Chapter Thirty-Six
Griffin felt he could be forgiven for believing that they were overdue a holiday. Not a vacation as in going away somewhere but a break from all the insanity of their lives. He was pregnant, damn it, with the words ‘high-risk’ stamped on his belly. A few months of peace and quiet were exactly what they needed. The problem was that, once again, the cause of their strife wasn’t external. Beau was having nightmares again.
He woke for the fifth night in a row to the alpha shifting restlessly on the bed next to him. Experience had taught him to give Beau physical space before trying to coax him out of it. He slid off the side of the bed and backed away a few steps before calling softly to him.
“Beau? It’s Finn. Time to wake up.”
The alpha was mumbling something under his breath, his voice getting louder and more urgent as the seconds passed.
“Beau.” Griffin tried again. “Listen to my voice. You’re here, in Briar House, in our bedroom. Safe. You’re not in the ring, you’re not fighting. You’re safe.”
When the alpha started to growl, his hands fisting in the bedsheets, Griffin decided that was enough.
“Beau! Wake up!”
The alpha jerked upright, his eyes snapping to Griffin, his gaze narrowed as he snarled softly. The fury on his face had Griffin stumbling back a few steps, hitting the wall with a thunk.
“Beau?” he asked cautiously, his hands raised. See, no threat here. Just your pregnant mate.
The alpha’s face morphed from angry to confused in a heartbeat. “Finn?”
“Hey, there. Are you back with me?”
Beau shook his head, his eyes closing. “What… It happened again?”
“Another nightmare, yeah. Do you remember what it was about?”
He took a few careful steps toward the bed, watching Beau’s body language carefully. All the tension had gone from his frame, his hands sitting loosely in his lap.
“Did I hurt you?” Beau asked instead, swinging his legs off the bed and getting to his feet.
“No, of course not.”
“But you were scared I might?”
“You were getting pretty agitated. My voice doesn’t seem to be waking you as easily as it was before.”
And that was a problem. He’d tried coaxing Beau into tackling the root of the issue but so far the alpha had rebuffed every attempt. It was time for a different approach.
“I should sleep in the lounge from now on.”
Avoiding the issue wasn’t what Griffin had in mind.
“That’s not a solution, Beau.”
“If it keeps you safe…”
“I am safe.”
“You were cowering against the wall.”
“Your angry face is pretty scary,” Griffin said, trying to keep his tone light. “Have you ever look in the mirror when you’re mad? I guarantee you too would take a step back.”
He knew his relaxed attitude would force Beau to take the serious approach.
“Enough, Finn. We can’t pretend this isn’t a problem.” Finally.
“Okay. Then where do we go from here?” He crossed his arms and waited.
“You said before that you thought maybe my nightmares were connected to why I went feral.”
“I did say that.”
On the few occasions they’d talked about it, that was as far as Griffin had got before Beau had shut the conversation down.
“Well, I think you’re right.”
They were getting somewhere. At last.
“What do you remember?”
Beau shook his head in frustration. “That’s just it. I don’t remember. The dreams I’m having are a mess of images and sounds and anger. So much anger.”
He sat back down on the bed, letting his head rest in his hands. “I think you and I should get some distance between us. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt our baby.”
“You’re not going to.”
“But what if I do? Can we take that risk?” He lifted his head, meeting Griffin’s eyes. “Come on, Finn. Think about it. There’s another reason fighters aren’t meant to have kids. Violence is ingrained in us. And with my history of going feral… a child will never be safe around me.”
This was not the direction Griffin wanted the conversation to go. With a heavy sigh, he crossed the room and sank to his knees, pressing his hands to Beau’s thighs.
“I don’t believe that’s true. Your instincts around me have never been violent, they’ve been protective. It’ll be the same with our child.”
“You can’t know that.”
“I believe it.”
“If I go feral again…”
“You didn’t just turn feral on a whim, Beau. Something happened. I think, if we can piece that together, if we can get to the bottom of it, we can put those fears and nightmares to bed.”
He willed his mate to trust him. He knew he’d succeeded when Beau’s hands rested on top of his.
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this. But I’m willing to try.”
The determination was clear in Beau’s voice.
“That’s all I ask. And I know you can do this. We’ll do it together.”
“We’ll need to take precautions.”
Finn nodded readily, but it wasn’t enough for Beau.
“I mean it, Finn. I’m talking Ronan on standby, us in the cottage. Me in chains.”
Griffin let his fingers entangle in Beau’s. “Ronan and the cottage I can agree to. But the chains? Never again, Beau. Never again.”
“The baby…”
“Is safe inside me. And you won’t hurt me.” He held Beau’s gaze, waiting.
“Okay,” Beau finally agreed, blowing out a shaky breath. “Okay.”
Beau had always known he’d be back in the cottage. But there was no denying it was different to previous occasions. There were no chains in sight, despite Beau talking to Ronan privately and asking the alpha to convince Griffin that they were necessary. He’d been surprised when Ronan had refused.
Now he and Griffin were sitting cross-legged on the floor. He knew the omega had spent the past few days talking to people outside of the pack, seeking advice on how to handle this. And now they were ready to begin.
“We need to bring those memories you’ve buried to the forefront of your mind. You can’t confront or come to terms with what you can’t remember. Those memories are haunting you in your dreams. That gives them power. We’re going to take that power away from them and put it back where it belongs, with you.”
Griffin’s quiet confidence bolstered Beau’s nerves.
“How are we going to do that? I’ve tried to remember, but it’s like they’re behind a locked door.”
“Doors have keys. Locks that can be picked. We just have to find a way in.”
Griffin looked to his left, where a little bundle of items were sitting together on the floor. Beau didn’t know what they were for, but none of them, bar a sharp pin, looked dangerous.
“How is a bottle of oil going to help us?”
“Ah.” Griffin smiled. “It’s not just any old bottle of oil. It’s the kind of oil they use on fighters before a battle. Memories are often strongly tied to sensations. Smell is especially powerful, doubly so for us shifters.”
The omega moved behind Beau, settling himself on his knees.
“We’ll take this one step at a time, okay?” his mate asked.
“Okay,” Beau agreed, steeling himself.
Griffin leaned in, his chin resting on Beau’s shoulder, his voice a whisper in his ear.
“I’m your life raft. No matter what happens, no matter what you remember, I won’t let you drown.”
“Finn, if it comes to it-” He wanted a promise from his mate that if things went wrong, he’d run.
“Ronan and Quinn are right outside if it turns out to be more than we can handle alone. We have so many friends here, Beau. So many people wishing you well. Let the fear and worry go. Put your trust in me to guide you through this.”
“I trust you,” he echoed. “I’ll always trust you.”
“And I will do my best to never, ever, let you down,” Griffin vowed.
He reached to the side and picked up the bottle of oil.
“Close your eyes,” he murmured softly.
Taking a long, slow breath, Beau did.