Chapter Twenty-Five

Landon

I meant to help.

I meant to fix everything.

I learned a long time ago, that some things can’t be fixed and some people can’t be helped.

That didn’t mean I didn’t want to make it right, for the right woman and under the right circumstances.

I stare at the steaks I placed on the grill, giving the one to my right a hard poke before my attention drifts over the terrace and to the sand below. Luci is kneeling beside Cal, Jr. Her hair skims along her elbows as her hand stretches out to show my nephew the shells she found.

He tosses his bucket aside, and as if handling something precious, carefully lifts one from her palm. I can hear his giggle from here, even over the harsh waves following last night’s storm. His entire face lights up as he presses the shell between his tiny fingers to show her that indeed, she made a great find.

I can’t tell if Luci is returning his grin, not from the position she’s kneeling in. I only hope she is.

God, I miss that smile.

“Here,” Daddy says, motioning to the grill. “I can do that. You go be with Luci.”

I hand him the long grill fork, not bothering to argue. “Thank you, sir,” I tell him, edging around Callahan when he appears with a plate stacked with shrimp kabobs.

The weight of his worry pelts me as I pass him. Like Daddy, he’s concerned and wants her and me to be okay. They’re not alone.

Trin and my mother pause from where they’re laying out the rest of the food along the table. I walk past them, my steps sluggish despite my desire to be at Luci’s side.

I never thought I’d have a use for a dining set this soon. But every weekend since the first time I asked, Luci and I have headed down to Kiawah. The first few, Trin and Momma took turns having us over for dinner. Luci didn’t want them fussing so much, not over her. But that’s Luci, never wanting to receive more than she gave.

“We should have them over here,” Luci suggested.

She was right. They belonged with us at our place.

No, our “home”.

I rub my jaw as my bare feet smack against the stone steps leading down to the sand. It’s been a hard few weeks filled with too much work and too much stress. But nothing I felt compares to what Luci has been through.

When people love and try as hard as she did, it’s supposed to work out. Whatever “it” is it’s supposed to push aside all the bad, allowing the good in. It’s only right. It’s only fair. Mostly, it’s what someone as kind as her deserves.

Thing is, right and fair, are attributes that don’t always come in life, no matter how much you pray you’ll receive them.

My feet hit the sand as I hop off the last step, the familiar feel of soft grains sliding between my toes giving me some reprieve. I wish I could share that reprieve and gift it to the one person who needs it most.

The wind picks up, cooling my legs as I stop to watch Luci. If she’s cold, she doesn’t show it, so focused on little Cal and the pebble he bends to lift.

It damn well broke my heart to see what Fernie’s death did to Luci. I couldn’t help her like I wanted to, nor could I give Fernie that chance people in her condition need. So I did what I could. I honored her in death.

The service was nice. Trin and Momma helped put it together. Becca helped too, reaching out to that cheerleader Luci knew. Blythe wasn’t much of a friend to Luci. But I suppose she was one when it counted, rounding up a few friends to attend the memorial.

I stayed by Luci’s side, holding her hand when Mr. Ballantyne, Kee-Kee, and hell, even Jefferson and Duncan whispered their condolences. Mr. Ballantyne is a good man and offered to split the costs with me. I allowed it only because I know how much Luci means to him, and maybe how much Luci means to everyone, including the family she left behind in New Jersey.

They all flew down, permitting me to put them up at the Hilton. No one mentioned how Fernie died. But they spoke of how she lived, back when she was young and still had a chance to live a good life. It meant a lot to me, and even more to Luci, giving her better memories than the ones that continue to haunt her.

Luci picks up the pail Cal, Jr. abandoned, following behind him when something else catches his attention.

She bends to look at what he found. The breeze sweeps in, fanning out the edge of her tunic and giving me a peek of her flat stomach and bra covering her breasts. We made love this morning, and we’ll likely make more tonight. It’s the one constant we’ve had, allowing me to feel close to her.

“Hey,” I say when I reach her side.

She places the pail beside Cal, Jr. straightening as I wind my arm around her and clutch her hip. “Hey, sweetie,” she says.

I motion with my chin as Cal, Jr. hurries forward, his chubby little legs wide to help him balance through the sand. “The kid likes you.”

She laughs. The first time I think since Fernie’s death. I try not to react, but it’s hard. I miss her laugh as much as her smiles. “I like him, too,” she says.

“But he likes me more,” I whisper in her ear. I shrug when she looks at me. “I’m not trying to rub it in, just stating a fact.” I hold out my hand and he gives me a high-five. He laughs, I do, too.

“See?” I tell Luci.

“It’s not a competition, honey.”

It’s what she says, but she still scoops him up in her arms. Cal, Jr.’s smile is probably as big as mine. He reaches out, tugging Luci’s hair. “He still likes me more,” I murmur.

I hold out my hands, catching him when he launches himself from Luci’s arms into mine. “Ready to fly?” I ask.

Cal, Jr. flaps his arms out, knowing what I mean. I throw him up in the air, each time higher, each time drawing out more giggles than the rest. Luci pokes his belly when he lands in my arms, the three of us laughing together.

Cal, Jr. abruptly stops, turning to the side when he sees someone approach. Callahan stands a few feet away, smiling, hands on his hips. “His momma wants him to eat,” he tells us. “She’s going to try to put him down before supper.”

Between Callahan’s presence and the word “momma”, me and Luci don’t stand a chance. The moment I put Cal, Jr. down, he takes off like a wobbly little rocket, his arms outstretched to meet his father.

“Hey, partner,” Callahan says, lifting his son and cuddling him close.

“I think he likes him best,” Luci whispers.

“Can’t say that I blame him,” I say. I’m not the jealous type. I am a little now. But for once it’s a good thing, giving me the spark I need to say what comes next.

I take Luci’s hands in mine, watching the way my thumbs slide over her knuckles. “I want that for us,” I confess.

She falls perfectly still. “You want what for us?” she asks.

I think she knows what I mean, not that I mind telling her. “Children. I want to make lots of babies with you.”

Her lips part slowly, revealing her shock and amplifying the warmth spreading along my chest. Goddamn it, how did I go my whole life without her?

I motion ahead, to where the waves have started to settle and the clean scent of salty air escalates with the next crest that forms. “What I feel, I’m always going feel for you. It’s eternal, like this ocean, something that’s always going to be.”

“And what do you feel?” she says, sounding afraid to ask.

I don’t want her scared, not when it comes to us. “That I love you,” I explain. “You’re my world, Luci, my ocean, and the eternity that I’ve waited for.”

All I say is maybe too much too soon, given Fernie’s death happened just shy of a month ago. But the day Luci was attacked was a reminder that love isn’t something you take for granted, ever. Not when it’s real, and not when it’s something that means more than your own life.

I could have lost her that day. I swear to Christ, nothing has ever scared me more. She could have died, this sweet little thing I hold could have left this world without knowing my heart and soul have belonged to her from the first moment I saw her.

Between the baby talk and my words, I’m certain she’ll bolt. Instead that smile, the one she first showed me when she told me her name lights up her gaze and casts a shimmer along the most beautiful face I’ve ever dared laid eyes on. “I love you, too, Landon. Always.”

Love heals all wounds, the bitter ones filled with distrust and resentment, and all the ones caused by those you try to save, but can’t. As I draw Luci to me, and kiss her, and promise her forever in that kiss, I allow it to heal the last of our wounds.