweating and panting, but we hadn’t even exchanged a word before we were upstairs in his bed and I was riding him, taking his cock inside me again, unable to get enough. We’d both come again, and then we’d dozed for a while, and then he’d fucked me one last time before I left, pressing me facedown into the bed and pulling my legs open while his hands and his cock sent me into oblivion.

In short, we’d fucked and fucked and fucked, and it was glorious, and it was written all over me. For my mother to see.

“Honey,” she said.

“Mom.” My voice was a rasp from shouting so much at Luke’s place. “I’m twenty-six.”

“I know,” she said. I watched her face, listened to her tone carefully, and I didn’t see any disapproval there. Instead, what I saw was concern, unmixed with anything else. She was worried about me.

I stared down at the table and said nothing. Why was she worried about me? I’d never given her reason to be. I wasn’t wild. I wasn’t even slutty, even though that wasn’t really a thing. But having my mother look at me like that made me automatically wonder what I was doing wrong.

“Does he treat you nicely?” Mom said into the quiet. “Whoever he is?”

I looked up at her again. Was she kidding? This was Luke we were talking about, even though she didn’t know it. “Yeah, he does,” I said.

Mom sighed. Her hair was down, and even tired as she was in the middle of the night, I knew she was a good-looking woman. Dad had been a looker, too, when they married. Lauren and I were blessed in the genetics department. “I always hoped you would find someone,” she said.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’re an independent spirit,” Mom said. “You always have been. You were never one of those girls who was looking for romance all the time. Do you think I didn’t notice?” She smiled. “You had a few boyfriends in high school, but none of them took. Then, after the Halbersen boy, you stopped dating altogether until you left for college. And you didn’t seem to miss it at all.”

I stared at her. She was talking about the period I’d been with Luke. When no one had known. Mom had thought I was single the whole time.

“College was the same,” Mom went on. “You told us about a few dates here and there, but you never brought anyone home. You never seemed serious with anyone.”

“I wasn’t,” I said.

Mom nodded. “You’re young, and you have lots of time. But I’m your mother, and sometimes I wondered if maybe you were alone too much. It’s a silly sentimental thing, I know, but I’ve always wanted to see you fall in love. With someone great, of course. Someone worthy of you.”

I could feel that my jaw had dropped. I remembered to close my mouth. I’d never had a conversation like this with my mother in my life. I had no idea what to say.

Mom smiled. “And here you are,” she said.

She meant love. That was what she thought. “It was just sex,” I said, the words automatic, but even as they came out of my mouth they tasted bad. Sure, Luke and I had just banged like it was our mission in life, but right now I was so freaking happy I was walking on a cloud of bliss. I was addicted. I wanted to do that every night, anytime I wanted, and only with Luke. He was mine. That was what I wanted: all of him. For all of him to be mine.

That wasn’t just sex, and never had been.

Mom shook her head, like she was reading my mind. “That’s what I mean,” she said. “You don’t just have sex. You never have. You’re choosy. And honey, the look on your face right now. I’ve known you since the minute you were born, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happy like this.” She reached out and touched my wrist. “I like him, whoever he is.”

I blinked hard. He’s Luke Riggs, I wanted to say. The words were so close they were floating in the back of my throat. He’s Luke Riggs, and all my life you’ve told me to stay away from him because he isn’t good enough for me. But he is. He’s the only one who is.

“I’m not going to pry,” Mom said, letting go of my wrist and sitting back. “And I know I look like the disapproving parent, sitting up for you in the middle of the night. But you’ve come home late like this a few times now, and I wanted you to know I know. And that when you’re ready, I really do want to meet him.”

She got up and left, putting her empty tea mug on the counter. I sat in the warm light from the phone nook, feeling like something big had happened. Something major.

I heard Mom’s bedroom door close, and after more time passed in silence I knew she was probably asleep. And still I sat there, alone, my mind reeling.

Damn it. Damn it. I was so stupid. It was just hitting me now.

Mom thought I’d never been in love, but she was wrong. I was picky because I had been in love.

I was in love with Luke Riggs, and part of me always had been.