Chapter 15
It was past midday when she awoke. It barely fazed her that Leo hadn’t come to see her like he’d promised. Or maybe he had and she’d been too far gone in sleep. She was numb except for her aching head. She started for the great hall in hopes of finding something non-alcoholic to drink but then realized her clothes were bloody from the night before, her hair felt like a bird’s nest and her face must have been a swollen, blotchy mess. She made her way upstairs to her chamber, mind completely devoid of thoughts. She kind of liked it and hoped it would last.
She ran into Marjorie who started at her appearance, but then nodded and smiled, unusually kind for Marjorie. “The little boy is named Robert after his father. Anne’s going to order a service for the girl. It will probably be tomorrow morning. Mrs. Merrick is recovering well and has asked after you. Wants to thank you for your help last night.”
Thank her? She felt her eyes welling up again, which should have been impossible due to her dehydration. Marjorie patted her arm.
“Where’s Fay, do you know?” Sophie asked.
Marjorie’s face darkened. “I haven’t seen her all morning. Batty didn’t get to sleep until a few hours ago and I don’t know if she saw your sister either.”
“I’ll find her. Thank you for telling me about little Robert. I’ll go down after I clean up.”
“Yes, you’re rather alarming.”
Sophie felt better at Marjorie’s return to normal. Her odd kindness had been awkward and made her feel worse instead of better. Taking a deep breath, she barged into her room. As she’d expected, Fay sat at the desk, a big medical tome opened in front of her. She drummed her fingers on the pages and stared into space. When Sophie closed the door behind her rather loudly, she looked up and blinked in shock at her appearance.
“What happened to you? Are you all right?” she asked, half-rising from her chair.
Sophie stripped off her overdress and waved her away, disgusted that Fay didn’t seem to remember.
“Catherine had the babies last night,” she said coldly, going to the water pitcher to rinse her hands and arms.
“Oh no, why didn’t anyone come get me?” Fay asked, pushing her chair back fast enough to make it wobble. She grabbed it and leaned against it, scrunching up her brows. “You did, didn’t you? Oh, that damned pain elixir. I only meant to take a tiny taste—I shouldn’t have—I’ll go to see her right now.”
“The little girl is dead.”
Sophie regretted the harsh way she spit out the words the moment she saw Fay’s face crumble. Her whole body seemed to crumble and she sank back into the chair. As angry as she’d been at Fay, no one deserved to hear such news the way she’d delivered it. Fay put her head on her arms and cried, her thin shoulders shaking. All of Sophie’s anger dissolved. It was just as Leo said. It was the way of life. Devastating things happened in all times, especially these times. She was still sad to her very bones, but the weight of guilt and responsibility lifted.
“I should have been there,” Fay said. “Was the baby breach? We barely got her out last time. Oh God, is Catherine all right?”
Sophie sighed. “Catherine’s fine. And no, the baby wasn’t breach, she was just way too early. The boy fits entirely in my hand. Even if you’d been there, you couldn’t have done anything.”
“But—”
“Stop,” Sophie commanded, realizing her anger wasn’t completely gone. “It’s okay to feel sad, because it’s sad, but you didn’t have anything to do with it. You couldn’t have saved her. She was stillborn. It’s not like last time, if last time even happened, so quit thinking like that.”
“What?” Fay gasped through her tears, looking like she’d been slapped.
Sophie ran her wet hands through her tangled hair. “I’m not saying you’re lying,” she clarified, sick to death of everything. “But what if it’s the curse messing with us? What if none of it’s real?” She got a stomach-churning thought and sank onto the bed in her clammy shift. “What if we’re the ghosts?”
Fay’s inconsolable crying stopped abruptly as she pondered that for a moment. Then she sobbed again. “That’s impossible. Isn’t it? It’s just everything’s different. Everything’s worse. I feel like I’m going insane.”
Sophie closed her eyes. “My head hurts from crying and I’m thirsty,” she said, just to have something to add to Fay’s complaint.
Fay wiped her face on her sleeve and stood up. “I’ll go get you something from the kitchen,” she said. Sophie knew it was to get away from her, from the perceived judgment she no longer actually felt, from her outlandish ideas. But she decided to take it as a favor all the same.
“Thank you. That would be great.”
*
Sophie finally dragged herself from her room the next day for the funeral service Anne had demanded. It was held shortly after morning prayers and Catherine seemed comforted by it as she sat in the front row with little Robert clutched to her breast. The castle was still locked down so if her husband even knew his children had been born and one was currently having her funeral, he wouldn’t have been able to come anyway. Leo sat beside Sir Walter several rows behind the girls and even though he didn’t speak to Sophie or look at her, she was glad he’d shown up. Lord Drayton hadn’t deigned to do so and Sophie could tell it bothered Anne. They sang a hymn after the priest said his prayers and then gathered around Catherine. Everyone had tears, but seemed ready to say goodbye and look forward. Catherine was going to be busy enough with one baby and all her chores. Batty had been right when she’d said to have a healthy child was a blessing no one should overlook.
Sophie saw that Fay was still beating herself up about everything, but she didn’t have the energy to try and comfort her. She wanted to seek out Leo’s company but knew the only reason he was still there was because he couldn’t leave. All she could do was hide in her room or keep busy. The chamber she shared with Fay stifled her so she sought out some chores.
“When will we know something?” Sophie asked Batty while they each mended a shirt. Sophie’s skills hadn’t increased but she went slowly enough that she didn’t mangle her fingers anymore. “Is the army standing still? Why hasn’t anyone been able to identify them?”
Batty’s eyes were still red from the funeral service but she looked eager to talk after they’d sat in silence for so long. “They’re moving again, according to what I heard this morning,” Batty said. “No one knows why they aren’t showing a flag. It seems suspect, but then why haven’t they attacked by now if they were going to?”
“This isn’t a siege, is it?” Sophie asked, thinking it was awfully mild if it was. “Will we run out of food and then they’ll attack us when we’re weaker?”
Batty laughed, then looked apologetic. “I suppose we’d know if we were under siege. And we wouldn’t run out of food for ages. We have the stream for fish if nothing else.”
“Unless they poison the stream,” Sophie said, warming to the subject.
“Goodness, I hadn’t thought of that. Perhaps I should tell someone. But they’re miles away and on the complete other side… still, I’ll mention it so someone can stand guard.”
Before Sophie could think of any other gruesome ways for the mystery army to defeat them, one of the servants ran up, leaning over to catch his breath.
“We know who they are,” he gasped.
“Are you sick, Adam?” Batty asked as he devolved into a coughing fit. Sophie tried to be patient but wanted to know who the army was and if they were all going to burn.
“A bit. Dratted cough won’t leave me.”
“Make sure you stay away from Lady Anne, then.”
He nodded and Sophie erupted. “Who are they? Are they friend or foe?”
She scared him into another coughing fit but he finally confirmed they were friends. “Sir Harold of Kings Way Keep. Little Sam told me he’s never been here before, but had met Sir Walter—”
“At a tournament,” Batty finished for him, starry eyed. “I remember Sir Harold well. Oh, that was a long time ago, but—you remember as well, don’t you, Sophie?”
She didn’t, but longed to know what had made Batty so giddy all of a sudden. She wondered if Fay knew. If so, it might be the perfect thing to drag her out of her rut of guilt and shame.
“Oh my, Sir Harold,” she said neutrally, putting aside her mending. “Do Anne and Fay know?”
Batty gasped as if she’d been struck with an arrow and clutched her heart. “Anne! She must know, she knows everything, but I wonder…” she stuffed her mending into the basket and stood. “I’m going to find Marjorie. Oh goodness, does Anne know?” she muttered absently as she wandered off.
Sickly Adam left as well, hacking out a lung as he went. It made her think of Leo and his promise to help Anne. Now that the army was deemed friendly, the castle gate would be unlocked and Leo could go home. Reminding herself, yet again, that this was no place for pride, she resolved to use that promise of his to keep him there. But she still had time. She was certain Leo would stay until Sir Harold’s army arrived. Right now, she had to find out what about that particular knight had thrown Batty so off-kilter.
“I found out who’s at the gates,” she said when she reached her chamber, not bothering with a greeting or to ask how Fay was feeling. She knew Fay felt like crap. “Well, not at the gates yet, but they’re close enough.”
Fay looked up, striving to appear interested. “Oh?”
“Yes, supposedly we know him and it’s got something to do with Anne.”
Fay’s interest turned sincere and she put her book down. “With Anne?”
“Yes, Batty all but freaked out about her when young Adam told us. You know about Sir Harold?”
Fay shook her head slowly. “I don’t think I ever met… oh no, could it be the ginger knight? Yes, that was his name, I’m sure of it.” The ginger knight sounded like some sort of cookie to Sophie and she urged Fay to tell her more. “Last summer, or whenever it was—if it actually happened,” she said bitterly, still smarting over Sophie’s notion that they might be ghosts. “We were at a tournament. And the others started reminiscing about this ginger-haired knight giving Anne a token at a different tournament, years before. It was just teasing, but she got really upset and shut the conversation down. I asked her about him, but she refused to say anything, just got upset all over again. I think they might have had something but, for whatever reason, it never came to anything.”
“Maybe it was her first love. That’s so sweet. Well, he’ll be here soon. She can have a second chance—oh no, she can’t. I forgot about Lord Drayton.”
“You probably blocked him out,” Fay sniped. “Or maybe you really did forget him. He hasn’t exactly been the doting fiancé to Anne, has he? Except for suppers, he’s never anywhere near her and he couldn’t be bothered to go to little Mary’s funeral. Even Sir Leo sat there with Father.”
“Well, Leo was there for the birth. I’m sure he felt it was only right to go.”
“You should go for your loved ones, not yourself,” Fay continued. “Something Drayton could never understand.” Her eyes gleamed. “I hope this Sir Harold makes him squirm.” She slammed her book shut and stood up, stretching and looking alive for the first time since Tristan left. “I’m sure there’s a load of things to do. Let’s go be helpful so poor Anne doesn’t get more upset over this than she probably already is.”
“You go,” Sophie said, glad Fay was chipper again. “I’ll be down later. First, I want to find Leo and see if he’s worked on any medicine for coughs yet. Young Adam was hacking something awful and I don’t want it to spread if he can help it.”
“Good thinking,” Fay said. “And while you’re at it, who knows?”
Sophie realized what she was getting at and sighed. It always came down to love. Finding it, chasing it, proving it existed. Even as tired as it made her, the thought of getting to be close to Leo again, hear his voice and look into his eyes, put a spring in her weary step. She hadn’t given up on him yet. Who knew, indeed?