I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. I didn’t even think, just jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. I made it in time to vomit into the toilet. Only, there wasn’t much in my stomach to begin with, so mostly I was bent over the bowl dry heaving. When it passed, I got up and took a shower.

Afterward, I got dressed quickly and went into my kitchen because my stomach suddenly felt like a bottomless pit, or like it had been a while since I last ate.

This wasn’t the first time this had happened, but that wasn’t to say I was getting used to it. If anything it freaked me out, and I knew I needed to talk to someone.

I had a purse slung over my shoulder as I left my apartment moments later, having chewed on some fruit in place of a real breakfast.

Outside my apartment building, I waited for a taxi to take me to Olivia’s place. It took about twenty minutes, and in that time I was feeling hungry again. I ignored my stomach and practically ran to my friend’s door and knocked on it in fast, frantic raps.

She opened in a few moments, and yet it felt like way too long for me. When she saw my face, she went on the alert.

“Scarlett, what’s wrong?”

I could have laughed. I must have been as panicked on the outside as I was on the inside. I tried to smile, the attempt coming out a little shaky. “Can I please come in?” I asked.

She shook her head, surprise melting into something serious as she stepped aside for me.

My smile was a little steadier as I walked past her and into the living room, only slightly bigger than my own. I went to the couch, took off my shoes, and crossed my legs under me as I grabbed a pillow and hugged it to my chest.

Olivia wasn’t far behind, critical eyes running over me as she took a seat.

“What’s up, Scarlett? It’s a little early in the morning, isn’t it?”

I winced, even though I understood it wasn’t a reprimand, she was just stating a fact. Even on weekends, I didn’t barge in on people whenever I wanted.

“Sorry about that,” I muttered. “I needed someone, and you were the first person I thought of.”

She waved at me. “Well, go on. Tell me what happened.”

I chewed on my lower lip, wondering how to say it. I didn’t know how she’d react, and it was important to me. I felt so stupid because I felt so fragile. The wrong word or the wrong reaction would have me bawling my eyes out. I had to tell her, though. It was the whole reason I appeared at her doorstep so early in the first place.

“Olivia, I think I might be pregnant.”

There was a pause after I said it, during which there was silence. I was a little afraid to look at my friend and gauge her reaction. My impatience got the better of me, and I looked up.

Olivia sat with a blank look on her face, still watching me, looking like she hadn't heard what I said.

“Did you hear me?” I said. “I’m—”

“Of course, I heard you,” she murmured, cutting me off, and my mouth snapped closed. I waited some more and watched anxiously as she raised a hand to her lips. “Oh, my… Scarlett, are you sure?”

I shook my head. “I’m not sure. If I were, I’d probably be crying on your shoulder right about now.” I laughed, but it was a bleak sound. “But I have all the symptoms. My appetite went up, I’ve been puking, and sometimes the smell of food, or just the thought of it, makes my stomach churn. I tried to eat out about a week ago, somewhere I’ve been before, but I couldn’t eat anything.”

That had never happened to me before. All I could do was ask them to pack the food for me, and even then I knew I wasn’t going to eat it. I kept it in my fridge until it went bad and I had to throw it out. I’d felt bad for wasting it, but there wasn’t anything I could do.

Back then, it still hadn't occurred to me. The thought only came to me yesterday during work. I was listening to a colleague bitch about being pregnant, and the changes her body was undergoing. I’d listened, horrified, as she described things I’d found myself feeling out of nowhere recently.

I’d been explaining everything away. I kept puking because I caught a stomach bug. My period was late because I was so fucking stressed or something. I’d been so busy worrying about my relationship with Zach that I didn’t pay too much attention to my body.

Well, not like I can ignore this, can I?

“Get up,” she said hastily. “I’m taking you to the pharmacy. We’re getting a pregnancy test. It’s the fastest way to be sure.”

My eyes widened. I hadn't even thought about that when it was the most logical thing to do. It must have been proof of just how messed up my mind was if I could forget something like a test existed.

I hesitated a little. Now that I had the thought in my mind, I was afraid of getting the test and knowing the answer. Fuck! It was bad enough when all I had were suspicions, but I was going to break down if it was confirmed.

Don’t be stupid about this, I chided myself. I needed to know for sure so I could decide what I was going to do. This was something that would irreversibly change my life.

After I’d talked some sense into myself, I got up and followed Olivia. We left the building, and she went down the street. I hurried a little to catch up.

“Do we have to go far?”

Olivia shook her head, throwing a look at me over her shoulder. “No. There’s one just around the block from here.”

We were there in five minutes. I looked around, feeling all paranoid, as she led the way through the little pharmacy. We came to the shelf with pregnancy tests stacked and stared at all the different types and brands.

“Which one should we pick?” I asked.

Olivia shot me a look. “Why the fuck do you think I’d have an idea just because you don’t, huh? I’ve never used one of these before. I didn’t think I’d have to for a few more years.”

“You and the hubby not thinking of having children yet?” I joked weakly.

“Not yet,” she murmured. She picked two different boxes and read their descriptions, comparing them. “Maybe in a few years, but we agreed it’s too early for children.”

And yet, there I was, possibly pregnant by a man who didn’t want a relationship with me and may permanently move to a different country because of his job.

Fuck. Where had my head been all the times I’d slept with Zach? Thinking back on it, we never used a condom.

“Can we just pick one and hurry back?” I finally asked when she hadn't moved in a few minutes. “I’m sure anything we pick should be fine, right?”

Olivia picked up a box, quickly read the description, and held it out to me. “We’ll go with this one. I just hope I picked the right one.”

I didn’t even care, I just wanted to get out of there. I rushed us to the counter and paid quickly. We walked back to her apartment and, as soon as we were back inside, I made my way to the bathroom. I followed the instructions on the box and used the stick inside.

Minutes later, I had my answer.

I walked out of the bathroom on shaky legs. I didn’t even have to show her the damn stick; my devastated face was enough to let Olivia know. Immediately, her expression became one of sympathy. She rushed over to me to take me by the tops of my arms and led me to the sofa. She sat me down and sat right next to me, keeping a hand on my arm.

“Scarlett?” she called my name hesitantly when I didn’t do or say anything for a while. “I know this is a stupid question, but are you all right?”

I huffed a quiet laugh, my lips quirking into a smile that died quickly. “How could I possibly be okay, Olivia?” My eyesight blurred as tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them back. “I’m pregnant.”

Saying it out loud made it even more real, and I had to squeeze my eyes closed to keep the tears in. I would not cry, not over this. Not when I still had so much to do and think about, now that this one thing had been confirmed.

I was going to have a baby. I was nowhere near ready for this.

“Olivia,” I whimpered. “What the fuck am I going to do?”

“First of all,” she said, and I could tell she was trying to keep her voice calm for my sake. “Do you know who the father is?”

I sent her a glare because we both knew just how stupid that question was. “I’m sure you know. I haven’t been with anyone else since he left.”

Her shoulders slumped, and I heard her curse under her breath. Had she hoped I’d found some other guy to impregnate me? Maybe it was because Zach was far away—and because he was Zach, the guy that wanted nothing to do with commitment or getting tied down.

I hadn't exactly forgotten, but now that it all came back to me… I curled against the couch and whimpered some more. “What am I going to do?” I wailed, looking to Olivia for guidance.

“Nothing at all,” she told me with a glare, though it softened when she saw my face. “Look, the best thing for you to do right now is… nothing. You’re upset, Scarlett, and making decisions when you’re stressed is never a good thing.”

“But, there’s…” I wracked my brain for all the things I would need now that I was pregnant with a child. “I need to look for a doctor, and I need to know how far along I am.” Though I had an idea. “There’s like a million things to do.”

Suddenly, she was gripping me by the tops of my arms and shaking me lightly to get my attention. I blinked at her face and waited for the reason she’d interrupted.

“Look, Scarlett, I’m serious. For the moment, you will do nothing.”

“But—”

“No buts,” she said, voice stern. “Scarlett, this is something big. It’s true that there’s a lot to think about. There’s shit you have to do to prepare for a baby. But, you don’t need to do all that right this moment. You can relax, or cry if you want to, and worry about other problems later on. You know I’m always here for you if you need help, and I want you to lean on me.”

My lower lip trembled as she spoke. It sounded so good, just letting myself go, letting the knowledge I was pregnant sink in, instead of moving onto the next logical thing so quickly. I didn’t realize until she said it, but at that moment, I didn’t want to be logical. I wanted to cry and scream about the unfairness of it all.

I whimpered again, and Olivia brought me into a fierce hug.

“Why did it have to be him of all people,” I whispered. “Why did this have to happen now?”

She just shushed me, patting lightly on my back, trying to offer me as much comfort as she could.

It wasn’t going to be enough. I should have told her so she wouldn’t waste her time. Nothing was going to make me feel better. I managed to hold my tears back, but my insides were still raving with the unfairness of it all.

I didn’t want to be pregnant, and not with Zach’s child. Not after I’d made him mad after accusing him of cheating on me, just so he could remind me, harshly, that there wasn’t anything between us. It was all in my imagination.

“What am I supposed to tell people?”

Olivia sighed. “You can keep it to yourself for now, but you do know how pregnancies work, don’t you? This isn’t something you’ll be able to run away from forever.”

Oh, I knew. And I knew what I should do, though whether or when I would do it was still unclear. I was so grateful to Olivia, offering to help me so readily. But I knew she alone wouldn’t be enough.

I would need to speak to Zach, and soon.